


What Sleeps in Shadows

by xaphrin



Series: Shadows [1]
Category: Teen Titans (Comics), Teen Titans - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Porn With Plot, academy au, good luck and godspeed, here's some superhero academy au with like porn ... or whatever, this is not updated in any sort of chronological order, whispers: I secretly hate myself a little
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2019-11-13 15:24:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 101,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18034268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xaphrin/pseuds/xaphrin
Summary: Raven only meant to heal him from a minor injury, but she inadvertently awakened a long-sleeping power inside him - a magic even he didn't know he had. Now they need to sort all this out before either of them make a choice they can't take back, or Damian is going to have to be by her side for all eternity.





	1. Chapter 1

“Fighting outside of combat practice is against the rules.”

Damian lifted his sullen expression to her face, and he practically snarled at her, his expression dark. There were shadows in his eyes, things he wanted to say, and secrets he knew he should keep silent. He looked down at the first-aid kit in her hands, uncertainty crossing his face, and his shoulders sagged in annoyance. There was a long moment where nothing was said, and Raven approached her bed slowly, like Damian was a wounded animal, hissing and spitting and frightened. He shifted as she sat down across from him, picking through the minimal items in the kit.

After a long moment, Damian finally scoffed at her. “You sound just like father.”

That was almost insulting. She glanced up from beneath her lashes and offered a one-shouldered shrug. “It’s against the rules to be in the girl’s dormitory too, or to skip class, so I don’t think either of us have any room to talk.”

He grumbled something rough in the back of his throat, but chose not to pick a fight with her for at least a little longer. Raven was appreciative of that at least, he could be kind of an asshole when he wanted. Damian shifted again, looking around at the minimalist decorations on her wall, as if he was trying to decipher who she was by art she tacked up.

He let go of a soft breath and hummed. “Most girls have pictures of boys on their walls.”

Raven saw him staring at the print she had put up of Ophelia, drifting listlessly in the river until she succumbed to her own madness and death. She looked at the picture for a moment, admiring the muted colors and broken expression on Ophelia’s face, before turning back to the kit. She pulled out a large bandage and an alcohol cleansing pad, setting them to the side as she inspected the rest of the kit.

“I remember during combat practice you telling me that I didn't seem like most girls.” Raven set her hands in her lap and stared at him, her expression unreadable. The last thing she needed was for him to see a weakness in her. He would dig in his claws and she would never be free of his disdain.

But, in spite of herself, Raven found herself fascinated with his profile, and watched the angular lines of his face as he continued to stare at the print. Damian was classically beautiful in a way that made her chest tighten and her body ache for something she hadn’t experienced yet. The sharp bones of his cheeks and jaw, and the strange soft fullness of his lips, it all bled together to create something that seemed almost… _otherworldly_. The late afternoon sun was spilling in through a crack in her curtains, lighting up a side of his body. He looked a bit like a fallen angel - handsome, but deadly in his own way.

Shaking her head free of those thoughts, she leaned closer to him. “Give me your hand. Let me see-”

Whatever spell he was under snapped in a second, and Damian looked back at her, his eyes narrowing. She watched him pull his hand back, his mouth turning up into an almost-snarl. “You don’t actually think I’m going to let _you_ take care of me?”

Raven felt the ice-cold shock ripple through her, draining her mind of all sensible thought. She blinked, trying to understand what he meant before everything seemed to snap like a rubber band pulled too tight. Her lips pressed into a thin line and she huffed out an annoyed breath, feeling a sharp spike of anger start to boil under the surface of her skin. She pitched forward, meeting his stare and swallowing breath to try and calm herself. “Well then why _did_ you come into my dorm room with me? Because we should both be at class, and the rest of the school is going to talk if we’re in here alone.”

“Who cares?” He grumbled low in his throat and looked away, crossing his arms over his chest, wincing with the movement. Blood spilled fresh from his wound, but he ignored it. “Besides, I came in here to talk about what that idiot said to you.”

Her eyes widened, and Raven jerked back. _Oh no._ She didn’t think anyone had been listening to the exchange between her and whoever that idiot was. Her profile was supposed to be a secret, the headmaster promised the monks when they agreed to let her in. No one was supposed to know who or what she was, that was a stipulation of her being allowed out into the human world, and she vowed to keep herself as inconspicuous as possible. As long as she kept quiet and to herself, and didn’t cause any kind of _incident_ , she was allowed to live out her senior year like a normal teenager. If people recognized what she was, if someone _found out_ , she would be dragged back to the monasteries in Azarath, sequestered for eternity. This was a test to see if she could function normally in the human world, and she didn’t want to fail.

She shifted and looked down in her lap, setting her hands and fidgeting. “You can’t… you can’t tell anyone.”

Damian glared at her, anger rippling through him like a shockwave. She could feel it pull at the edges of her senses, scratching and clawing at her. He growled and leaned closer to her. “What do you mean I can’t tell anyone? You’re a magical nuclear weapon at a school, and you’re walking through the halls and going to chemistry class like it’s no big deal. Are you fucking crazy?”

Her lips twitched. “We’re skipping chemistry class right now, if you remember.”

Damian growled. “ _Seriously?_ Don’t argue semantics.”

“I’m not arguing semantics.” She tossed the bandage back into the first-aid kit and slammed the lid shut. Anger was flaring inside her, and she could feel her magic start to seep through cracks in her armor. She clenched her fists at her side for a moment, trying to calm herself before reaching up and wrapping her fingers around the necklace she wore. She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly before looking back at him. “I’m being good. I haven’t caused any trouble, and I haven’t done anything I wasn’t supposed to. I just want to go to school and be… and be _normal_. I don’t see how that’s such a hard request to fulfill.”

“You’re going to kill everyone in the building if you aren’t careful. One misstep while you’re researching a paper or talking to a… _boy_ , and the whole library will come down on you.” Damian crossed his arms over his chest, wincing with the movement before he let his hands fall back in his lap. “I don’t think you have the self-control to keep yourself together for an entire year.”

“You don’t even know me.” She pulled back, offended. “You can’t judge me like that.”

“I _can_. I know the type like you. You try your best, but in the end you always fail and someone gets hurt.” He slid off the edge of her bed, turning to look at her. He looked steely and cold, as if there wasn’t a thing in the world that could bring him warmth. “I just don’t want to see anyone get hurt because of your carelessness.”

Raven sat there, completely dejected and hopeless. Her chest felt hollow, as if something had finally extinguished that last bit of light she had left. She had _hoped_ that there was a place for her here, a place where she could just be normal, even if it was for just a few months. She wrapped her fingers around her pendant again, taking a slow breath as he stood in front of her. She shifted before finally lifting her eyes to his, watching him from beneath her eyelashes. “So what are you going to do? Tell the school?”

“No.” He shifted, still cradling his wounded hand. He wiggled his fingers to remind himself they weren’t broken. “I’m going to hope you make the right decision on your own.”

That seemed curious, and Raven finally met his stare, her expression soft. “And if I don’t?”

“Then I won’t hesitate to end you when you finally go supernova.”

His response was so cold, so blatantly devoid of feeling, that Raven wasn’t sure if he had said those words, or if her own twisted imagination had filled in the blanks. She watched his face for a long moment, the weight of his silence nearly crushing her. She had no doubt in her mind that should she make even _one_ misstep, he would end her easily and without question. And maybe… maybe that was for the best. If she _did_ start to lose control, maybe she should die, because at least it would save the world.

“At least… at least let me heal you before you go.”

For a moment it appeared almost as if he might pull back and ignore her help - it was _beneath him_. But finally he agreed and extended his hand, watching her face with a sort of strange, reserved curiosity, like you would with someone in a zoo.

She reached out and curled her fingers around his bruised wrist, making him take a shaky step closer to her. Under his skin she could feel something strange bleed into her, and it took a long moment before she realized it was his own brand of magic. It was something old that he was born from, and ancient kind of magic that was woven so deep into him that he didn’t even know it was there. Raven could feel her own powers reach out to it, wanting to bleed into him. He didn’t know how to use this magic, or tap into it, but it was _there_. She could feel its inky tendrils reach out to her from under her touch, curious and explorative, wanting to know more about her. It… it _liked her_ , wanted to know what she was.

She rubbed her thumb over his pulse, and felt his magic wake a little harder, seeping into her. For a moment it felt… it felt like it had invaded her, finding an open crack in her armor and just sinking deep. It pooled heavily into her veins, swallowed bits of her that she had forgotten about, left remnants of Damian behind. She could feel him deep inside her soul, like a parasite that was swallowing bits of her she had forgotten about.

Raven shivered and she lifted her eyes to Damian, wondering if he felt it too. His expression confirmed her own fears. He looked… he looked _scared._ He must have felt it too. She drew her hand back, stretching and flexing her hand before it fell in her lap, trembling. They stared at each other for a long minute, saying nothing and everything at the same time. Silence hung between them like a curse, loud and angry. Finally Damian finally turned on his heel and walked away, ignoring whatever this was between them.

Raven watched him go, her heart pounding in her chest and her blood racing in her ears.

_What in the world was that?_

  
  


 


	2. Chapter 2

“We need to talk.”

Raven was startled out of her conversation, and she looked up at Damian as he stepped closer to her. Light from the massive bonfire was sliding across his face, casting shadows and creating lines and curves that weren’t always there. He was clutching onto a plastic red cup, but like hers, it was empty - more for show than actual drinking. The rest of their classmates might be blitzed, but they were both stone-cold sober. His eyes drifted to Karen’s curious, almost sly expression, and he looked back at Raven, setting his mouth into a thin line.

“ _Alone_.”

Karen’s eyebrows lifted, and her lips split into a knowing smile. She flicked her wrist at the two of them, and turned away, crossing her legs. “Oh, don’t let _me_ stop you two. I’ll just be over here, minding my own business.”

Damian rolled his eyes and wrapped his arm around Raven’s upper arm, dragging her to her feet. Karen looked like she was going to say something, and her hands flickered with the pressure of her powers, but Raven shook her head, calming her roommate down. Raven could practically _feel_ what this was about, and she knew that it was better that they get this conversation out of the way sooner rather than later.  

Damian pulled her away from the clearing packed with kids from the Academy and local residents, to the thick line of trees, ignoring a few of their drunken classmates making out against trees. Miguel was barely sober enough to offer her a thumbs up as he watched her disappear into even darker shadows. He mouthed _good job_ as him and his boyfriend headed back to the bright ring of light in the clearing.

 _Great_ , now everyone was going to think Raven was making out with _Damian_ , the one guy in school who knew her secret, and the one guy in school who _seriously_ wanted her dead. He glanced down at her and pulled her even further away, so that none of the light from the bonfire touched them, and instead they were bathed in nothing more than shadows and the occasional beam of moonlight that slipped through the nearly-bare branches.  

It was here that Raven realized how utterly _alone_ they were. She looked around, hearing the wind rattle the trees, and the skittering sounds of creatures in the leaves. Swallowing, she looked up at Damian as he pushed her against a tree and crowded her space. It frightened her, but it was more out of anger than anything predatory.

He took in a sharp breath and breathed it out of his nose, his mouth setting into a dangerously thin line. “What the _fuck_ is this?”

Raven swallowed as she felt the bark of the tree bite into her back, even through her thick sweatshirt. She took a shaky breath and looked up at him, ignoring the wild pace of her heart. “What? What are you talking about?”

“This.”

Damian shoved up his sleeve on his right arm, the one she had healed last week, exposing what looked almost like a tattoo. It was an intricate lattice work of curls and sharp edges, each part bleeding into the next. It certainly _hadn’t_ been there last week, she would have seen it when she healed him, but worst of all, it was _glowing_. Raven’s heart dropped into the pit of her stomach and she stared at it, unsure if she should touch it or not. It looked like a seal, and she wasn’t sure if she was the one that was supposed to break it.

“Ah… nice ink?”

His eyes narrowed. “This isn’t a joke.”

“I never said it was.” She reached out, her fingers trembling just a little as she touched the inside of his forearm, feeling smooth skin under her touch. His magic reach out to her again, whatever it was, trying to bleed into her. It wanted to be part of her, to wrap around the broken parts of her soul and find all the cracks and pieces she was missing, and fill them with bits of himself. This time, Damian seemed to notice his own body respond, and he ripped his arm away from her touch. He was breathing heavy, his chest brushing up against hers with each gasp. He was _furious_ with her, with the situation, and yet he somehow knew there was not much either of them could do about it.

His eyes darkened and he shoved his sleeve back down. A long pause stretched between them, weighty and painful. Finally, he muttered another sentence. “It _burns_ when you’re near. When you’re in danger. When you have a strong burst of emotion.”

Raven thought back to the entirety of last week. The stress of her midterm paper, of her chemistry project with Damian, of nightmares she was having, and the one dream that included… _him_. She flushed, realizing that he probably knew more about her emotions and feelings more than anyone else in this dimension or the next. And he wanted her dead, probably more so because of it.  

Well, _shit_. That wasn’t good. Raven turned his admission over in her head for a little longer, and she stared at him, trying to think of something to say that would make this less frightening. “What, like in _Harry Potter_?”

“This isn’t a _joke_ , Raven.” He repeated, his hands tightening into fists as he glared at her. “Do you know what it feels like to know your every damn emotion? I don’t even _like_ you.”

The feeling was almost mutual.

“I didn’t… I didn’t _do_ this on purpose.” Her hands were shaking now, and she shoved them into her sweater pockets, glaring back up at him. She could feel her anger spike as he accused her of something she had no control over, and his arm twitched in response. “It’s not like I saw you and thought _yeah, I’d like to completely ruin your life_.”

“Well, _you did_.” He slammed his palm against the tree, leaning over her so that his face was nearly touching her own. “ _Fix it._ ”

“I don’t know how!” Raven thought of trying to bleed into the shadows and run away. She could summon her powers and just escape, but something was pinning her here to this moment, and her mind was a mess of confused emotions, fears, and worries. Not for the first time she thought about how bad a decision this was. The monks should have never let her leave, and things would be so much easier in Azarath if she had just stayed.

She swallowed and shook her head. “I don’t know how,” she repeated, her voice softer. “I don’t even know what _it_ is.”

Damian ground his teeth together. “That’s _not_ an answer.”

“It’s the only one I have!”

He was practically pressed against her by now, his body completely invading her space, and Raven could feel sparks practically fly and every point their bodies met. It was as if the night was glowing between them, lighting up the shadows and banishing them to secret places. Damian’s eyes were boring into her, and she could feel his breath on her lips, smell the spices of the soap he used, feel his school badge dig into her hip - she could feel _all_ of it. It was so overwhelming that her brain was starting to short-circuit, and her magic was gathering under her touch - stronger than it ever had been before.

Her eyes closed and she waited for something, but she wasn’t sure what.

“ _I don’t want this._ ” His voice was a gravelly whisper, raking against her sensed like she was being drug through hot coals. “ _I don’t like you._ ”

“The feeling is mutual, trust me.” That was clearly a lie by the way her body was reacting to him, but she knew better than to bring attention to it.

Damian’s hand slid down the tree and rested heavily against her hip, his thumb slipping up the hem of her sweater to trace a flash of skin right above her jeans. They stood there for a long moment, eyes closed, his thumb rubbing an achingly slow circle on her hip, and just… _breathed_. Time seemed to stretch forever, cracked and uncertain, moments turning into eons before snapping back into seconds. Raven waited until their breaths steadied, and she finally opened to eyes to his face. His eyes lifted to hers, but he didn’t say anything at all, more out of confusion than reverence.

Raven opened her mouth, as if she needed to say something, if only to break the tension-

_CRASH._

Damian yanked his hand back as if he’d been burned and whipped around to see two freshman drunkenly stumbling through the underbrush, their hands down each others pants. They didn’t even seem to notice Damian and Raven, and continued deeper into the shadows for what would undoubtedly be an unfulfilling night. Damian snorted, rolling his eyes, and he let go of a bitter-tasting curse before stepping away from her, still glaring. Whatever had just happened between them had shattered, leaving them both trying to reassemble the pieces of what they were before.

Damian clenched his right fist, staring down at his forearm. Raven could see a stroke of the lattice work peek out from the sleeve of his sweater, and he pulled it down further. He met her stare one last time, frowning. “Just find a way to fucking fix this.”

With that he turned around and walked away, leaving her gasping and confused as the shadows stretched their spindly fingers towards her again.   

  
  
  


 


	3. Chapter 3

It was eerie in the library at this time of day on a Friday. The librarian had gone home, practically throwing Raven the keys and telling her to lock up when she left, and the rest of the Academy students had gone into town to see a movie or hang out. Winter was right around the corner, and the sun’s rays were muted and slanted, as if they weren’t sure if they wanted to actually shine through the windows just yet. Outside a bird flew past the window, pecking at its reflection briefly before disappearing around the corner. 

Raven had ignored Karen and Gar’s texts about the new monster movie that had just come out, and was instead bent over a few books spread out in front of her, trying to conjugate verbs in Spanish and translate the chapter of the book that had been given to her. After this was done, and she was sure that no one else would see her snooping, Raven was finally going to dig around in the back section of the library, and  _ maybe _ find something for whatever was going on with Damian. Or, more accurately,  _ between _ Damian and her.  

Her phone buzzed and she glanced down to see a text from Miguel.  

_ Hey! When you’re done come hang out! You should meet Zatanna's cousin. He’s cute! _

She sighed and turned her phone on silent, shoving it into the depths of her bag. The last thing she needed to do now was go out, meet another damn  _ Zatara _ . If Damian wanted her dead, then Zatanna wanted her completely obliterated. She had made that fact perfectly clear on Raven’s first day here, and then every week in combat class. Hell, last week Zatanna had nearly broken her spine, and Raven had to tap out of the match to go nurse her injuries in the corner. At least Damian had gotten her to yield in the next round, even  _ if _ he didn’t have any powers. 

“You should answer your damn phone.” 

Raven jerked up from her notebook and watched as Damian sunk into the chair across from her. He looked completely and utterly annoyed that he was here, but also didn’t seem to have anywhere better to be either. His eyes darted around the library, looking for someone other than her, but finding it completely empty. His eyes turned back to her, mouth setting into a dangerous line. They hadn’t spoken since two weeks ago, when he had backed her up against the tree and threatened her. Her skin had burned at the place he touched for days, and she didn’t want to think too deeply about what that meant. 

“I’m not going to be chained to you like some kind of slave.” She turned back to her book, shakily translating the next sentence - she always had the worst time with tenses. “I told you I would get to it when I get to it. And I just haven’t gotten to it yet.” 

“I told  _ you _ to figure it out.” He looked over at her book and sighed. “And that’s  _ not _ what that word means.”  

Raven sighed and snapped the book shut, finally looked up at him. “What do you want?”

She saw his right arm tense, and tried to pull her emotions back into herself before they got out of control. She shifted and started putting her things back into her bag, pulling out a different notebook, the one that she had been writing bits of her personal experiences and knowledge in. Maybe something would make sense at one point, but right now it just seemed best to write everything down. At the very least it would give him something to look at so he could at least  _ shut up _ about this for a little. 

She handed him the notebook and stood up. “This is all I can come up with so far. It’s not much, just a little bit from my education in Azarath and what I remember from my training before I left.” Raven smoothed out her uniform skirt and shot him a pointed look. “And I was planning on doing more research  _ after _ I conjugated my verbs. So…” She searched for an insult Gar had used once. “...so, don’t get your panties in a bunch or whatever.” 

Damian snorted, and stood up following her as he paged through the notebook. He kept making discontented sounds in the back of his throat, somehow managing to be annoyed with everything she had written. He turned a page and followed her into the gated section of the library, where all the older books were kept. Raven walked to the back of the shelves, staring at the flaking binding as Damian kept reading her notes, and for a glorious moment he was  _ silent. _

“What you’re telling me is that you have no idea what this is?”

She turned and looked at him, leaning up against the bookshelf as he turned another page. “No. I know what it is.”

He lifted his eyebrows and looked at her. “What?”

“I know what it is,” she repeated, her voice a little louder. It was  _ some _ information at least, even if he didn’t want to hear it. “It’s a seal of some kind. I just…” She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair, looking back at the aged binding of the books. “I just don’t know how to break it - the seal, I mean. I haven’t ever seen anything like it.” 

“Oh.” He looked down at the notebook again, making a curious sound in the back of his throat. 

Raven’s fingers paused over the spine of a book, wondering if Damian knew about own his magic or if she should tell him. She stared at the Latin title, taking a deep, slow breath and letting it out of her nose. “And… I don’t know what will happen if we do break it.” 

“You make it sound like I’m dangerous.” He turned another page, but Raven didn’t look back at him, she could hear his expression in his tone of voice. “I’d like to remind you that this is all your fault.”

Was it though? Hadn’t he let her heal him? Hadn’t his own magic burst free from its chains and tried to invade her? The more she thought about it, the more she wanted to scream and tell him that this was his fault too. He didn’t seem to have any idea what he was capable of, and yet he was blaming her for indiscretions they had both made. Raven clenched her fists by her side and took another step down the aisle of books, not completely certain which one she needed to pull down. “You don’t have to be a dick about it.”

He snorted. “And  _ you _ don’t need to be having dirty dreams about me, and yet  _ here we are _ .”

Raven felt her heart drop into her stomach and she whipped around to see Damian - his face flushed and his eyes dark - completely glued to that page in her notebook. Her breath caught in her throat and she reached out to rip the notebook from his hands, slamming it shut. She couldn’t remember actually writing that particular dream down, but she must have. She must have thought it was important at some point, but she couldn’t imagine why she would have thought retaining that information would have been pivotal to her research. 

Her face burning red, she clutched the notebook tightly to her chest and stared at him. “It’s not because I like you.”

“Really?” His face hadn’t returned to its normal shade, but he  _ was _ making eye-contact with her. “Because you were pretty detailed about that dream in your notebook.”

She looked down at the notebook cover, her heart rapidly pounding against her ribs. “If it’s any ease of mind, I consume you at the end of it.” 

He jerked back, surprised. His blush looked painful now, bleeding down his neck and under his collar. “What? How?”

“Not in  _ that _ way.” She looked at the floor before lifting her eyes to him again, her voice low and shaking. “Your soul. I eat your soul.” She shifted and set the notebook down on the study table between them before turning back to the bookshelves. She couldn’t look at him right now, it was too embarrassing. “I didn’t want to write down the…  _ intercourse _ bits, but something about it felt almost… prophetic? Maybe. It felt important, and I should write it down for whatever reason.” She shook her head before letting it drop into her hands. The world felt like it was spinning around her, and she closed her eyes if only to protect her dignity. “Your magic burned me when we touched and…  _ joined _ . It consumed my body in green flames, and in return I ate your soul.”

Damian was quiet for a long moment, and she heard the sound of the notebook being opened again. The weight in the room was tangible, pressing tightly against their bodies until Raven felt as though one of them was going to shatter completely. She pressed her hands on the bookshelf, if only to keep herself upright. 

“My…  _ magic _ ?” 

Damian sounded bewildered, and Raven finally turned back around and looked at him. The bright red color had bled from his face, replaced by shock and confusion, and he stared at her before looking back down at the notebook again. That confirmed her suspicion, he had no idea about the ancient magic that ran deep in his veins. That same magic that invaded her own body, and created the seal on his arm. He had no clue that any of that was there, inside him. 

His eyes narrowed. “What are you talking about? I don’t  _ have _ magic. I barely belong at this school as it is.”

Raven almost thought that sounded like a humble statement, but then reminded herself it was likely an insult against the school. She chewed on her lower lip and stared at him, shifting her weight on her feet. “ _ You _ created that seal on your arm, subconsciously as far as I can tell, to keep me out until… until it was time.”

His eyebrows knitted together and he stepped around the table towards her. “Until  _ what? _ ”

“I don’t know.”

It was a shitty answer, but it was the truth. Trigon was  _ her _ responsibility and  _ her _ problem, and no one else should have been part of the prophecy that she was forced to deal with. But when her magic touched him, it was as if he made a bond with her, created a link that she had no idea how to break. And he didn’t even know it was  _ there _ . They were both stumbling through this, completely blind and without any idea what direction they should go. 

“I don’t  _ have _ magic.”

She blinked at him, watching as he crowded her space again, pushing her against the bookshelf. “You do. It’s buried, and  _ old _ … but you have magic. I just… I don’t know what it is. I’ve never seen anything like it. It’s incredible, powerful, and…” She trailed off, thinking she sounded like something from a bad made-for-tv movie. Slowly, Raven lifted her hand and pressed her palm against his chest, hoping she could push him back a little, but he stayed rooted where he was. “I don’t know what to tell you about it. Just that I don’t know what it is, and I don’t know how to break that seal… or even if we  _ should _ . It’s keeping your magic checked, and it’s stopping mine from invading you.” 

“You’re lying.” 

He pressed tighter against her, and Raven felt her heart pick up speed again, slamming a frantic rhythm against her ribs. This was like the forest all over again. She was trapped between the bookshelf and him, and she could feel their magic spark and snap wherever they touched. Every fiber of his clothes seemed to imprint on her, as if they were both trying to join in a way they knew they shouldn’t. It felt as if they were glowing, and that Damian was pushing the shadows away from her so that she had nothing to hide in. 

Raven kept swallowing breaths, hoping to calm her mind enough so that things made sense, and she met his dark stare, shaking her head. “I’m not. I’m not lying.” 

Damian mumbled something in another language, but Raven had no idea what it was as she watched as his mouth pulled closer to her. Her eyes closed and she felt his breath against her lips, that gravelly sound of his words still vibrating between them. Swallowing, she tried to calm him down, or at the very least, calm herself down. 

“I want to help.”

He paused. “ _ How? _ ”

“I don’t know.” 

Silence stretched between them, and she felt Damian’s hand rest on her hip again, uncertain. She could feel the heat of her touch through the polyester of her skirt, and it burned, like he was touching her skin-to-skin. His breath escaped in a shaky sigh, and his forehead pressed against hers.

“What… what  _ is _ this, Raven?”

Much to her chagrin, Raven found she liked the way her name sounded when he was like this. She liked the way he ground the syllables together, the way the consonants clung to his breath, the hum of the  _ v _ on his lips. It was utterly and completely embarrassing, and she shifted against him, uncertain of the heat that was pooling at the base of her spine. He took another breath, his chest shuddering against hers as they both tried to calm themselves down. 

“I… I don’t know.”

He snorted. “You seem to not know a lot.” 

She ignored in insult, but filed it away for later. “I want to find out… I want to help, like I promised.” 

There was another stretch of silence before Damian spoke again. “I don’t want to trust you.”

Her heart dropped again, and something icy and painful like disappointment filled her. 

“But I guess I don’t have a choice.” 

Raven opened her eyes just in time to feel his full lips slide against her own. Time seemed to stand still, and she simply stood there, shocked and unsure of everything around her. Raven had never been kissed before -  _ hell _ , no one had even held her hand before, and she wasn’t exactly sure what she was supposed to do. She liked the feeling, but didn’t understand how it worked or what her step was. 

Raven closed her eyes again, and she leaned up into Damian, trying to mimic the movement of his mouth against hers. For a moment it felt awkward and uncomfortable, like she was doing something wrong as their noses kept bumping against each other, but then Damian titled his head to the side and -  _ oh.  _ Oh, that made things  _ so much _ better. She swallowed a soft sound that threatened to escape, pushing herself up to reach his lips. It took a little practice, but she was getting the hang of it, and Damian didn’t seem to mind too much. 

Curious to explore, Raven pulled back just a little and sunk her teeth into his lower lip. He gave and aching grunt, and pushed against her tighter, sliding his knee between her thighs as his hand tightened against her hip. Raven shivered and her hand against his chest dug into the folds of the fabric, as if she was trying to pull him closer. He growled against her mouth, pushing her back tighter between him and the shelves, his hand on her hip sliding along her thigh until he reached the hem of her knee-length skirt. His fingers slipped underneath the polyester, tracing aimless patterns against her skin in curious exploration. 

But, Raven could feel something inside her want more, and it was a dangerous, hungry thing. She hadn’t ever been kissed, but she knew that right now she wanted so much more that this cautious exploration of her outer thigh.

Her hand wrapped around his wrist with the intention of drawing his hand higher along her thigh, but Damian pulled back, letting out a shocked sound. He broke the kiss and pulled his hand back, gasping as he stared at her. His… his  _ seal _ . She had touched it. Raven swallowed a breath, trying to clear her head, but it was too late. Her body was already running high on endorphins, and it was trying to consume more, reach out to him, beg Damian to touch her again. 

Raven’s fingers reached out for him, gentle this time, and she unfastened the buttons on his cuffs. For a moment, Damian looked like he was going to pull back, but he stood there and watched. His pupils were blown wide, his chest still brushing up against hers with each breath, and he watched as Raven lifted his wrist to her mouth. She could feel the seal sizzle with magic, feel him twitch and push away before pulling closer. They were both so unsure and uncertain and this… this was dangerous territory they were treading. 

Raven kissed the inside of his wrist, lifting her eyes to his, waiting. It felt like they were both waiting for instruction, but neither one of them knew who was in charge. The moment hung between them like a knife waiting to fall, and Damian finally pulled his hand back, letting go of another, gravelly curse. 

Whatever had been between them snapped and Raven was left standing there, feeling the full weight of what they had done. How could they be so damn  _ careless? _

Damian re-buttoned his cuff, glaring at her. “I don’t even like you.” His words were weighty, but they held no bite anymore, like a spell without its final phrase. 

“The feeling is mutual, trust me.” Her response sounded the same, an aching noise that wanted to be cruel but sounded weak. Raven swallowed the lump in her throat, the edges of her vision starting to darken as she pulled her magic close to her again. Her magic coated her in shadows, reminded who and what she was, and helped her dull the pain of making  _ stupid _ mistakes. 

Damian turned away from her, walking towards the gate. He paused only once, staring at Raven’s notebook on the table. 

Was he thinking… about her dream?

If he was, he said nothing, and walked out of the library without another word. Raven waited until she heard the door close on the other side of the room before her back sagged against the shelves. It felt like eons passed around her as she struggled to bring herself back to reality. Her head tipped back on her shoulders and she stared at the binding on the books, seeing one word flicker in faded gold leaf. 

_Familiars_ _.  _


	4. Chapter 4

Someone was chugging a mixed drink from a huge decorative vase, and Raven could only stare at the crowd gathered around them, wondering what in the world she had done to deserve this particular brand of torture. She moved quietly through the house, trying to pull as many shadows against her as possible, staring at the people packed around it, watching guys and girls slovenly hit on each other and do some sort of awkward grinding that _must_ have been a form of dancing at one point. Some of her classmates were even showing off their powers, Gar had turned into a cat and had been picked up by no less than five cute girls, and the local kids were completely enthralled, asking them to do other tricks and light random things on fire.

Someone bumped into her and muttered a halfhearted apology while staring at her breasts. Raven sighed, her head dropping to her chest as she tried to keep her emotions in check. She shoved her hair out of her eyes and pushed through the crowd to find Miguel, hoping she could beg him to take her home. They weren’t supposed to use their powers outside of campus, and Raven wasn’t entirely sure what would happen if she tried to teleport with all these emotions pushing up around her. One bad outburst and she would find herself back in Azarath forever.

She was completely overwhelmed, and each burst of emotions from another partygoer made her feel like she was losing her mind, pulling it apart piece by piece. She wasn’t even sure why she even agreed to this, at the time it seemed like a nice distraction from everything going on with Damian, mixed with the subtle peer-pressure that nearly everyone from the Academy would be there.

She wove through the people to a door to the side yard, hoping to get some air or at least calm her thoughts for a moment. When she opened it, Miguel stumbled through, boyfriend in tow. He looked embarrassed for a half-second before following his boyfriend up the stairs to the second floor of whoever’s house they were at. Raven bit back a curse. Well, there went her ride home.

Her head started running through different options to get her back to the dormitory. She could try to use her powers and hope she didn’t get caught, but if she did get caught her ass would be back in Azarath so fast she wouldn’t even hear the spell. It wasn't too far back to campus, if she started walking now, she could probably be home by midnight. Although, it was nearly freezing out…  

Her fingers tightened on her phone, and for one _stupid moment_ she considered calling Damian for a ride. He hadn’t talked to her since what happened on Friday, not that she blamed him. Raven didn’t know what happened between them. One minute they had been talking normally, and then… her face flushed and she lifted her fingers to her lips, seeing a lamp flicker out of the corner of her eye. _Damnit._ Her emotions were a tangled mess, and she couldn’t sort them out fast enough. The last thing she needed was to lose control with this many people around.  

“Hey! Rae!” Gar waved at her from across the living room, pointing to the front door. Raven made her way over and waited until Gar managed wade through everyone. He shoved his hands in his jacket and tilted his head to the door. “Zachary has to leave town, so he said he'd swing by campus and drop us off if we want to go.”

Raven stared at him, confused. “Who?”

“Zachary? Zatanna’s cousin? I thought Miguel texted you about him. You really should have come out and met him.”

Oh. Right. That had been on Friday, when she and Damian had… Raven shook her head, trying to clear her mind out just a little bit. “Yeah. He did. Sorry, I’ve been a little distracted lately.” She offered a weak smile that she knew didn’t reach her eyes. “Besides, if he’s anything like Zatanna, he’ll make my life a living hell.”

Gar at least managed to give her a sympathetic look. “Hey, she’s just being a jerk, you know? And Zachary seems like a stand up guy, you’ll probably get along just fine.” He opened the front door and lead Raven out of the house into the stillness of the front lawn. Behind them the muted sounds of music and screaming could be heard, but at least Raven’s brain didn’t feel like it was sloshing around in her skull. “I thought you might want to head back to campus, you didn’t look like you were enjoying yourself.”

“What about you? Didn’t you want to stay and pick up girls?” She thought for a moment. “Or boys?”

He grinned before giving her another shrug. “Eh. There’ll be other house parties, and I’m just not feeling it tonight. Besides, we have that Spanish test first class tomorrow and _me no estudio_.”

Raven gave him a flat expression. “You can’t rely on Miguel being your tutor all the time, just because he’s your roommate.”

Gar scoffed, but a smile still played on his lips. “Thanks, _mom_. I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Hey, Gar! Ready to go?”

Raven turned to see someone parked on the street, leaning against the car. He met her stare and gave her a smile, waving them both over. Raven walked over, thinking that Miguel was right, he _was_ pretty cute. His smile widened and he opened the passenger side door as Gar climbed in the back. “You must be Raven, right? Miguel wouldn’t shut up about you on Friday.”

Raven panicked and looked at Gar in the backseat, but he only shrugged. “I’m sorry, but you’ll probably be sorely disappointed.”

Zachary laughed. “I don’t know. So far it seems pretty good.”

He closed the door as as he walked around to the driver’s side, Raven gave Gar another panicked look.

“He’s cute, but totally not into guys.” Gar seemed only mildly disappointed by that. “Besides, you haven’t ever been on a date with like… _anyone_ , Rae. _Ever._ You might as well at least see what it’s like. You know, having a social life and dating. Going out and being a real teenager, rather than just holing up with the monks in Azarath and burying yourself in books.”

She wanted to point out that she didn’t _want_ to know what it was like to date, and that her friends should stay out of her personal life, but Zachary had already opened the driver’s side door and was settling behind the wheel. Gar looked rather pleased with himself and leaned back into the seat, looking out the window as Zachary pulled away from the curb. Raven sat there in silence for a few minutes, trying to think about any _possible_ thing she could talk about that wouldn’t sound like frantic chatter because she was suddenly nervous.

“So… why aren’t you at school?”

Zachary looked over at her and grinned, and Raven found she kind of like the way the corners of his eye crinkled and his lopsided smile. “I have tutors with me on the road, but… I like to perform, and it’s a good way to make money. I’m probably gonna take some time off after I finish up these last classes. I’m thinking I might go to college, but… it’s hard to make that decision.” He paused for a moment. “What about you? I heard you just showed up for senior year.”

“It’s kind of complicated…” Raven rubbed the back of her neck and turned to look out the window. “It’s more of a trial period than anything else.”

“Ah…” He hummed in the back of his throat. “Not from… _around here_ , I take it?”

His tone of voice indicated he knew that Raven was either from another Earth or another dimension, and not having to explain that made things a hundred times easier. Her shoulders relaxed and she offered him a half-smile. “Yeah, actually. I’m not used to so many different people and emotions, and this… this is just to see if I can be on my own.” She picked at a loose thread on her leggings before looking back at him. “Kinda like a test.”

He nodded once, as if turning the information over in his mind. “So, what happens if you fail?”

“Everyone dies?” Raven said it without really thinking, and that panicked feeling started to grow in her chest again. Zachary was so easy to talk to, that she hadn’t even considered that she _shouldn’t_ tell him about herself. She swallowed a lump in her throat and tried to calm her heartbeat, but Zachary either took it as a joke or didn’t quite understand what she meant.

“Really?” He gave a soft laugh and looked over at her again. “Alright then, you better not mess up, right?”

“Yeah.” The tension eased in her, and she looked over at him. “Yeah, I better not.”

Zachary turned the corner and they fell into a strange sort of idle chatter. What books they liked, what hobbies they had, even different types of magic, and he gave her a point or two against Zatanna for the next time they faced in combat practice. It was a kind of comfortable conversation that put her at ease, and she found herself almost disappointed when they finally pulled up the driveway to the dormitory. Gar immediately got out of the backseat, practically grinning at her as he walked up the sidewalk and away from the car.

“Thanks for driving me home.”

“Yeah! It was nice to talk to someone my own age for once.” Zachary fidgeted for a moment before looking back at her. “Hey, I’m probably going to be back in town after winter break, do you think… maybe we could go hang out for a bit? Like, just the two of us?”

Like a date? A _date?_ Twenty minutes ago Raven wasn’t even _close_ to thinking about dating, and now Zachary was asking her out. That panicked feeling filled her again, and she looked around the car as if she wasn’t sure he was actually talking to her or not.

Thankfully, Zachary seemed to realize that he had made her uncomfortable, and he eased back. “I mean, if you’d rather a group of us go… that’s cool too. I just… ah… think I’d like to get to know you better? A twenty minute car ride doesn’t exactly seem like enough time, really.” He rubbed the back of his neck and gave her another sheepish smile. “Unless you’re not interested.”

Raven handed him her phone, a strange wobbly feeling bubbling in her stomach. She wasn’t sure if it was excitement or nervousness, or a little of both, but she found she kind of liked it. “Why don’t we talk while you’re gone, and… when you come back, we’ll hang out?”

Zachary grinned and put his number in her phone. “Sounds like a great plan.”

She took her phone back and got out of the car, waving goodbye as he drove away. She stood there for a few minutes, ignoring the bite of the cold as it pushed against her sweater. A _date._ Raven hadn’t ever really thought about relationships before, and knowing that she might have a _date_ with someone made her feel very strange. She chewed on her lower lip and sent Zachary _Thank you_.

“We should talk.”

Raven’s spine stiffened and she turned around to see Damian standing there, his arms crossed over his chest. His right arm twitched, but he pretended to ignore it and just stared at her , eyes dark. The tension between them both was thick, twisting around her until it felt like there was something strangling the very breath from her. She didn’t understand what this was between them, why he was so fascinated with her, and why this seal had even appeared. Her hand tightened into a fist and she turned away from Damian, trying to calm her heart.  

“I don’t see what we have to talk about, honestly.” Raven started walking towards the girls’ dormitory, but Damian caught her arm, staring down at her. That weighty silence settled over them again, and she watched as a muscle in his jaw ticked, like he was warring with himself.

Finally he tilted his chin in the direction that Zachary had driven. “You like him.”

Raven blanched and stumbled over a response, knowing that nothing she said was going to make any sense. “He's just nice to me. That’s all.” She wasn't sure why she felt like she needed to justify her feelings to Damian, but she did. Face burning red with embarrassment, she pulled her arm from his grasp and narrowed her eyes at him. “And I don't see why you even care. You don’t even like me, and I don’t like you, and we have this conversation every damn time we talk. It’s getting annoying.”

“I don't care.” He looked away, his mouth turning down into a bitter frown. “But your emotions are making this uncomfortable, so you better pin them down.”

Raven bristled and glared at him. “You're not exactly helping, you know.”

“It's not my fault!” He looked indignant, his lips twitching in annoyance. “You're the one who's supposed to be fixing this. Your problem, you fix it.”

Raven pushed at his chest, feeling her anger start to bubble up. Something was scraping down her spine, twisting her emotions into something dark and thick and uncontrollable. She hurt all over, like claws were trying to rip her skin from her body. Everything was pressing against her - every normal teenage problem mixed with the fear of her powers and the fear of the seal on Damian’s arm, and it was turning into a conflagration that threatened to burn her and everyone near her. “That's not what I meant! I’m not talking about your stupid arm!”

Damian seemed unfazed. “Then what did you mean?”

“You kissed me!”

Saying it out loud made it feel much more real than it had two days ago, and Raven's heart pounded in her chest as heat pooled low in her stomach. Whatever was inside her was _hungry_ , voracious for something that it couldn’t have. Raven’s memory pulled up the feeling of his lips against hers, and the sounds he had made, and the way he had _tasted_ … She shivered, but her emotions were running too hot to calm down.

Damian blinked, looking completely shocked that she even brought that up. For a moment, she thought he might deny it, but instead he looked away and mumbled a halfhearted response. “It was a mistake on my part.”

That was it. The last push of emotion the darkness needed.

Raven felt herself react without really meaning to or without any real plan. She pulled her arm back and hefted a spell at him with the whole force of her being. Darkness was clouding her vision, and she could feel the inky touch of shadows start to twist around her, beckoning to her. She wanted to lose herself in it, if only so she didn’t have to control her feelings for one damn minute. It would be so tempting to let herself just slip away into the darkness, become the demon that lived inside her.

Damian jumped to his right, and barely dodged out of the way of her attack. They both watched a bench by the side of the road take the hit from her spell, splintering into bits of metal and wood over the pavement. Anger, a disgusting viscous thing, swelled up inside her, and the bits and pieces of her demon that she tried so hard to control finally broke free. Emotion flooded her body, consumed her mind, dulled her senses, and she pitched forward swinging her fists as if she was going to land a hit on him. She could feel her teeth turn to fangs, her eyes split open on her forehead, and she clawed and screamed wildly, hoping to hit him.

Damian dodged her blows, shouting at her, but nothing he said made sense - they were just jumbled up words muted by the force of her powers. He jumped back, using his momentum to pitch forward and swing a leg into her hip. Raven knew she should have felt pain by the sound of the impact, but the rage was too deep. The only thing she knew was that she wanted to hurt him and consume his soul. She wanted to break him apart piece by piece until he was just as damaged as her.  

Finally she landed a hit against his shoulder, but Damian took it more as an opportunity to fight back. He managed to invade her space, knocking her off balance to tip her backwards. His hand wrapped around her wrist, and in a swift move he had grappled her arm and pulled her down to the floor. She screamed, the sound a deep tremor of ancient souls trapped within her, and she pushed against him, but Damian held her down, still shouting at her.

Raven twisted her head against the pavement, trying to pull free, but she saw his arm above her head. His seal was glowing bright, like a beacon for her, and all she could do was stare at it. It called to her, reminded her she was human. The demon slipped back into the recesses of her mind, shrinking away from Damian.   

“... _ven_.”

She blinked, feeling the shadows recede from her limbs.

“ _Raven!_ ”

Raven tilted her head back and looked up at him, gasping and heaving. The pavement beneath them had cracked, and Damian was on top of her, pinning down her shoulders. She gasped for breath, letting out a whimper as the chilled rock beneath her wedged into her spine. Her hands were shaking, and she blindly dug her fingers into Damian’s sweater, pulling herself close to him. Every nerve in her body trembled from the sudden push and pull of power, and she could cling to the only thing that made sense.

Damian fell back and pulled her into his lap as she buried her face into his chest.

He sat there, with his arms wrapped around her for a long moment, saying nothing and everything at the same time. He was warm and steady, and each passing second reminded her that he was there, and that he was a rock she could cling to in this storm. Raven waited until her breath stilled and she finally looked up at him.

“I-”

“Shut up.” Damian ducked his shoulders, so that his forehead brushed against the crown of her head. She could feel him swallowing air as he pulled her tighter against his chest. “Just… just shut up.”

She just nodded.

* * *

 

Raven was a little miffed to find out that some students got private rooms, but she should have expected as much knowing that there was a _Thomas and Martha Wayne Memorial Library_ on campus. She sat in a stiff, uncomfortable armchair across from Damian’s bed and looked around his room, trying to decipher a little more of who he was. If her room was bare, his was practically spartan. His bed was neatly made, everything put away, and there wasn’t so much as a family photo on his nightstand.

“Here. Give me your arm.”

She turned and saw Damian sitting on a chair in front of her, a first-aid kit perched on his lap. Flushing, she gave him her left arm, and he started cleaning a gnarly scrape near her elbow. Flinching under the sting of alcohol, she tried to pull her arm back, but Damian kept cleaning it, staying quiet. He seemed focused on his task, and said absolutely nothing for a few minutes.

“How’s your hip?”

She would be limping for a day or two while her powers repaired the damage, but otherwise she was fine. “Alright, I guess.”

“Mm.” Damian shifted and picked up her other arm, examining it before putting everything back into the kit. He tucked it neatly in his desk drawer and sat back down across from her. They were both tense, but he seemed even more than her, like he was twisting something around in his thoughts.

Raven took a shaky breath. “Thank you.”

He looked into her eyes, but his face was unreadable.

“For… for stopping me.” Raven pushed her hair out of her eyes and glanced away. “I shouldn’t have lost my temper.”

“If that’s you losing your temper, I’d hate to see what happens when you get angry.” He leaned back in the chair and continued to stare at her.

Silence settled over them again, and Raven kept trying to read his expression, but she couldn’t get past the way his eyes followed her. She tucked a loose piece of hair behind her ear and thought about standing up, but wasn’t sure what would happen if she bolted suddenly from his room. Curling her toes in her shoes, she looked around the room again, trying to focus on _anything_ other than the way he was looking at her.

“I shouldn’t have kissed you.”

Raven jerked and looked back at him, her face flushing. “What?”

“I don’t know why I did it.” Damian looked away and then back at her, pausing as he tried to pull his thoughts together. “It made sense at the time, but… I shouldn’t have done it.”

“Oh.” Raven felt crestfallen, like something had been taken from her that she didn’t even know she had. She rubbed her hands over her knees, feeling a tear in her leggings. “I… ah…”

Her words kept tripping over her tongue and she realized she didn’t know what to say to him. She hadn’t minded the kiss, she enjoyed it actually. She _didn’t_ like the sudden fallout from it though, or the way it seemed to hang between them like a curse. But the kiss itself had been… nice. Something she wouldn’t mind repeating, if given the chance.

Damian shifted for a moment before he got up, putting the desk chair away. “It’s late.”

Raven lifted her eyes to his, her chest tight.

“You should get back to your room, before everyone gets back from the party.”

She stood up, but didn’t move just yet. Instead she stood there, feeling stripped and confused, her mind a tangled mess of emotions and memories that felt broken and far-off. Raven shifted, her eyes meeting his again, and they both seemed unsure about everything. She swallowed and took a small step to the door, breaking whatever was between them. Her limbs felt heavy, leaded and hard to move, but she somehow made it to the door. Raven’s fingers rested on the handle, but she didn’t open it yet.  

She stared at the chipped frame and took a slow breath. “Will you still kill me?” Fear and confusion bubbled into her throat, and she swallowed it slowly. “If I… lose myself again, will you still kill me?”

She heard Damian’s sharp breath, but didn’t dare turn around to see his expression.

“... _no_.”

Raven finally looked over her shoulder at him, but he didn’t meet her eyes. “Then what’s going to happen?”

Damian frowned and looked back at her. “We’re going to fix this.”

Raven blinked, realizing that he had said _we_ , and her heart twisted in her chest. They stared at each other for a long moment before she finally opened the door and stepped into the dark hallway. And for once, the shadows didn’t want to chase her.

  
  
  


 


	5. Chapter 5

When Raven knocked on the door to Damian’s room, she felt a bit like she walked into a zoo, and _she_ was the animal on display. The door was thrown open and two strange men stared at her blankly for a moment before a curious light seemed to fill their expressions. Raven stuttered out a quiet greeting, more out of surprise than anything else, her notebook clenched tightly between her fingers. She glanced behind the two strangers, a tall dark-haired man in his late 20’s and an older gentleman in a suit, to see Damian looking utterly horrified. His eyes were wide and heat seemed to creep up his neck to his face.  

“Oh, I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt, I'll just come back later.” She panicked and tried to step back, but the older gentleman stopped her with a soft, caring smile.

“Master Damian, did you meet someone and not tell us?” He clicked his tongue and shook his head, as if disapproving of Damian’s behavior. “You should have let us know. I would have made an appropriate introduction.”

“It only took you four years to make a friend. Holy hell, I thought it would never happen, honestly.” The younger man cut off Raven's nearly escape and extended a hand, grinning. He looked nice enough, but Raven could tell that the relationship between Damian and him was _strained_ at best. “I'm Dick, Damian's brother.”

“Adoptive.” Damian shot him a cold stare. “ _Adoptive_ brother.”

Dick waved him off, ignoring Damian's muted curses. “Our family is really more of rag-tag team anyway.” His smile widened and he leaned closer to Raven, his curiosity spiking again as he took in the sight of her. “And you are…?”

Raven felt that wave of panic push against her, and she looked over at Damian for some kind of guidance. She wasn’t sensing any ill-intent from Dick, but she could definitely see that this whole exchange was utterly excruciating for Damian. Damian sighed and dropped his head into his hands, cursing under his breath.

“Raven is my classmate.” He groaned and lifted his head. “That’s _all_. And I’m sure she’s got something she needs to be working on, so if you could just leave her alone-”

“Your _classmate_?” Dick looked at Damian and grinned like he had heard a very juicy secret. “ _Oh?_ ”

Raven could feel that panic tighten her chest again, and she lifted the notebook in her hands as if they needed some kind of proof that was all her and Damian were. “Damian and I were working on a project together… I brought some notes for him.” She handed Damian the notebook and took a step back, giving a weak smile and trying to inch toward the door. “I’ll be heading out now. I’m sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt.”

“Oh, you're not interrupting at all, Miss Raven.” The older gentleman gave a soft, friendly smile and glanced down at Damian, his expression pointed. “Master Dick and I were coming to make sure that Master Damian was _actually_ going to show up for Thanksgiving dinner this year. Seeing as last year he chose to stay here, much to his father's disappointment.”

Damian rolled his eyes, but said nothing.

“I'm Alfred Pennyworth, by the way, Miss Raven. I'm Damian's caretaker.”

Damian looked insulted, and he balked. “Alfred! I’m not a child.”

Alfred ignored him, his soft expression still trying to take in Raven’s presence and decipher who she was exactly. Or, more specifically, who she was to _Damian._ Raven was clearly a curiosity that neither Alfred nor Dick had encountered before, and Raven began to wonder how many friends Damian really had. Alfred smiled, taking the quick pause in conversation to make smalltalk. “Did you have plans for the holiday?”

“Ah… no.” Raven was trying to interpret Damian's shocked expression, but whatever it was, she must have interpreted it wrong. “I was planning on staying here, actually.”

Damian's head fell into his hands again and he groaned. She heard him mutter something in another language, his words muffled.

“Well! If you don't have plans, you should come stay with us!” Dick leaned back on his heels and grinned at her before looking to Damian and Alfred. “Alfred always cooks way too much food anyway, and it'll be nice to have someone new around. Besides, I’m sure _father_ would _love_ to meet one of Damian’s friends. We were beginning to think that they were all made up anyway.” Dick dropped his voice to a loud whisper, obviously teasing Damian. “I’m sure you know Dami doesn’t play well with others.”

That was _one_ way of putting it.

“You know, Master Dick. I think that's a fine idea.” Alfred snapped his fingers, and his smile brightened. “Miss Raven, why don't you go pack a bag and meet us downstairs? I’ll be happy to escort you back to Wayne Manor and you and Master Damian can work on your project on the ride there.”

Were they inviting her over to their house? Raven looked back at Damian, hoping they he could save her from whatever this was. He looked just as uncomfortable and panicked as she did, and that was not encouraging.

“Can you two stop tormenting me for three minutes?” Damian finally lifted his head and looked at Raven, his eyes dark. His mouth set into a thin line and he looked at Dick with a huff. “Raven has her own life, she can’t just go picking it up and moving because you think it’s amusing to tease me.”  

Raven let go of a soft sigh, the tension in her back finally easing. Ah. They were just teasing her and Damian. Thank goodness. She gave a polite smile and shook her head. “I appreciate the offer, but I have a lot of work to do. And I won't be alone, there are a few other students staying, and some teachers.” She took a half-step back, trying to put space between them. “Thank you just the same. It was nice of you to offer.”

Alfred looked a little crestfallen, but still smiled. “That's disappointing, but I understand.”

“Honestly, you're the first friend we've ever seen Damian with.” Dick gave a one shouldered shrug and grinned at Damian. “And you're a _girl._ ”

Raven flushed at the implication and she shook her head. “Ah… it's not like that at all. We’re just classmates.” She almost mentioned that they didn’t even really like each other, but thought that would be worse. Dick seemed like the kind of person that once he sunk his teeth into juicy gossip, he didn’t really let go.

Dick looked from Damian to Raven and back again before humming softly, as if he didn't _quite_ believe her. “Okay. Well, if you change your mind, let us know and we'll send Dami to come pick you up. The kid could use more friends in his life.”

“Grayson, I need you to _shut up_.” Damian rolled his eyes and ran his fingers through his hair. He looked back at Raven, his expression dark and unreadable. “I have the notes, Raven. Is there anything else you need?”

Alfred’s face fell. “Master Damian, that is no way to talk to your friend, especially a lady. Be more respectful.”

Raven held up her hands and shook her head, still flushing. This was getting ridiculous. “We’re not… we’re not really friends.” She gave another strained smile at Damian. “Have a good holiday, I’ll see you on Monday.”  

Before anyone could say anything else that would utterly mortify her, Raven ducked out of the room, trying to walk as quickly as she could without raising suspicion. She made it most of the way down the hall before she heard Damian come up behind her, his steps firm and insistent. Pausing briefly, she turned around and saw Dick and Alfred's heads poking into the hallway, grinning as Damian approached her. Damian turned and glared at them before walking past Raven, motioning for her to follow. He looked seconds away from snapping at something, and Raven _really_ didn’t want it to be her.

The rest of campus was absolutely still, and that walked the the length of the entire building without seeing another soul. Damian glanced over his shoulder once to make sure that Alfred and Dick weren’t following them, and when he was satisfied, his posture and pace eased a little. After a few minutes, Damian pulled her down a side hallway, and out towards back courtyard, maneuvering them both into a tight grove of thick pine trees. Raven was grateful that no one else was here, because she could only imagine the the rumors someone would start if one of their classmates saw her and Damian like this.

He paused and took a moment to flick through the notebook still in his hands, and Raven noted that a few snowflakes had started to fall, landing in his hair. This felt so very strange, being so hidden from everyone, surrounded by the cold, nearly-winter air and the heady scent of pine. Her head felt a little muffled, like her thoughts were walking down a path she knew she should have ignored, but somehow couldn’t avoid. Blinking, she pulled her sweater tighter around her and pretended to be interested in something just outside the grove of pine trees.  

Damian finally glanced up at her, wrinkling his nose. “Are these new notes?”

Raven looked back at him, nodding. “A few. I finished some additional research after…” Her words trailed off and she swallowed, trying to push the rage she felt into the darkness of her mind. She still felt so much shame that she had allowed herself to give into her emotions and the darkness so easily. She was better than that, stronger than that, and yet she had failed so easily. She shifted and pushed her hair out of her eyes. “Everything I can piece together is there, and some additional thoughts. There’s more I need to research, but I’ll have to do it over the holiday, and there are some texts the school is missing.”

“Mm.” Damian thumbed through the pages, but didn't seem to look at anything written on them. He tucked the notebook under his arm and shoved his hands in his pants pockets. “I'll investigate our library while I'm gone and see if there’s anything else we might have that the school doesn’t.” He stared at her for a long moment, the coldness in his eyes practically breaking her down into the sum of her parts. Damian’s mouth set into a thin line and he finally glanced away. “You look like there’s something else bother you.”

Raven lifted her head and paused, chewing on her lower lip. The silence settled over them, muffled by the thick branches of the trees and the snow that was starting to fall heavier now. It felt like they were both a world away from Earth, trapped together in a dimension only they created, and yet… and yet she _still_ had trouble telling him. Raven chewed on her lower lip, her heart twisting in her chest. “I… ah… had another dream.”

Damian's face flushed and he looked back at her, but managed to stand his ground. “About…?”

“Mm.” Raven pushed at her hair and looked away. She didn’t want to tell him that she had the same dream more than just a few times now, always a little bit different but still with the same ending - her burning in green fire before she consumed his soul. She wiggled her toes in her boots and looked past Damian’s shoulders to the thick branches of the tree. “I didn't put it in those notes, but I… I thought you should know.” She fidgeted. “I thought you should know that the dream is happening more often now.”

“Was it the same one?” He avoided making eye contact with her, but there was curiosity in his voice when he spoke. “As before?”

She nodded. “With some… er… _modifications._ ”

_That_ made him look at her, and his mouth set in a serious line again. For a brief moment he looked as though he wanted to ask what _kind_ of modifications, but then shoved that question to the back of his mind. Raven felt his stare lay heavy on her, and she finally met his face, hoping she didn’t look as uncomfortable as she felt. After what had happened over the weekend she felt oddly skittish around him, like he was going to say something that made her lose control. Or she would go and do something stupid and reckless, like kiss him the way he had kissed her.

_I shouldn’t have kissed you._

Right. They didn’t like each other, and that was something she needed to keep reminding herself. Even if he had said he would help her figure this out, it was for his own preservation and had nothing to do with her.

“Ah.” Damian nodded once and took a step back, effectively breaking whatever was building between them. He shifted his weight and took a step outside the grove of trees. There was a long stretch of silence and he turned away from her, making his way back to the school building. He paused after three steps, not turning around to look at her, but obviously struggling with something internally. “If you… if you need anything, just text me.”

Raven blinked, unsure of what that meant. “O-okay.” She swallowed a strange lump in her throat. “I’ll try not to bother you. Only if its important.”

He stiffened again, turning her words over in her mind before relaxing. “Yeah. Okay.”

Raven watched him go, trying to understand what whole exchange was. It wasn’t until he had disappeared into the building that she sagged against the stone bench wedged in between two trees and let go of a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding. All of her muscles twitched and her skin burned with something she couldn’t quite place. All of this was easier before he kissed her, before she tried to destroy him, before he had said _we’re going to fix this_.

Her head dropped to her hands and she bit back an aggravated sound. How had they both managed to royally screw this up? And how in the world were they _really_ going to fix it?

* * *

 

Raven woke to a firm knock on her door, the sound of it reverberating through her dreams and shaking her out of sleep. She bit back a curse and rolled over to check the clock, barely seeing early-morning light filter in through her curtains. A thin layer of snow had fallen in the night, and blanketed the windowsill and the grounds outside, inviting a cold air to whip through her drafty window. Shivering, she sat up, feeling a book fall to the floor with the notebook she had dropped last night. She pushed at her hair and swallowed a few breaths of air, trying to imagine who in the hell would be waking her up right now? And on a holiday? The handful of students who had stayed were sleeping in, or they had already gone into town for some ridiculous shopping reason.

“ _Raven._ ”

Raven jerked out of surprise. _Damian?_ She blinked and whipped her head towards the door, hearing the knob turn.

“I’m coming in.”

Raven glanced down at herself, wearing nothing more a thin tank top and a pair of shorts. She scrambled to pull the covers around her, feeling oddly self-conscious that he would see her looking like this. She yanked her hair into a short ponytail on top of her head just as Damian opened the door and walked inside.

He looked like he’d been up for hours, driving from Wayne manor completely dressed and put together. Because _of course_ he did. Raven’s shoulders tensed as he approached her, dropping a backpack by her nightstand with a loud _thunk_ , and handing her a large bag that felt like it was packed with plastic takeaway containers. He glanced down at her, taking in the sight of her before taking a step back, color darkening his cheeks.   

“Alfred… wanted to make sure you had leftovers. He said school food was never going to be as good as what he made, so he made me take them to you.”

Raven’s eyes widened and she felt her tongue become utterly useless. Was Damian’s family… looking out for her? She was trying desperately to process that information, but it continued to be a pointless task. Swallowing whatever confused sound was playing on her tongue, she just nodded slowly. “Oh.”

Damian motioned to the backpack by her nightstand, his face still unreadable. “Those are books that you didn’t reference in your notes, and I thought some of them might be useful.”

“And you wanted to give them to me at seven in the morning on a holiday?” Raven flicked a stay lock of hair out of her face, glancing around the room.

“I couldn’t sleep.”

Damian said it with a definitive sound - like he couldn’t sleep so he simply packed his bag and made the two hour drive back to campus on his own. He shoved his hands in his pockets and stared at her, shadows filling his expression. Raven felt herself meet his stare, curious as to what all of this was. A week ago they were at each other’s throats - literally - and now he was bringing her research materials and _food_. It was as if he’d become a completely different person in the span of a few days. She tightened her hands in her comforter and just watched him, unsure of what she should say, or even if she should say anything at all.

“I…”

She knew that if she spoke, it would break whatever spell was being woven between them.

“I know this isn’t your fault.”

Raven’s heart stopped and she just looked at him, feeling color drain from her face.

“And I know you didn’t mean to… _do this_.” His right hand twitched, as if the brand was burning him again. “I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did.”

Was this… an _apology?_ Damian Wayne had never apologized for anything in his _life_ , and yet here he was apologizing to her. Under the covers she pinched her thigh just to make sure she was awake. She was. Raven didn’t know what else she could do or say to make sure that this wasn’t a hallucination, so she just say there and let him talk.

“I still think you’re a magical nuclear weapon that’s poised to go off with one wrong misstep.” He looked away and took a slow breath. “But… you’re also one of the smartest and strongest people I know. So… if you think there’s a way to fix this, and you think you can control this… _thing_ inside you, then I guess the only thing I can do is believe you.” He rolled his shoulders, obviously uncomfortable for the stretch of silence between them. “I don’t _want_ to believe you… but… whatever this thing is on my arm ties us together. So… if you have to face this, then I’ll help you however I can.”

Raven just stared, eyes wide. Damian rubbed the back of his neck, and for a moment she thought he might ask her to say something. If he did, Raven wasn’t sure how she would respond. This was not the same person who kissed her in the library, or the same person who fought her outside the dormitories on Sunday. This was someone completely different, and now she wasn’t entirely certain if she really knew who he was anymore. The barriers he had erected to keep everyone out seemed just a little thinner today, and he looked a little softer, a little more vulnerable, and Raven had no idea what to do with that information. But something inside her wanted to protect him, and maybe… maybe save him from himself.

Damian turned on his heel and made his way to the door, his steps silent on the hardwood floor. He paused at the threshold, choosing not to turn around and look at her. “I’ll be in the library. Come down when you’re ready.”  

He walked out and closed the door, leaving Raven sitting in her bed, completely confused.

What in the world just _happened?_

 


	6. Chapter 6

Damian had been eerily quiet most of the morning, in spite of the rather rude awakening he had given her earlier. His head ducked over the open book spread out over the table, and he was so focused that it was as if he fell into a trance. He wrote notes in a notebook next to him, translating some of the old text into one language and then another, and Raven found herself watching him more often than not. She would pick her head up from her own look at catch the profile of his face, watch the way the thin light in the space would play against his features. He was intensely focused, and there was something about it that shook her to the core.

What had changed in him so suddenly that his behavior had completely turned around? He wasn’t the person from last weekend. Hell, he was barely the same person from Wednesday when he left with Dick and Alfred. It was as if he’d had some kind of rude awakening, and changed his whole outlook towards her in just a matter of days. And, there was something softer in him, something that allowed her to pull a little bit closer, even though they were clearly both uncertain of whatever this was between them.

Raven sat back in her chair and let go of a long, aching sigh. She rubbed the back of her neck and marked her place in the book before standing up, needing to move. Her mind couldn’t focus anymore, and the usually companionable quiet in the empty library was practically stifling now. Words were starting to float on the page, and every moment she wasn’t thinking about the notes directly in front of her she spent it thinking about Damian. It was getting annoying, and even more than that, it was getting _embarrassing._

He finally lifted his head and turned to her, his eyes a brighter shade of curiosity than she had ever seen. Raven’s heart skipped a beat as watched her, shook the confusion from his body, and leaned back into his chair. “Are you taking a break?” He wasn’t bothering to whisper, since they were the only ones here, and his voice sounded thunderous in the stillness around them. “It’s not even noon yet.”

“I need to move.” She shifted her weight, feeling her joints creak and pop with the movement. For the first time since she arrived, Raven felt a little jealous of her classmates. They were all out enjoying the holiday, and she was trapped in a library with… well, with _whatever_ Damian was to her at this point. Not quite a friend, but definitely more than what they had been a few weeks ago.

 _Complicated_. That was what they were.  

Raven moved toward the back of the library, taking her notes so she could find another book that might be useful. “We’ve been here since seven, you know.”

“Mm.” Damian stood up and followed her to the gated section, his steps silent. It was uncomfortable how discreet he could be sometimes, never making a sound as he approached. “I didn’t realize we’d been here so long.”

Raven waited for an excuse about how he’d been trained differently than anyone of their classmates, or how he was always prepared for dull silence, but he stayed quiet. They walked into the gated section of the library, and Raven pulled down a book she had referenced earlier, wanting to return to a section to study it more thoroughly. She hadn’t bothered to turn on the overhead lights, and the light from the windows outside this section only half-heartedly tried to banish the shadows. Darkness surrounded them both, but it felt less stifling than usual, and erred toward something secretive.

Raven set the book on the table between her and Damian, and looked up to see him staring at her. His face was a steel mask she couldn’t read, and she found herself drawn to the tick in his jaw and the fullness of his lower lip. Their kiss from a week ago started to replay in her mind - each minute detail from how his breath grazed against her lips, to the smell of his soap, to his rough fingers sliding underneath her skirt and along her thigh. Heat pooled low in her stomach, and she could feel something inside her rise and wake, pushing against her skin with a primal, desperate emotion.

Damian’s arm twitched, and he muttered a soft curse under his breath, the sound a rumbling noise, like far-off thunder.

He glanced away before lifting his eyes back to hers, and for a moment Raven could see past the mask he wore so often. She could see his frustration etched onto his face, the confusion at her push of emotions through whatever connection this brand was, and she flushed in embarrassment. Honestly, she needed to work harder at keeping her emotions in check if this was going to be the norm. Damian shouldn’t have to suffer every time her mind wandered and her powers sought release.

Raven rubbed the back of her neck, avoiding his cool and curious stare. “Sorry. My mind is… elsewhere.”

She swallowed and turned back around, squinting to see the titles on the top shelf. She lifted herself on tiptoe to try and get it, then resorted to using her powers for the last few inches. It fell into her hand, and when she turned around she saw Damian leaning against the table, watching her. Raven glanced down at herself, wondering if she had spilled something on her, but she looked fairly put together, if a little casual.

“What? You’re looking at me like I…” She trailed off. _Like I did something wrong._

Damian sighed and dropped his head into his hand, mumbling more to himself than her. A tense moment stretched between them before he lifted his eyes to her, speaking quietly. “This is getting hard to pull apart what feelings are mine and what are yours. Every time your mind starts to wander, or you react, I can feel it burn and it’s becoming frustrating.” He paused and looked away, flexing his right hand. “I know what you’re thinking about… not so much like reading your mind, but know the emotions your thoughts create in you, and I don’t want to.”

Raven flushed and she pulled the book tight against her chest, swallowing her usual apology with something more definitive. “You mentioned that before, but… I had hoped maybe I wasn’t so clear. That maybe you couldn’t feel what I was in certain situations.” She paused and let her hands fall. “What _were_ you feeling?”

Damian continued to stare at her, his eyes cold. “What were you thinking about?”

“I asked you first.”

He stilled for a moment, turning her question over, but he didn’t respond. Finally Raven turned around and moved along the line of the shelves, checking the spines. She needed something normal to do, something with a purpose that kept her solidly on earth. Running her hand along the smooth wood, fingertips bumping along the imperfect binding, Raven paused. She moved to pull down a book, but felt Damian slide up behind her, his chest pressing tightly against her back. He nearly pinned her to the book shelves, and she could feel him take a slow breath, his heat sliding against her skin as he dropped his mouth to her ear.  

“ _Want_.”

Raven tightened her hand along the edge of a book, and she looked over her shoulder at him, feeling a hundred emotions start to rise up into her chest. Confusion swirled through her, pulling in bits of desire and need, storming through her veins as it tried to press desperately against the soft parts of her soul and pull her apart. Hands shaking, she pressed her palm flat to his chest and felt his heart underneath her touch. It was as steady as a slow moving river, and she felt almost jealous that he had so much control when she was so easily breaking apart.

Damian moved to take a step back, but Raven’s hand tightened in the front of his shirt, and before she knew what she was doing, she had already pitched forward closer to him. Damian’s eyes widened, and his mouth opened as if he should say something that should stop this, but there was silence, yet again. His hands fell to her hips and he stilled her, both of them uncertain what their next step should be. She could feel his thumb press into her flesh, his fingers tighten, and Raven looked at the floor between them, just breathing.

“Our kiss.”

Damian made a low sound, almost as if he was wounded, and Raven could feel his body tighten under her touch. There was a war raging inside him, a battle between what they both wanted and what they both knew they shouldn’t have. If they fell too far into the darkness before they figured out what _this_ was, then it might destroy them both forever. Magic was a temperamental thing, even Damian knew that.

They stood there, suspended in time, neither one of them ready to take that leap.

“ _Ah, fuck it._ ”

Raven looked up in just enough time to see Damian leaning over her, his eyes dark as he pressed his lips tightly against her own. She stood there, shocked that this could happen twice in the same place, but at least this time she was a little more prepared. Her fingers tangled in the folds of his shirt, and she lifted herself up, pressing her body tightly against his own. It felt like the world around them started to tumble into the shadows of the room, each thing they were so concerned about just melting away.

Raven ran her fingers through his short hair as his mouth moved over hers, a quick, curious exploration at first, before bleeding into a slow drag. His lips were soft, but insistent against her own, and it was as if he was taking a hit of a drug, each kiss meant to draw out the high a little longer. He pushed her back tightly against the shelves, and sharp edges bit into her bones, but she didn’t care. Honestly, there wasn’t a whole lot she _could_ care about right now. Only that her skin was on fire and she wanted to burn.

Damian broke the kiss once to hook his hands under her thighs and set her on the reading ledge next to her waist. He shoved a few books out of the way as he pushed against her, opening her thighs to step between them. His hands felt like they were everywhere, tracing patterns over her legs before sliding up the curve of her back. The rough calloused skin of his fingertips traced the length of her neck before cradling her jaw, pulling her even tighter against him. Each touch was meant to memorize her, to mark her as part of him so that he would never forget, and Raven just let him.

Raven tipped her head back and gasped between kisses, her eyes meeting his as they finally slowed. His hands fell back down to her legs and slid over her thighs, and Raven regretted her terrible decision of wearing leggings. If she’d been wearing her skirt he could be touching her skin-to-skin, dragging his hands up the inside of her legs.

She shivered, her body tightening as she thought about him toying with the edge of her underwear, and she would have let him. _Gods._ She was so foolish. She would have dropped her panties to the floor of the Academy library and let his fingers explore her, dip into her, swirl his thumb over her most sensitive parts as he watched her face intently. She wondered what it would be like, letting him bring her to orgasm her cries muffled by the old text around them.

Damian was swallowing breaths, struggling with the last bits of his self control, and he dropped his head to her shoulder. There was a long stretch of silence as they both tried to calm themselves back down to earth. Damian swallowed another curse, his voice rough next to her ear. “I… I shouldn’t have done that.”

Raven disagreed, just like she had last time, but chose not to say anything. She leaned her head back against the shelf and stared at the ceiling, swallowing breaths as she tried to calm her heart. It grew quiet and still again, but Damian didn’t move from his spot between her legs. He stayed pinned against her, and she felt his muscles tense and relax under her touch, as if he was uncertain about his own body and its reactions to her and what they just did.

“What is this…?” Raven barely recognized her own voice, it was heady and dark, and it drug along the edges of her own sense like a dull knife. She closed her eyes, knowing that she couldn’t take the question back. So, the only thing she could do was soldier forward. “What is this between us?”

Damian lifted his head, licking his lips as if he could taste his response there. It swirled around him, tumbled into empty spaces, and was swallowed by silence before he spoke.

“I don’t know.”

Raven’s shoulders fell, and her heart dropped into the pit of her stomach.

“But… it’s worth exploring, right?” He paused and took a step back, looking into her face for a half-second before looking away again. “It’s worth trying to understand.”

“But I thought you didn’t like me?” Raven offered a small smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes. She knew the answer to the question before she asked it - of course Damian hated her. He told her practically every second of every day.  

Damian’s face burned red, and he looked as though he stumbled over a few words and reponses, before turning around. He shook his head and took a few steps away from her, pausing to pick the book Raven had left on the table. Raven watched as he stepped towards the rest of the library, pausing briefly at the gate. He thumbed through the pages again, and let go of a soft noise that almost sounded like reluctant agreement.  

“Opinions can change.”

  
  
  


 


	7. Chapter 7

The dream was different this time.

Less lust, more hellfire.

Raven forced herself up from her bed, feeling her hair stick to the sweat on her neck. There was a sharp pain behind her eyes, gnawing at the spaces inside her as if reminding her once again that she _was not_ human, no matter how hard she tried to be. Her heart racing, Raven leaned back against the headboard and tipped her face to the ceiling as she tried to calm down. She swallowed air in huge gulps, and her hands shook as she tried to bury them under the covers. Even if she was alone, she didn’t want anyone to possibly guess that she was finally losing control.

Raven closed her eyes as she tried to recall details of the dream, but every image was just out of reach, and all she could catch were hazy memories and dull shapes.

And the feeling of fire.

Raven shivered even though her body felt hot, wrapping her arms around herself as she pulled her knees to her chest. The _fire_. It burned her deeper than any normal fire, licked along her skin, found cracks  in her body and consumed her. There was a rumble of words in the back of her head - a memory that she had never experienced before, but she somehow knew all the same. It was a growling incantation, and the words felt etched into her skin like a brand she would always wear.

She looked down at her palm, as if expecting to see a rune there, and swallowed another breath, trying to still her heart. It was just a dream, and that’s what she had to remember. Even if it seemed prophetic, at the end of it all, it was just a dream. Raven was here at the Academy, she was safe, she had instructors to protect her, and if anything went horribly awry, she could always go back to Azarath. They always knew what to do to protect her and keep her safe. Or, at the very least, keep this dimension safe from herself.

Raven tossed the covers off her body and snagged an oversized sweatshirt from a chair. She threw it on, not bothering to put on anything over her shorts, and padded barefoot into the hallway. She needed to move, or do _something_. If she just sat in her bed and stared at the walls, she would just stew in her own thoughts, and she could already feel her control start to slip through her grasp.

Maybe Damian was right. Maybe she really _was_ a magical nuclear bomb, meant to go off at any moment. Raven ran her hands through her hair and felt her feet wander as she turned over thoughts in her head. Should she tell the headmaster what she was dreaming? Or was it her mind playing tricks on her? She _had_ spent the better part of the day researching with Damian, and her mind was filled with all of the things she had seen in the books. It could have been nothing more than her brain just trying to sort through the information and make sense of it. It would have been the logical explanation at the very least.

But then again, things around her weren’t exactly _logical_.

Raven twisted a loose thread around her finger, and she stared at the floor as she walked, thought after thought filling her head until it felt like her brain was chattering away and didn’t know how to _shut up._ It wanted to tell her everything all at once, to link things together that shouldn’t have been linked, and she couldn’t make it stop. She shoved her hair out of her eyes and finally picked up her head, seeing a brass room number staring back at her.

Damian.

She had wandered through the halls straight to Damian’s room.

She was an idiot.

Raven turned to walk back to _anywhere_ else, but the door opened before she could even take a step. Frozen in place, Raven turned to see Damian standing in the doorway staring at her, his face unreadable. His mouth tilted-down in a half-frown, and his eyes slipped down to her feet before looking back at her again.

“For being barefoot, you sure do make a lot of noise.”

Raven felt heat creep up her neck, and she watched as he pushed the door wide, motioning her inside. She paused outside the door, fidgeting for a half-second as she stepped towards the door. His room was dark, the only light filtering in was a streetlight from outside the window, but she could see a neat pile of books on his desk, and his bed covers haphazardly bunched near the wall.

Damian turned and looked back at her, lifting an eyebrow. “Are you coming in or what?”

Raven steeled her reservations, shoving them down and locking them away, before taking a step into his room. For a moment she considered leaving the door open, mostly because that was dorm policy, but she also knew that whatever they were going to do was probably not something she wanted other people to know about. Not that there were a whole lot of people here to hear them. Her face flushed and she closed the door quietly, the lock fitting into place. Raven stood awkwardly in the room for a moment before she took the chair across from his bed.

A stretch of silence passed between them, and Raven realized she had never seen Damian look so… _casual._ He was usually so put together, but right now he was only dressed in a pair of low-slung sweatpants and a t-shirt. His hair was a little messy, and there was a pillow crease along his cheek. He stifled a yawn and rubbed at his face with the heel of his hand, and Raven found her heart doing something strange in her chest - skipping beats and turning over. Damian had always been _attractive_ , with his unearthly green eyes, angular face, and sculpted body, but this is the first time that Raven realized he was actually… _cute_. Although, he’d probably kill her if she ever told him that.  

She fidgeted with the loose threat again, twisting it around her fingers. “I couldn’t sleep.”

“That’s obvious.” He sat down across from her, resting his forearms on his knees as he bit back another yawn. He ran a hand over his face and sighed, obviously annoyed. “Are you going to talk about it, or are you just going to sit there and stew?”

“I had another dream…”

_That_ caught his attention, and Damian looked up his eyes narrowing at her.

“...but different.”

His lips twitched, curious. “Different _how?_ ”  

Raven stumbled over her response, feeling different ones slide across her tongue like rancid oil that she chose not to spit out. She ducked her head and pulled her knees to her chest, resting her feet on the edge of the chair. The shadows around her seemed to stretch their fingers towards her away, and this time she wasn’t sure if they were trying to protect her or consume her. It was getting harder to tell.

She picked up her head and looked into his face again. “Do you really think I’m a magical nuclear weapon?”

“Yes.”

His response was so swift and definitive, that Raven almost thought she misheard him. But then again, Damian wasn’t exactly the type of person to pussyfoot around an issue. She looked up into his face, his expression cold as he stared at her.

“But that wasn’t the question I asked.” He rested his hands on his knees, lips pulling down into another frown. “I asked how this dream was different than the… _other_ ones you’ve been having.” He seemed to be grateful for the darkness in the room, because Raven could see him shift uncomfortably on his bed.

“I was consumed by a different fire.” Raven pulled her knees closer to her chest, as if she could disappear an inch at a time. She lifted her eyes to Damian’s and let go of a weak noise that sounded nothing like her. “It wasn’t… you… _your_ fire, the one that happens when we…” She didn’t know what to call what they did in her dreams. It wasn’t necessarily saccharine and trite, like lovemaking, but it wasn’t definitely hardcore fucking either. “... _get together_ , is a sort of gentle warm. It’s almost comforting in its own way. Not necessarily meant to harm, but meant to forge some kind of bond or brand.”

Damian’s arm twitched, and Raven looked down at the seal on his arm, watching lines start to glow in her presence. She glanced into his face, but Damian gave a short shake of his head, warning her not to bring it up.

“This fire was meant to consume and control. It was meant to strip my body from my bones and make me hollow.” She dropped her forehead to her knees, and she could feel the ghost of claws rake over her form. They dug into the soft parts of her, tried to shove themselves into places her body was weakest, pull apart her flesh until she was nothing. Raven took a shaky breath and let it out slowly, her head heavy. “It felt like it was burning everything from me, to make me a vessel for…”

Raven shook her head, trailing off. She didn’t want to say it. Didn’t want to admit to what part of her was. Saying it out loud to Damian, and admitting what half of her _really_ was, would make her appear even more dangerous. He’d loathe her if he knew the truth, and while that shouldn’t bother her, it somehow did.   

“Trigon.”

Raven lifted her head and looked at him, watching shadows play across his face. There was a strange understanding in his eyes, as if he had always known what she was exactly. Zatanna knew, but that was something different. Damian was clever, but she had never really considered that he understood the full depth of what Raven really was. Her heart stilled in her chest, and she swallowed the shocked sound that threatened to escape. The silence sat heavy between them both, like a weight on Raven’s chest.

“You knew?” Her voice was barely above a whisper.

“If it were any other demon you’d have been a magical annoyance, not a magical nuclear weapon.” Damian tilted his head to the side, still watching her. “Of course I knew.” He paused again. “Why do you think I’m helping you?”

“You have that seal on your arm, and you don’t want it. I’m not stupid, Damian.” Raven let her feet fall to the floor, and she looked up into his eyes again. Her lips twitched and she blew a breath through her nose, feeling frustration spill into her chest. “You’re not exactly known for your generous nature.”

He gave a one shouldered shrug. “And _you’re_ not known for your welcoming personality.” His eyes met hers under the dark fringe of his lashes. “And yet we made out in the library.” Pause. “ _Twice._ ”  

Raven flushed, and her heart skipped beats again, annoyed that he chose _now_ to bring that up. “That… that has nothing to do with what we’re talking about.”

Damian turned away, pretending to look out the window at the streetlight. Another weighty silence fell over them before he spoke again. “I didn’t say I didn’t enjoy it.”

That was _definitely_ not what they were talking about, and yet Raven couldn’t keep herself from staring at him, the memories replaying in her mind. The feel of his fingers against her skin, the weight of his hands, the taste of his kiss. _Gods._ She was a mess. A flush worked its way down her neck, fanning out over her chest as she shifted uncomfortably in the chair. She had enjoyed it too, but that really wasn’t where her mind was right now… Then again, she couldn’t seem to leave the thought alone, either.

“And yet _you_ said you shouldn’t have kissed me.”

“I shouldn’t have kissed you.” Damian looked back at her, his steel mask returning yet again. “But, it doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy it.”

All that did was make her more confused, and the last thing she needed right now was to be confused about their _non-relationship_ on top of everything else going on. Raven sighed and leaned back in her chair, staring at his ceiling. She watched the shadows slide down the wall and stretch towards her again, as if eager to touch her skin. Her shoulders sagged and Raven felt the last bit of the dream leave her, that hollow feeling in her chest returning. What in the world was she going to do?

“You’re right.”

Raven picked up her head and looked at him, watching him swallow. There was something almost erotic about watching his throat work, and her face flushed as she reminded herself yet again that this was _not_ the time for those thoughts.

“I’m not known for being nice or helpful.” Damian shifted, as if admitting a flaw about himself was making him uncomfortable. “But I know I should help you. Even if it’s only for self-preservation, I should help you. I’m not so oblivious that I can’t see that at least.”

Raven watched as he looked back at her, and her heart did that strange flip again.

“I told you I would help you, and I will.”

His eyes turned dark again, and his gaze practically pinned her to her chair. There was a seriousness in him that she’d never seen before, and it shook her in ways she wasn’t prepared for. Damian was always aloof, always thought he was better than everyone else, and in most ways he _was_ , though Raven would never admit it to him. But seeing him take this in such a way that was both severe and caring, made her feel a plethora of emotions that didn’t make any sense. She sat there and stared at him, watching as he stood up and walked over to her.   

Damian placed his hands on either arm of the chair and leaned over her, his voice dropping an octave. “I won’t go back on that, no matter what happens.”

Raven looked up at him, her heart skipping again. He was too close for her to think straight, and the strongest urge to lean up and kiss him flooded through her. She wanted to press her mouth against his, push him back to his bed, as she climbed over him. She wanted to straddle his lap, to strip his body of his t-shirt and just feel his skin against her own - a sizzling heat that threatened to _truly_ burn her in a way she would never recover from. Shivering, Raven ignored the rush of foolish desires inside her, and turned away, nodding slowly.

Damian nodded and leaned back on his heels. He watched her for a moment, shifting a little, before he tilted his head to the door. “Wanna go for a walk?”

That stunned her, and Raven blinked in confusion. “What?”

“You can’t sleep, and your emotions are going to keep me up.” His right hand flexed again, and Raven watched a stroke of the seal light up with a soft, green glow. “We might as well do something together, especially since there’s no one here anyway.”

She thought back to the desire of climbing in his lap and stripping him naked, but thought bringing up _that_ particular activity together would be crass. Especially since they still weren’t even sure if they liked each other. _That_ was a whole other problem she needed to deal with. But… later. She’d deal with it later. Nodding, she stood up and followed him out his door, falling into step next to him.

They walked through the hallways in silence, twisting through the boys dorms, the darkness punctuated only by a red _EXIT_ sign here and there, until they reached the lounge that connected the boys and girls dormitories. Damian paused at the top of the stairs, looking out into the empty space filled with plush chairs and tables, and he leaned against the railing. Raven could sense there was something roiling inside him, something different than what they had just talked about. She glanced up at him, waiting.

“What are you doing over Christmas break?”

She blinked, suddenly confused by the question. What did it matter to him what she was doing? Raven shrugged, not giving it much thought. “Staying here, I guess. It’ll probably be even emptier, but… I don’t really want to go back to Azarath, and the spell to get me there is difficult to cast anyway. So-”

“Come… come stay with me.” He looked embarrassed and rubbed the back of his neck, glancing away, as if he couldn’t quite look her in the eyes. “Alfred will never let me hear the end of it if you stay here at the school with no one on Christmas. And… he seems to like you, for _whatever_ reason.”

Trust Damian to take a compliment and turn it into an insult.

“And… I… don’t mind your company, or whatever.” His mouth twisted into a strained, frustrated expression, and he sighed. “So, if you want to stay with me, you can. It’d be stupid for you to stay here alone anyway.”

Raven blinked, uncertain if she heard him right. He was inviting her over to his home, to stay over break, and very likely meet his family. Her mind was swimming with a hundred things that she couldn’t quite pin down, and her heart pounded in her chest. Her emotions were shifting wildly from one end of the spectrum to the other, the fear from her practically prophetic dream shifting towards desire, and now turning into confusion about what he was asking her. She let go of a low sigh and rested her arms on the railing, the back of her hand accidentally bumping his.

“What is this?”

Damian shook his head, his shoulders dropping as silence slid between them again.

“What _are_ we?”

Damian finally spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t know.”

He pressed his lips together and stared out into the lounge area below, his eyes adjusting to the darkness. It felt like the first time Damian had ever _truly_ admitted that he didn’t know something, and that realization seemed to shake both of them to the core. They were both so confused and lost at all of this, that the only thing that seemed to make sense was to seek each other out. Raven closed her eyes and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.  

In this new darkness she felt his hand move, his knuckles brushed up against the back of her own hand in a soft movement, and then he slid his pinky and ring finger between her own. It wasn’t quite hand-holding, but definitely some kind of contact between them. At least, something different than confused kisses while they were both pressed against bookshelves in the library. Raven kept her eyes closed and simply enjoyed the way his skin pressed against her, the scar along the length of his pinky, and the little jolt of magic and electricity that seemed to spark wherever they touched.

He ran his pinky against the soft pad of skin on her palm before he pulled away, his motions slow.

“I don’t know what this is.”

Raven opened her eyes and looked at him, waiting for a _however_ that never came.

 


	8. Chapter 8

“ _Yield._ ”

Raven's back slammed into the mats under her, the wind escaping her lungs in a forced rush. Stars filled the corners of her eyes, and she looked up at Damian, feeling the dull edge of a practice sword against her throat. Sometimes she felt like she was _so bad_ at combat. The monks in Azarath had never taught her how to use her powers for offense, and trying to gain the upper hand in any fight was proving to be difficult.

Damian lifted an eyebrow at her, waiting for her response, but she kept quiet, instead looking for another opportunity. Both of their chests were heaving, and sweat pooled down the curves  and planes of his neck and chest, soaking his shirt. Raven caught his stare and then felt her eyes drift lower as shame blossomed deep in her stomach. Embarrassingly, she found she _liked_ the way wet cotton clung to his collar and chest - there was no hiding any part of him from her.

 _Gods_. Raven closed her eyes for a second, trying to pull back in her emotions before they got out of control. She was such a mess, and this was _so not the time_ to be thinking about that. Her eyes snapped opened again and she looked back into Damian’s waiting expression. They had both lost track of how long they had been at this, but some of the other students had already pulled out their phones, bored with what was happening. She needed to end this, preferably with her dignity in tact.

Raven shifted again, taking a millimeter away from the dull-edged sword at her throat. There was a way out of this, there just _had_ to be. Damian shifted his weight to follow her movements, and for a fraction of a fraction of a second, he was unsteady.

_There._

Seizing her opportunity as quick as she could, Raven’s powers snapped out and wrapped around his back ankle, pushing him off balance. He stumbled backward, the cold steel of his practice blade nicking her jaw. Raven ignored the snap of pain and propelled herself up to her feet with her incantation, surging forward as magic snapped around her fingertips. There was the crackle of electricity in the air and she threw a spell at him.

 _Damnit._ Still too slow.

“ _Tch._ ” Damian seemed to know what she was doing and caught his footing quicker than she expected. He righted himself, flipped his sword in a movement too fast to catch, and dodged her attack as it dissipated against a magicked wall behind him. Damian didn’t even flinch. This was _so_ not fair. Raven spun towards him to try and unleash another attack, feeling him push forward again, but Damian was already pressed beside her, pinning her arm against her side. The back edge of his sword was wedged underneath her breast, pressed against her ribcage with the tip pointed _dangerously_ close to her heart. If the blade had been live, she would have been dead.

Raven stood there, her jaw locking into place in annoyance, and stared into his face. At least he was sweating and gasping like her, so the match was _almost_ fair. They stood there in silence for a moment, and Raven watched the late afternoon light filter in through the windows at the ceiling, catch flecks of gold in his eyes. His eyes were _too_ pretty, and it was completely distracting. Her heart started to pound and heat poured into the space just below her navel, filling the rest of her body with a slow, low burn. Damian leaned closer to her, wedging the sword tighter against her chest. His pupils widened and he took a deep breath through his nose, his jaw ticking as his right hand tensed under the ace wrap he used to hide his brand.

Oh. Right. He knew what she was feeling.

“ _Yield, Raven._ ”

Raven slowly raised her free arm and tapped her upper thigh in defeat. Damian stepped back, his expression dark and unreadable. The emotions inside him were a mess, a mixture of what she was feeling and something else, and Raven felt a bit like she was caught in the undertow of a wave, being pulled further and further down with him. He stared at her for a long moment, his breathing slowing, before turning on his heel and practically storming off the mats.

Raven flushed, and she no one else could feel what was going on between them.

Their instructor, Starfire or Miss Call-Me-Kori, looked surprised. “That was… a good show. And that is exactly what you are supposed to do if pinned, and how to get out of it. Use your powers and resources to your advantage, look for an appropriate opening and move. Also, Damian’s recovery was spot on by anticipating his opponent’s moves, and-”

Damian walked past her as if she hadn’t said a single word, and slammed open the doors to the boy’s locker room, barely giving Starfire a second glance. Starfire’s face fell and she mumbled something in Tamaranian under her breath. She shook her head, uncertain if she should send someone to check on Damian or not. Starfire eventually decided against it and motioned Raven off the mats, before calling the next pair of students.

Raven went back to the benches and practically flopped down next to Miguel and Gar. There was a pause as they all waited for the other match to start, Raven’s mind rolling over what had just happened between her and Damian. Did the rest of the school know that there was this… _tension_ between them? Hopefully not, that would be mortifying. Raven rubbed the small cut on her jaw, the blood coming away dry.  

“Are you two boning?”

Raven jerked, and she whipped next to her to see both Miguel and Gar staring at her, eyes narrowed as if they were smelling a secret she hadn’t shared yet. Her face burned red and she glared at them.

“No!” She was so loud a few of the other students turned around and looked at her, but Raven chose not to pay attention to them. Dropping her voice to a hissed whisper, she shook her head.  “No, I’m not- we’re not- that’s not what that was!” Raven pursed her lips and looked away. “We don’t even like each other.”

“Really?” Miguel cocked his head to the side, staring at her. “Because I was pretty sure one of you was about to get naked right there on the spot, and I’m not sure which one was going to be first.” He shrugged. “Thought we might all be treated to a _different_ kind of performance.”

“You’re not funny.” Raven turned back to the match in front of her, pretending to be interested.

Gar shrugged. “We weren’t trying to be.” He paused and looked back at the match, still talking to her. “ _Is_ there something going on between you two?”

Raven looked back at them from the corner of her eye and glared. “We don’t like each other.” Those words were becoming a mantra at this point. “I already told you.”  

Miguel shrugged, and looked back at the match, his face unreadable. “No one ever said you had to like each other to bone. Sometimes hate-fucking is the best.”

Raven ignored him, but she could feel the heat curl up her neck anyway. This whole thing was becoming increasingly messy, and she didn’t know how to handle it. She hadn’t told anyone where she was spending their three week holiday vacation that was coming up, and she really didn’t know how they would react. Damian wasn’t exactly _liked_ on campus, more like _tolerated_ most of the time. And, outside of their interlude over Thanksgiving break, Raven and Damian barely spent time with each other. They studied separately now, and if they had to share a note between each other, it was sent through text. This sparring match was the most they had physically talked in over two weeks.

Raven looked down at her hands, thinking about that quiet night two weeks ago, and how Damian had touched her almost tenderly. His fingers slipping between her own as they both sought out a contact they weren’t even aware they needed. A shiver ran down her spine and she let her hand fall back into her lap, her heart sinking into the pit of her stomach. This was the last thing she needed to be thinking about now, and focusing on it was only going to make _everything_ worse. She watched the match with a vacant expression, her head tilting to the side as she felt everything go blank in the back of her mind. Sometimes it was easier to just _not_ think.

The gym door opened loudly and Damian walked in, freshly showered and changed back into his school uniform - his tie perfectly strait and his hair only a little damp. He looked as perfectly put together as he had this morning - not a thread out of place.

Next to her, Miguel snickered and elbowed Gar. “How much you wanna bet Damian was jerking off in the shower?”

Gar stuck his tongue out, turning greener than usual. “Ew, dude. We _all_ share those showers.”

Miguel rolled his eyes. “ _You’ve_ jerked off in those showers before. I don’t think there’s a dude here who _hasn’t_ jerked off in those showers.” He paused. “Besides, I don’t think Damian even knows _how_ to jerk off. He’s so damn uptight all the time.”

Gar shook his head and ignored him, pretending to look back at the match again. Raven caught the sight of Damian out of the corner of her eyes, and she noted the soft darkness to his cheeks and the slight relaxation to his shoulders. It looked as if all of the tightness in his muscles was released, and she tried not to think too hard about it… but it was already too late. Her mind started to wander before she had a chance to stop pit.

Her face flushed and she looked back at the match again, her thoughts suddenly filled with thoughts of Damian standing underneath a stream of water, soft soap foam sliding over the planes and curves of his chest, steam curling up his limbs, his hand wrapped tightly around his cock. He could almost see his eyes close in enjoyment, relaxation slipping over his body as he let himself give into pleasure.  

Raven pressed her knees together and tightened the muscles in her thighs, if only to try and keep herself pinned down. _Honestly_ , this was getting out of control. Next to her, her phone buzzed and Raven looked at the message:

_Stop._

The flush on her cheeks darkened and she locked her phone, putting it away. _Right_. Damian was still able to feel her emotions. She sighed and tried to think about something boring, like her Spanish homework or her chemistry test next period. Trying her best to ignore the heat in her stomach, she watched the rest of the matches between her classmates before Starfire gave them all a quick debrief and sent them to the locker rooms. Damian caught her stare from across the gym, and for a moment she thought she should go to him and talk.

Instead she turned and walked away, following Karen into the girls’ locker room. It would be easier if they kept _not_ liking each other.

* * *

_We need to talk._

Raven glanced down at her phone and ignored the message from Damian, annoyed with him. It was finals week, and honestly, she was so close to pulling out her hair it was _embarrassing_. The last thing she needed right now was to have him hovering over her and being demanding - like _always_. She turned back to her computer and tried to format her paper’s bibliography correctly. Was it APA or MLA? She couldn’t remember what her teacher had told her, and her thoughts felt like they were swimming in a congealed soup of letters and numbers. Just a few more days and this would all be over, and she could breathe again.

Her phone buzzed again, displaying three more messages in succession.

_Now._

_Outside._

_I’ll be waiting by my car._

If he was acting like this, there would be no placating him until she gave into whatever ridiculous request he was asking her. Raven sighed and she saved her paper before responding. _Fine. Be there in 5._ She packed her book bag and took it to her room, throwing it on the bed. For a moment she thought about changing out of her uniform, but decided against it. Whatever Damian wanted to talk about, it couldn’t be _that_ important.

She walked down to the student parking lot to see Damian leaning against an expensive-looking foreign car, his hands shoved in his pockets. There was a tension in his shoulders that looked painful, and something about the darkness clinging to his form made her uncomfortable. Maybe she was mistaken, maybe there _was_ something important. She felt the strange sinking feeling in her chest again, walking up to where he was standing with something like trepidation.

He lifted his head and stared at her as she approached. “You’re late.”

“I have other things to do besides you.” _That_ came out totally wrong. Raven flushed in embarrassment, but pretended to ignore her slip of the tongue, and walked up to him. “What did you want? Because it’s finals week, and in case you forgot, we have a _massive_ chemistry test on Thursday that we both need to study for.”

Damian ignored her and turned back to his car, throwing oven the driver’s side door. “Get in. We need to go somewhere private to talk.”

She looked around the nearly empty parking lot. “This isn’t private enough?”

“ _No._ ” He slammed the car door shut and just _stared_ at her from the driver’s seat.

What an _asshole._ Raven was seriously considering ignoring Damian, turning around, and walking right back into the library. She didn’t have time for his usual sullen demeanor, not when she had to finish a paper for history and one for Spanish, and still study for chemistry. She stood there for a moment, staring at Damian’s face through the windshield, and wondering what he would do if she just left him there. It probably wouldn’t be good. _Ugh_. He wasn’t exactly giving her an option at this point.

Sighing in defeat, Raven got into the passenger side, settling into the seat. This was _so_ not what they needed to be doing right now. Damian started the car and drove off, leaving what little safety Raven felt like she had behind. The tension was thick between them, sparking and snapping with emotions and magic, and Raven half-expected the car to just veer off the road and kick them both out. His mouth set into a thin, dangerous line, and they drove in cold silence for nearly twenty minutes before either of them finally said anything.

Raven glared at him from the corner of her eye. “Are you _ever_ going to tell me what this is about? Or are you just gonna skulk in silence over there.”

Damian’s jaw ground ticked as he ground his teeth together. “I’m a fucking familiar?”

Raven jerked and turned around, her eyes widening. Her heart stopped in her chest and she felt ice chill her veins. What in the world was he _saying?_ Every thought that she could possibly have was happening all at once, and Raven couldn’t pin down which thing she needed to focus on. A _familiar?_ Humans weren’t familiars, at least… not that she knew of. Or studied before. She licked her lips, her mouth suddenly dry. “ _What?_ ”

Damian slammed the clutch down in anger, the gear box giving an annoyed sputter, and shifted gears, kicking the car up to nearly seventy miles down a stretch of suburban road. “That’s what this fucking thing is on my arm, right? A mark. A brand. A seal. Something that says that I’m a _familiar_. Yours, specifically.”

She didn’t feel like she was getting enough air, and houses and trees were flying past her too fast to focus on anything. Her heart was racing and fear flooded her chest. “I don’t understand. Humans… humans _can’t_ be familiars.”  

Damian flicked his right arm as if it was burning, and Raven saw a few strokes of the brand glow from the push of her emotions again. He cursed under his breath and downshifted back down to an almost reasonable speed. For one second he _almost_ looked apologetic, before he reached under the passenger seat and tossed an old book onto her lap. Sticky notes were sticking out of the side, little notes written on them in two different languages, but Raven got the gist well enough.

“Apparently _human_ familiars are real things - rare, but real. And I’m _yours_.” He hissed out a string of curses in three languages before looking over at her, eyes wild with emotion. “A _fucking familiar, Raven_. I’m a goddamned al Ghul. I am _no one’s_ familiar, least of all yours.” He growled low in his throat, eyes narrowing. “I don’t even _like you_.”

“The feeling is mutual.” Raven said it out of habit, but at this point she was beginning to doubt her own words, even when he was like this.

Raven chose a marked page and opened the book, reading over the nearly-faded text. It was in an old English dialect she hadn’t seen before, but it was legible enough that she caught exactly what it was saying. Sometimes there were bonds forged, either by accident or through a ritual, that created a close, magical bond between two humans - and vowing to serve each other for the entirety of their lives. Technically then, they were _each others_ familiars, but Raven knew better than to point that out when Damian was like this. With shaking hands, Raven turned the page to find an etching of a complicated, latticework seal, one that looked suspiciously close to Damian’s.

“You’ve fucking marked me as your goddamned familiar.” He raked a hand through his hair, gritting his teeth together as he tried to reign in his own turbulent emotions. “I didn’t think to look in a book like that because I thought you might have some self control. But after what happened outside the dorm, and the fact that you can’t stop having lustful thoughts all the time, I’m beginning to think you have absolutely _no_ self control whatsoever.”

Raven looked at him, choosing to ignore the jibe. “I didn’t know.”

He glanced over at her, shocked she resorted to that defense. “Didn’t _know?_ That’s not an excuse!”

“It is!” She snapped the book shut and shifted to try and face him, straining against the safety belt. Her own anger was starting to snap under the tension, and if she wasn’t careful, something irrevocable was going to happen. “And it’s not my fault! _Your_ stupid magic reached out to me first! Your stupid magic, that you don’t even know existed inside you invaded _my body_. Do you know that I have bits of your magic inside me? Because I do, and I. Don’t. Want. Them.”

The houses were growing farther and farther apart, farm land popping up between them. It would have been beautiful if Raven wasn’t so confused. She felt her heart pound in her chest, and she wondered what he was going to do to her out here. Or, more specifically, what they were going to do to each other. She had never seen him so utterly _livid_ before. Damian was usually cool and collected, and there wasn’t anything that could faze him, but this… this seemed to be his tipping point. And accusing her of something that she had no control over, wasn’t exactly helping her own temper either.

“Raven.” His voice was pure, iced steel, and he glared at her before reverting to another seething silence. It filled the space of the car, seeping into cracks and bits of themselves before finally deafening them both. Damian kept driving with no particular place in mind, as if he needed to be as far away from everything as possible. Minutes slid until he turned down a tree lined side road, before pulling into an empty dirt lot for a long defunct country store. He slammed the car in park and turned towards her. There was fire in his eyes, and Raven wondered what he would do if she just ran. Right now, it seemed like the best option.  

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, a low growl escaping. “We need to undo this.”

She at least appreciated that he said _we_ again. Raven felt the tightness in her chest ease just a little, and her head fell into her hands. “It was an accident, Damian. I swear. We don’t even like each other. I would have never marked you for something like… like _that._ ”

He growled, his teeth snapping together as if he was a rabid animal. “I… I _know_.” The anger he was holding onto seemed to dissipate, and his arms fell to his side. He looked at her, expression dark as he weighed everything carefully. It was as if he wanted to say a million things to her all at once, but he couldn’t choose what thing he needed to say first. “I believe that neither of us intended for this to happen. But it did, and now we need to fix it before it gets out of hand.” He paused, his eyes growing darker in warning. “I don’t belong to anyone, Raven. Least of all you. Understand?”

“Mm.” Raven looked down at the cover of the book, avoiding eye contact. It felt like a truce - an agreement for now so that they could move past this and towards a solution. It was _something_ , and that was all either of them could be hopeful for at this point. She took a shaky breath, her hands tightening over the book, uncertain. “So what do we do to break it?”

“We have keep researching, because _that_ book only tells us how to make this _permanent_.” He rubbed the back of his neck and leaned back into the seat, staring out the windshield.

Raven blinked. So it wasn’t permanent yet? That was good. It meant that they had at least a few other options. All they had to do was avoid making this permanent, it couldn’t be that hard. “How is that? How would we make this permanent? If we can choose to avoid an incantation or an action that would stop this, then I have to know.”

Damian’s lips twitched, but his expression was still unreadable. “We… _seal the contract._ ”

She stared at him, waiting for clarification. Sealing the contract could be _anything_ , he had to be at least _a little_ more specific.

Heat curled up his neck and he looked away. “We have sex.”

“ _Oh._ ” That was _not_ at all what she was expecting. Well. That explained her dreams at least. She swallowed the sudden beat of her heart, ignoring the rush of images that were suddenly filling her mind. His calloused hands on her, fingers biting into her hips as she climbed on top of him - took him inside her. Green fire consuming them both. Raven licked her lips, and her body ached with a sudden rush of need. Maybe Damian _was_ right, maybe she couldn’t control her own thoughts about sex. Embarrassed, she glanced at Damian briefly before looking away.  

“ _Yeah_.” He looked at her from the corner of his eye, and his arm twitched with the rush of her emotions.

“Well…” She swallowed, turning to face the window. It was easier to hate each other, at least that’s what she had to keep telling herself. “Since we don’t like each other, we can at least rule that out.”

Damian turned to face her, his expression blank. The silence weighed heavily on them both, a soundless aching thing, and Raven watched as he tightened his hands against the steering wheel, his stare boring into her.

“Yeah… you’re right.”

He didn’t sound convinced.

  
  


 


	9. Chapter 9

Raven actually let out an audible sigh of relief the moment she learned that she had passed all her classes. She was proud of herself, knowing that she had somehow managed to pull it off, in spite of everything _else_ going on in her life. Now she was surrounded by a raucous party her classmates were throwing, and judging by how excessively some of her classmates were drinking, they had either passed by the skin of their teeth, or failed miserably. Gar’s Spanish score was _definitely_ the later of those, and he was currently a bright-green golden retriever, drunkenly playing fetch with some cute local girls on the front lawn. She warned him.  If anyone had told her that school would be this hard, she almost would have opted not to go.

Raven clutched onto the red plastic cup in her hands, looking through the house at all the people filling the space. Some junior student’s parents owned a mansion on a lake just outside of town, and offered the space up for an end of year party while they were away skiing in the alps or whatever. Raven doubted they would have agreed to something like this, if they knew how drunk a bunch of kids with superpowers were going to get.

The press of emotions and sounds was starting to grate on her nerves, and Raven tried to head into the study in hopes of finding somewhere quiet to sit for a few minutes. When she opened the door, there were two couples already making out in there. Flushing in embarrassment, she apologized and rushed out a side door, making her way through the cloud of smokers before she managed to find her way onto back lawn.

The night was crisp and clear, and stars filled the sky as she meandered down the back lawn, frozen grass crunching under foot. Miguel had tried to calculate how much booze she would need in her system to override her healing powers and get her - as he put it - completely, shitfaced plastered. So, he had filled her cup with mostly vodka and just a hint of lime juice. It tasted like she bit into a lime coated in cheap hairspray, _and_ he had totally miscalculated - Raven was only slightly buzzed, and she doubted it would last for much longer. She could already feel her magic trying to compensate for the poison circulating through her body.

Sighing, Raven looked down into the cup and took another long gulp, choking on the flavor - or lack of it. Wandering down to the lakeside, she saw the boats and dock had already been pulled in for the winter, letting the icy waves lap lazily at the shore without interruption. Her shoulders sagged as the noisy hum of the party slid into the background, and the gentle sounds of water filled her mind. Being buzzed felt… _good_ , and Raven hated to admit it. But, honestly, she liked that for once in her life she didn’t need to think about anything, really. She didn’t need to think about the stain on her soul, didn’t need to think about the future she might create by simply be being in this universe, and she definitely didn’t need to think about _Damian_.

 _Damian_.

Her heart did something strange in her chest and she shook her head, trying to sort out the way she felt into something that made sense. But, the truth was, that _nothing_ about their _non_ -relationship made sense. If he really _was_ her… _familiar_ , how had it happened? She had performed that healing spell probably a hundred times before, and had even used it on her friends after a bad day in combat practice. Not once had she triggered a response in any other person, so why _Damian_? Of the billions of people in the world, fate wanted to connect her to the one person who hated her completely, and was unearthly _gorgeous_.

 _That_ was something she definitely didn’t want to admit to him. Raven thought back to the press of his body against hers in combat practice, and how she had liked the way his breath brushed against her skin. He was warm and slick with sweat, and Raven found herself fantasizing about running her fingers down his bare back, tracing the corded muscle. Her body reacted almost instantly, and she could feel the heat curl up her neck as her fantasies started to tip towards something more physical.   

“You should at least wear a real coat if you’re going to be out here in the cold.”

Raven jerked, feeling like her soul was being shoved violently back into her body. Shaking her head free of any other rogue thought that might embarrass her even more, she blinked and turned around, looking into Damian’s face. He lifted an eyebrow and stared at her, and Raven’s shoulders sagged as she turned back towards the lake. _Of course_ he would be here, interrupting her few minutes of solitude, and _of course_ he would do it when she was thinking about him.

She sighed, her breath steaming the cold air. “I thought you didn’t _do_ these kinds of parties.”

“You don’t either.” His voice was more curious than accusatory, and he approached her, his steps nearly silent on the grass. “Seeing as you’re avoiding all of your friends by being out here alone.” He paused. “The _actual_ party is inside, you know.”

“It’s quiet out here.” She shrugged and looked into her cup, downing the rest of the liquid with a grimace. “Besides, I can’t be around too much of…” She gestured vaguely towards the house. “... _everything_.”

Damian nodded in a vague understanding and stood next to her, glancing down into her now-empty cup. He hummed in the back of his throat, his lip curling up in a mixture of confusion and disgust at the smell of cheap liquor. “ _You’re_ drinking?”

Raven gave a one-shouldered shrug, glancing at him from the corner of her eye. “Miguel seems to think he calculated a surefire way to get me ‘shitfaced’.” She scraped her tongue along the back of her teeth, the pungent, cheap flavor still coating the inside of her mouth. “I’m not sure how much of a _drink_ it actually it. It’s just straight, cheap vodka and some lime juice.”

Damian wrinkled his nose and pulled away, coughing as the fumes hit him again. “ _That’s_ lighter fluid.”

“I was thinking more like hairspray, but yeah. It’s complete garbage.” She sighed and wrapped her arms around herself, feeling the wind start to pick up against the glass surface of the lake. The bare branches were starting to rattle with noise, and Raven could feel a winter storm start to brush against the edges of her senses. The temperature would drop again tonight, letting frost draw lace-like patterns onto windows. A shiver slid down her body before she could stop it, and seconds later she felt warm, butter-soft leather rest against her shoulders.

Raven smelled Damian’s usual scent of clove and spice fill her senses, and something dangerous seemed to blossom in the pit of her stomach. It lifted its head and wrapped tightly around her heart as she swallowed something almost like a moan. Even being this close to his _things_ was setting her on edge, and she wondered what would happen if she kept all of this emotion bottled up inside her. How much longer could she keep herself pinned down like this before her entire body disintegrated at even a _casual_ touch?

“You really should have worn a real coat.” His voice was low next to her ear, but maybe Raven was just imagining that. Maybe the wind was playing tricks on her.   

She glanced over at him, but Damian didn’t meet her stare, choosing to keep his eyes trained on the dark lake in front of them. She waited for him to say something else, but he didn’t and she didn’t want to either. Instead, they just stood there in silence for a little, letting the quiet settle over them like something that was becoming increasingly familiar. Their silences were becoming less awkward and more comfortable, and Raven wasn’t really sure what to make of that.

She took another deep breath of his scent, somehow keeping herself from nuzzling the collar of his leather jacket, and pulled the edges the jacket tighter around her, glancing over at him. “So… what brings you all the way out from your fortress of solitude?”

Damian rolled his eyes. “You’re annoying when you’re drunk.”

“ _Buzzed_ ,” she corrected, her head still just a little fuzzy at the back of her thoughts. “And you tell me that even when I haven’t been drinking.”

He jerked and looked over at her. “I’ve never told you that you were annoying.” His lips curled up at the edge in a half-teasing smile, and he turned back to the lake. “Maybe a nuisance, but not an _annoyance_.”

Raven huffed out an annoyed breath and gave him a flat stare. “Splitting hairs?”

“Mm.” He shrugged, and the smile seemed to disappear from his face as quickly as it came. There was another pause, and he shifted, shoving his hands into his sweater pockets. The silence turned weighted, as if they were both waiting for someone to do _something_ , but they weren’t sure what. It felt like eons passed before he spoke again. “I… I wanted to apologize for my behavior on Wednesday.”

Raven jerked in surprise and looked at him, but he was partially turned away from her, pretending to look out at the forest on the other side of the lake. She replayed his words over in her head several times to make sure she had heard them right, but she _had_. She _wasn’t_ hearing things. A small smile tugged at the edges of her lips and she shook her head, watching him. “ _Damian_ … actually _apologizing?_ ”

“It’s not…” He stumbled over a response and huffed, his breath fogging the hair in front of him. “You make it sound like I don’t know how to admit when I make a mistake.”

Raven cocked her head to the side. “I thought you didn’t even make mistakes, honestly.”

“Ha-ha. You’re a _real_ comedian.” He sighed in frustrated defeat and finally turned towards her, his expression flat. The wind whipped at his hair, and his cheeks burned red with the cold. “Are you going to be like this all night?”

“No. Probably not. My powers are already kicking in to get the lighter fluid vodka out of me.” Raven shrugged and made her way to the boathouse a few yards away, wanting to get out of the cold, but not wanting to head back into the noise of the party.

Prying open the door, she walked inside, feeling Damian follow her more out of curiosity than wanting to finish their conversation. The building was small, and the wind whipped at the old wooden siding, making the small space creak and groan. She moved around an old row boat to a window, looking through the warped glass as the waves seemed to pick up against the shore. Behind her, she heard Damian close the door, and she realized how _very alone_ they were. The scent clinging to his jacket filled her senses again and she could feel that heat in the pit of her stomach drip lower, making her body feel like she was suddenly on fire.

Her teeth sunk into her lower lip and she took a shaky breath, trying to focus on what he had said to her before. “You were angry, and you… you had every right to be upset.” She sighed in defeat as he approached her. “I just… I just wish you weren’t upset with me. Whatever happened between us, I didn’t do it on purpose and I never had any intention of marking you like that. I don’t even know how I did it - which I know isn’t an excuse, but… you have to believe me. I never meant for any of this to happen.”

“I do. I believe you.” Damian sighed, and she heard his hands fall to his sides. “I know you didn’t do this on purpose, but we still have to fix it. We can’t be like this forever. I can’t be bound to you like this.”

Raven waited for him to continue, but he stayed quiet, and they both let that comfortable silence settle over them again. She leaned forward and rested her hands on the windowsill, still watching the lake as the waves now slammed against the shore. The last dregs of alcohol were raging through her body, overloading her magic and letting her feel completely vacant for just a few minutes. Letting her not think about anything other than the soft leather against her skin and the heat gathering inside her. She let go of a soft sigh and turned around to see Damian staring at her, his eyes catching whatever thin light was flickering in through the window. She felt just buzzed enough to do something completely and utterly reckless.

Raven lifted her hand to his chest, feeling his heartbeat under her touch. “Can I… see it? Again?”

Damian winced, and for a moment Raven thought he might pull away, angry with her request. His lips turned down in a frown, but he didn’t refuse her. Instead he slowly unbuttoned his cuff and pushed the cotton up to his elbow. Something about the brand seemed ethereal, and just looking at his made her feel a plethora of emotions she couldn’t quite place. It glowed faintly between them, lighting up little bits of darkness and casting strange shadows over their faces.

Raven tenderly reached out to trace a wild line, feeling his muscles tense under her touch. “Does it hurt?”

He stayed silent, his stare boring into her as if he wanted to pin her to this moment forever, and Raven moved to pull her hand away, fingers shaking. Embarrassment flooded her again, and she was glad for the darkness to hide her blush. She should have known better than to ask something like this from him. What in the world was she _thinking?_

Damian’s other hand snapped out and wrapped around her wrist, stopping her from escaping. She watched as he leaned closer to her, his lips parting as a low grumble of a sound escaped him. “It… it doesn’t _hurt_ when you touch it.”

The way he had said it made it sound like he was admitting to something and nothing at the same time. Did it… feel good? _That_ was a curious thought. Her mind raced back to their first kiss in the library, when he had made such a wanton sound when she touched him. That sound had struck her down to her bones, making her own body ache for him in a way she didn’t understand then. But she was beginning to understand it now - this need between them.

Raven lifted her eyes to his and she touched the mark again, her eyes never leaving his face as her fingers trailed over the dark lines. She watched with utter fascination as his lips parted again and his breath escaped in short, silent gasps. He looked like he was _enjoying_ this, like she was touching an erogenous zone he didn’t know existed. His tongue slipped out and wet his lips, his eyes drifting halfway closed as he tried to quash a sound that shook her very core. Another rush of heat pooled between her legs and she clenched her teeth together to keep from making a noise of her own.

This felt more intimate and erotic than anything she had ever experienced, and it was nearly breaking her. Raven traced his tendons before sliding down the full length of his forearm, entranced with the complete and unadulterated pleasure on his face. For once in his life Damian was allowing himself to feel something, to open his body to _touch_ , and Raven felt almost privileged that she was able to witness it. He was absolutely _stunning_ when he looked like this - both broken and complete at the same time.

His eyes lifted, thick lashes casting shadows over his eyes. “You really should stop.”

“ _No_.” She wasn’t sure what made her so bold - probably the vodka. She might as well blame it while she still had the chance. Her thumb slid down his arm and his muscles jerked again, twitching wildly as she continued to explore him. Watching his control start to slip was fascinating, and she couldn’t tear her eyes away from him. “I… I want to see this. I want to see _you_ like this.”

He groaned, the sound raw in the space between them. “ _Why?_ ”

“I don’t know.” Raven was embarrassed at how husky her own breath sounded, and she knew that she was completely soaked under her tights. If Damian barely touched her there, she would have gone off like the final display in a fireworks shaw. She _wanted_ him to touch her there, to slide his fingers inside her and murmur curses against her skin. She wanted _all_ of that, but… just not yet. Her knees might have been trembling, but she would gladly ignore her own desires for a little longer. She was still fascinated with how Damian fell deeper and deeper into his own needs, leaving his pleasure in her care.

Raven lifted his arm to her mouth and she kissed the brand, her lips dragging along the skin. He tasted just as good as he smelled, and she felt his growl reverberate against his skin. “I just… I _need_ to.”

Her was gasping now, as if he couldn’t get enough air, and his body pitched forward, pinning her against a workbench behind her. “Shut… shut the fuck up.”

Surprised at the roughness in his voice, she lifted her head in just enough time to feel his fingers bury into her hair, cradling her jaw and the back of her head. Damian stared into her eyes for a fraction of a second, as if he needed to question his own decisions, before he surged forward and sealed his lips to hers. _Oh, Gods. Yes._ Raven gasped against his mouth, feeling the hum in the back of her head zip down her spine, lighting the rest of her body on fire. Her fingers dug into the front of his shirt and she pulled him closer, letting him deepen the kiss.

“You taste terrible.” He muttered between kisses, his teeth nipping at her lower lip.

She glared, but didn’t let go. “Just shut up and keep kissing me.”

Damian’s arms slid down her back and tightened on her waist. He lifted her up and pushed her against the workbench stepping between her legs. Cool air pushed against the most sensitive parts of her, even through her tights, and all she could think about was how good it would feel to have him _right there._ She wanted his skin against her own, and her mind was filled with nothing other than that thought. Raven’s hands buried in his short hair and she felt her body light up and glow underneath him. She needed him closer to her, needed to feel his warmth invading her.

“Touch me.”

He groaned against her mouth and worked his fingers under the hem of her top, his fingers tracing random patterns along her skin. It felt like everything and not enough at the same time - like it was what she wanted, but that she also knew she wanted more. He slid his hand up the curve of her ribcage, tracing a scar near her side before cupping her breast through her bra. His thumb drew lazy circles against the underside of her breast before tracing her nipple. He circled it, rolled it between his fingers, and Raven gasped against his mouth, her tongue sliding along the curve of his lower lip, and felt her body clench in excitement.

“ _More_ ,” she muttered against his lips, desperate now. “ _Please._ ”

Damian’s hand, resting next to her on the workbench, moved cautiously, sliding with some trepidation under her uniform skirt. He rubbed the side of her thigh slowly, as if he wasn’t quite sure what she wanted, and then it seemed like whatever control he was clinging to completely broke. His fingers curled against the inside of her thigh, short nails digging into the thin fabric of the tights. She felt him yank and tear, splitting open her tights with surprising ease as his fingers stroking whatever patch of bare skin he could find. He was ravenous, and Raven would let him consume her if he wanted. She was gasping, her body shaking as his fingertip traced the elastic edge of her underwear. He could probably feel how embarrassingly wet she was, but she didn’t care. There wasn’t a single thought inside her that cared in this exact moment.

Raven let go of a noise that sounded entirely unlike her, and she tipped her head back as his mouth slid down the column of her neck, teeth scraping against her pulse. His hands were magic all on their own, creating heavenly patterns against her thigh, while teasing her nipple into a tight peak. She moaned, digging her fingers deep into the sweater on his back, bunching off the fabric, intending to pull it loose. Every thought in her mind was a complete haze of want and need and desire, all tangled up in a knot she couldn’t quite sort out. Raven tugged at his sweater, wanting him as naked and bare as she felt - open and vulnerable to her alone.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!”

Damian pulled back as if he’d been set on fire, the door slamming open as two giggling freshman stumbled in. They took one look at Raven, as she tried to bury her face into Damian’s shoulder, and then immediately backed out, muttering more apologies.

Raven flushed and she looked at Damian as he turned away from her, resting his hand against the wall as he swallowed breaths. They both sat there in silence, shuddering and shivering from what had _almost_ happened. That seemed to be where they lived lately - in a world of _almosts._ Not quite friends, not quite lovers, not quite enemies… not quite _anything_ , really. They existed in a nebulous state that didn’t mean anything to anyone, and it was eating at her sanity. Raven’s head fell into her hands and she looked down at the runs in her tights, seeing patches of her pale skin peek through. What in the world was she thinking? How could she be so… so _stupid?_

Damian finally turned and looked at her from the corner of his eye as he rebuttoned the cuff on his sleeve. Raven couldn’t meet his stare as she climbed down from the workbench, wishing the ground would swallow her whole. How had she let her own emotions get the better of her? And how in the world was she going to explain the state of her tights to her friends? _Oh, Gods._ What would Miguel say when he found out.

Wish shaking hands, she turned away from Damian and rolled her tights down her legs, stepping out of them gingerly before shoving them into a trash bin by the door. Raven straightened her skirt and turned around to face him, shrugging out of his jacket and handing it to him. She couldn’t meet his stare, but he couldn’t meet hers either.

“Keep it… until you get back.” His voice was cool now, like it had always been before. Gone was the husky tone of need and desperation, and Raven found herself wanting those gorgeous sounds back. There was a long pause between them before he spoke. “I think I’m going to head back to campus.”

“Oh.” Her body still ached for his touch, but she shoved that to the back of her mind. That was the absolute _last_ thing she needed to focus on. “Okay.”

“I… I don’t want you driving with Miguel. He’s too drunk.” He rubbed the back of his neck and opened the door again, still avoiding her stare. It felt like everything had changed between them again, and neither one of them knew how to fix what they had created, so they just… ignored it. It was easier to ignore it than to actually face it. “I’m hiding his keys and leaving in twenty minutes. Come to the car when you’re ready.”

“Right.” Raven felt like that barrier had been thrown up between them again, and she watched Damian leave with a sinking feeling in her stomach.

She gathered what was left of her wits and forced herself back to the house, cold wind whipping at her bare legs. She found Gar in one of the TV rooms in the basement of the house, and thankfully he seemed to be sober enough to know that she was leaving with Damian. She told him that Damian would text Miguel the location of his keys in the morning, when they were all finally sober again. Gar just sniggered and told her that he was fine, but then immediately screamed that she should make sure to ‘put a raincoat on’ at the top of his lungs. Raven could only pray that everyone was too drunk to hear that embarrassing noise.

She found Damian waiting in his car, staring at his phone. Quietly, she got into the passenger seat and settled down, trying to arrange her skirt over her legs so that she didn’t feel so… exposed. Finally, Raven pulled off his coat and draped it over her legs, if only to try and save her dignity just a little. Damian glanced down at her lap, his cheeks flushing, before he took off down the road, falling silent. Minutes passed where neither of them knew what to say, and Raven watched as they dark shaped of the night rushed past her as they headed back into down.

It was at a stoplight just a few blocks away from the school before Damian finally said anything. His voice was soft and low, a cautious tone rumbling between them both. “I… I don’t think we should be alone with each other anymore.”

Raven flushed and she looked over at him, waiting for an explanation. She knew what he meant, but she needed to hear him say it.  

“You’re… a…” He shook his head, staring blankly at the red light. “... a _temptation._ ” He spit it out like he was having a hard time saying the words, that they dug into his mouth and refused to let go. “For me… I mean.”

Raven flushed, looking down at his jacket still resting on her legs. “I thought you didn’t like me?”

His face was unreadable, and he turned down another road, quiet. “I don’t know what I like anymore.” He glanced at her from the corner of his eye, his lips tugging down into a frown. “I don’t think either of us know what we like anymore.”

  
  
  


 


	10. Chapter 10

Honestly, Raven had half-expected Damian to rescind his offer of spending the holiday with him and his family after what happened over the weekend. He had sat there and told her point-blank that she was a temptation, and Raven couldn’t find her own courage to tell him that she felt the same way. Damian was her own temptation, and she knew that whenever she got too close to him, her mind wandered to all the secretive places and hollows she wasn’t sure if she was allowed to indulge in.

But, _oh_ , how she wanted to indulge.

Raven was embarrassed to admit she had played Friday’s _mistake_ over and over in her mind, until it felt like she could recite every line, and remember every gasp. And sometimes when she thought about it, she changed things, and pretended she was a little bolder. She thought about the way he had sounded so desperate for _something_ , as he shoved her tightly against the workbench, as his mouth moved over her, as his fingers _tore her tights_. And then she found herself wondering about what it would have felt like to trace the outline of his cock through his clothes, to feel him twitch under her fingers as she unfastened his jeans and released him.

But more than any of that, she wanted to know that _Damian_ \- poised, composed, cold, calculating, distant Damian - could feel just as hopeless and lost as she could. She wanted to know that she wasn’t suffering alone in all of this, and that he was just as twisted up about this as she was.

“Stop… stop thinking about it.”

His voice was a low rumble, like far-off thunder, and it ripped Raven from her own daydreams. She turned and looked into the driver’s seat with a flush, watching as Damian white-knuckled the steering wheel and glared out at the horizon. He changed lanes and merged onto an exit ramp, looking a bit like she needed to reel his control back in. His lips twitched, but through the thin afternoon light, she could still see his eyes darken and a flush tint his cheeks. Had he been thinking about it too? Or was he still just feeling the echoes of her own emotions?

She shifted in her seat and set her hands in her lap, looking out at the trees as they sped by. They were still an hour away from his home, but most of it was country road.

Quiet, empty, country road.

“Sorry.” She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and cleared her throat, her heart skipping a beat. “I… ah… my mind was wandering. I didn’t meant to… _bother_ you.”

“I _know_. I know what you were thinking about, and it’s not exactly helping any of this.” His right arm twitched, and he glanced at her. She felt like his stare was boring into her, breaking off bits of herself and claiming them as his own, but she couldn’t turn away. Damian shifted again, and his mouth tugged into a frown. “It was something that happened, and we need to work past it.”

She huffed out an annoyed breath, her mouth reacting before she had a chance to stop it. “It seems to be something that is happening with more frequency.” Raven winced and she clenched her fists together, closing her eyes. “ _Sorry_. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“You _did_ mean it like that.” Damian sighed and shifted the car into a higher gear, running a hand through his hair. The tension rose between them again, stretching painfully thin as they both tried to search for the right thing to say, but nothing was coming to mind, and they were both trying to stumble through a mess of emotions that didn’t make sense to either of them. “I don’t know what to say, Raven.”

“I didn’t ask you to say anything, and I didn’t ask for an explanation. Honestly.” She shrugged and turned away from him, looking out the window. If she kept staring at him, she knew she would be doomed to make poor decisions all over again. She pulled her sleeves down over her fingers, as if she needed something to do with her hands. “Look, I know that this is beyond complicated, and we both keep making… _wrong_ decisions. More often than I think either of us care to admit.”

Damian made a noise that said he blamed her for most of their indiscretions, but he wasn’t going to say anything particular on it. Raven just ignored him and kept talking.

“But, if we're really going to work through the seal on your arm, then we’re going to have to come to terms that things like _that_ might keep happening. We’re going to have to admit that there are _things_ happening between us, and sometimes we might make mistakes… or lose control.” It all sounded so methodical when she said it like that, but maybe if they approached this with a cool head, they could make it work for both of them. Or, at the very least, make it less awkward when things inevitably went sideways.

“It almost sounds like you’re actually _planning_ on losing control at some point?” Damian snorted in annoyance, but she didn’t turn back to look at him. “And you think that’s normal? That we _plan_ …” He struggled with a word that didn’t feel too much like something a couple would do. “...for _mistakes._ ”

“Yes. Is  that such a bad idea?” Her voice had dropped low, but it somehow sounded like a shockwave rippling through the car. “I think we should have a contingency plan for when… things like that happen.”

“ _Tch._ ”

She heard Damian shift, but knew that she couldn’t look back at him or her mind would wander again. She was _serious_ about this conversation, even if it felt awkward and painful to shove out into the open. It was something they needed to have, and something they needed to have a plan in place for, seeing as both of them weren’t very good at keeping their hands to themselves. Friday was case and point.

Raven fidgeted again, a soft sound escaping. “At the very least we should set ground rules.”

Damian gave an incredulous snort. “Like _what?_ ”

“I don’t know…” Raven pushed a stray lock of hair out of her face, and set her hands in her lap. “Like… where we’re allowed to… _touch_ each other. Or things that we shouldn’t do. Or, if something like Friday happens again, that we know what lines we shouldn’t cross.”

Damian made a curious sound in the back of his throat. “You’re making it sound like we’re dating.”

Raven swallowed a shocked noise and she finally looked back at him, uncertain what she needed to say. Damian was glaring at the road still, but there was a tension running up and down his arms that spoke of something else. He looked uncomfortable, but not because they were having this conversation. More because there was something eating at him that he didn’t quite understand. It was clawing at the rawest edges of him, and Damian was struggling to find the right way to handle _all_ of this - his seal, what happened on Friday, and their _non_ -relationship. It was all a knotted mess that neither of them really knew what to do for the next step.  

Raven shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. “We don’t like each other.”

“We don’t know what we like.” Damian repeated his sentence from the other night, but he didn’t look at her. She was thankful for that, because if he did, she might admit that she was beginning to understand her emotions a little better, she just didn’t want to face them. She didn’t want to face the truth that she might actually have feelings for him, because that would be absolutely _mortifying_.

There was another slow, tense pause, and Raven almost thought the conversation was over. She turned back to the window, watching the thick trees and rolling hills slide by.

Damian’s voice was barely above a whisper, the sound husky and horse in the silence. “We have to be alone.”

She jerked, but stared into her lap, not wanting to make eye contact, out of fear it would break the spell between them.

“If… if it happens again. We have to be alone.” Damian glanced at her from the corner of his eye. “I don’t want anyone to see us.”

Raven wasn’t sure what he meant by that. That he didn’t want anyone to see them out of embarrassment, or that he didn’t want anyone to see them because he didn’t want to share their moments? Damian was a private person by nature, she imagined that doing anything inappropriate that someone might see would be mortifying for him. But then again, there was a curious note in his voice that made her question all of that. Maybe it was something else. She shifted, swallowing the question and shoving it to the back of her mind. It wouldn’t do her any good now.  

Raven pushed at her hair again. “We can’t… break _that_ line.”

Damian snorted, his expression falling flat. “Obviously. Seeing as the repercussions of having sex is something we’re trying to avoid entirely.”

Raven pressed her lips together and stared ahead, desperately trying not to look at Damian. “But we could… with hands?” She dug her fingers into the soft cotton of her leggings. “It’s not actual intercourse, if you’re talking in terms of intercourse used as a spell component. So… if it comes to it, or we get _desperate_ , it’s a viable alternative.”

Raven half expected Damian to turn to her and snap out a sarcastic response, but nothing came. Instead, his fingers tightened on the steering wheel and he let a slow breath out of his nose, as if he was thinking about their “contingency plan” with reason. “I guess that’s an option. If it comes to that.” He wet his lips and glanced at her from the corner of his eye. “But this is _only_ a contingency plan, right? Only if something gets out of control, like what happened on Friday. This isn’t an… _open invitation?_ ”

“Right.” Raven tried to sound casual, but she felt more like her voice was frenzied and high-pitched. Oh, _Gods_. Why in the world did she have to be so utterly _embarrassing?_ “I mean… we wouldn’t _actively_ seek each other out for… _things_ like that. Of course not. That would be weird.”

“Right.” He wrinkled his nose and downshifted the car, turning it onto an even _more_ barren road. Where in the world was he taking her? “You’re entirely not my type.”

“You’re not mine either.” She said it more to save face than anything else. After her only companions had been monks in another dimension for most of her life, she didn’t even really know what her “type” was. When she first met Damian, he certainly wasn’t it, but… he was… he was growing on her, in a way she really didn’t want to face yet. Although Friday had opened her eyes a little more. She curled her toes in her shoes and looked around, watching the trees press closer to the road. “And besides… we could find interests elsewhere, if it comes to that.”

Damian glanced at her, expression unreadable. “I don’t like anyone at school, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“I have a… thing with Zachary Zatara after the holiday break.” She wasn’t sure what made her blurt it out like that, but she did, and now she felt awkward and sticky. Like she was coated in something she shouldn’t be. Her eyes strayed to Damian for just a moment before she looked back out the window. “A date, I guess?”

Damian’s jaw ticked, and his eyes darkened. “ _Oh._ ”

She shrugged, trying to ignore that heavy, sinking feeling in her stomach. “It’s nothing serious, but… he asked me out before Thanksgiving. To just… hang out together. Maybe see a movie or go get coffee.”

Damian rolled his eyes, giving her a flat look. “He asked you out on a date two months in advance?”

Raven glared at him. “At least he was thoughtful about it.”

“You _want_ to be asked out on a date two months in advance?”

“I didn’t… I didn’t say that.” Raven looked away, sighing in defeat. It wouldn’t do her any good to argue with him. She shook her head and turned back to the window. “Forget I said anything.”

His jaw ticked again. “I will, don’t worry.”

There was something in the tone of his voice that told Raven that he didn’t like knowing she was interested in Zachary, but she chose not to chase it. _That_ was a rabbit hole she wasn’t entirely certain she wanted to travel down, especially since things were already so tender between them both. Instead they fell into silence again, and Raven let it fill the space between them. At least they had _some_ kind of agreement or plan, or _something_. Now they knew when to stop and what they were allowed to do… if it ever became as desperate as it had before. Which, Raven hated to admit, seemed more of a possibility than before.

“So… I meant to tell you…” Damian’s voice was a quiet kind of cautious, like he was approaching a tender subject.

Raven looked over at Damian and raised an eyebrow, urging him to continue.

“...apparently father is hosting some kind of benefit…”

She paled. “What?”

“I was _planning_ on trying to avoid it all together, but apparently my ‘presence is required’ - without question.” He rolled his eyes and shook his head, turning down another side street. What little bit civilization had been scattered through the trees was now completely gone, and it felt like the last escape Raven might have to avoid this holiday all together was consumed by space. Looking around at the tightly packed, bare trees, she felt like she was at a loss.

Raven shifted again, her teeth sinking into her lower lip. “Am I…supposed to come?”

Damian shrugged, but there was a tension in his movements, as if he knew how horribly this would end. “You’ve been invited. But father is too polite to tell you that you _have_ to come. If you’d rather not go, I understand.” He paused, his face falling. “ _I’d_  rather not be there.”

Raven felt a wild rush of panic slam into her, and her chest tightened. It was one thing to be here and meeting the _entirety_ of his family, but it was something else to go to a _benefit_ as a guest in his house. It wasn’t like she knew how to behave at one of these things. She had lived in an entirely different dimension for most of her life, how in the world was she supposed to know how to interact with people at a _benefit_? Besides, with her past experiences at school, she didn’t exactly do well at parties. Raven blinked, running through a list of excuses she could use if it came to that.

“I…” Damian shifted, and there was another long pause. “I wouldn’t mind the companionship.”

Damian’s request was so quiet that Raven wasn’t sure if she heard him correctly and she turned to look at him, eyes wide. That feeling of panic grew in her chest and Raven was positive Damian could hear the sound of her heart. How could he _not_ hear it? It was so loud. She sat there and stared at him for a long moment, letting the request settle over her. He was asking her to a party but… they still didn’t even know what they were. He’d already said they weren’t dating, that she wasn’t his type, and Raven was just confused as to what all of this meant.

“It’s not like you’d be a _date_.” He scoffed, scrambling for an excuse, but Raven could see the soft flush to his cheeks. Damian glanced away, as if he couldn’t bear to admit to anything in front of her. “It’s just my other siblings excel at these kinds of things, and I… I’m not exactly what you’d call _social_.” He shifted again, looking back at the road. “You seem to be one of the few people who understand that and… I guess I appreciate it.”

“Oh.” Raven had no idea what to say to that.

“Ultimately it’s up to you.”

Raven let the request settle over her, filling the space between them with a strange, heavy silence again. Her confusion felt almost volatile now, and she felt a huge surge of emotions press against her senses. They were still in the world of _almosts_ , and this wasn’t helping her figure out what this was between them. She wanted to tell him no, she wanted to say that she didn’t want to be a part of his life like this, she wanted to say a hundred things that would have demanded a definitive answer from him.

But she didn’t. Instead, she nodded slowly and agreed. Even if they didn’t know what they were, and even if Damian seemed adamant that she wasn’t his type, in spite of telling her that they didn’t know what they liked anymore, the truth was… she was beginning to like him. And if he wanted her to be a _companion_ for something like a silly benefit, then she would agree. Hell, she’d give him practically anything if he asked for it.

Raven nodded in acceptance. “Okay. If you want me there, I… don’t mind.” She paused and watched the last bit of tension escape Damian’s shoulders. He looked oddly pleased, and a warm feeling flooded Raven’s chest at the sight of his not-quite-smile. She fidgeted a bit. “I just… I don’t have anything I can wear. I’m barely equipped for non-school functions, let alone something that requires a dress.”

“That’s not a problem.” He shrugged. “I’m sure Cass has something you can borrow. You’re probably about the same size.”

Raven’s eyebrows knitted together, realizing that she honestly thought that Damian’s family consisted only of Dick and his father and Alfred. For the first time, she realized she might be running into a situation she was wildly unprepared for. “How many siblings do you _have?_ ”

He groaned, running a hand through his hair. “Too many. And they’re all nosy and obnoxious.”  

Raven thought she might dig a little deeper, but Damian finally slowed down and turned up a long, winding drive. It curved through the hills, turning and twisting until there was a break in the trees. A massive house, built during the turn of century, stretched out in front of them. It was a sprawling stone thing, gleaming in the early evening light. She had known that Damian had come from wealth - there were other students who went to the Academy that didn’t have powers, but they had _money_. That was enough to get them into one of the most elite academies in the country. But, Damian’s kind of money was something that didn’t even register on the scale.

Outside on the front step there was a tall, muscular man smoking and staring at his cell phone. For a moment, Raven thought it might be Dick, but he lifted his head and stared at Damian’s approaching car. No. Not Dick. Someone different.

A broad smile split his lips.

“Oh, _hell_. Todd.” Damian groaned and dropped his head into his hand. “We don’t have to do this, Raven. If you want, I will turn this car around and we can head… _somewhere_. Anywhere. It doesn’t even have to be campus.”

Before Raven could question him, she saw Todd turn and shout into the house.

“ _Damian’s here and he brought his girlfriend!_ ”

A split second late it felt like a crowd of people had rushing out towards the driveway and were all staring at them both.

_Oh no._

  
  
  


 


	11. Chapter 11

Raven’s head was practically spinning as everyone seemed to press against her and ask her a hundred questions at once. Most of them ranged from the mundane to a little personal, but _all_ of them were utterly embarrassing. How had they met? Were they really dating? How was the drive up? What _was_ Damian like at school? How were her grades this semester? How come she decided to go to school in her senior year? Where was she from? What were her powers like? It was so nice to see that Damian made a friend, but what did she see in him anyway? Damian really _had_ friends? There was so much pushed at her all at once that Raven didn’t even know where to look or what to say. She could feel her powers snapping at her fingertips, and she had to shove her hands in her sweater pockets to keep people from seeing it.

“You’re all annoying her, and you’re annoying me. Stop it.” Damian glared and shouldered Jason out of the way, his eyes narrowing. “Where’s father?”

“Still in Gotham. He’ll be home after a meeting with Lucius, so probably just before dinner. Alfred already sent him a message that you’re here and brought your… _friend_. So, I’m sure he’ll be racing home to meet her.” Dick’s smile titled to the side and Damian looked even more annoyed with him.”You didn’t _honestly_ think you could go three weeks without _properly_ introducing her, right? She’s a _girl_ and _your friend_ and she’s in our _house._ ”

Damian sneered. “I had hopes that I could avoid _you_ for three weeks, but _here we are_.”

Dick shook head and motioned Damian and Raven away, but the rest of the family still followed, completely fascinated with the fact that _Damian_ had brought a _girl_ home with him. “He told you about the benefit, right?”

“Don’t remind me.” Damian ground his teeth together and took Raven’s hand, ignoring the whispers from his family. Raven felt heat curl up her neck, but she stayed perfectly still trying not to draw any more attention to the fact that _Damian_ was holding her hand. He pulled her away from the crowd of his siblings, towards a side hall. “I’m going to show her to the guest bedroom, and I’m _sure_ you all have something more important to do than to bother our guest.”

“Nah. Not really.” Jason grinned. “Why would I find something else to do when I have my own little soap opera playing out in front of me?” He snapped his fingers as if he’s forgotten something. “Oh! I made sure Alfred set aside the empty room next to yours, kid.” His teasing grin tilted to the side. “In case either of you get bored and want to… _talk_.”

Tim sniggered behind him, and Raven felt heat crawl up her neck. Damian dropped Raven’s hand and buried his head in his hands, muttering curses under his breath. He looked like he was about three seconds away from killing all of them, and somehow none of them looked bothered by that. He started down the hallway and Raven chased after him, barely taking in the grandeur of the main entry hall. Maybe later she would ask someone to give her a proper tour, but right now, she was sure that if she didn’t follow Damian, she would be utterly lost.

Cass seemed to slide up beside her without a sound. Her steps were light on the carpet, and she watched Damian for a split second before breaking the silence. “Raven, right?”

She nodded, her chest tightening out of surprise. All this attention was wreaking havoc on her control, and if she wasn’t careful she might _actually_ break something.

Damian glanced over his shoulder and looked at Cass, rolling his eyes but avoiding a jibe. He seemed less annoyed by Cass than he was by his brothers, and whatever tension he was holding onto seemed to ease just a little. He shoved his hands in his pockets and sighed. “You’re making it out like I’ve never had a friend in my life. I _have_ friends.”

Cass’s smile tilted to the side, teasing. “Jonathan doesn’t count.”

Damian stopped and turned around, his eyebrows knitting together as annoyance filled his face again. “Why doesn’t Jonathan count?”

Cass gave him another smile, as if she was holding onto a secret. “He’s not a _girl_.”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” Damian rolled his eyes. “I can _have friends_ , you know. Girls or boys. I am _capable_ of making friends.”

“Maybe.” Cass gave a small shrug, that smile still playing on her lips. “But _we’ve_ never met them, and you’ve _certainly_ never invited them over for extended holidays.”

“Maybe I didn’t want you to meet them because I knew you’d act like a bunch of old church biddies with the latest gossip.”

Cass’s smile broadened even more, and she pitched forward as if she was about to whisper a secret to him. “Well, then _that_ must mean that Raven is _extra_ special if you’re going to put her through that kind of hell.”

Damian stumbled over a response before he glared at her and turned back around, skulking down the hallway as he cursed under his breath. Raven flushed brightly and kept her eyes pinned to the floor as she tried to keep up with him. Why in the world were they bringing her into this conversation? Raven had nothing to do with it, and now she was questioning why she had agreed to this stupid invitation. But, to be fair, Damian _had_ tried to warn her.

As Raven followed him down the hall, she barely had time to take in the finery of the sprawling house. It felt rich and opulent, with dark paneled walls and fine art everywhere. They passed a set of French doors that led out onto the patio, and Raven saw a long length of snow-dusted lawn that seemed to stretch forever before disappearing into the rolling hills beyond. Raven paused and stared at the space, a little overwhelmed with how beautiful everything was, even in the dead of winter. Something in her stilled, as if at peace for just a moment, and she felt Cass step next to her, smiling.

“It’s pretty, right?”

“It’s amazing.” Raven fidgeted with her bag, moving it on her shoulder.

“I don’t think Damian has ever brought a person over before. At least, not that any of _us_ know about.” Cass paused, dropping her voice to a loud whisper. “Jonathan doesn’t count because he’s Bruce’s friend’s son. So, they’re over here anyway. But… Damian hasn’t really invited anyone from school over before. You’re special. So, if we find you interesting, it’s because we didn’t think Damian could _make_ friends, honestly.”

“We’re… we’re not really friends, I think.” Raven shifted and looked over at Cass, giving her a sympathetic look. “Sorry to burst your bubble.”

Cass tilted her head to the side as if she didn’t quite believe Raven, and her eyes seemed to bore into her, stripping Raven of all of her armor and looking past her own words. Apparently, this was a skill Damian’s entire family seemed to have. There was a long stretch of silence, and she seemed to stare into Raven’s soul, until she finally turned with the grace of a dancer and started back down the hall, following Damian’s path. “Okay.”

Raven felt as if she’d been slapped, and she chased after her confused. _Okay? That was it?_ No teasing or joking, or even mild disappointment that Damian wasn’t really interested in a girl?  “Wait… what does that mean?”

“It means _okay_.” Cass smiled at her, but this time it wasn’t teasing. It looked more as if she knew something that Raven didn’t, or as if she saw something that Raven didn’t see. It felt weird to have that settle over Raven, and she racked her mind trying to understand what Cass was thinking. There was a heartbeat’s pause before Cass spoke again, completely changing the subject. “Have you decided about going to the benefit?”

“I… I told Damian I would be there.” Raven shrugged, uncomfortable about admitting that she had agreed when Damian had told her he almost, kind of wanted her there. “He said he would _appreciate my companionship_? So… I thought I should come.”

“Oh?” Cass’s smile widened and she looked intrigued. “So he asked you?”

“We’re not going as a date or anything. That would be ridiculous, since we don’t like each other.” She felt like she needed to remind their family of that, but Raven could still hear that frenzied shrill fill her voice. She tried to calm herself down as best as possible, otherwise the whole family was going get the wrong idea about her and Damian. “Just… I thought I would go to support him. And you’re all being so nice by taking me in for the holiday break. It would be rude to refuse an invitation.”

For a moment, Cass looked as if she wanted to say something that would undoubtedly make Raven blush, but whatever expression was on her face was replaced by genuine joy and excitement. “Good! Do you have anything to wear? Probably not, right? I mean, its black tie and I know the Academy doesn’t exactly do dances or formals or anything. Nothing but studies and superheroes.”

“That’s true.” Raven’s smile tugged at the side, and the tension in her chest eased as she felt oddly comfortable around Cass. “Well, unless leggings count as black tie, you’re definitely right. I don’t have a dress, other than my school uniform, and I left it back at the dorm.”

“It belongs in the trash bin. Ugh. Those things were always so hideous and _itchy_. You think someone would have invented an itch-free wool by this point in history.” Cass made an annoyed face before waving her off with a shrug. “Don’t worry, I’m sure Steph or I have something you can borrow. Oh! We’ll take a look after dinner. It’ll be fun.” She motioned to a door beside them. “But for right now, you should get settled in. I know that drive is _long_.”

Raven turned to see them stopping outside a room on the second floor, feeling a bit like she’d been magically transported through the house. Shaking her head, she looked around the hallway, hoping she could remember how to get back down to the first floor. She hadn’t realized they had been talking for so long, and Raven found herself feeling a bit like she had made a friend.

Damian was standing in the doorway, looking tense again. He whipped around and glared at her, slamming the door closed. “You can’t come in here.”

Raven jerked back. “What?”

“You… _Todd_ …”

Damian’s hands tightened next to him, as he tried to come up with an explanation for why he wasn’t letting Raven in. Cass seemed to slip under his arm and turned the handle with a curious giggle, throwing the door open for all the world to see. Raven managed to see over Damian’s shoulder, and she felt heat curl up her neck again. The room was nearly filled with candles and flowers, and a blanket of rose petals were strewn across the covers on the bed. Her face burned hot, and Cass was practically cackling now, her eyes bright.

Damian glared at Cass. “Did you know about this?”

“No.” Cass started back down the hall. “But, I should have. _That’s_ a good one. I’m impressed the boys managed to pull it off without Alfred knowing.” She waved. “Have fun cleaning that up, Dami. Alfred will never forgive you if you don’t.”

Damian ran a hand down his face, cursing in another language as he glared at Cass’s retreating form. Raven walked into the room, her senses immediately bombarded with the scent of roses. She winced and looked over at Damian, who wasn’t faring much better. “It’s… it’s fine. I never grew up with siblings, so I can only imagine what it’s like, but…” She ignored the fuzzy handcuffs on the nightstand, thinking that _probably_ wasn’t a place her mind should wander. “...this seems like something siblings would do.”

Raven opened a on the nightstand and shoved the handcuffs in there before either of them looked too hard at them. Quietly, and with as much dignity as she could find, she started to move around the room, cleaning the rose petals off of everything. They were _everywhere_. She picked things up silently, watching from the corner of her vision as Damian started to move around the room, helping her clean up.

“Do you have siblings?”

His question came so suddenly that Raven wasn’t sure if she heard him right. She stood up and blinked, trying to think of anything else she could say to him. Panic filled her chest again when she realized she would have to tell him the truth. “I know _of_ them, but I doubt they know me.” She paused and turned to dump a handful of rose petals into the waste bin, not wanting to meet his eyes. “It’s… complicated.”

Damian stilled, his voice quiet. “Are they…”

Raven paused again, swallowing a shaky breath. “On my father’s side.”

“Ah.”

For a moment it seemed like Damian wanted to dig a little deeper, but he instead stayed quiet. He stood across the bed from her and helped her clean the flower petals off the bedspread, dumping them into the trash bin. They fell into a tight silence again as they both worked to pick up the room, but Raven was getting used to it by now. Damian seemed to prefer silence, and most of the time, she did too. It was easier to say nothing, than to struggle through an awkward conversation about brothers Raven had never met.

It took a bit before everything was back to how it probably looked before, but they finally seemed to get the room back in order. Raven stood there, looking around the space as Damian shoved all the candles in a box and tossed them in the closet.  

“Thank you.”

Damian looked over at her, confusion flashing behind his eyes for a moment. He waited for an explanation, walking up to where she was standing

“For… helping me clean up, and inviting me here, and not asking about my brothers, and…” She shrugged, feeling strangely hopeless. There was something about being here, their usual quiet filling in all the empty places between them again, that made her feel like she needed to tell him something. She needed to tell him how she was feeling, even if it seemed stupid or mundane. “Everything, I guess. Just… _thank you_.”

Damian stood there for a long moment, his face completely unreadable, and shifted. He opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, but snapped it shut before the words could escape. Instead, he took a swift step forward, and pressed his lips against hers in a quick, soft kiss. Raven jolted, here eyes snapping open wide before she closed them. This wasn’t like last Friday, or the times in the library, but it felt _better_ somehow. It felt almost _more_ important their other kisses, and she knew that she didn’t want this moment to end.

But, Damian still pulled away, only now he looked embarrassed and awkward. He ran his hand through his hair, and his eyes didn’t quite meet her own, like he had a war raging inside him.

Raven blinked, feeling confused, but her heart still tried to thrum in excitement. She swallowed, and she could still taste him on her lips, like he was tattooed onto her forever. “What… was that for?”

Damian’s face turned to cold steel, like it always did when he was questioning something stupid either of them did. He moved towards the door, pausing when his fingers touched the handle. Raven waited, unsure if he would actually speak, and then-

“I don’t know.”

Raven’s shoulders sagged and she looked away, listening to the sound of his footsteps disappearing down the hall.

* * *

 

Raven found herself tucked in a plush chair in a corner of the library, a book sprawled out on her lap as she had her notebook on a table next to her. Outside the sky was dark, and the wind picked up over the hills racing against the old, leaded windows. She was trying to focus on the words in front of her, but nothing made sense any more. She wasn’t tired, even though it was probably far past midnight now, but she also knew she couldn’t sleep. If she laid down, her mind would be running over everything - her conversation with Damian in the car this afternoon, meeting all of his siblings _and_ Damian’s father - who was far more imposing than she expected, and then her and Damian’s kiss in her room. It too much all at once, and the day felt like it was weighing on her, as she tried to sort out what exactly had happened.

Dinner had been surprisingly enjoyable, even though sometimes it felt a bit like Raven didn’t know where to turn or who to talk to. Most of Damian’s siblings behaved well, although Jason had made a few underhanded comments, and then after dinner Stephanie and Cass had drug her to their rooms to help her find a dress to wear next weekend. They had told her stories of Damian as a kid, and talked about how nice it was to know that he could make friends. Raven was beginning to see a pattern with Damian. The night had been almost… _fun_ , but when Raven laid down to go to bed, she just… _couldn’t sleep._

She wandered the halls for a bit, looking out at the dark shape of the massive lawn, before she had managed to find the library on the first floor, next to the study.

“It’s late, Raven.”

Raven jerked and looked up at Bruce Wayne, standing in the doorway, looking at her. He looked almost larger than life, as if he was filling the space by simply being in it. Raven nodded and moved to close the book on her lap.“Ah, sorry, sir. I didn’t mean to intrude-”

He held up his hand and Raven felt compelled to stop talking. There was a pause and he offered her a soft smile. “I don’t care if you’re up late reading, heavens knows I don’t have time to enjoy all these books. Besides, you’re on break, you’re allowed to stay up later than normal. But, I just wanted to let you know that it’s late, in case you wanted to go to bed.”

Raven nodded. “Yes, sir.”

He laughed, and the sound warmed her. “You don’t have to call me sir, you know. You can call me Bruce.”

Raven thought that sounded far too informal for someone like _Bruce Wayne_. She paused for a moment before responding. “Ah… is Mr. Wayne a good compromise?”

He laughed again and walked up to her, shoving his hands in his pockets. There was no doubt in her mind that he was Damian’s father, even if they had completely different personalities, there were too many similarities to ignore. The two of them even _walked_ the same way. He seemed to read through her, his stare questioning. “I take it you can’t sleep?”

Raven shrugged. “Sometimes.”

Thankfully he didn’t press deeper. Instead he shrugged and nodded in agreement. “It’s been quite a day for you. I know that everyone can be a handful sometimes.” He paused and shook his head. “ _Especially_ Jason. I heard about the prank he played on you and Damian.”

“It’s… it’s fine.” She paused and looked up at him again, cautious. “You know Damian and I aren’t… ah… a _couple_ , right?”

Bruce laughed again, and that same warmth seemed to banish the shadows. “I know. But… he seems to like you. I’ve never seen him be so open with anyone in his life.”

Raven’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion. _That_ was open? It was like trying to read a closed book half the time. She couldn’t even figure out what he was trying to say or how he felt, even about their whole situation. She waited for an explanation, and Bruce seemed inclined to give it to her.

“Damian spent most of his life with his mother and his grandfather, and they’re… they’re not exactly _the best_ influences when it comes to social skills.” Bruce’s face went still and unreadable, as if he was thinking of something that made him angry. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “It’s nice to see that he has someone he can talk to and be close with - outside of his siblings. They love each other, but they definitely get on each others nerves most of the time. And Damian has always been rather solitary.”

Raven could see that. She shifted, wanting to hear more about Damian, but knowing that she wanted to hear it from him, and not his father. As softly as she could, she changed the subject.  “Thank you, for allowing me to stay, Mr. Wayne. I appreciate the offer, and it’s nice not to stay at the Academy over break.”

“Of course. If Damian trusts you, then you must be a pretty good person. At least he is an excellent judge of character.” Bruce looked at her, his eyes understanding. “I heard home was… _hard to get to_ , anyway.”

Raven nodded. “It’s a hard spell to cast, and I… I don’t get out from there much-” She didn’t get out _ever_ , actually. “-so I appreciate the change.”

He smiled. “Well, it’s nice to have you as Damian’s guest. And I’m glad you decided to come to the benefit.”

Oh, right. _That_ thing. She chewed on her lower lip and looked back up into his face. “I… I’ll be honest, Mr. Wayne. I… don’t know what I’m supposed to do at one of those things.”

“Me either, if it’s any consolation.” He laughed, and Raven felt the little bit of nervousness in her chest ease. He shrugged again, his smile softening. “I just appreciate that you’ll be there with Damian. He’s usually fine at those kinds of things, but he’s not exactly _social_ , and he can be a little standoffish, as I’m sure you know. So, it’ll be nice to have someone he can talk with.” Bruce offered a sly smile. “And you seem like you two get along.”

She wasn’t so sure about that, but she at least smiled and nodded.

“I’ll let you get back to your reading, Raven. Don’t stay up too late.” He turned and walked out the door, and Raven caught the soft mumble of a conversation between Bruce and Alfred as he left.

“ _I_ like _her.”_

“ _I know, sir. Me too.”_

Raven sighed, her heart falling into her stomach. If they only knew how irrevocably she had screwed up Damian’s life, they might not have been so kind to her. She turned back to the book on her lap, trying again to read over notes on familiars and what different kinds of spells there were to bind them. At least that was one thing the Wayne Manor library had - a massive selection of magical books. It was almost as big as the one at school. Raven settled into the chair again, taking notes and letting shadows pressed against her. It seemed like the night stretched on forever, and she could feel the hours slip by without question.

“It’s nearly two in the morning.”

The sound of a voice was so jarring, that Raven nearly dropped her book out of surprise. She jolted out of the page and looked up to see Damian standing in front of her, his arms crossed over his chest. He looked torn between confused and wanting to argue with her over something. His hair was damp as if he’d just showered, and the scent of his spiced soap filled the space between them. Raven felt her body react without her consent, and heat pooled to the pit of her stomach again, warming her. _Honestly_. She would like one interaction with Damian where it didn’t feel like she wanted something more than conversation from him.  

She swallowed and closed the book. “I couldn’t sleep.”

He shrugged and picked up a book she had set on the table to her side, glancing at the title. There was a long pause and glanced at her from beneath the shadows of his thick, dark lashes. “Me either.”

She shrugged. “I thought if I couldn’t sleep I might as well try to work. Your father’s library has an extensive collection magic books. I’m getting a lot of information and it’s all very useful.”

“Mm.”

Damian’s response told her nothing, and he stared at her for a long minute, until Raven grew uncomfortable and turned back to her book. Her mind felt achingly slow, suddenly drenched in the memories of Friday night. His hands had been hot on her skin, branding her and burning her, and marking her in a way she didn’t quite understand. Her body clenched in response, uncertain what she needed to say or do to make this ache go away. Raven sunk her teeth into her lower lip and watched him as he shifted, feeling the heat of her emotions burn up the side of his arm.  

Damian’s jaw ticked and he leaned over her, slamming his hands on either side of the arm chair. “I wanted to kiss you.”

Raven blinked, panic filling her chest again, and she felt him tense under the weight of her emotions. Shock coursing through her system, she waited for more of an explanation, not entirely certain it would come. Damian didn’t really _do_ feelings, and he _certainly_ didn’t talk about them either. Having him admit that he wanted to kiss her, it made her feel like she was tumbling end-over-end with no ground in sight.

He closed his eyes and leaned forward, pressing his forehead against her own in a move that felt so strangely intimate. He was invading her space with ease, and Raven was just _letting_ him. Damian licked his lips and dropped his voice to a whisper. “Before. In your room… I… I wanted to kiss you.” His fingers bit into the leather of the armchair, as if he was fighting something inside himself that he couldn’t admit to. She could hear the leather strain under the force of his grip. “I want to kiss you now.”

Raven leaned her face up just a fraction of an inch, feeling his lips crush against hers in a ghost of a kiss. She could taste him again, and it made every part of her feel helpless and weak. “Damian… what… what _is_ this?”

“I don’t…” He struggled to find the words and shoved himself away from her, anger at his own actions filling his eyes. He paced for a moment, his fingers raking through his hair as he muttered to himself in another language. Finally, he turned and glared at her, more out of frustration than actual anger. “I don’t _want_ to like you.”

“What?” Raven picked her head up and stared at him, confused. That didn’t make any sense. If he didn’t _want_ to like her, then did that mean… She stopped that thought before it had the chance to root in her mind and spread like a weed. Shifting, she watched him pace back and forth a few more times before he look back at her, almost defeated with himself.

“I don’t _want_ to like you,” he repeated, his voice softer now. He looked helpless against his own mind, and Raven didn’t know how to respond to it. His shoulders dropped and he took a step back away from, as if he needed the distance. “But… I think I do. I think I do like you, and it confuses me, and I’m not… I don’t _like_ it. I don’t like thinking about you, and feeling like I want to kiss you all the time, or get mad when you do something stupid, or hold you when you hurt…”

Raven thought back to their fight nearly a month ago, when he had cradled her in his arms, trying to bring her down from a demonic high. She thought about the softness of his voice and the way his arms wrapped around her, and she thought nothing could have brought her back from the brink of anger - but _he did_. He brought her back to her human self, held her as she sobbed into his chest, and it felt like he was keeping her whole. Raven’s heart twisted, and she looked at him as he took another step back, wincing.

“I don’t like any of it.” He shook his head, raking his fingers through his hair again. “But… I like _you_ , and I don’t want to.”

“I don’t… I don’t understand.” Her voice was pathetic and soft, but Raven couldn’t find the strength in her to demand more. At least, not when he had just admitted that he liked her. “What is that supposed to mean?”

Damian shook his head, his shoulders sinking even more as his head fell into his hands. “I don’t know.”

Raven’s eyes narrowed. “That’s not an answer.”

“I know.” He looked at her, his expression blank. “I wish I had something better to give to you.”

  
  


 


	12. Chapter 12

Raven felt too many emotions all at once, to the point where it felt like it was overloading her system. There was greed, and envy, and lust, and pride, and wrath, all tangling together as each person wandered around the first floor of the massive estate. They were looking over everything, trying to figure out how someone like Bruce Wayne had come to amass such wealth, and whether or not his numerous children were tax write-offs. Raven could feel all of their desires sink into her like sharp claws, and they pulled at her skin and tried to rip her apart.

She took a shaky breath, swallowing a gulp of water in her crystal glass. Back at school it was easier to disappear into the shadows and wander away if she needed to, but every movement here felt _watched_. If she adjusted her hair or took a sip of water, it was like there were a hundred eyes watching her - _who was this strange girl at the Wayne estate? What did she do to deserve being here? Who was she sleeping with? Slut._ Whispers were raking down her senses and Raven could feel her powers start to surge, the demon inside her annoyed with their behavior. It wanted to show them the force which lay mostly dormant inside her soul, and remind all of them what happened when they underestimated her.

Raven reached into her hair and fixed a loose pin, feeling at least three people catch the movement. Even though she thought she was dressed modestly, she somehow still felt practically bare in this strapless black satin dress, and more than once she caught the curious eye of a grown man on her. They were salivating, wanting a piece of something they thought they were entitled to, or something they thought they could groom. Raven looked around the room for someone she knew, and Steph or Cass would have easily saved her if she needed it.

“You look uncomfortable.”

Raven looked up to see Jason practically towering over her, the width of his shoulders nearly blocking out the light. He offered her a lopsided smile and stood next to her, his fingers wrapped around a crystal scotch glass. Almost immediately, she could feel the eyes of other men look away, as if they knew better than to try anything with a massive mountain of a man standing protectively next to her.

“Thank you.” Raven let go of a quiet sigh and her shoulders dropped in relief.

“Don’t mention it.” His smile was softer now, understanding. “I could see those assholes from a mile away. Don’t let them see you nervous, they prey on that, and while I have no doubt you could hold your own in a fight, I’d rather not cause a scene.” He paused and grinned down at her. “But I’m not above a little property damage. Want me to go slash the tires on their Bentleys? It’ll teach them a lesson.”

Raven couldn’t stop the chuckle that escaped, and she shook her head. “No, but thanks for the offer. It’s almost sweet.”

“Offer still stands if you change your mind. I’m fully prepared to completely inconvenience and annoy more than a few rich assholes.” He shrugged and took a sip of his drink, his eyes scanning the crowd. There was a heartbeat’s pause and Jason glanced over at her, a glint in his eye. “I’m surprised Dami isn’t over here fawning over you. I thought the kid would be next to you all night, but I haven’t seen hide nor hair of him.”

“I… it’s not like… you know we’re not a couple, right?” Raven had felt like she had this conversation with everyone of Damian’s family at least twice a day, and it was still so awkward to have. Especially after what had happened in the the library. Damian had barely spoken to her since then, and Raven found herself more often with Cass or Steph or Tim. They were easier to talk to anyway. “We’re barely even friends.”

He nodded, but was still smirking as if he didn’t believe her. “So I’ve been told. By _both_ of you, actually. And more times than I think I can count.” He paused and look another sip of his drink, glancing back out at the crowd of people draped in silks and dripping with diamonds. “But you know that boy makes goo-goo eyes whenever you’re not looking, right? I swear, his whole face lights up and he can spot you in half a second before you even enter a room.”

Raven gave him a flat look. “Now you’re being ridiculous.”

“Oooh.” He lifted his eyebrows, teasing. “You’ve even got Damian’s trademark glower down. I’m impressed. It took him his whole life to master that look.”

“Damian warned me that you don’t shut up.” She shook her head and looked away, frowning.

“I _don’t_. That is a true statement.” He nudged her with his shoulder, the same way he would with Cass or Steph, and grinned down at her. “Look, even if you guys aren’t together or whatever - _yet_ \- I’m just glad you’re here. Dami’s kind of a weird kid. Not social, not really interested in other people, very… _focused_ on whatever his task is at the time. He’s a little ball of stress and anxiety and pent up emotions, and I’ve seen him lose himself more times than I care to count.”

Raven looked over at him, her eyebrows raising. She wanted to know more, but thought it was probably not polite to press. Damian was a private person, and she didn’t want to betray his trust by digging for information from his family. Even if they weren’t… _anything_ really, she still respected him as a person.

“Seeing him around you… well, he’s not a completely different person, but he _has_ changed. And I think it’s for the better.” Jason’s expression softened and he gave her the beginning of a genuine smile. “So, whatever the two of you are, I hope you figure it out, and I hope it works out in the end. For both of you.”

Raven flushed and looked away.

“Now, since that sappy conversation is out of the way, let me let you in on a bit of information we’ve all survived on.” Jason’s expression softened and he tilted his head to a door tucked in the far back corner. “If you ever need to get out of the limelight or it’s just too much to deal with some rich asshole talking about his third house in the Hamptons or his ‘cottage’ in Martha’s Vineyard, you can always head into the kitchen. Alfred never minds an extra set of hands, and he doesn’t judge you if you need to hide your face for a bit. Plus you can always steal something before it heads out to the table.”

Raven’s shoulders dropped in relief, and she watched the flash of a camera fill the entry hall to her left. She could hear Dick chatting cheerfully with someone, and she looked over into Jason’s face with at least a little gratitude. He might have been frustrating sometimes, but at least he seemed to understand what she was going through. “You know I might have to take you up on that. Thank you.”

Jason shook his head. “Don’t mention it.”

There was a bit of noise from the front entryway, and when everyone seemed to be more interested in whatever was going on in there, Raven made her way to the back of the room and ducked into the kitchen. If she thought it was going to be quieter, she was sorely mistaken. Sounds of clattering dishes and caterers yelling at each other filled the space, and there was the press of people moving around her as if she didn’t exist. It was raucous, but everything seemed to have a purpose, and no one really noticed her. Raven picked up her skirt and made her way over to where Alfred was barking orders like a drill sergeant. He caught her stare and his expression softened as she made her way over, wiggling between two caterers plating canapes.

“Raven?”

Heat ran up her neck and she lifted her stare to him. “I was told that if I didn’t want to be out there, you could put me to work in here?”

He shook his head and offered a soft laugh. “You’re fitting in just fine with the rest of the family, I see.” Alfred pulled her away from the center of the kitchen, where the noise was the loudest, and moved her to a table in the back were stacks of sugar cookies were waiting to be iced with white icing. He handed her an apron and moved her towards the table. “I haven’t had time to finish icing these. It’s just white icing, nothing too fancy. And they don’t have to be perfect, so don’t worry if you make a mistake.” His smile crinkled his eyes. “And you can stay back here as long as you need to.” He took a step away before turning back to her, dropping his voice to a loud whisper. “And… I didn’t really count those biscuits, so if a few go missing I’m sure no one will notice.”

Raven flushed and he winked at her before stepping away, returning to the canapes on another table. For a few minutes she worked alone, and in silence, letting the hubbub of the kitchen drown out her own thoughts. It was an easy task, but it gave her something to do and no one seemed to pay her any attention. Pick up a cookie, ice it, put in on the plate. It was repetitive, but somehow oddly relaxing. She barely registered when Stephanie came and stood next to her.

“You’ve iced like twelve cookies and haven’t taken a single one yet? I’m impressed.” Stephanie grinned at her and picked up an apron, draping it over her own expensive evening gown. She snagged one of the iced cookies off the plate and shoved it into her mouth. “Alfred usually makes like three dozen extra under the knowledge that they’re going to go missing by the end of the night.”

Raven gave a small smile and made room for Stephanie. “Does everyone come back here for a break?”

“Yep.” Stephanie nodded, mumbling through a mouthful of cookie. “Even Bruce.”  

That made her feel better somehow, and they both fell into easy conversation. Stephanie gave her a few tips on how to impress her teachers, what to look out for in chemistry class, and bemoaned how jealous she was that Raven had missed the mandatory health class in freshman year. All of the Wayne children had graduated from the Academy with honors, Cass had graduated last year, Stephanie and Tim the year before that. It felt good to have a normal conversation, and Raven found herself laughing along with stories of Damian as a freshman. As they talked, Cass came in and sidled up on the other side of Raven. And then Tim and Jason. And then Dick and Miss Call-Me-Kori.

Raven looked up at her combat teacher, eyes wide. Raven glanced between Steph and Cass, looking for some kind of explanation, but they just laughed at her from behind their hands.

Kori flushed and picked up a cookie, offering a small, sheepish smile as her hand brushed Dick’s. “Dick and I met at school years ago. We’ve been together for a while.”

Cass gave her a lopsided grin, leaning back on her heels. “And _that’s_ why Damian gets away with so much in combat practice.”

Kori flushed and looked over at Dick. “I don’t let him off easy.”

Dick shrugged and shoved a freshly iced cookie into his mouth. “That’s none of my business.”

Before Raven realized it, Bruce had joined them at the table, icing a few cookies with the rest of them and falling into conversation as if he’d always been there. They talked about everything, what everyone was doing, what their plans were for the holiday coming up, who was wearing the absolute _worst possible_ dress, and how in the world they had managed to fit their huge egos through the door. Their conversation was joyous and loud, and there was a strange kind of warmth that seemed to wrap Raven up.

“You’re fitting in.”

Raven looked next to her to see that Cass had left to return to the party, and Damian was standing next to her, his face unreadable. He looked down at the pile of cookies, and reached for one to ice with her.

Jason raised his hand and leaned over the table with a teasing grin. “I’d like to make a motion to trade you in for Raven.”

Damian glared, his mouth setting into a thin line.

Tim raised his hand. “Motion seconded.”

“Motion passed.” Steph raised her hand. “All in favor, say _aye._ ”

“Ha ha.” Damian rolled his eyes and set his iced cookie on the plate with finished ones. He bristled, but it felt more out of habit than an actual anger. “You’re all so funny.”

“You know it, kid.” Jason set his cookie on the plate and wiped off his hands before heading back into the party, Dick and Kori chatting with him as they all left.

Damian and her fell into silence, like they always did, and Steph and Tim seemed to notice that there was something between Damian and Raven. They exchanged a curious look between each other before taking off their aprons and returning to the party, leaving Raven and Damian practically alone in the back corner of the kitchen. Damian’s face set into a tight expression as they worked silently together. She could feel him tense beside her, uncomfortable and awkward, as if he was fighting something inside him. He shifted as the back of their hands brushed against each other, and Raven pulled back looking into his eyes. It felt like electricity was snapping against her skin, and she didn’t know what to say, so she kept quiet.

Damian returned to icing cookies with her, still tense and quiet. Minutes passed like this, and he finally turned his head and glared at her from the corner of his eye. “Come with me.”

Raven glanced up, and had the foresight to at least remove her apron before Damian grabbed her hand and pulled her through an old service entrance. He guided her along a maze of pathways hidden away from rooms and other people, and finally they walked up a set of stairs to the second floor. The door opened to the hallways, just across from Damian’s room. His fingers wrapped around her wrist, and before Raven knew what was happening, he had pulled her into the darkness of his room, closing the door and locking it. It was too dark to see, but Raven imagined his room here was just as spartan as his dorm room back at the Academy.

She turned and looked at him, confused. “What-”

Raven never got her question out, because the next thing she knew Damian’s lips were against hers, and his fingers were buried into her hair, scattering pins across the parkay floor. The scent of him filled her senses, and she felt like she had tipped forward into a world she didn’t fully understand. Her heart sputtered wildly in her chest, elated that he was here, kissing her and touching her. She melted into him before she could stop herself or even question what he was doing, and her hands tangled into the front of his shirt, drowning herself in his kisses. He tasted like spiced wine, and she leaned up towards his kisses, letting her mind go completely blank for just a few minutes.

Damian made a not-quite-groan against her mouth and he deepened the kiss, pushing her back against the door. Raven felt her breath leave her as his hand slid up her back, toying with the zipper against her spine. He slid it down and then up again, and Raven found herself _wanting_ him to take it off her. It was an aching need that seemed to spiral out of control, dig into her own desires and make her think about _how good_ it would feel to be bare against him, open for his curious exploration.

She found her fingers fidgeting with his tie, her thumbs bumping along the small, white buttons in his shirt, and Raven let go of a deep sigh. Every part of her was clawing for more than this kiss, wanting to move past this and into something darker, and Raven wasn’t sure how much longer she could keep herself together if they kept denying each other. She held her breath - _waiting_ for him to make a move - but Damian slid the zipper back into place, as if he had no idea what he had done. His hands fell back against her waist in an almost _polite_ touch, and he stepped back, swallowing air.

Raven stood there, her hands falling to her sides as she waited for an explanation, waited for _something_ that would make sense of all of this - but nothing came. That thick silence filled the space between them again, pushing them further apart. Damian met her stare and said nothing, his face completely unreadable.

Raven could feel the ache inside her deepen and grow. It was a gnawing, rancid thing, poisoning her as she looked at Damian, as she watched him try to calm down, as he muttered to himself in another language. She felt hollow, like there was a void inside her, and the ache only deepened. It slipped into her, finding chunks of her armor and pulling and yanking them free. The demon in her wanted to be free, wanted what it was denied. It was angry, thick with hatred and gluttony. She was just as good as any other girl he could have, but he had never asked her. He only took without question, didn’t think about her feelings, didn’t think about how he left her so empty and needy, her body begging for his touch whenever he pulled away from her.

Damian ignored her stare, and he reached past her for the door, hiding his shame in the shadows of the room.

Whatever control Raven had seemed to shatter in moments, and she felt the inky tendrils of her power snap out and reach for him. She tried to reign her emotions in, tried to keep herself under control, but it was too late. Her powers slammed against his chest and she threw him onto the bed, watching his eyes widen. Damian scrambled to gain control of the situation, but it was too late. Raven felt drunk on his emotions, his own need, his own surprise and a little bit of fear. Her mind was a wild blackness of everything she wanted, and everything she wasn’t allowed to have.

“ _Raven_ …” Damian growled out a rough, warning sound, scraping against her, and Raven tried to pull back her control, but her strength was slipping.

It was easier to just… _give in_.

“You can’t tease me like that… you can’t make me beg, and expect me not to shudder when you give me nothing to feast on.” Her voice was a low, gravelly noise, and it sounded nothing like her. The demon was ripping her apart, shredding her control as it pulled her closer to Damian.

She crawled on the bed, settling her knees on either side of his hips, and even through the heavy satin of her dress, she could feel his cock strain against her, and it felt _so good_. Delicious, actually. Her breath came in short, desperate gasps as she considered how easy this could be if she just _let go._ All it would take was a few frantic thrusts and she could take whatever she wanted from him. _Take. Take. Take. Take._ All Damian did was take - he stole her kisses, took her thoughts, kept parts of her for his own, filled her body with his magic. He didn’t ever think of anyone but himself, so why should she? Why shouldn’t Raven take everything she wanted from him?

“ _Raven!_ ”

At the sound of her name, Raven managed to reign in part of her, but it still slipped through her hands like smoke. The demon was fighting her, not wanting to be controlled. Raven pulled back from Damian, teetering on the edge as she pulled harder on her good senses, reminded her of what she thought were truths - they didn’t like each other, she wasn’t his friend, he was only here because of his own benefit.

Raven swallowed air, and she barely registered that she was on her back, looking up into Damian’s face.

“ _Come back to me._ ”

Her body ached, muscles sore as they pulled against the tightness of his hands. Magic returned to her fingers, and Raven found herself gasping. She couldn’t get enough air, and yet felt like she was hyperventilating at the same time. She wanted out of this dress, and also she didn’t. She wanted to be free and yet restrained. She didn’t know what she wanted, and her head was a mess of emotions she couldn’t quite pin down. Fighting against him and the darkness inside her, she felt his hands on her wrists ease and he sat back, watching her.

Raven threw a hand over her eyes, fighting back tears. “You… you can’t do that.” Damian was quiet and she lifted her hands, uncertain if she wanted to push him off her or pull her away. “You can’t tease me and just… pull away. I can’t… it’s hard to control when it’s riled up like that, and you… you…” She wanted to cry and scream and hit him, but instead she fell back against the soft covers and shifted her hips, that aching need still persistent between her legs. “...you’re such a _jerk_.”

“What?” Damian pulled back, confused. Obviously no one had ever called him a jerk to his face before, and Raven took a small amount of pleasure in that.

“You're a jerk,” she repeated, softer now. She screwed her eyes shut and took another breath, her bones feeling like they were creaking with the movement. Raven stared at his ceiling, her body sinking into the mattress as heat raced up and down her body. It burned her open, made her feel empty and exposed, and she just… she just wanted things to go back to normal. Things would be so much easier if they just hated each other.

Damian sat next to her, his eyes never leaving her form, but uncertain what he should do next. For a moment, Raven thought she saw at least a little remorse in his stare. At least he knew what he had done, maybe they could still salvage what little bit was left on their non-relationship.   

The demon in her urged her forward, still begging for more than the scraps it had been offered, and Raven wrapped her fingers around Damian’s wrist. She pulled him closer to her, pressing his hand against her thigh, feeling bolder than she should have. She paused, swallowing as she looked into his eyes. “Fix this.”

“ _What_?”

Raven winced at the tone in his voice, and she lifted her eyes to his, shame coloring her skin. “Fix this.”

He pulled back, his eyes wide. “Can’t you do that yourself?”

Could she? Raven didn’t know _how_. Sure, girls talked about it all the time, but she had been raised to believe that too much emotion or sensation - too much of _anything_ really - would kill her and doom the universe. She was taught to bottle things up and compartmentalize everything. It was easier to just _not_ feel, than feel something and destroy everything.

Raven’s hands trembled and she tipped her head back against his pillow, smelling that rich scent of spice, and it sent a new wave of heat through her. “I don’t know how.”

Damian’s strangled, frustrated sound made her look at him again.

“Nevermind. Forget I asked.” Raven moved to pull herself from his bed, but Damian wrapped his hand around her wrist to keep her from moving. He pulled himself closer to her, his eyes dark even in the shadows of the room. She could feel his curiosity, but also his trepidation, and he didn’t know what to do next. His stare met hers for a brief moment, unsure but still… _willing_.

“You said it wouldn’t affect us, right?” His voice was barely above a whisper, and a loud cackle from the bottom of the stairs made its way up to the second floor, nearly breaking the moment. Damian licked his lips, every muscle in him contracting in either fear or anticipation, and Raven couldn’t tell which one. “You said that in terms of a spell component, it wasn’t the same as actual intercourse. That if we got… _desperate_ , then hands wouldn’t break the seal.”

She nodded slowly, unsure if she trusted her voice.

“Lie down.”

It was a command, and Raven felt oddly compelled to obey it. She should have pulled away, should have admitted that this was a stupid idea, should have told him to forget the whole thing, but she didn’t. Instead, she lay back against his pillow and watched as Damian crawled over her. He swallowed and leaned his forehead against hers, his voice rough against the silence of the room.

“This is just because of our stupid contingency plan.” His touch slid down the outside of her thigh, bunching the fabric of her skirt in his hand. He pushed the skirt out of the way, fingertips drawing aimless patterns over her pale skin. “That’s all.”

Raven nodded and pulled back to look into his eyes, but before she could read him, Damian pressed his lips against hers in another kiss. It was almost as if he didn’t want her to see him like this - weak and as desperate as she was. Her heart grew heavy, and Raven leaned up into his warmth, feeling his fingers mimic the depth of his kisses. Everything felt slow and deliberate, as if he was tasting more of her with each pass of his lips, and his fingers explored bits of her he hadn’t touched the last time they were in this position. Aimless patterns slid along her thigh, traced a scar near her knee, lifted higher and higher until he rested, _just there_ at the junction of her legs.

It took no time at all before Raven was gasping between kisses, her legs shifting as he inched his fingers higher. His thumb slid down the length of her through her underwear, and Raven knew she was embarrassingly wet. She twitched against Damian’s kisses, and he repeated the touch, as if he was taking notes on how she reacted. Like he was filing information away that he was going to use later. Damian slid his fingers higher, dipping under the waistband of her underwear, and he broke the kiss for just a moment, looking into her face for permission.

Raven’s brain stuttered, uncertain what she should do next. Some part of her brain was screaming at her, reminding her that this would be something they might never recover from. If they crossed this line, and things fell apart, what would she do next? What would _they_ do next? And yet the demon inside her was clawing for this release that she had been denied so many times before. Her body was laden with need, to the point where Raven felt like she almost couldn’t function without _something_ happening to her. She shivered, her fingers tightening in his hair, and she gave a slow nod.

Damian leaned forward and kissed her again, his fingers parting her to find her clit. Raven had known she was far gone, but she didn’t realize _how_ far gone she was until his fingertip traced a slow circle over her clit. It felt like white light was bathing her from the inside, and Raven’s back arched as she muffled a moan against his mouth. His breath was curling over her skin - a rough, hoarse sound that threatened to break every part of her into a million pieces - and she pushed against him, unsure how to urge him to go faster or harder without damaging her dignity.

His lips slid along the line of her jaw carefully, as if he was concerned about leaving a mark on her skin. They had intentions of returning to the party after this, but Raven didn’t know _how_ she could. She didn’t know how she was supposed to face the hundreds of people on the first floor right after _Damian Wayne_ was making out with her on his bed, and running his fingertips down her most sensitive parts. She twitched as his thumb traced the length of her again, and for one glorious moment Raven almost had the good sense to stop this madness. But Damian’s explorations seemed to stop, and he started touching her with renewed vigor.

Before he had been trying to understand her body, now he was looking to _get her places_.

Raven gasped, and she was certain Damian’s name fell from her lips, but she wasn’t entirely sure. His fingers were rubbing circles over her clit, swift and hard, each movement shaking Raven to her core. Sweat spilled along the creases in her skin, and her legs trembled as her back arched off the bed, desperately looking for more or trying to get closer. Damian was mumbling words in another language against her skin, but Raven doubted he realized he was doing it. He looked almost as far gone as she felt, and Raven wondered what kind of sensory information the seal was feeding him - what was Raven feeling that Damian was feeling too?

His tongue flicked out and traced her pulse, and Raven thought she might melt right there, gasping as her hands fell to her side to dig into the comforter. If _this_ was what sex was supposed to feel like, she was _sorely_ disappointed she wasn’t having it before. The demon inside her agreed, scratched at its chains and pulled against the parts of her Raven used to keep it restrained. It wanted to be awash in pleasure.

She pushed against his hand between her legs, and Damian quickened his pace, the movement making her see spots of light behind her closed eyes. There was a tension gathering deep in her belly, an aching need that she wanted to fill. It was like she was running, but she didn’t know where she was running to, only that she needed to get there _now_. Raven dug her heels into the soft mattress and tipped her head back, fighting against that tension. She wanted it, and yet she didn’t. It felt like she was being pulled apart and woven back together, but the parts were mixed up. Her fingers tightened even harder into the covers beneath her, and she let go of a high-pitched whine.

“ _Just let go._ ”

It was another command, and Raven barely had time to understand it before she felt her body obeying. Her back arched and she felt her body contract against nothing, feeling full and empty at the same time. Colors seemed to brighten and sounds dulled, and Raven felt like her heart stopped in her chest before starting again, sending her to a place she didn’t know existed. She at least had the foresight to cover her mouth to muffle her sounds, and she was grateful for that.

Damian brought her down slowly before he pulled his hand away from her. He was quiet and still, and Raven could sense a tension in him that seemed to make him pull away. She took a shaky breath and opened her eyes, lifting her stare to his face. It was hard to see him in the darkness, but she knew there was anger in his eyes, and frustration and hatred tugged at the corners of his mouth. He looked livid, but not with her. He looked more angry with himself than what had happened, as if he should have had more control.

Raven blinked, opening her mouth to try to say _anything_ that could make this okay, but she couldn’t find the right words.

Damian pushed himself off the bed and stormed to the bathroom, slamming the door. Raven could hear the water in the sink turn on, and she sat up, staring at the door. Minutes slid by in tense silence, and she realized that he wanted her to leave. Of course he did. What they had done was… well, they couldn’t return from it. They had both made their decisions, and now they had to live with the consequences. Of course Damian didn’t want anything to do with her, he didn’t even want to like her. Raven sat up, cradling her head in her hands as she listened to the water run. She should have had so much more control, and yet she had fallen like the monks had warned her she would.

Heart heavy and aching, Raven slid off his bed, taking a few minutes to readjust herself. She pinned her hair back up the best she could before smoothing out her dress and walking into the hallway. Even though it felt as though eons had passed, they had barely been gone fifteen minutes, so it was unlikely anyone expected anything, but she knew. It was going to be burned into her forever. She passed her reflection in the mirror, seeing the flushed color on her cheeks and the wildness to her hair. Would everyone be able to tell what they had been doing?

She shook her head and moved down the hall. She couldn’t hide forever, as much as she wanted to. Raven felt her feet move on their own, and she stepped down the silent hallway to the bright, cheerful noise of the stairs. Each step down felt like it was a mile, and she was dragging her feet along the wood floor. Finally she reached the bustling entryway, the press of people against her washing away her own thoughts. For a few moments no one noticed her, and it felt good to be invisible.

It felt good to not exist.

Raven took a shaking breath and moved toward the main hall, trying to slide between a crowd of people. It was a sea of black and sequins, tuxedos and fine dresses, and she was lost in in. She nearly tripped over the trailing hem of someone’s dress, before a hand wrapped around arm and righted her.

She turned to see a man standing next to her. He couldn’t have been much older than Jason or Dick, but there was something in his eyes that made him seem older beyond his years. He offered a small smile and extended his hand.

“Well, imagine my luck.” He smiled, but it looked more like he was a predator baring his teeth. “Raven, right?”

Raven felt as if a snake had crawled into her mind and was slithering down her spine, curling around parts of her she had forgotten. She felt entranced by the way he looked at her, like there was something inside him hypnotizing he, and she nodded slowly, not knowing any better.  

His smile deepened, and he stepped forward, closing the space between them. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude or anything. You looked like you were lost in thought.” His hand was still extended, and he looked down at it, as if waiting for her to finally shake it. “I just never thought I’d see you here.” He paused and made a sound as if he was surprised. “Oh! You must be wondering who I am. I’m Sebastian Blood,  I… knew your mother, years ago. We were close.”

Raven swallowed, her eyes darting between his outstretched hand and his face. Her mother never talked about what her life was like before, and when Raven asked, she grew sad and pulled away from any stories. There was a scar on Arella’s soul that she couldn’t talk about, and Raven knew that whatever sin her mother gave into, it was now poison in Raven. A dark curiosity filled her, and Raven wondered what this man knew about her mother that she didn’t.

Did he know about her father?

Raven caught movement out of the corner of her eye, and behind him, she saw Damian force his way between two people. He wedged himself next to Raven and practically knocked Sebastian’s hand out of the way as he stood beside her. His eyes were narrow and his expression was dark, as if something had taken over what little amicable personality he had.

“ _Blood_.”

Damian’s voice was a rough sound against her ears, and Raven turned to look at him.

Sebastian looked unfazed, and he cocked his head to the side, a small smile tugging at the edges of his mouth. “Ah, the young Mister Wayne. It’s a pleasure to see you again.”

“The feeling isn’t mutual.” Damian practically growled, and took Raven’s hand, stepping away from him. His hand crushed hers, tightened so hard it nearly broke her fingers, and without another word, Damian moved to pull her through the maze of people. She could feel him trying to get them both lost in the crowd, as if they needed to be anywhere but in front of Sebastian Blood.

Sebastian seemed unaffected, and he let them take a few steps away before calling out to her. “It was nice to meet you in person, Raven. If you need help with your… _problem_ , come to me.”

Damian’s hand tightened, and they both stopped to look back at him. Raven felt her heart stop, breath catching in her lungs. The crush of bodies against her seemed to drown out everything else and she looked back at Damian, eyes wide.

Sebastian shoved his hands in his pockets, his smile turning dark and twisted. “I know how to break what’s controlling you.” His eyes flicked to Damian. “ _Both_ of you.”

She didn’t know how Damian managed to look even _more_ angry, and he cursed as he pulled her away. Raven stumbled backward, following him as she watched people fill in the space where they had been. Sebastian seemed to disappear into the crowd, and Raven found herself following Damian without question, her head spinning.

How… how did he know?

  
  


 


	13. Chapter 13

“Not him.”

Raven blinked, Damian’s words so harsh against her ears that she wasn’t entirely sure it was him talking to her.

“Whatever happens, _you’re_ not asking Blood for help.” His voice was a low growl, dangerous and decisive, warning her to drop the subject. “I don’t care _how_ desperate we are, or how much you think we’ve lost control. _Not him_.”

Raven had half a mind to try and point out that Sebastian apparently seemed to know the breadth and depth of what was happening between them than they did, but she knew better than to rile Damian up when he was like this. His eyes were dark and his mouth was set in a thin line as he pulled her through the crowd, ignoring people who called out his name and tried to make small talk.

Somewhere out of the corner of her eye, Raven felt like she could see a flash of photography, and she vaguely wondered what sort of pictures they would have of her and Damian. Another flash went off and Raven ducked her head, turning her face away to try and hide in the shadows. The last thing she needed was for someone to recognize her, and while she doubted any of this information would get back to Azarath, she knew her _classmates_ were probably a whole different story.

Damian seemed unaffected by the sound and attention, and his hand tightened around hers, pulling her with him as they moved around another group of people. Raven watched as people began to murmur behind their hands, their eyes following her as she wove through them. She could feel the press of emotions - jealousy and confusion and wrath - and Raven felt heat curl up her neck as she followed Damian deeper into the crowd. Tucked back in the corner, away from too many people, Jason was nursing his cocktail and talking to someone.

Damian stopped in front of him, glaring. “ _Todd_.”

“ _Okay_.” Jason lifted his head and looked over at him, confused. “What’s up, kid?”

“ _Blood_.” Damian pulled Raven next to him, and the person Jason had been talking to seemed to realize this was not a conversation for him. He gave Jason a polite nod and walked away, finding someone else in the crowd. Damian waited for him go before continuing, his voice dropping to a low whisper. “Blood was here, and he was talking to Raven… about the _spell_.”

Jason’s face went cold as he took in the information. “About your _problem?_ ”

Raven looked over at Damian, her face red. _Jason_ , knew? _Great._ Her stomach turned over, and she felt a jolt of panic strike her. Who else knew about their secret? Or about the details of what was going on between them? “He knows?”

“He figured it out.” Damian looked unaffected, and still annoyed.

“I’m smarter than I look.” Jason’s smile was thin, but he still found the energy to tease. “If Blood’s here and he’s making passes at Raven, then it _can’t_ be good. I’ll go get Bruce, and let him know that we have an uninvited guest. Take Raven to the kitchen, you and Alfred can keep an eye on her until the benefit is over, and then we can make sure Blood is out of the house.” His lips twitched, as if he was warring with a decision inside himself, his fingers tapped against his upper thigh. “If we need to, we’ll make _a call_.”

“Let’s hope we don’t need to.” Damian rolled his eyes. “I’d rather not involve an entire  team of incompetents around a matter this sensitive.”

“Ah, there’s the Dami I know and love.” Jason laughed and disappeared into the crowd, leaving Raven and Damian alone in the corner.  

Raven looked over at him, confused. “ _A call_?”

“Don’t ask further, but we have… _certain connections_.” Damian made the explanation as vague as possible, which didn’t ease Raven’s nerves. “Some of which I’d rather we didn’t, but I didn’t make the connections, father did. And sometimes I swear he makes the absolute _worst_ decisions when it comes to people we should trust.” He rolled his eyes huffing out an annoyed breath before he looked over at her, his eyes reading her face for a long moment. There was a heavy pause, and he finally motioned her towards the back of the room. “Come on, let’s get out of here before the press start making assumptions about what the two of us are doing secluded from the rest of the party and _whispering_ in the corner.”

_Oh._ Raven flushed and she thought back to barely a few minutes ago when she had been gasping and writhing beneath him and his hands. Her teeth sunk into her lower lip and she glanced away, knowing that if she looked into Damian’s face right now she would never be able to meet his eyes again. Her heart skipped beats and she waited for him to order her around. He seemed to be good at doing exactly that when they found themselves in stressful situations.

Instead, she was surprised when Damian let go of a deep sigh. “It’s not you.”

She blinked and lifted her face towards his, shocked. “What?”

“Before… when I left the room, it wasn’t… it wasn’t _you_ that made me leave.” He met her eyes for the briefest of moments before looking away. Talking about what happened this way was clearly making him uncomfortable, and he was trying to keep his cool. “It wasn’t you that made me leave, it was… it was _me_. I needed a moment to myself after… all of that.” He let out a short, annoyed breath, and he shook his head, as if he was defeated with himself. “I needed to gather myself and my thoughts.”  

Raven felt the question escape before she could stop it. “Why?”

Damian turned and stared at her for a long moment, as if he didn’t quite believe that she was asking that, and Raven flushed, looking away again. She wanted to press further, to have him explain himself, but she also knew that she could push him away if she wasn’t careful. Their… _whatever this was_ was still delicate, and one wrong move could shatter all the progress they had made. Damian let go of another sigh, as if he wasn’t sure what to do or say to her, and instead pulled Raven along to the kitchen. Everything seemed easier to do if their minds were occupied with something other than… _what just happened_.

Damian pushed open the door to the kitchen, which was just as noisy and raucous as before, but at least Raven had gotten used to the sounds of chaos. Damian pulled her along, weaving around and through servers until they stopped in front of Alfred, who was still barking orders, but seemed less stressed somehow. He looked down at the two of them and raised an eyebrow.

“Back so soon? It’s barely been an hour since you were here.” Alfred’s lips curled up at the edges, as if he knew a secret no one else did, and he wasn’t going to tell. “If you’re not careful, Master Damian, your father is going to be upset that you were shirking the party to play hooky with your friend.”

“I’m not playing _hooky_.” Damian flushed and pressed his lips together, trying to hide his annoyance. “We’ve got an uninvited guest roaming around Wayne manor, and Jason went to go find father to get him out of here. We were hoping we could keep Raven hidden back here until we can get rid of him.” Damian crossed his arms over his chest, and his expression somehow managed to say everything and nothing at the same time. It was a skill Raven was learning all of the Wayne family members had. “The party is set to end in about an hour. Do you mind if we stay back here for a while.”

Alfred made a soft noise and shook his head, his smile thin. He was clearly reading Damian’s expression and they were having an entire conversation that Raven couldn’t translate. “You know these things never end on time.” He turned to raven and offered her a warm expression. “But, that’s fine. I don’t mind keeping you two back here, but I’m afraid I don’t have any more biscuits to ice. I believe Stephanie and Cass came and nicked them all.”

Damian nodded and took Raven to the table tucked in the far back corner, which had been cleared, except for a few poorly iced cookies. She sat down in a chair and watched as Damian walked back to Alfred, dropping his voice to a low rumble that she couldn’t hear over the noise in the kitchen. Raven watched as Alfred’s eyes widened, and then his mouth set in a thin line with a definitive nod. He turned and put the kettle on the stove before stepping out a side door and into another room filled with partygoers.

All this did was make Raven feel even more confused.

Who… who was Sebastian Blood to _them_? And why was Damian so twisted up about him? Blood seemed to know her mother, but then again, if he _did_ really know her mother, that probably wasn’t a good sign. Her mother hadn’t always made the best choices, and Raven was living proof of that. But that _still_ didn’t answer how the Wayne family knew him, and what their vendetta was against him. It was a mystery she doubted anyone would ever answer for her, and Raven suddenly found herself so utterly confused. She sat on the edge of her chair and watched as Damian poured the boiling water into a teapot and brought it over to the table.

“Alfred puts on tea when people are… upset. I thought I’d try at least.” Damian sighed and set it in front of her, the pot clinking a little on the wooden surface. He sat next to her and settled his hands on the table, glancing around at everyone, as if they were all secretly listening. Raven doubted anyone really noticed they were there, the servers were all too busy plating the last of the canapes and cleaning up.

Raven watched Damian, knowing that her expression was blank, but he could probably still read her. “What is this all about? Why are you so adamant on not working with Blood? Yeah, he seems a little creepy, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t ask him for help.”

“Blood isn’t someone you want to get caught up with, Raven. Trust me.” He rubbed the back of his neck and leaned back in the chair, sighing as his shoulders sagged. For a moment, it looked like there was an entire world resting on his shoulders, weighing him down. “His promises sound sweet and easy to believe, but he’s the _last_ person you need to be going to for help. He’s the absolute _last_ person either of us should trust when it comes to something like this. I know it sounds like an easier fix, or a _good_ fix, but… don’t trust him.”

There was something about the heaviness of Damian’s words that made her believe he’d been burned by Blood personally, and Raven just added that thought to the growing list of Damian’s secrets. She stared at the steam curling out of the teapot, not wanting to look at Damian. “He said I knew my mother.”

Damian blinked. “Your mother?”

“Before me.” She ran her finger along a gouge in the table, made by a careless knife decades ago. “He said he was close with my mother - whatever _that_ means.” Raven’s mouth was suddenly dry, and she finally she lifted her face to meet with Damian’s. “How would Blood know my mother? Is he with…” She trailed off, not wanting to say her father’s name in a crowded room. It felt like a curse, or bad luck to say it out loud, and she didn’t want to spook everyone.

Damian’s shoulders sunk and he stared at her, looking almost pensive for a moment. “Probably? It would make sense as to why he knew about you and us, and out _problem_.”

“So, then what do we do?” Raven picked at her dress, staring down into the black satin as if it had answers neither of them could find. “Damian, if he knows about my mother and my father, and he knows about us - and how to fix it, then why wouldn’t we at least listen to him? You and I clearly have no idea how to fix this, and we barely know where to start. We’ve been keeping secrets from our friends and our family, and each other. If he has a way to fix this, then why don’t was at least talk to him? It’s not as if his demands can be all that bad.”

Damian’s face was dark, and Raven felt a chill slip down her spine. There were shadows that crossed his face that seemed to tell a whole story without uttering a word, and Raven watched as his eyes turned steely. “ _No_ , Raven. Not Blood.”

She felt hopeless, as if all the progress they had made before had simply disappeared in just a few hours. “So, then what are we supposed to do? Because, right now, we’re at a loss. Right now, we’re just reading and researching and _hoping_ we’ll stumble across something that might lead us to an answer. That’s _not_ research, it’s blind faith.” Raven could hear the note of desperation in her voice, and she was ashamed to admit that she sounded like a soft, wispy thing, instead of the half-demon she was. But what else could she do? There _was_ no lead they had found yet and they were both beginning to get desperate. “We’ve barely found anything that explains what this is, let alone how to actually fix it.”

“ _No_.” Damian shook his head and he leaned over the table to stare into her face. “I know you’re not from _around here_ , and I know that your foray into human nature has been brief, but I am telling you that we should not go to Blood, no matter what he says or what he offers.” His shoulders sagged again, and he leaned back into the chair, his eyes meeting hers. “We’re struggling to put a name on what _we_ are, and I realize that. But at the very least… trust me on this. Trust me on this one thing, that’s all I ask for right now.”

Raven’s teeth sunk into her lower lip, and she searched his face, realizing how vulnerable he looked. There _was_ a story there, something that hinted that he had an experience he couldn’t quite explain to her, and Raven was left to try and piece everything together without an actual answer. It was something she was starting to get used to over the last few months. Her heart turned over in her chest, and she knew that she could have pressed the issue, but what good would it have done? It would have just driven a wedge further between them, and Damian… Damian was becoming the only friend she knew she could trust wholeheartedly.

“Alright.” She nodded, her hands tightening in the fabric of her dress. “If this is something you feel this strongly about, then… I trust you.”

Those words felt foreign on her lips, and somehow they also felt _right_. It felt like something they should say to each other, in spite of everything going on around them. It was a strange kind of solidarity in a relationship that wasn’t quite beginning yet, and was still so fragile. Damian nodded and stood up to pour her a cup of tea, pausing as Alfred came back to the table, his own expression looking relieved.

“Blood’s gone. Master Bruce and Master Jason managed to shoo him away without much incident, so the rest of the party is going on without anyone noticing the indiscretion.” Alfred offered a small smile, his eyes darting down to the teapot. There was a flash of understanding behind his eyes, as if he was seeing something he should have noticed earlier, and he gave another soft smile. “While the evening is saved, I’m sure it’s been a bit of a headache for you two. So, if you’d rather both of you skipped the rest of the party I’m sure no one will notice.”

Raven flushed and looked over at Damian, but his expression stayed unreadable.

“I’ll make the appropriate excuses.” Alfred chuckled and turned away, pausing briefly. He looked as though there was something he was uncertain whether or not he should say in front of Raven. “As a fair warning, Master Bruce did say that he was going to make a few calls as extra precaution - to ward the house over the holidays.”

Damian cursed in another language, and Raven only knew it was a swear word by the way Alfred clicked his tongue in disapproval. Damian murmured a halfhearted apology and lifted his eyes to Alfred’s, looking completely and utterly annoyed. “And who is he calling?”

“The Zataras.”

This time is was Raven’s turn to curse.

  
  
  


 


	14. Chapter 14

“So… _this_ is where you’re spending your holiday?”

Raven flushed and looked over at Zachary as he sidled up next to her and glanced around the room. It had been mostly cleaned from the party before, but there was still a bit of a mess, and she could see him eyeing trash scattered throughout the room. It wasn’t even her own house and somehow she felt ashamed of its state. Raven glanced around before meeting Zachary’s stare, just barely catching the teasing smile pulling at the edges of his lips.

“I mean, there are worse places than Wayne Manor, I guess.” He cocked his head to the side and stared at her, as if he was trying to piece together all of the information she had left out of their text conversations over the last few months. “This is a shot in the dark, but does my family’s visit here have anything to do with your… _trial period_ on earth?” He leaned back against his heels and crossed his arms over his chest.

Raven winced, pulling her shoulders in on themselves. “Yes? No?” she stumbled over an answer, and she finally shook her head, looking away. “Maybe?”

Right now, on the other side of the manor, Zatanna and John were having a very private conversation with Bruce and Damian, and Raven was almost _certain_ it was about her and her heritage. Damian hadn’t told Bruce what Raven was, only that she _wasn’t from around here_ , and that she went to his school. If Bruce knew the truth about her - the _real truth_ \- she doubted she would have been welcomed so easily into his home.   

She could feel the pit in her stomach grow deeper, as if it was trying to swallow all of her emotions before she had a chance to feel them. Finally, she met Zachary’s stare again, her lips tugging down into a frown. “What would you like that answer to be?”

“Honestly?” Zachary smirked, and he tilted his head towards her, her expression softening around the edges. “Whatever you want it to be. If you’re not comfortable telling me all about the secret reason you’re here on earth, then I’m not going to pry if you don’t want me to.” He glanced around the room before jerking his thumb over his shoulder. “You want to go somewhere a little more private and talk about it?”

She did, but there were only about four rooms in the whole manor she knew how to get to, and two of them were next to Bruce’s office where John and Zatanna were. Chewing on her lower lip, she motioned for Zachary to follow her down the hall, just barely remembering a path to the veranda outside. The stone walkway was dusted with snow again, but the sun was up and it felt just barely warm enough that Raven knew she could probably stand outside longer than normal. Zachary followed her out there, and they both leaned against the stone railing as they stared across the lawn. There was a long stretch of silence until Zachary finally broke it, his words filling the silence between them.

“So…” His tone was surprisingly conversational, and less accusatory than she was expecting. Raven watched him from the corner of her eye, but they didn’t move. “We’re here, warding Wayne Manor against some pretty hefty dark magic from a fanatical cult, and my cousin and uncle are currently having an in-depth conversation with Bruce Wayne and _Damian_ Wayne about you, so… I’m guessing your holiday break isn’t _exactly_ going as planned, huh?”

Raven looked down at the lawn, pitching forward to rest her hands against the stone railing. “I guess… I guess I should have expected that nothing would stay normal. That’s maybe asking too much of my life.”

Zachary looked over at her, his eyes apologetic and his expression soft. He seemed to take her in for a moment before looking back out at the lawn. “Well, if I knew it was going to be this insane here, I would have invited you over to my place. At least then you wouldn’t have had to put up with my cousin _and_ Damian. I bet he’s just a _bundle of joy_ around the holidays.”

Raven fidgeted, uncertain how to respond to that. Damian was the least of her problems, but she didn’t know how to tell Zachary that without sounding like there was something _romantic_ going on between them. She tapped her fingers along the railing, pushing snow off the stone. “It’s not what it seems.” Her words sounded weak even to her, but Zachary at least chose not to point that out. “And there are worse things than being here with Damian and his family.”

“Mm.” The weight of silence settled over them again, but Zachary didn’t look at her. “Like being the daughter of Trigon?”

Her blood went cold, and Raven glanced up at him, trying to read his face, but Zachary didn’t look afraid. He looked strangely calm, as if he had expected something like this, or maybe he had already known and had time to process it. Whatever it was, it was surprisingly calming to see no fear in her eyes. Raven’s hands tightened in the cuffs of her sweater, and she waited until Zachary explained himself.

He shrugged. “Zatanna gave me the whole speech when she saw me driving you home - all about how she knew who your father was, and how you’re going to bring on the destruction of the world and annihilate us all. And how I should stay away from you because you’re _so_ dangerous.” He rolled his eyes and waved his own words off. “ _Blah blah blah…_ as if _our own family_ doesn’t have both real and implied demons chasing us at every turn. I’m supposed to be afraid of you because of something you have literally _no_ control over? Pft. _Yeah, right._ ”

“It… it doesn’t bother you about me?” Raven chewed on her lower lip, meeting his stare. “That I’m the spawn of darkness that could consume the whole dimension?”

“Eh, I’ve dealt with worse.” Zachary glanced down at her and offered her a soft smile, as if he understood her. “Besides, it doesn’t exactly seem to me that you’re buying into the whole _Trigon is my father and I am the demon to resurrect him_ thing. If anything, you’re probably trying to stay as far away from it as possible. You already told me that you want to try to be _normal_ … I can’t fault you for that.”

Raven shrugged. “I guess… Zatanna does though.”

“Zatanna is a drama queen.” He cocked his head to the side and smiled at Raven, meeting her stare from beneath his eyelashes. “Of _course_ she’s going to think the worst about you. And, honestly, she’s only _one person_ in a whole universe of people, so don’t let her opinions influence you. Even if she’s not willing to help or understand you, just take comfort in knowing that there are other people out there who are.”

Something about the way he said those words to her made the tension in her shoulders ease, and Raven felt the beginnings of a smile tug at the edges of her lips. So, maybe things weren’t turning out exactly perfect for this holiday, but they could have been worse. And it was nice knowing that at least a few people were understanding, even if no one else was.

“ _Raven._ ”

Damian’s voice was a low grumble, and Raven turned around to see him standing at the threshold to the house. His eyes were dark, and he expression unreadable, but she could see the tension in his shoulders. His stare flicked to Zachary’s, and he gave a curt nod, as if knowing that he should be polite, even though he didn’t want to.

“Zatara.”

Zachary smirked, leaning back against the railing behind him. “ _Wayne_. Nice to see you up and around.”

“It’s my house.” His stare was flat, and Damian looked back at Raven. “Father wants to speak to us.” He glanced at Zachary again, frowning. “And John and Zatanna need your help.”  

“Okay.” Raven felt her heart plummet into her stomach and she nodded, taking a step towards Damian. She knew her legs were shaky, but she tried her best to hide it. It wouldn’t do her any good to show weakness when she was already like this - ready to accept her fate. She took a slow breath through her nose and stepped forward towards Damian.

“Hey.” Zachary’s voice made her turn around, and he gave her a small, reassuring smile, light filling his eyes. “It’s gonna be okay. I’ll make sure to say goodbye before I leave, okay?”

“Yeah… of course.” She gave Zachary a small smile and made her way into the house, following Damian. The air between them was tense, and she could feel Damian bristling next to her, obviously upset. They walked through the manor in silence, and Raven kept her eyes trained on the floors so she didn’t have to make eye-contact with him. Everything felt easier if she didn’t have to _actually_ look at Damian, or the disappointment in his stare. Finally Damian stopped and Raven was forced to stop next to him, looking into his face.

“Zatanna told father about you.”

Raven winced. She had assumed as much of course, but she had hoped that maybe Zatanna would let her have some dignity. Her shoulders dropped and she felt as though everything weighing on her was infinitely heavy. She had just started to find some kind of comfort here, started to understand what her relationship with Damian was, but Raven was beginning to realize that what little she got to enjoy was probably going to be taken away from her anyway. She rubbed the back of her neck, and glanced out the window.

“So, now what?”

“He wants to talk to you.” Damian looked annoyed and he rolled his eyes. “To _us_.”

“You shouldn’t have kept it from him, that’s probably why he’s upset.” Raven tucked a piece of stray hair behind her ear, needing something to do with her hands.

“And what _exactly_ would I have said to him?” Damian spit out a curse, and he leaned back against his heels. “ _Father, I’d like to invite my friend over for the holiday who is the spawn of Trigon and will probably usher in the demise of the known universe?_ ”

Raven’s face fell and she glared at him, feeling her emotions flare up before she could stop them. “Well, _gosh._ That sounds like a _best friend_ when you put it like that. I can’t imagine he’d have anything negative to say after you explain it that way.” She paused, his words weighing on her after a moment, and gave a delicate snort. “And since when are we friends?”

Raven watched as the tips of Damian’s ears turned pink and he looked away. There was a heavy silence that settled over both of them, and Raven could feel the weight of her words press hard against her _and_ him. It was that question again, slithering between them and tempting them with words and phrases that neither of them were sure they were ready to here. She ran her fingers through her hair and let go of a slow breath, meeting Damian’s stare as he glanced back at her. “What _are_ we anyway?”

“You want to ask this now?” Damian looked incredulous, and he jerked back from her, annoyed. His eyes narrowed and he let go of a soft curse. “When we’re both about to have the most awkward conversation of either of our lives with _my father_ , you want to ask what we are? Are you _serious?_ ”

“Yes.” The heat curling up her neck grew hotter, and she kept staring at him. “We’ve been skirting around naming it for months now, and after… _last night_ … I feel like we both deserve to figure this out.”

Raven had no idea where the sudden rush of emotion was coming from, but she could feel it boil under her skin. She could feel something claw and clamor for her, and she wanted to know what this _was_ between them. They kept existing in this place of _almost_ and _nothing_ , and it was beginning to eat at every part of her until nothing about him or their relationship made sense anymore. They obviously hated each other, but then Damian went around and told her that he liked her (even if he didn’t want to), and then he did things like… like _last night_.

_This is just because of our stupid contingency plan_

But was it? Was that all it was? Raven had spent the night mulling over a hundred different things, and yet no matter what she tried to focus on, her mind kept going back to Damian. It went back to how his hands felt on her skin, and his lips against hers, and the way he reacted to things she said or did. He was gasping as he touched her - _explored_ her. And through it all, he felt just as far gone as she did. Last night was more than just their _stupid_ _contingency plan_ , it was the start of something else - something deeper. And yet… he was _right_. Now was _not_ the time to be thinking about any of this.

Raven chewed on her lower lip and looked away, uncertain what she would say if she kept looking at him. “Forget it. Forget I said anything.”

“Don’t worry. I will.” Damian walked past her, but she caught the shadows in his eyes as he tried to ignore her. Obviously it was something he had been thinking about too, but he didn’t know how to have that conversation. So, at least to him, it was better to just ignore it for now. That seemed to be the response to half of his emotions - _ignore it._

Bruce’s study was at the end of the hall, and Raven half-expected to see Zatanna and her father there when she walked in, but they were gone. She let go of a soft sigh, and at least a _little_ tension in her shoulders relaxed. It was one thing to face Bruce Wayne and try to explain your demon heritage, but it was something different when there were two master magicians breathing down your neck at the same time.

Bruce motioned them both in when the door opened, his expression dark and unreadable, and Raven felt as though she was about to be punished for something she had entirely no control over. They both walked in quietly, and Damian closed the door, but neither of them sat down in the chairs across from Bruce’s desk. Doing that would make it feel _more_ like they were being punished, and Raven wasn’t entirely certain they had done anything wrong.

“ _So._ ”

Raven could hear the weight of the whole world in that one syllable, and she winced, waiting for the accusation to hit her.

“ _Trigon_.”

Raven’s heart dropped into her stomach again, and she opened her mouth to try and mutter out some kind of excuse, but Bruce silenced her with a look. She shrunk back and bit her fingers into the leather of the chair in front of her, anticipating the condemnation that was inevitably going to come. If he knew about her father, then what else did he know? What sort of secrets did he learn about her? The air seemed thicker in here, like she couldn’t get enough to breathe, and she was left struggling to make sense of the shapes and sounds around her.

“I didn’t think it was imperative to our friendship.”

Raven looked up, eyes wide as she stared at Damian next to her. He tried to stay as cool as possible, but there was a tick to his jaw, and his stare was the darkest she had ever seen in. He tilted his head to the side and stared at his father, unaffected by anything Bruce had said. “It’s not like I would send you a letter telling you all about my friends, and then _oh by the way, she’s the spawn of Trigon. Hope that doesn’t matter to you_.”

“ _Damian_.” Bruce’s voice was pitched low and dark, and Raven finally realized where Damian had learned _that_ particular skill. It sent shivers down her spine, and she almost felt compelled to tell everything to Bruce, but somehow kept her mouth shut. “I’m not _accusing_ you - _either_ of you - of anything. I knew about Raven and her heritage a while ago.” He paused and glanced up at the ceiling, as if thinking. “More or less. The headmaster told all of Raven’s teachers about her _very particular_ qualifications for being at the school, and then Kory thought she should tell me when you two were seen together studying, and then at… _parties_.”

Raven paled and Damian dropped his head into his hands, cursing. “It was _one_ party, and-”

Bruce cut him off, obviously uncomfortable. “I’m not here to talk about your _intimate_ life. You’re eighteen and can do what you want with your body.”

_Oh, gods_. How in the world had this turned into _that kind of talk_. Raven jerked back, feeling the protest escape before she stop herself. “We’re not-”

“The point is-” Bruce’s cold stare shut her down, and he let go of a low sound, warning them not to interrupt him again. “-that Zatanna has been seeing premonitions of things that _might_ happen, and she is worried - with just cause. Her accusations aren’t small, and her premonitions are getting clearer and darker the longer Raven is in this dimension. She has a reason to be worried about this - all of us do.” He sighed and leaned back into his chair, staring at them. “You should have told me, I would have tried to help.”

Raven wasn’t exactly sure how Bruce Wayne would have helped her at all, but she chose not to push the question. Instead, she stared down into the chair under her hands and kept quiet.

“There wasn’t anything for you to help with.” Damian looked away, not wanting to meet his father’s stare. “Why would I reach out for help if there’s nothing to fix? Raven hasn’t shown any symptoms of being taken over by Trigon’s blood-”

Raven knew that was completely wrong, but at least Damian was looking out for her. Even if it was to save himself from telling his father about the seal on his arm.

“-and there haven’t been any red flags that make me think it will happen in the near future. If the headmaster thinks it’s going to be too dangerous to keep her in his dimension, then they can always send her back to Azarath. That has been the plan since the beginning.” Damian finally looked back at Bruce, his mouth tugging down into a frown. “And other than making bad decisions and choosing to be friends with Bunker and Beast Boy, she’s been a model student.”

Raven blinked, her heart doing something strange in her chest. She looked over at him, and wasn’t sure if she should be flattered or insulted by the things Damian had said. Yes, he was trying to stick up for her, but he was also kind of being rude about it. Her mind flitted through a hundred thoughts at once, until she realized that, once again, she had literally _no clue_ what anything was between the two of them.  

“And this thing with Sebastian Blood?” Bruce’s voice cut through the heavy silence like an ax, and he stared at Raven, waiting. “What does Blood have to do with all of this, and why is he looking for you?”

“He didn’t know Raven was going to be here last night.” Damian glanced at Raven before looking back at his father. “He wasn’t looking for her necessarily.”

“He did look surprised to see me here.” Raven was surprised she managed to find her voice, and she took a slow breath to steady her nerves. It was one thing to have Damian lie for her, but it was something different _entirely_ for _Raven_ to lie to someone as imposing as Bruce Wayne. “But he talked mostly about my mother. Apparently he knew her before I was born, and he was trying to intimidate me by talking about her. I got… nervous, and I was caught off guard. It won’t happen again.”

“No one is blaming you for Blood, Raven.” Bruce’s expression turned sympathetic, and he shook his head. “I just want to make sure that I understand what is going on.”

“We stopped Blood before he got too involved.” Damian brought Bruce’s attention back towards him. “And the Zataras are warding the house against anything he might have left. We’re keeping an eye on everything, and we’re not being stupid about it.”    

Bruce stared at him for a long moment, and Raven felt as though Bruce and Damian were having an entire conversation without saying anything at all. It felt like hours passed in complete silence until finally Bruce nodded, as if he agreed to something that wasn’t exactly said out loud. “Alright, then. I trust you two.”

Raven’s shoulders sunk and she let go of a breath she’d forgotten she was holding. The weight that had been settling on her throughout this whole conversation dissipated, and she leaned forward a little, using the chair to keep herself upright.

“If you feel comfortable with Raven, then we’ll keep things as they are.” Bruce turned and stared at Raven, trying to look reassuring, but somehow looking more imposing that anything else. It was almost as if he was warning her for something that was bound to happen. “But if anything unusual happens, or you get pulled into something you can’t handle, then you have to come talk to me. That’s a _promise._ ”

The way he looked at her made her want to ramble off everything that had happened to them over the beginning of the school year, and Raven had to fight to keep herself from spitting out about everything with Damian and his seal and the magic that _no one_ seemed to know existed inside him. She somehow managed to just nod politely. “Yes, Sir. We will.”

“Okay.” He gave her a soft smile and motioned at the door. “Raven, do you mind letting Damian and I have a word alone? It’s about something private.”

She shook her head, casting a glance at Damian, who looked more annoyed than anything else. Offering him a tight smile, Raven ducked out of the room and shut the door. She stood there in the early afternoon light for a moment and took several breaths, trying to calm herself down. That had gone… surprisingly _not awful_. It could have been a hundred times worse, and Raven _could_ have found herself waist-deep in a spell to send her back to Azarath. But… she didn’t. At least for right now, she got to stay.

Raven turned, and at the end of the long hallways she could see Zachary waiting for her, playing on his phone. He _had_ waited for her. That was nice. He looked up and raised his hand in greeting, waiting until she walked towards him. Raven gave him a thin smile, her emotions a bundled mess, and shoved her hands in her sweater pockets.

“Well, well…” Zachary rocked back on his heels and chuckled. “I see you survived the intimidating Bruce Wayne in once piece. That’s impressive.”

“Barely.” Raven wasn’t sure her heart would _ever_ stop pounding after that conversation with him. “Thanks for stopping to say goodbye. You didn’t have to.”

“Of course. I wanted to make sure you were okay before I left. I’m sure all of this isn’t exactly… _easy_. Friends are supposed to do things like that.” He gave her a soft smile and leaned forward. Zachary paused and stared at her for a long moment, as if he was trying to think of something to say, but then took a step back again. “Anyway, the house is warded and you are protected. So, you can enjoy the rest of your break in relative calmness… although, I don’t know how calm staying at Wayne Manor over the holiday can be, but… you know what I mean.”

Raven laughed and nodded. “Well, I appreciate you sticking around.”

“I just wanted to make sure you came out of that in one piece. I can’t imagine that conversation was easy in _any way._ ”  His stare flicked behind her, and Raven could feel Damian walking down the hallway, probably scowling and skulking like usual. Zachary glanced down at Raven and cocked his head, his smile softly pulling to one side. “Well… I wish I could stay all day but Uncle John has another appointment he needs to drag me and Zatanna to. So… text me when you get a chance, and don’t work too hard on your break, okay?”

“Yeah. Of course.” Raven looked up to say goodbye, but before she knew what Zachary was doing, he had pitched forward and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. Blood rushed up her neck and she stood there, shocked as he took a step back.

“ _Zatara._ ” Damian’s voice sounded like darkness incarnate was trying to rip free.

“ _Wayne_.” Zachary just smiled and waved at Raven before heading towards another hallway. “See you later, Rae.”

She felt Damian bristle next to her, but didn’t know what to say to try and explain what happened, or even if she _needed_ to explain what happened. Damian shoved his hands in his pockets and turned towards her, his eyes dark. There were a hundred emotions storming in their depths, and Raven couldn’t pin a single one of them down. She wasn’t really sure what she expected him to say, but it certainly wasn’t:

“ _Rae?_ ”

She flushed. “It’s just a nickname he calls me sometimes.”

“And does he kiss you like that too?” He grumbled a curse in another language before turning away from her and disappearing down the hall.

Raven didn’t want to admit it, but she thought she heard… _no._ No. That wasn’t possible. It couldn’t be possible that Damian Wayne was _jealous._

 


	15. Chapter 15

Raven couldn’t sleep. Of _course_ she couldn’t. After the day she had, she wasn’t sure how _anyone_ expected her to try and rest.  

Her skin felt stretched thin like onion skin, tight and itchy, and the world around her felt like it was buzzing with a power she didn’t know how to interpret. Something inside her was lighting up, and every part of her seemed to twitch and snap under the pressure. Raven laid there on her bed, and stared at the ceiling in her room, thinking over what had happened this afternoon. Bruce _wasn’t_ going to force the headmaster to send Raven back to Azarath, and he _wasn’t_ going to make Damian stop being friends with her, and Raven didn’t know how to really interpret that.

On one hand, it _could_ mean that he was accepting her for the time being, but it could also mean… _anything_ , really. It could mean that he had full intentions of getting rid of her later, of finding a way to destroy her when she slipped up even a little bit. Raven wasn’t certain of her space here in this world, except that the longer she was here the more she realized she really didn’t _fit_ in this world. But then… then there were people like Zachary, Karen, Miguel and Gar, and even _Damian_ on occasion that made her feel like maybe she did have a chance to be here. Maybe she did have a right to be here, with humans, living a normal life like the young woman she was supposed to be.

She sighed and rolled onto her side, pulling the blanket up over her shoulders as she stared blankly into the thin light of the room. Her thoughts were a mess, and Damian’s confused emotions weren’t exactly _helping_ her either. He had spent the better part of the evening pulling into himself, glaring at _anything_ whenever he had the chance. He snapped at Cass and Tim during dinner, and then had gone up to his room without another word to anyone.

She assumed he just brooded in silence for a few hours, and then a while ago had wandered down the hall. He’d been away from his room for nearly an hour now, and she wondered when he would be back. As strange as it was, she’d gotten kind of used to feeling his presence in the room next to her, and when he wasn’t there she felt… _empty._ She felt like she was longing for something she hadn’t experienced yet, and even though Damian could be a _complete ass_ a lot of the time, there was also something genuine about him. Something about him that just stilled her own mind and thoughts, and made her feel like she had a bit more control.

Raven sighed and buried her face into her pillow. She felt like she was somehow at the center of this, with no explanation of how Damian had managed to be this upset. Then again, it could have been…

Raven flushed and thought about the soft press of Zachary’s lips to her forehead. She shifted, her heart turning over as she thought about his half-cocked smile and soft, dark hair falling into his eyes. Zachary was a good person, kind-hearted and honest, and he almost always knew what to say so that Raven didn’t feel like she was drowning in her own emotions. He was a good friend, and talking to him, especially today after their conversation, was nice.

But, it didn’t feel like something that was _romantic_. At least, not to her anyway. The more time she spent talking with him either through text or in person, it felt like he was a really close friend. That was it. Damian seemed to think something else entirely though, and Raven could still feel the rumble of emotions reverberating through her from Zachary’s friendly kiss.   

There was a knock on the door and Raven sat up, being jolted from her own thoughts. She stared at the door for a moment, hearing someone shuffling outside, before heading over to the door. Sliding it open an inch, Raven looked out into the inky darkness of the hall and saw Damian standing there, staring at her as his mouth set into his usual frown.

“Damian?” She looked around the hall, trying to see if there was someone behind him. They had been avoiding each other as much as possible all day, and she didn’t think that there was any _sensible_ reason for him to reach out to her now. She could feel something scratch at the back of her thoughts, but didn’t pay much attention to it. “Is everything… okay?”

“Mm.” That wasn’t _really_ a response, but Raven didn’t point it out to him.

He blinked once, and Raven opened the door a few inches wider, still uncertain. She could feel her body tense, as if it wasn’t sure if she should be prepared for a fight or something… _else_. With Damian, it wasn’t exactly _easy_ to tell if he was angry or _aroused_. Damian didn’t move. He stood there for a moment, watching her. His lips twitched and without any other ceremony, he leaned forward, his mouth settling against her own. Raven found herself sighing against his lips before she could stop, and she leaned up into his kiss.

His hand rested hot and heavy on her hip, and he nudged her mouth open, as if to taste her-

Raven winced and pulled back, wiping at her mouth with the back of her hand. He tasted bitter and peaty, and her nose wrinkled at the taste. “Have you been _drinking?_ ”

For a moment, Damian had the decency to at least look a little ashamed. His eyes darted down the hall. “Jason…”

“Ah…” So _that_ was where he’d been for the last hour. Jason had probably tried to help take Damian’s edge off, and ended up with a half-drunk brother instead. The thought was at least mildly amusing. Raven pressed her lips together, understanding. “Well, _that_ somehow explains everything.”

She paused for a moment, staring at him. For half a second she wanted to push him away, to send him back to his own room and away from her. She didn’t know what Damian was like when he had been drinking, and while she knew he would probably never hurt her, his emotions could be so untamed that _anything_ could happen between them. But still, there was something about the way the world around her softened, and about the dark look in his eyes that made her defenses weak. Something was eating at him, and Raven knew she wanted to find out what it was.

“Did you want to talk about something?” She pushed open her door and invited him in.

He paused for a moment, but then moved forward, steps were cautious. There was a strange kind of determination in him that made her almost wary, like he didn’t come here with a purpose, but he came to _her_ with a need. She watched as Damian wet his lips and turned to look at her, his eyes dark in the thin light of the room.

Silence weighed on them in anticipation.  

“No.” His response was a husky whisper - a low grumble that seemed to slip down her spine and burst into flame in the pit of her stomach. He just had to _look_ at her, and she was responsive to him. Damian lifted his hand to her cheek, running the back of his knuckles over the swell of her cheek before his thumb traced her lower lip. “No, I… don’t want to talk.”

Raven felt air fill her lungs, and every muscle in her body lit up as if on fire. “ _Oh.”_

Before she knew what to say, Damian was pressed against her again, his mouth hungry and voracious. A part of her wanted to pull back and tell him this was wrong and he’d been _drinking_. She wanted to remind him that they were going to make _very_ bad decisions if he kept this up. But another part of her knew that she would never say no to him, even when he was like this. And, if she was listening to that annoying voice inside her, Raven knew that she wanted this. She wanted it more than she could explain, and Damian was offering to take the burden of responsibility from her shoulders.

Her fingers dug into his hair and she pulled him tight against her, taking kiss after kiss, until they were both gasping between breaths. It felt like their hands were everywhere, sliding over expanses of each other, curling in folds of fabric, trying to find places neither of them had touched yet. The world around them faded into a haze of warm darkness, and they backed up to the bed in the middle of the room. The back of Raven’s knees hit the mattress, and she felt herself fall into the covers, breaking their kiss.

Damian stood over her, gasping… _waiting_. He was waiting for her to make a move, to give him a sign that they should stop. Or maybe a sign that they should continue. It felt like centuries passed between them, until Damian finally lifted his hand to her shoulder. His fingers toyed with the strap that had slid down her arm, and then… he pushed her back into the covers. Raven’s breath came out in one short gasp as he back settled against the mattress, and she felt him crawl over her, his pupils blown wide and his lips almost trembling. Her stomach tightened in painful knots, and Raven knew there was no turning back. If she turned away from this moment - from what he was offering her - she would regret it forever.

Of course, she might regret it if she _did_ give into her own needs, but that was something she’d worry about tomorrow. Right now, she only knew she _wanted this_.  

A war was raging inside her, and Raven knew which side was going to win before she took another breath. She looked up into his eyes, watching flecks of gold catch the thin light of her room, and her heart stilled for just a moment, offering her a fraction of clarity. This was dangerous, impulsive, and downright _stupid_. But… she _wanted_ it, and if she was only in this dimension for a limited time, she might as well make use of it.

Swallowing what was left of her reservations, Raven curled her fingers under the hem of her tank top and pulled it off over her head, tossing it somewhere in the room. Cool air slid over her heated skin, and she heard Damian’s deep groan, felt it rumble through her like thunder as he stared at her. He leaned over her, pressing his forehead to hers, and ran his fingertips up over her skin. It felt like that night in the forest, when they stood there and just… just _breathed_. Heavy moments slid by, stretched tight, and Raven opened her mouth to say _something_ , to make sense of this all.

“ _Damian_ -”

“ _Shut up._ ”

His mouth settled over her own, his kisses harsh and ragged, erasing every worry Raven had from her thoughts. His hands slipped up her sides, touching her, cupping her breasts and sending shocks zipping down her spine. His deft fingers found subtle erogenous areas on her, tracing and teasing until it felt like her skin was on fire and Raven was going to burst into flames. She writhed against him, her hips pushing against his knee between her thighs if only to have some small relief. He pushed against her, letting her ride out the tightness of her body, until he finally pulled back, gasping.

He stared at her, one hand tightening into the comforter by her head, the other hand cupping her breast and tracing the curve of her nipple. “ _For once in your life, just don’t… don’t talk._ ”

Raven didn’t know what to say to that.

And so… she said nothing at all, choosing to let their hands and mouths do the talking instead.

It was easier that way - easier to blame it on something _else_ between them. When they were both this far gone, everything felt like a blur of sensation and movement. Damian’s fingers raking over her skin, his short nails digging into her hips, and then the heat of his _mouth_. It was everywhere. Against her neck, over her breast, pressing kisses down her sides, and then… then he rested _there_. He waited for her permission, and Raven’s mind was so drenched in need she wasn’t entirely sure what to do, so she just nodded.

Raven had heard girls in her class talk about _getting eaten out_ , but it sounded _disgusting_. Who _wanted_ to put their mouths on each other like that? But she knew now. _Oh gods,_ did she know now.

Her fingers tightened in Damian’s hair and Raven felt like she was going to levitate off the bed, her body wound so tight with each pass of his tongue. He was _devouring_ her, consuming more than just her body, but her soul as well. She could feel the bonds between them strengthen, as if this one act was pulling them both a little bit closer. Not sealing the contract, but making it… _different_. Logically, Raven knew that she should stop him before it got too bad and they couldn’t return from this, but before she could push herself away, she felt her whole body twist into a knot, and she was thrown into the stars.  

Raven’s back arched, and she whimpered and shuddered and shook, words falling from her mouth before she had a chance to catch them. They were a rumble of noises mixed with things like _yes_ and _more_ and _please._ Her only saving grace was that Damian seemed too focused and too drunk to realize what she was saying, and so she kept her little admissions of her feelings to herself - for a bit longer anyway. He drew out every last second of her orgasm, only pulling away when he knew she was a mess of herself. He licked his lips as if to savor her, and looking entirely _too smug_ with himself.

She had half a mind to tell him to leave just for looking _that_ cocky, but her body was already too weak and pliant to say anything at all. So she just lay there, throwing her arm over her eyes as she tried to still her heart and bring her body back to this earthly plane. Silence settled over them, and she felt Damian’s hands slide up her side as he rested next to her, peppering kisses over her shoulders.

For one brief moment everything felt still, almost _peaceful._

Raven shivered as he pressed a kiss to the back of her neck, the scent of that bitter, peaty smell of liquor filling her senses again. She screwed her eyes shut and rolled onto her side, burying her face into the shadows of the room.

“You shouldn’t have done that.” Her voice sounded rough and husky to her own ears, and she tried desperately not to tremble when Damian’s hand rested on her hip. “Think of what could have happened. Think about your seal…” Her muscles tightened as an aftershock slipped through her, reminding her of what just happened, and she bit back a groan. She was _exhausted_ , but somehow she wanted _more_. “... you shouldn’t have done that.”

“You’re right.” There was a teasing note threaded through the soft rumble of his voice as he draped an arm over the dip in her waist, his fingers sliding down the soft curve of her belly. “I should try _harder_ next time.”

Raven flushed.

If he did that, she was _positive_ she wouldn’t survive.

* * *

 

Raven woke up the next morning - _alone_.

She had honestly expected to be alone, but part of her… part of her wished _so bad_ that Damian was still here. Raven leaned back against her pillows and stared at the ceiling, every muscle in her remembering exactly _what_ happened last night, and realizing the decisions they had made would likely destroy them both. She took stock of herself, and knew that her realization last night was true - their bond felt stronger, less breakable. Whatever  they had done last night had just made everything harder to undo.

Raven threw a hand over her eyes and let go of a quiet curse. What in the world was she _thinking?_ She should have been smarter, should have had more control over her own emotions, should have… she should have been _better_.

But she had broken so easily the moment temptation was presented to her. She sat up and held her head in her hands, the memories of last night sliding over her skin like a spell she couldn’t finish. His mouth had been _everywhere_ and she succumbed to him without even thinking about it. He was too drunk, and she was too weak, and they were both a disaster waiting to happen. They could have completely sealed the bond if they weren’t careful, and _then_ what would they tell Bruce?

 _Oh gods._ She didn’t want to think about _that_ conversation.

Raven wanted to stay in bed all day, throw the covers over her head and pretend she didn’t exist. But she knew if she didn’t at least _try_ to make an appearance at breakfast, everyone would know that something happened. Jason probably more than most. She scrubbed her face with her hands and made her way to the bathroom, showering quickly and dressing in her usual attire of leggings and a sweater. Normalcy. All she was trying to achieve was some kind of normalcy, and then maybe this wouldn’t hurt so bad. Or, at the very least, feel less weird.  

Quietly, she opened the door and saw Damian standing there, staring at her door. His lips twitched and there were dark circles and bags under his eyes, but his stare was a heavy as ever. He crossed his arms over his chest and tilted his chin towards her, as if he was desperately trying to hold onto control neither of them really had. Last night had been proof that neither one of them knew how to control themselves.

Raven didn’t know what to say to him (what _did_ you say to a person who spent the better part of last night eating you out? Thanks?), so she just stood there blankly and waited for him to make the first move. That seemed like the best decision.

Damian pressed his lips together and tilted his head to the side. “We should talk.”

 _That_ wasn’t exactly reassuring, but Raven didn’t know what else to say. They _should_ talk. They should _definitely_ talk. She swallowed, waiting for what he said next.

“About last night.”

Just the mention of it brought up the memories that were still so fresh they practically burned her. She took a shaky breath and nodded slowly, trying to steel her nerves so she didn’t feel so helpless. “Of course. What-”

“It was an accident.”

His voice was so sharp and definitive, that Raven jerked back, blinking in surprise. She felt like she had been slapped, and she stumbled to find a response as his words continued to sting her. “What?”

“What…” His head dipped and he glanced at the ground before lifting his eyes to barely meet hers again. “What we did shouldn’t have happened in the first place. I was drunk and you were… _enticing_ , and we were both careless and irresponsible. It could have ended badly if we… made the wrong decisions.”

Raven didn’t know if she should tell him that things already felt _different_. The bonds between them were already tighter and stronger than she had ever felt them, and she could feel the burn of his magic press against her _own_ skin even when he wasn’t around. But then again, maybe she was just sensitive… or sleep deprived. Maybe she was reading too much into this, and honestly, what should she even _say_ to him? Everything inside her was a jumbled mess, and she didn’t know how much of it was her own emotions or the bonds between them. Raven pressed her lips together, tightening her hands into fists at her side, choosing to keep quiet.

“I just wanted to tell you that it… it won’t happen again.” He stood up straight, looking down his nose at her as if he was completely unaffected by what happened. “And, to make sure that we don’t make stupid decisions again, I think we should end our contingency plan.”

Raven nodded once, agreeing. That was probably a sensible decision.

“And, I don’t think we should continue this friendship.”

That was _not_.

She stood there, feeling like the floor was crumbling out from under her feet, leaving her suspended without anything to cling to. She felt herself stumble a little, and her heart practically disintegrated in her chest, making her hollow and empty. “ _What?_ ”

“I’ve told you before… you’re a… _temptation_.” Damian’s shoulders sagged and he sighed, running his hand through his hair. He suddenly looked exhausted, as if the world rested on his shoulders alone. “Last night was case and point. You…” His eyes darkened and he looked away, not wanting to make eye-contact with her. “... you make me feel weak and helpless, and there isn’t a thing in the world I wouldn’t give you if you asked for it.” His cheeks flushed and he shook his head. “And it’s disgusting that I feel that way. I’m not bound to you in any sense of the word, nor do I want to be. I’m not your familiar, and I’m not your… _lover_. I don’t want any part of you, if I can help it.”

Raven blinked, unsure of what to say. “Oh.”

Damian looked back at her, his face blank. “I’m sure you feel the same way.”

She had practically been riding his face last night, so _no_ , she did _not_ feel the same way. She just didn’t know how to tell him that. She didn’t know how to say anything in this conversation. The wind had been knocked out of her, and she felt her own body deflating in front of him. How could he be so callous and cold towards her? How could he act like _nothing_ had happened between them last night? Or that what _did_ happen didn’t matter to him? Her thoughts were a storm, and Raven was trying to hold onto something solid as Damian stared at her in… _disdain._

“I think after we get back to school our interactions should be nothing but professional.” He straightened his shirt and continued to watch her, eyes cold. “We work together to fix this… this _thing_ on my arm, and then I think we should probably forget each other. It’s for the best.”

“I… I want to be friends with you?” Raven was ashamed at how weak her voice sounded, but she couldn’t find the courage to be more forceful. Damian had practically blindsided her, and she was scrambling to find footing in this conversation that she wasn’t even sure if she was a part of. “I thought that’s at least what we were.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He looked away again, the shadows in his eyes dark with his own storm of emotions. “I’m going to help you, but out of my own self-preservation, Raven. I don’t have any intention of interacting with you after we fix what happened.”

“And I don’t get a say in this?” Raven swallowed a slew of insulting words and accusations, and she could feel her emotions start to claw at her. They were ripping down her carefully-placed barriers, trying to set her demon free. The shock of what he had said to her was wearing off, leaving her to try and contain the push of power inside her. “I don’t even get to say that I want to at least be friends with you?”

He lifted an eyebrow. “No.”

Anger snapped inside her, pushing against her bones with enough force to break them, and Raven glared. “That’s not fair.”

“I don’t care. This isn’t just about you, so I’m telling you _no_. I don’t want to be friends with you… or acquaintances, or _anything_ really.” Damian turned around, his shoulders tense, and started down the hall. “If you want to go chase after Zachary, be my guest. I don’t care what you do, as long as it doesn’t affect me.”

“Zachary? What does _Zachary_ have to do with any of this?” Raven jerked back and chased after him, anger starting to thread through her before she could stop it. Black magic was snapping an her fingers, and her demon was whispering in her ear. _Let me free. Let me show him what happens when he’s stupid and careless_. Raven shoved her emotions down, grinding her teeth together and wrapping her fingers around his arm to stop Damian from walking away. “It wasn’t _Zachary_ who came into my room last night and _ate me out_.”

Damian flushed and he stared at her. “I told you… it was a _mistake_.”

Raven wanted to hit him, and she could feel the magic snap at her fingertips again. She tightened her hands into fists and glared. “ _This whole thing_ is a mistake.” She snarled pushed forward, half-tempted to throw him against the wall if only to release the energy building inside her. How could he think that this meant _nothing_ to either of them? “I don’t even know why I bothered to heal you that day. I don’t know why I tried to care about you.”

“I didn’t _ask_ for you to heal me.” He snapped his teeth and glared at her. “I didn’t ask for any of this, and you just _pushed it on me_. Your emotions, your demon, your _stupid magic_. I don’t want any of it, and yet here we are. This is all your fault.”

“You’ve _told_ me.” Raven growled at him, pushing forward and staring into his eyes. “Everything is my fault. Your stupid seal, your stupid temper, and your _stupid_ temptation for me. All of it is somehow _my fault_ , and yet _you’re_ the one putting his tongue between my thighs.”

His blush darkened painfully and he looked as if he wanted to say something, but nothing came out. They stood there, both breathing heavily, the anger between them practically tangible. Raven half expected something to explode. She wanted something to break, something to be destroyed, because at least then something else would feel just as broken and useless as she was. Tears were gathering behind her eyelashes, and she was shivering. Her demon was howling inside her, pushing against every last vestige of her control, trying to remind Raven how easily she could destroy _everything_ if she wanted to.

Damian’s face was cold, his eyes practically piercing her. “ _You’re a mistake._ ”

With that, he turned on his heel and walked away, leaving Raven standing alone in the middle of the hallway.

  
  
  


 


	16. Chapter 16

“You know you can talk to me, right? I’m not _just_ your teacher.”

Raven looked up from the book in her lap, looking over at Miss Call-Me-Kori as they made their way down the highway and as far away from Wayne Manor as possible. The winter holidays still hadn’t passed yet, but Raven didn’t think she could spend another day in the Wayne manor. Not when Damian’s words still hung over her head, weighing on her with every passing second.

_You’re a mistake._

Raven cringed and she shoved herself back into her book, if only to keep her face from betraying her emotions. She didn’t want to admit how much Damian’s thoughtless words had hurt her, or how they cut so deep she wasn’t sure that she would ever stop hearing them. She had tried to brush them off, but there was something about hearing them from _Damian_ after they had… _been together_ that burned her in a way she didn’t think was possible. After they had spent the night together, and Damian had even held her as they drifted off to sleep, something felt almost _right_ about the whole night. Something about being that close to him, in a state of near-calm, made the rest of their worries fade away.  

And then he had to go and _ruin_ it by being… _Damian_. Everything he had said to her had been sharp enough to cause damage to her. But that was his intention, right? His intention was to push her as far away as possible, because whatever this was growing between them didn’t fit into Damian’s plan. Damian’s life was a series of rigid expectations - plans and goals was were fulfilled by him alone. Raven didn’t fit into his life in anyway, and it was foolish of her to think that she did. It was foolish to think that they would ever have anything outside of _disdain_ for each other.

Raven bit back a soft sigh and glanced out the window. Maybe coming to this world was a _mistake_.

“It’s a long ride back, and I’m not here to judge… whatever happened.” Kori looked as though she wanted to suggest something else, but she kept her mouth shut. “So… if there’s something bothering you, I’m happy to help you work through it.”

Kori was already helping her thought his. She had been kind enough to offer Raven a ride back to the Academy the day after Raven’s _talk_ with Damian - if _that_ was what she wanted to call it. Kori seemed to sense that there was something wrong with Raven at the breakfast table yesterday morning, and while she did her best not to pry into Raven’s life, she was at least trying to make things easier for Raven. She could be a surprisingly good friend, and maybe in another life they would have been close. But right now, Raven didn’t want to do anything but get back to the Academy and throw herself under a pile of books to forget this had ever happened.  

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Raven closed the book in her lap and looked out the window again, staring off into the distance. “It’s stupid.” She huffed out an annoyed breath and glared at nothing in particular. “ _Damian_ is stupid.”

Kori nodded once, as if she understood, and glanced over at Raven. “So… this is about Damian then?”

Raven sighed and let the silence settle over them again, feeling her own response build up inside her. It was probably better to get it off her chest, but even though Kori was trying her best to be _a friend_ , she was still Raven’s teacher. And how in the world was she supposed to tell her _teacher_ that she had _almost-sex_ with her boyfriend’s little brother, and then got in a fight with him about it? Oh gods, this whole thing was utterly _mortifying._ She _needed_ to talk about it, but what _was_ she supposed to say? And then even if she _did_ talk about it, would Kori tell Dick? And then would Dick come down on Damian?

It was a _mess_. There were too many factors, and Raven found herself pulling deeper and deeper inside her own thoughts just to stop thinking about anything else. Her heart turned over, and she stared out the window, trying to think about _anything_ other than this conversation. She  just wanted to get back to the Academy forget that any of this had ever happened. Or at least try to forget that Damian had called her a _mistake._ She shifted in her seat, feeling Kori look over at her occasionally.

“If something is bothering you, Raven. I’m here to talk.” Kori sighed and looked back at the road, her face twisting into its own unreadable expression. “I know that sometimes the Wayne boys can be… hard to deal with-”

_That_ was putting it mildly.

“-but their hearts are usually in the right places. Even if it seems their heads aren’t. So, if Damian said something that upset you, don’t take it completely to heart. I’m sure that it will all work out.” Kori paused, her thoughts running quietly through her head. “And Damian _likes_ you. I’ve never seen him be so open with anyone before.”

Raven snorted and turned further away. “He said I was a _mistake_.”

Kori jerked, and Raven could feel the spike of her emotions. She winced, wishing she hadn’t said anything at all. It was bad enough that the entirety of his family thought they were dating, and even worse thinking that Damian had said those kinds of things if he _liked_ her. He didn’t like her, that was made _abundantly_ clear after their last conversation. Even if he had spent the night with her, and they had done everything _but_ have sex. He still didn’t like her, and she was beginning to hate him as well.

“ _Raven_. That… that’s _not_ okay for him to say.” Kori’s voice was soft, and there was a lilt of confusion to it. “Why would he say something like that? What happened between you two? You were close, and Damian… well, this the first time I’ve actually seen him actually pay attention to someone.” She paused. “It’s the first time I’ve ever seen him so open.”

Raven snorted, resting her head against the glass of the car window. “Because Damian is a _jerk_. A complete _jerk._ ”

“What happened?”

Raven wasn’t sure what it was - the fact that she had someone she could talk to, the fact that she felt so vulnerable, or the fact that just finally _saying anything_ made her feel like she had a bit of control over her life - but she had to say _something_. She felt her mouth open and words come tumbling out before she could tell herself that talking about her sex life with her teacher was probably not a good choice.

“We spent a night together, and I…”

And she _what?_ She thought that there might have been something _more_ growing between them? After what had happened at the party? After he told her that he didn’t _want_ to like her, but somehow did? After she saw the jealousy in his eyes when Zachary had kissed her forehead? She thought that after all those things that Damian would change? She should have known better. If there was one thing Damian was good at, it was denying himself and his emotions. He knew when to cut out parts of himself to reach whatever goal he was trying to obtain. Damian was the master at suppressing his feelings and pretending that there were parts of him that didn’t need to feel.

“...I don’t fit into Damian’s _plan_ , and I should have realized that months ago.” Raven’s head fell into her hands, and her shoulders slumped. “I should have realized so much more than I did. And now I’m left with hurt feelings and a friendship that I don’t know ever existed.”

Kori stayed quiet for a long while, and Raven wasn’t sure how much time had passed as they drove in silence. The highway was widening now, and Raven was grateful for some little bit of civilization to remind her that she was going to be as far away from Wayne Manor and the rest of the Wayne family as possible. She would rather spend the rest of her holiday break alone than have to see Damian’s _stupid_ face again. Raven opened her book again, staring down into the pages but not really ready anything on them.

Finally, Kori spoke, her voice soft and gentle. “I don’t want to say something silly like… _it’ll all blow over_ , and I know that if I offered to talk to Dick you’d refuse.”

Raven looked up, curious as to where she was going with this.

“But… I think what you need to consider is that Damian is… well, he’s a _handful_ , and he’s always been that way.” Kori shook her head and merged onto the highway. “He wasn’t really allowed to have a full range of emotions growing up, and he doesn’t always understand what it’s like to have deep feelings for someone he cares about. Bruce is still working on trying to teach him to understand that he can feel more things than disdain and anger.” She paused, her expression thoughtful. “Although, I’m not always sure Bruce is the _best_ teacher either… but… my point is that Damian will figure himself out, and he’ll eventually apologize. It doesn’t excuse his behavior, and if you’d let me I’d _gladly_ teach him a lesson… but… I just want you to know that Damian _does_ care for you.”

“That’s what everyone keeps telling me.” Raven let go of a deep sigh and leaned back into the seat. “I’d really like it if he told me himself, and not leave me to try and figure him out like he’s some kind of puzzle.”

Kori nodded, her expression sympathetic. “It’s not your job to help him figure himself out, Raven. If you _want_ to help him, that’s different. But Damian… Damian is going to have to come to terms with this all on his own. And I hope it works out for you both.”

Raven looked away, closing her book again.

“Also… not that it’s any of my business, but…” Kori glanced over at Raven, her expression curious. “You are… being _safe_ , right? Using protection?”

Raven suddenly felt horrified she was having this conversation. She had gotten a sexual health lecture from the monks before she had left, and found her school things had included a pack of condoms (Karen had immediately demanded to know all of Raven’s sexual conquests when she saw them - there were none, and Karen had been so disappointed), but she had never thought she was going to _use them_. And now the _one_ person she felt attracted to, she wasn’t even _allowed_ to have sex with him or there would be serious _magical_ consequences. How had her life gone so utterly off the rails?

“Yes…” She flushed and looked away, hoping Kori wouldn’t see her embarrassment. “We’re being _safe_.”

“Good. Good.” Kori looked relieved she didn’t have to have that conversation with her, and she leaned back into her seat, staring at the road ahead. “If you… if you have questions, you can come to me, you know?”

Raven’s head dropped into her hands. Oh, _gods_. Now _everyone_ was going to know about her and Damian. She _really_ hadn’t thought this conversation through.

-

Kori had stayed at the Academy with Raven for a few days before she took off for somewhere else, leaving Raven practically alone. She had expected the halls to be at least as empty as they were over Thanksgiving break, but now it was practically _deserted_. Through the whole week, she had seen just one other student, a freshman who hung around her, but had spent most of his time on his phone, and barely looked in Raven’s direction.

Raven didn’t mind the quiet at first, and she took the time to research and read books she had taken from the Wayne library before she left, while her nights were spent chatting with Zachary. She almost fell into some kind routine, and she _liked_ it. Damian hadn’t even bothered to ask where she went or if she was okay, not that she expected him to realize what he had done. Or, at least, own up to his mistake. Although Raven had gotten a few texts from Alfred asking if she needed anything, and apologizing for not sending her home with food for the holidays. And Cass sent her a ‘check-in’ text at least every two hours. It was almost reassuring to know that the rest of his family thought he was being just as ridiculous, even if they didn’t know the whole story.

The last day of Hanukkah passed, and then a few days later it was Christmas eve. The two teachers who stuck around to monitor the students who stayed had decorated the main lounge for each holiday, and Raven had to admit there was something calming about reading by flickering lights and colored tinsel. She spent most of her time in the lounge, enjoying her solitude until it became oppressive and she longed for companionship, and then she would reach out to Zachary. She didn’t _like_ being alone, but it seemed to be where she ended up most of the time.

“You should come over and stay with me. I don’t have a lot of space, but… I wouldn’t mind the company.”

Zachary had invited her over at least three times since she left Wayne Manor, but Raven wasn’t all that interested in being alone with him. The more she talked to him, the more he became a close friend. She cared deeply above him, but her feelings weren’t anything different than a best friend or a sibling. Although, she still couldn’t find it in her heart to tell him she wasn’t interested in him romantically. It was selfish not to tell him the truth, but she liked having the friendship right now, when she was so alone.  

Raven shrugged, even though she knew Zachary couldn’t see her. “I don’t mind being alone-” She didn’t - most of the time. It was nice to collect her thoughts. “-and you’re coming in during February break. I’ll see you then. It’ll be nice.”

She heard the door open behind her and expected the freshman to come in and take his normal spot by the fireplace. He didn’t really want to talk to Raven, but she sensed he didn’t like being alone either. So, they sat in usually companionable silence while she read and he played on his phone. She still hadn’t learned his name, not that it mattered all that much, but it was nice to have someone beside her.

“Alright… if that’s what you want.” He yawned and Raven heard him shift in his bed, settling down for the night. “Well, try to think of something fun for us to do. I know there’s not a whole lot that goes on outside of the Academy, but there has to be _something_ other than another house party.” He paused. “I mean, I’d like to try and have a real conversation with you.”

“Okay… I think there are a few cafes in town? Maybe get a cup of coffee?” She would have to ask Gar or Miguel, they knew the town way better than she did. “If that sounds good.”

“Yeah. It does.”

She could hear the smile in his voice, and Raven felt that little bubble of guilt rise up into her chest.

“Hey.”

Raven jerked out of her conversation and turned to look at the freshman who was standing behind the sofa. There was a strange light to his eyes that the firelight seemed to catch, and she had never realized, and he stared at her for a long moment. Finally he shoved a brown-paper wrapped package into her face, his expression blank and almost dull.

“This came for you today.”

Raven took the package and watched as he continued to stare at her for just a moment before looking down at it. Her name was neatly printed on it with the address of the Academy, but nothing else that would have defined the sender. She blinked, staring at it for a long moment before looking back up into the freshman’s face, waiting for at least a little bit of an explanation. He said nothing as he met her eyes for just a moment, before turning around and walking away, saying nothing else to her.

“What was that?” Zachary’s voice brought her back to the present, effectively breaking the spell between them. “What happened?”

“I… I don’t know.” Raven dug her fingers into a seam and pulled back the paper. “Apparently someone sent me a package for the holiday?”

“Was it _Wayne?_ ” His voice was teasing, but there was no malice behind it.

“No.” Raven pulled back the paper to find a book looking up at her. The leather cover was cracking and pages were falling out, but it was otherwise intact. “It’s actually a… a book?” It was old, barely held together, and as she paged through the worn parchment a slip of paper fell from the book and landed in her lap. She turned it over, looking at the note that had been left specifically for her.

_Hope this is what you’re looking for.  
\- Sebastian_

Raven felt her heart drop into her stomach and she stared at the piece of paper for a long moment, unsure of what her next steps should be. This was _Sebastian Blood_ , the person she was told not to trust and not to believe. Cold panic filled her veins, and then was immediately replaced by the hungry feeling of curiosity. Raven had been left for so long without answers and without a lead to start to figure all of this out, so of course she felt curious. Of _course_ she felt like there was a need to explore all that she was given. She paged through the book in her lap and realized with a deep and sudden fear that this… this was a book about the bonds between a familiar and their owner. This was… this was a book on how to break those bonds and what would happen if she did.

The bonds she had with Damian. The ones they had been trying so hard to break, and yet somehow failing at every turn.

Sebastian had given this to her, knowing exactly what it would mean for her. He had _known_ that this was a curse that was spilling into her veins, sealing her and Damian together, and he was exploiting her fears because of it. But… more than that, how had he known exactly where she was? How had he known to find her at the Academy, where she was supposed to be protected? Raven looked around for the freshman again, but he had disappeared, and she was left alone with Zachary’s voice calling out for her.

“Hey, Raven? You okay? Is everything okay?” Zachary’s voice pulled her back to their conversation, reminding her that she was still on the call with him.

“Yeah… yeah.” She rested her hand on the worn cover and swallowed the fear building in her chest. It wouldn’t do her any good “It’s just… just weird.” Her fingers could sense the magic already building in her as she touched it, and she knew that this book was _not_ for the faint of heart. There was more in this book than it let on. “I think I should let you go it’s getting late.”

Zachary made a curious sound on the other side of the phone before he hummed in agreement. “Yeah… of course. Call me tomorrow, okay?”

“Mm-hm.” Raven was barely paying attention to him as she hung up the phone. Maybe Zachary had said something to her, but maybe he didn’t, and right now… right now she couldn’t pay attention to anything other than the book. She opened the pages and looked deep into the words, seeing notes, lore, history, and… _spells._

There were spells in here.

Spells to break bonds.

Raven felt her heart drop into her stomach again, and she stared at the book, barely noticing that the freshman settled across from her. He sat there and just… _stared_.


	17. Chapter 17

“So… how was your holiday?”

Raven looked up from the book in her hands to see Gar sink down in a chair across from her at the cafeteria table. She flushed and closed the book tightly, shoving it into the depths of her book bag. She wasn’t ashamed of the book, it wasn’t like _she_ had specifically gone out and searched for it, but there was still something about it that felt… _unnatural._

She hadn’t told Damian about it yet, and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to tell him. He was desperate to get this bond broken between them, but he was denying her working with Blood. If he found out that she had gotten this book from _Blood_ , she was certain that he would never let her read it. And what she had read so far was… _enlightening_. There were ways to break the bond, they were complicated and probably dangerous, but they _did_ exist. Not that Damian would know anything about it anyway. He _still_ hadn’t even _tried_ to talk to her, and they had been back at school for almost a whole week. He had returned to his usual state of ignoring her, or glaring at her when he thought she wasn’t looking.

“Fine.” Raven looked around the cafeteria, trying to see the freshman she had spent most of her holiday with, as if she want to point out that she wasn’t alone. She tried to spot the shock of dirty blonde hair in the sea of freshman, but she couldn’t see him. Finally she looked back at Gar and shrugged. “It was pretty quiet here.”

“Here? I thought you said you had somewhere to go?” Gar looked hurt, and his eyebrows knitted together. “Oh, man! I would have had you over Rita and Larry would love you.”

Raven offered him a thin smile, wondering how much of her holiday break she should discuss. Gar wouldn’t judge her for her poor decisions, but he’d probably be pretty pissed at Damian for what he did. “I did have some place to stay, but it… it kinda fell through at the last minute. So, I came back to the Academy grounds.” She shrugged and turned back to her oatmeal, pushing a strawberry around. “It was fine here. Quiet, anyway. I rung in the New Year with some freshman.”

Miguel dropped next to Gar, looking surprised and confused as he entered in the conversation. “Some freshman? Who? I thought you were the only one here”

Raven paused and looked around again, trying to find that freshman as if she needed proof again. She felt a strange tightness twist in her chest as the sight of the freshman continued to elude her. He _had_ been real, she knew that much at least. They had meals together. Sat in the lounge together. Sure they didn’t talk, but she had seen him on his phone… right? Raven tried to push that thick feeling of worry and shame down into the pit of her stomach, if only to try and ignore it.  Had she been so lonely that she just created someone for her to be around. How pathetic could she be?  

“I… I don’t know. I don’t know where he is? I swear he was here…” She shook her head, ignoring that nagging feeling in the back of her head. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I had a fine time. It was boring and quiet, and I think I kind of liked it after the stress of finals.”

“Awe, come on, Raven! It’s the _holiday_ , not a funeral. You should have at least a _good time_.” Gar cocked his head to the side, as if silently chastising her from beneath his narrowed eyes.

“She _did_ have a good time.” Karen sunk into the chair next to her, her lips pursed. “Apparently she had a _really_ good time. Didn’t you, Raven?” Before Raven could ask what Karen meant by that, she threw a tabloid onto the table, the pages folded back to reveal…

_Oh no._

Raven stared at the glossy pages of the magazine, her eyes wide with panic. It was a picture from the benefit at Wayne manor, right after she had run into Blood, and Damian had pulled her away. His hand was wrapped around her wrist, and he looked over his shoulder at her. The way the picture was cropped, the lighting, and the slight curl to Damian’s mouth that looked like a sultry _almost_ smirk. It was practically _incriminating._ “That’s…” She swallowed, her heart slamming into her ribs as she hunted for an explanation. “It’s not what it looks like?”

“Well, then what is it _supposed_ to look like? Because right now it looks like you spent some time at Wayne Manor with _Damian_.” Karen pushed the tabloid closer to her, staring. “ _Spill._ ”

“ _Whoa_.” Gar snatched it up and stared at the picture in the corner, reading the description under it. “ _The youngest Wayne seems to have finally found a date! A classmate maybe? We hope all the young teenage hearts heal after another Wayne loses his bachelor status!_ ”

Miguel lifted his head from staring at the picture and narrowed his eyes at her. It felt like the world had stopped moving, and Raven was left tripping over her words, desperately searching for _something_ to say as all of her friends just sat there and waited. Raven tried to think of something, _anything_ , she could explain, but there was nothing. Her mouth opened, and then closed, and then opened again. What in the world was she supposed to tell them? That she’d accidentally made Damian her familiar? That she _did_ have feelings for him? And sometimes they couldn’t keep their hands off each other?

Miguel slammed his finger into the picture, his voice dropping to a low whisper. “ _Liar!_ You _are_ boning! Look at that! Damian Wayne doesn’t touch _anyone_ unless its to kick their ass in combat practice. He’s practically holding your hand! You’re wearing a dress! Why are you at Wayne Manor? What is going on?” Miguel looked back at the picture before pitching forward and glaring into Raven’s face. “That is _sex hair_. Trust me, I _know_.”

Raven buried her face in her hands, her mind suddenly filled with the memories of her being laid out on Damian’s bed as his fingers brought her to orgasm. Her face burned and she ducked her head, hoping that the floor would open her up and swallow her whole. It was bad enough that her friends knew about her ties to Damian, but even worse that _Miguel_ could pick out _sex hair_. She had _no_ explanation now, not even a fake one.

“It’s not- we aren’t-” She looked around, as if searching for an excuse in the space around her, but there wasn’t one. How could she explain what _had_ happened between her and Damian? What could she possibly say that would make any kind of sense to them. She could practically _feel_ the stares burning into her back, the whispers sounding like shouts in her ears as the photo circulated through the school - _Raven and Damian. What a weird match_. “We _aren’t_.”

Karen snorted and closed the magazine, staring at her. “Well… there’s a few million copies of this tabloid that say otherwise.” She shook her head, looking disappointed as she clicked her tongue. “ _Really_ , Raven? Of all the guys in the school, let alone in the _world_ … him? I mean, his brothers, _sure_. But _Damian?_ ”

Raven groaned and her head dropped further, feeling Miguel pat her on the shoulder.

“You have _the worst_ taste in men.”

She knew.

* * *

Raven had expected Damian would have said something to her the moment the rumors started to fly around campus, but he stayed as sullen and quiet as he usually did, refusing to acknowledge them. In fact, he hadn’t said anything _at all_ to her - not about what happened at Wayne Manor, or about their bond, and definitely not about the picture in the magazine. Raven thought she might try to talk to him, but Damian barely even _looked_ at her, and she knew better than to try and force him to open up or talk to her - it would only push him away. So, for right now, it just made sense to say nothing at all.

After a few weeks, the whispers and side-eyes mostly disappeared as their classmates seemed to buy into the idea that the picture was probably nothing more than tabloid fodder. How _could_ they be dating? It wasn’t like Damian had a lot of friends (did he even know how to make them?), and Damian and Raven hadn’t even spoken to each other in a month, even though they sat next to each other in Spanish class. After the whispers had finally died down, things went back to their normal routine, and Raven found herself being drawn deeper and deeper into the book blood had given her - as dangerous as it was.

With Damian choosing to ignore her, she took her new-found time to throw herself into the book, her notes becoming infinitely more complicated as she linked bits and pieces together. There were things in this book, things in other books she had read, and whispers of things the monks had told her in Azarath that were all starting to form in her mind. But one thing was becoming clearer the deeper she found herself falling: there _was_ a way to break the bond between her and Damian.  

It was a _complicated_ spell, and it would require immense power - power she didn’t know she could use unless she tapped into the stain of her father. That was _not_ something she wanted to do, and the fear of unleashing something inside herself she wasn’t sure she could control was too great. If she made one wrong move, her soul could be consumed by his darkness, and the consequences would be limitless. She’d rather not kill or enslave all of her new friends in this world if she could help it.

But, Raven also knew she couldn’t keep ignoring the inevitable either - the bond between her and Damian was becoming stronger with time and proximity to each other. She felt it when Damian and her had spent that night together, and the weight of what it meant sat heavy on her chest. She knew that the longer she waited to try and fix this, the tighter the bond would wind, and the more magic Damian would awaken in his own self. She hadn’t noticed it over the holiday break, but with Damian back at school and closer to her, Raven was finding herself getting shocks of emotion that didn’t make sense - _his_.

She was beginning to feel him in the same way he felt her - a sort of vague push of feelings that invaded her thoughts. Mostly at inconvenient times.

Like _now._  

“You’re pretty quiet tonight.”

Raven shifted and looked up at Zachary, who was nursing a coffee with slow sips as he watched her over the rim of the mug. Outside the cafe window, thick snow was falling heavily onto the empty street, and Raven found herself staring at the lazy flakes in the muted light of the streets. She could feel something rush up her spine before growing roots in her mind like an invasive weed. It was a tightness in her chest and a burning feeling behind her eyes, and it took her a moment before she realized it was frustration spiced with jealousy.

_Damian_.

Raven resisted the urge to let her head fall into her hands, and she forced a thin smile at him, taking a sip of her own coffee. “I’m just… elsewhere, I guess.”

He nodded. “Anything you want to talk about?”

Raven shook her head taking another sip of coffee, looking down into her cup. “No. I just keep drifting off, I guess. Sorry. We’ve planned this date since November, and we’re not even talking.”

Zachary stayed quiet for another moment, and then leaned back in his chair and stared at her. “You’re not really interested in dating me.”

Raven jerked and she looked up at him, surprised at how blunt he was. She stared at him and he gave her a warm, almost understanding smile, his head cocking to the side. She stumbled over a response, trying to think of what she should say. It was the truth, but she didn’t really know what else to say to him to make it sound less harsh than it actually was. She was growing to love him like a friend, but she couldn’t find it in herself to tell him that.

“It’s okay, you know?” His smile softened, and there was a slight glint in his eyes as he continued to watch her. “I kinda figured it out over the holidays, while we were talking. I thought you would eventually tell me, but…” He shrugged and took another sip of his coffee. “...if you don’t really want to talk about it, that’s okay. I’m just glad we’re friends. You’re nice to talk to.” There was a pause and his smile turned sly. “Even if you have _terrible_ taste in men.”

Raven flushed. “What-”

“I mean… _Damian_ , Raven?” He clicked his tongue and shook his head. “He’s such an _asshole_.”

“I’m not- we’re not-” Raven felt like she was reliving the conversation with her friends all over again. She buried her face in her hands and tried not to look as ridiculous as she felt. “Why does everyone think there’s something going on between us? Damian doesn’t even _like_ me.” True, she was getting mixed signals from him and they were getting stranger and stranger every day, but she was at least _mostly_ sure he didn’t like her.

“I beg to differ.” Zachary gave her a one-shouldered shrug and leaned across the table, looking into her eyes. “I’ve known Damian for awhile, and he doesn’t talk to _anyone_ the way he talks to you.” He paused, thinking. “Actually, Damian doesn’t _talk_ to anyone if he can avoid it. Having him talk to you and be relatively _civil_ is pretty surprising.”

“I don’t want him to be _civil_ towards me.” Raven sat back in her chair and stared at him. “I want him to treat me like a person.”

“Oh no, Raven. You don’t really understand. Damian being civil to you might as well be _flirting_.” He shook his head and grinned at her, teasing. “I’d almost say he was interested in you as more than a friend.”

Raven’s thoughts drifted back towards their time at Wayne Manor and she flushed. “It’s not _like_ that.”

He made a noise that said he didn’t buy her excuse. “Then what is it?”

Zachary seemed genuinely interested, and Raven found herself once again stumbling over what to say to him. She took a deep breath and let it out through her nose. It was a valid question, one she had asked herself over and over until it felt like the question was burned into her mind with no real answer. She didn’t know what they were, and definitely didn’t know how to explain what she _wanted_. On one hand, she didn’t want anything to _do_ with Damian. He pushed her away, and then drew her back to him. There was a constant pull and push, followed by need and desire, and then frustration and anger. But, on the other hand, Damian was someone she found herself connecting to far more than she ever thought possible.

“I don’t know.” Raven looked at Zachary and sighed. “And I don’t think he knows either.”

“Mm.” Zachary’s hum was nonjudgmental, and that made her feel like she wasn't entirely losing her mind. “Well, I think you should probably try to figure that out. And it’s sad to say that you might have to do all the figuring out, because Damian probably won’t admit it to himself unless you shove his face right into it.”

Raven felt a smile tug at the edges of her lips and she felt as though a weight was being lifted from her shoulders. It was one thing to try and work this out on her own, but having Zachary be beside her and try to help her figure out her feelings made everything feel at least a little better. It made her feel like she wasn’t alone. "You're definitely right."

He grinned at her. "I know I am."

The rest of their date was filled with Zachary pitching ways to get Damian to admit his feelings, and all of them sounded like something pulled from a ridiculous romantic comedy plot. Raven found the tension in her shoulders easing, and she took the easy conversation to think about what this meant. If they could find a way to break this bond, if it wasn't weighing on everything decision they made, would their relationship be different? Would Damian be warming up to her in a way he didn't do now? Right now he blamed her for this curse that was weaving them together, even though he was as hopeless as her when it came to resisting temptation. He had told her he didn't want to like her, and yet he did.

And Raven… Raven found she liked him too, in spite of the fact that he drove her completely crazy half of the time. Throughout all of their interactions, he treated her with a certain kind of tenderness, and when he finally let himself feel something towards her it was passionate and desperate and needy. He felt as though he needed her, that he was growing to feel for her in a way he didn’t understand, even if he had trouble showing it.  

Raven ran over these thoughts as she walked back to her dorm, her mind a storm of questions.

“We need to talk.”

Raven jerked out of her own thoughts as she looked up to see Damian standing outside the dorm, his arms crossed over his chest. She watched the thick snow flakes slide into his hair, tangling with the jet-black strands. Something in her heart turned over, and Raven realized with a strange clarity that she missed these private moments between each other. She missed the soft conversations that started as something perfunctory, but ended as a way for them to grow closer. She blinked at him, trying not to think how oddly handsome he looked in the muted orange glow of the street light.

“Before we go back into the dorms, if possible.” He leaned back on his heels and looked away for a moment before glancing back at her. “There’s a game night going on in the lounge, and I’d rather not have the school thinking we’re dating… again.”

Raven sighed and walked next to him, shoving her hands in her coat pockets as they walked along the snow-covered pathways of campus. They were both silent for a long while, the only sound between them their breath and the crunch of snow under foot. She waited patiently, hoping for him to say something that would make all of this okay, or at least make this somehow less awkward.

Damian paused outside a metal sculpture on campus, and they both stared at it, watching the snow gather in the smooth sides and sharp edges. He glanced at her, his mouth opening and closing as if he wanted to say something, but didn’t know how to express himself. Finally, he sighed and turned to fully face her her. “I know you’ve been looking at a book.”

Raven flushed and she blinked, unsure of what to say. How had he known? Something uncertain roiled in the pit of her stomach, and she searched for an explanation, but nothing came.

“Logan told me about it… after he went off on some nonsensical tangent about not breaking your heart.” Damian rolled his eyes and Raven somehow managed not to mutter “too late” towards him. He stared at her for a long moment and sighed. “He said that you’ve been spending all your free time reading it.” He paused, curious. “Is there anything in there worth exploring for our… _situation_?”

Raven realized she was at a crossroads and her stomach twisted as she thought about what she _could_ tell him. She found herself wanting to lie to him, wanting to fabricate some secret corner in Wayne Manor that she found this book, and she wasn’t sure if it was out of self-preservation or if she just wanted to keep that origin of the book a secret to herself. What did it matter to him anyway? As long as they broke the seal, right? It didn’t matter what happened to her in the end - Blood or no Blood.

Raven stood there, her chest growing hollow with every passing second, until she finally sighed in defeat and reached into the bag. She pressed the book into his hands and watched as he paged through it, his brow furrowing. “It was sent to me.” Raven was purposefully vague, and she watched as he paused over a spell, reading it. “Over break.”

“Who sent it?” Damian looked up at her, his face unreadable, and yet somehow cautious.

“Blood.” Raven’s shoulders dropped, and she looked away, as if ashamed at her own weakness. It wouldn’t do her any good to lie to him, or keep information from him. Damian would find out. Somehow he _always_ found out. “He sent it to me after I left the manor. I think he knew I would probably be helpless against my own curiosity. So, he would try to exploit it… and me, probably.”

“Raven.”

Raven looked up, surprised at the low, dangerous tone in his voice. There was an edge to him, but there was also something that told her that he was concerned - _for her_. She watched as his eyes darkened, and his lips twitched as if he wanted to say something else, but nothing came to mind. Finally he let go of a deep breath and hung his head, as if defeated.

“ _Not Blood_.” He handed the book back to her without even looking at the cover again. “I told you. Anyone _but_ Blood. He can’t be trusted, and he’s dangerous. As much as I don’t want this _thing_ to be a part of us, I don’t want you to get hurt either. So… we’ll figure this out, _without_ Blood’s _help_ \- or whatever he wants to call this. You have to trust me on this. Please.”

“How?” Her words were sharp and it almost hurt her to talk with the sudden bite of anger filling her mouth. “How do we figure this out when you won’t even acknowledge my existence? You don’t even look at me.” Raven felt her demon pushed at her control again, its claws digging into the weakest parts of Raven and pulling hard. It had been months since Raven had felt it slide against her, but she felt it now, and she wanted to let it loose. She _wanted_ to be angry and unhinged. Damian deserved it. He deserved her anger and spite.

“How are _we_ supposed to figure this out when you sit _next to me in class_ , and you haven’t even said a word to me? We were almost-friends at one point, and now you act like I’m the lowest thing on the planet.” She glared at him, her lips trembling as her magic snapped at her fingertips. It would be so easy to just throw him into the snow and walk away. “I don’t call this _working together_ when you barely see me.”  

Damian stared at her, his expression unchanging. His right arm twitched, and Raven watched as he wet his lips, his breath misting the air. Silence stretched between them for what felt like eons before he spoke. “I don’t want to like you.”

His words were nearly swallowed by the silence of the snow around them, but the way he said them made Raven feel as though she had been slapped. Her whole body stung with the insult, and she watched as he took a step closer to her, staring at her from beneath the thick fringe of his lashes. The scent of his spiced soap somehow seemed even stronger in the bitter cold of the air, and Raven felt her heart jump into her throat. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to punch him or kiss him, and that line was getting thinner by the second.  

“You keep telling me that, but I don’t know what that means.”

“I _like_ you, Raven.” His hands tightened to fists at his side, as if he was fighting a battle inside me. “But you’re a _weakness_. For me. You make me feel… _stupid_ and foolish. And… and _jealous._ When Zachary kissed you, I didn’t know what to feel, and tonight when you went out on your date… _damnit_.” He hissed, shaking his head. “I _wanted_ to tell you that I didn’t want you to go out on a date with him, but after what I said to you at the manor, I knew I didn’t have the right. I figured you would never forgive me anyway.” He snorted, glancing away. “I don’t even forgive myself.”

Raven felt like the world around her had stilled, and she stared at him, eyes wide. Was he… _apologizing?_ After a whole damn month, _now_ he was choosing to apologize?  

“You _make_ me weak, Raven. I do things around you that I would never do otherwise.” He closed his eyes and took a step back, swallowing a breath of air. “What happened at the manor is case-and-point. I shouldn’t have… I shouldn’t have come to see you, but I was drunk and I was weak for you, and you broke everyone of my defenses by not pushing me away. I wanted you more than I wanted anything in the world, and you should have told me no.”

“I didn’t want to tell you no.” Raven felt her body trembling, and the demon inside her was morphing into something hungry. Memories of that night were flung into the forefront of Raven’s mind, and it took everything in her power not to focus on the way his hands and mouth felt, sliding along her skin. It hadn’t been _so long_ , but it had been long enough and her body suddenly felt voracious. “I… I wanted what happened between us. I like you too. I wouldn’t have let you… _be with me_ if I didn’t. I thought you could see that, Damian.”

Damian stared at her for a long moment, saying nothing until he looked away again, frowning. “We shouldn’t be together.”

Raven had to admit that she agreed, but she was too exhausted to say it. Instead she leaned against the platform of the sculpture, her whole body practically disappearing into the snow. “We keep saying that, and yet here we are - _alone_.” She glanced up at him, her shoulders sinking. “Talking about our _feelings_. I’m beginning to think that whatever we’re fighting against is trying to push us together, whether we want it or not.”

“This seal has powers we don’t understand, which is why we need to break it.” Damian stood in front of her, his expression steely. Another long moment stretched between them, and he shoved his hands in his pockets. “ _Not Blood_.”

Raven looked up at him. “Then _what?_ What are we going to do to fix this?”

“We’ll find another way.” Damian sighed and sat next to her in the snow, staring out at the trees dotting the lawn. “We can figure this out.”

Raven didn’t feel so sure, and through the threads of their bond she could feel Damian’s concern as well. He didn’t know if they would be able to find a way to break this curse, but he didn’t want to admit it to her. He was worried, concerned for himself and concerned for her. If they didn’t fix this, there was no telling what would happen to both of them. He wanted to protect her, and right now he thought the best way to protect her was to keep her in the dark about his fears.

 


	18. Chapter 18

_ I need to talk to you. _

Raven sighed and stared down at her phone for just a moment, keeping her expression blank before setting it to the side. It had only been a week since they had talked outside and finally aired everything that was building between them, but Raven wasn’t entirely sure if she was ready to forgive Damian entirely. Sometimes he could be a real jerk, and he was just going to have to wait until  _ after _ she finished this report. He couldn’t keep ordering her around like this. 

Her phone buzzed again and Raven glanced at the screen. 

_ Now _ .

_ It’s urgent. _

She groaned and lifted her eyes to the ceiling, weighing the consequences of giving into him. He couldn’t keep pushing her around like this, but then again, she kept caving to him too. Maybe she just needed to establish better boundaries. Or maybe he needed to learn to give her space. 

“I need to go.”

Miguel looked up from their study session notes, and narrowed his eyes. There was a long moment before his lips pulled back in a teasing smile. “Booty call?”

Raven gritted her teeth, but chose not to glorify that with a return statement. Gar and Miguel would never let her live it down if she did. She ignored Miguel’s soft chuckles and began packing up her things in her bag.

Gar elbowed Miguel in the side as Karen rolled her eyes, turning to sniff at him. “Look, if Raven says they’re not dating, then they’re not dating. And, even if they  _ were _ dating, I don’t see how it’s any of your business anyway.”

“ _ Damian Wayne _ dating anybody is the gossip of the century, and if you can’t see that… well, then I’m just disappointed. Even if it is just a rumor, and might not be true, it’s still pretty shocking. And look, the only class they have together is Spanish, and…” Miguel waved around their small homework circle. “And he’s not here with us, studying. So, that only leads to one conclusion…  _ booty call. _ Because who else would you drop all of your obligations for and rush out of the library for? Ah, right… a  _ booty call _ .”

Raven rolled her eyes and zipped up her bag, choosing to ignore Miguel again. If she gave him anything else to talk about, he might implode. “I will be back later. This shouldn’t take long.”

_ Hopefully _ , she added silently.  

Raven bundled up in her wool coat and walked outside, ignoring the soft chatter between her friends. When she finally got to the student parking lot, she saw Damian standing by his car and staring at his phone, this thumb flicking over the screen. He glanced up at her, and there was a flash of darkness behind his stare, like there was something weighing heavily on his soul. Their gaze hung between them like a lead weight, and she felt a rush of nervousness and fear push at her. Damian was…  _ upset _ . Something was making him anxious, and that  _ definitely _ wasn’t a good sign. 

Raven stepped up to him, cautious. “Damian?”

He looked relieved to see her, and he the tension in his shoulders seemed to dissipate. He tilted his head to the car. “Get in. I don’t want to talk around campus.” 

Raven opened the car door and waited until they were off campus before trying to understand what Damian wanted to talk to her about. His fingers wrapped tightly around the steering wheel, and he drove them to a spot behind a convenience store, somewhere down a sidestreet outside of the quaint downtown area. It was as far from campus they could go without it seemed suspicious or raising questions. 

Damian took a deep breath and let it out slowly, his head leaning back against the seat. It felt like the air around him was crackling with pent-up energy, and Raven half expected him to explode the way he had the  _ last _ time they ran away from campus to have one of their talks. She could feel emotions war inside him, each one vying for attention, but to his credit, Damian stayed surprisingly calm. He ran a hand down his face, taking another slow breath before turning to face her.  

Raven waited, her fingers wrapping around the hem of her skirt. 

Another few seconds passed, and Damian finally spoke. “We’ve got a problem.” 

Raven paused, her heart stilling in her chest as she stared at him, waiting for him to explain. “And…?”

“I have  _ magic _ .”

_ What? _ She had  _ felt _ his magic inside him before, it had been the thing that drew them together all those months ago, but she had never heard him actually  _ talk _ about it. To hear him admit that he had magic meant that something had changed inside him, and he was recognizing his own powers. This was  _ so _ not good. Raven swallowed, her eyes wide as she tried to sort through all of this information. Her heart felt like it was going a file a minute, and she kept staring at him trying to understand if this was some kind of joke. Not that Damian had ever told a joke in his life. 

When no punchline came, she sat back in the seat and just mumbled out the only thing she could say. “What? What… what  _ happened? _ ”

“I broke a glass in my room.” Damian closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to keep his emotions under control. He looked like he wanted to be angry at her - or at  _ something _ , but he couldn’t quite find it inside himself. If Damian could allow himself to feel panicked, he would very likely be panicking now. “It just…  _ broke _ . At first I thought it might have just been too cold in the room, that the glass was weak, and I tried to reason it off, but… I  _ felt _ it. Your magic. My magic. Whoever’s damn magic this is. I don’t… I don’t even remember what I was upset about, but it snapped out and  _ broke it _ .”

It wasn’t  _ just _ a glass that broke, it meant his control had broken. It meant that the magic that he had been trying to ignore for months was finally breaking through. 

It meant that this seal was getting worse, and they needed to fix it - and  _ soon. _

Raven swallowed hard, trying to fight the panic that was roiling in her chest - his or hers, she couldn’t tell anymore. She looked into his eyes, thinking back to the last week as their emotions had seemed to war inside her, as if they couldn’t quite agree on what she should feel. She had chalked it up to her getting used to feeling more of Damian’s emotions, but maybe it was a warning of something more dangerous building inside both of them. If his emotions were affecting him to the point where his own magic was eeking out, then things were getting far worse than either of them perceived. 

Damian took another slow breath and looked over at her again. “We need to fix this.” His fingers raked through his hair, and his lips tugged down into a frown. Raven watched as his brow furrowed, and he tried to think through what could have possibly triggered such a drastic change between them. Damian started talking through his own questions, as if that kept him grounded to this moment. “What happened between us that’s affecting us this way? What changed so much that it could have gotten this…” He trailed off, his eyes darkening as he realized the answer. “… _ oh. _ ”

Raven flushed, looking out the window. “The night… at the manor.” 

“You should have stopped me.” His head hung into his hands, and Damian groaned. He was more frustrated at himself, at his own weaknesses, than he was at her. That was certainly a change from before. 

“I didn’t realize anything was different until the next morning. While we were together it didn’t feel like it would cause us any problems.” She paused, color creeping up her neck as she glanced at him from the corner of her eye. “And I told you that I didn’t want you to stop. I thought that was clear in the moment.” She wet her lips. “Besides, it felt good at the time, so…” Raven trailed off, looking away again. 

Damian looked over at her, the tips of his ears turning pink. His frown deepened. “That’s not exactly an excuse.”  

“It’s only an answer, not an excuse.” 

It was the truth. At the time she didn’t want him to stop, and she liked the feeling of his mouth and hands on her. It felt somewhere between intoxicating and feverish, and just the memory of it made her skin flare up and sweat prick the back of her neck. She tried not to think about Damian’s mouth between her thighs, lapping her up and devouring her like he hadn’t feasted in years, and she felt her heart skip and heat pool between her legs. It had been a while since Raven had any kind of release, and her own emotions were building in her like a maelstrom of desire. Reliving the memory of what had happened was  _ certainly _ not helping her situation, and she needed to do something with her hands or she would reach out for him. Raven unwound her scarf from around her neck and set it in her lap, toying with the fringe. 

Damian’s right arm twitched from the corner of her vision, and he growled at her. “You’re  _ not helping _ me right now.” 

Raven turned and looked at him as he stared at her, pupils blown wide. His lips parted and he leaned in close, resting his arm on the console between them. His spiced soap filled the air and she shivered, his proximity making her feel a bit like she lost her mind. She wasn’t sure whose emotions were winning the war inside her - his or hers - but she knew that her resolve was growing weaker by the second. It was like a feedback loop, his emotions fed hers and she fed his, over and over until everything between them felt intensified to the point of physical pain. She  _ wanted _ so badly, and if he touched her right now, she would go up in a puff of smoke. 

Damian leaned closer to her, his lips brushing her own in a ghost of a kiss. “ _ Contingency plan. _ ”

“I thought we ended the contingency plan?” Her lips moved slowly as she spoke, and she could practically  _ taste  _ the desperation clinging to his mouth. Or, maybe it was hers. She didn’t know anymore, and she wasn’t even sure it mattered.

“Right.” Damian winced and pulled back, and Raven wished she hadn’t said anything at all. She watched as he took another breath and shook his head, trying to clear his head of the tangled mess of emotions. “You’re right… we should be more careful. Especially with… with  _ this. _ ” 

“Mm.” That sounded all good in theory, but Raven didn’t really  _ want _ to be careful. She’d rather be stupid.  _ Gods _ , she wanted to be  _ so stupid _ right now. She wanted to crawl in his backseat and settle in his lap. She wanted ride him, run her fingers through the thick, short strands of his hair and taste every one of his curses as his hands ran along every hidden curve of her body. 

Damian glared at her, his arm twitching again. “ _ Not helping _ .” 

“Sorry. Sorry.” Raven pulled her skirt down further over her tights and looked away again, flushing with embarrassment. She knew better than to let their emotions get the best of them. The air around them turned thick and heavy and there was nothing she could do but sit there and wallow in it, like a sin they were forced to confront. 

Damian cracked his window, letting the bitter cold New England air rush into their space, hopefully cooling them off. “We should be better about this.”

He was right, they should be. Raven knew that more than anyone else. Her powers were tied to her emotions, and if she wasn’t careful they could easily spin out of control, and she could hurt someone in the process. She didn’t know anything about Damian’s powers, but she knew enough that there were going to be real consequences if they let this get away from themselves.  

Raven ran a shaky hand through her hair and took another deep breath. “So… what do we do?”

“I… don’t know.”

_ That  _ struck her. Raven glanced back at Damian to see him leaning his head against the headrest, staring out the windshield at the storefront, his mind clearly racing through a hundred different options. The question hung between them, the words heavy and weighted as they considered what their next steps could be. They still couldn’t go to Damian’s father, that would mean confessing that she  _ was _ actually a danger to this world. And Raven knew if she asked for help from Azarath, they would pull her out of this world faster than she could blink. Although, she was starting to believe that was probably where she belonged, for her safety and for the people of this world. She couldn’t even make friends without dragging them into the stain of her father.  

Raven sighed, her head falling into her hands. Outside of those options, she didn’t really know who else they could turn to that wouldn’t make this into an ordeal. She shifted, one name repeating in her mind over and over. “We could-”

“ _ Not Blood _ .” Damian turned to glare at her before turning on the car again, the heat filling the space. “I told you.”

“It’s  _ not _ Blood.” Raven understood that Blood was dangerous, but that didn’t mean that they had to ignore everything that they’d been given. The book that had been sent to her was invaluable, and if Blood gave them a way to try and fix this problem, they should at least  _ explore it _ . “It’s just his book. There’s nothing wrong with using a tool he’s given us if we’re this desperate. We’re not taking his help, we’re just using the spells out of a book. A book we could have gotten anywhere.”

“But we  _ didn’t _ get it anywhere. Blood  _ found _ that book for us. Blood  _ gave _ that book to you. Every part of that book has Blood’s greasy handprints all over it, and if we use it we’re taking Blood’s help. So,  _ no _ . We’re not using that book.” Damian shook his head, his eyes narrowing at her, and Raven could feel the sharp snap of his anger reverberate through her. His hands clenched, and he continued to stare at her. “No matter how you look at it, it’s  _ still _ Blood helping us, and I don’t want any part of that. I don’t want any part of  _ him. _ ” 

“So… then what do you propose we do?” Her words had more of an edge than she wanted them to, but what else was she supposed to say? Damian was so intent on avoiding anything to do with Blood, that he didn’t really see how important this was. Blood had given them an option to fix this, but if they didn’t take it, then there was the possibility that this could grow infinitely worse. “If not Blood, then who? Or what?”

“I don’t know.” Damian ran a hand over his face and groaned again. “I  _ could _ ask grandfather.”

Raven stared at him, waiting for an explanation. Damian never really spoke of his family outside his father or his adopted siblings. Hearing him talk about his grandfather rose questions she realized she never really thought about before. There was a long pause and no explanation came, and Raven could feel Damian sinking deeper and deeper into himself, running over even more scenarios in his own mind. 

Finally, he sighed in defeat and shook his head. “I’d rather  _ not _ ask grandfather, or mother. But I  _ could _ , if it came down to it.”  

Raven knew better than to pry into his family life, and she glanced away, trying to think of anyone else they could trust. “We could ask Zachary?”

Damian scoffed. “A  _ Zatara? _ ” 

“He’d help us without too many questions, and he’d be discreet as well.” Raven sighed, somehow managing to  _ not _ roll her eyes at him. “What do you have against Zachary anyway? He’s not a bad guy, and he’s a talented magician.”

Damian lifted an eyebrow and turned to her, his expression blank. “Except for the fact that seeing you around him makes me jealous?” 

_ What?  _ Damian could  _ not _ be jealous of  _ Zachary Zatara. _ Raven flushed as she stared at him, shocked that Damian had answered so bluntly. She stumbled over a response, trying to search for an explanation that she wasn’t entirely sure would come. “I… we’re just friends, you know. He knows I don’t want to date him. We’ve already talked about it.” 

“What?” Damian looked surprised at her admission, and he stared at her, confused. 

“I don’t want to date him.” Raven repeated, her words clearer now. “We talked about it when we went out for coffee last week. We’re just friends, and he’s nice to me.”

“Then…” Damian stared at her, waiting for some kind of clarity.

Raven’s shoulders felt heavy again, and she found herself getting exhausted of trying to sort out her feelings from his. The emotions inside her were confusing and jumbled, and she wasn’t sure what feelings were even hers anymore. Everything inside her was building up to a sharp point, and she knew that if she didn’t try to explain herself she would implode. She was too tight, too confused, too frustrated… too much of  _ everything _ , and she just needed to make sense of something. Even if it was just this. 

She kept her expression blank and met Damian’s eyes. “I don’t like him the way I like you.”

The silence that came next was deafening. 

When Damian didn’t say anything, Raven felt her heart sink low into her chest, and almost out of habit, she reached for the emotions inside her. At her curious touch, she realized that Damian was pulling back, his own thoughts shadowed and hidden. He stared at her, the silence growing so heavy that it felt like it could break bones. Damian’s lips twitched, and he finally turned back to the steering wheel, uncertain what he should say next. Even though she had told him her feelings before, when they were standing in the snow together, it felt different this time. It felt like maybe this was clearer and more direct. But, maybe that’s not what he wanted. 

Damian looked out the window again, taking a slow breath. “We should get back.”

“Yeah… we should.” Raven turned away as he put the car in drive and started back down the road, still quiet. 

They hadn’t really come to any conclusion on what to do next, but she knew he was scared, she knew that this was starting to spiral out of their control, and she knew she had probably made a fool of herself by admitting that she liked him as more than just a friend. Every part of her felt kind of stupid, like she had somehow lost all of her good sense. What in the world was she even  _ doing _ here?

She heard Damian take a breath at a stoplight, words that weren’t quite ready to be said still dancing on his lips. There was another slow pause before he started to speak again. “I…”

Raven glanced at him, waiting. 

“...I like you that way too.”

* * *

The days seemed to drag on in a long endless string of schoolwork and social gatherings, but it felt more like she was doing it out of habit than anything else, and Raven found herself more and more unable to sleep. She spent most nights laying awake in her bed or heading into the lounge area to just sit in the darkness, her head a swarm of thoughts and emotions - hers her Damian’s, she didn’t know anymore. Tonight Raven was curled up in a chair, tucked in the corner of the lounge, staring listlessly at her phone as her mind raced through a hundred different thoughts. But every worry or concern seemed to end in the same fear: 

Damian’s magic was  _ manifesting _ . 

Raven chewed on her lower lip and pulled her knees against her chest, resting her forehead on them. Her stomach was a tangle of knots as she considered the serious implications of what that meant. She had known that their bond was getting stronger, that the seal was slowly fading, and it would take one  _ stupid _ move from either of them to make it permanent. And right now, they were both  _ very _ good at making stupid decisions. Raven pushed back the thoughts of what happened and Wayne Manor, her demon inside her giving an languid stretch at the memory. 

Raven let her hand fall to her side, and her head tipped against the back of the chair. Every moment they didn’t fix this was another moment that made the connection between them harder to break, and Raven was feeling desperation start to sink in. Damian didn’t want his magic, and she didn’t blame him. Magic was a fickle thing, her magic specifically, and she had no idea what his magic would be like or how to control it. She knew it was old, that it drew off power she had never felt before, but she had no idea how it  _ worked. _ If they could control it better, then maybe Raven wouldn’t feel like she needed to find a solution immediately. 

She didn’t want to admit it, but she was growing desperate, and she knew Damian was too. Her heart felt heavy, and she could feel the push of Damian’s concern against her chest. He was awake too, and she had half a mind to go see him, if only to have someone to talk to. Carrying the weight of this secret around with her was beginning to wear on her soul, and Raven wondered how long it would be before her own control slipped.

The phone in her hands buzzed, and unknown number popping up on her screen along with a cryptic text message. 

_ I only want to help. _

Her eyebrows knitted together and she stared at her screen, the thin blue light casting a halo around the chair she was in. 

_ A Wayne with magic is a dangerous thing. A Wayne with access to your magic is even more frightening. I know what you are, Raven. And I know what you’re capable of.  _

Panic rose sharply in her chest and she stared down at the message.  _ Blood. _ How had he gotten her phone number? How had he managed to contact her? She swallowed air and nearly dropped her phone onto the ground, wanting to destroy it more out of fear than anything. Hands shaking, she brought the screen to her face and read the next message. 

_ I understand why you don’t trust me. My relationship with the Waynes is strained and complicated. But, your mother trusted me once. We were close.  _

Part of her knew that was just a ploy to get her to trust him, but another part of her - the weaker part - knew that she wanted all of that to be true. She wanted to find someone she could trust with all of this, someone who would help her figure this out, and someone who could help her help Damian. And if her mother trusted someone, then she should too… right? The logic made sense to her, but there was still something scratching in the back of her mind, telling her to be wary. 

This was all her fault. If she had known what would happen when she tried to heal him those months ago, she wouldn’t have even  _ looked _ at Damian. In fact, she would have done everything in her power to avoid him for the rest of the century, and she wouldn’t be such a mess and Damian would still be himself - without magic. Her head fell to her knees again, and Raven pulled her legs tight to her chest. She could feel everything tangle inside her until she was a knotted mess of emotions. She felt like she was going to be sick from stress. 

_ You have my word as someone who once called Arella his friend, I only want to help you. _

Her heart grew heavy at the sight of her mother’s name, and Raven stared at the phone for a long moment, staring at Blood’s words printed on her screen. Every part of her was aching now, and she felt completely hollow inside. Maybe he was just trying to help. Maybe she could trust him. She felt just desperate enough to consider the idea. 

_ Give it some thought. I won’t push you.  _

“Raven?”

She started and lifted her head at the low voice of Damian as he entered the lounge area. He paused a few feet from her, watching the shadows stretch and move around her. His eyes met hers in the light cast by her phone, and Raven found herself drawn to the sight of him. Damian took another step toward her, curious. She felt the heavy weight of guilt settle on her chest, and Raven pocketed her phone. She knew that if she told him about the messages, he would be angry, and Raven might lose the one truly viable option they had to fix this. She knew it was stupid, but, for right now, it was probably best that she didn’t say anything at all. 

“I couldn’t sleep.” Not quite a lie. 

Damian nodded and sat across from her in another chair. It was pitch-black in the room now, but Raven could still feel his eyes on her. A soft silence settled between them before he spoke again. “Me either.” 

Raven felt the air between them change, and the tension in her shoulders suddenly eased with his presence. She looked at him in the darkness, her thoughts thick with worry, caked with fear, but somehow felt almost…  _ okay _ . There was an odd tranquility between them, and Raven let it wash over her. 

“Did you want to talk?”

Raven looked up at Damian and shook her head. “No. Not really.”

He nodded once, his eyes closing as his head leaned back. “Me either.”


	19. Chapter 19

Damian’s magic was getting worse every day. 

Midterms were weighing heavily on everyone, with the promise of spring break immediately after tests. And while Damian tried to act as though he was completely in control of his life, Raven was learning that sometimes his well-placed control slipped through his grasp. Things were happening around him that he barely noticed, or if he did notice them, he continued to ignore them out of some form of idiocy or self preservation (she couldn’t pinpoint which). But Raven could feel these things for what they  _ really  _ were: small magical acts. A dish breaking. A door or window slamming just a little too hard.  _ Incredibly _ unfortunate luck for a person standing in his vicinity. All little things that no one else seemed to notice, but they were magical just the same. 

Raven didn’t want to think about what would happen if they let these thing continue unchecked, and her fears were growing deeper and deeper roots every time something happened. Damian ignored her thoughts for the most part, but desperation was sinking deep into her bones. She often found herself wondering how much longer they could try to muddle through this without any help. She still hadn’t responded to Blood, but his offer was still there at the back of her mind, reminding her that there  _ was _ help if she needed it. 

He had told her that her mother had trusted him, and while she knew better than to trust things at face-value, she didn’t  _ feel _ like Blood would like about something like this. Why would he? What purpose would it serve in the end if he  _ lied? _ So then, if Raven’s mother had trust him, wasn’t that a good enough reason for Raven to trust him too? She didn’t know the answer to that question, but her resolve was becoming weaker every time something happened to Damian. They wouldn’t be able to keep this completely contained for much longer, and what would happen when something went  _ completely _ wrong? When Damian or her made a mistake they couldn’t recover from? Raven wasn’t sure, but she knew she didn’t want to find out.  

“This is exhausting.” 

Raven looked over at Gar as he put the finishing touches on his Spanish essay, before picking up the reading assignment for World Literature class - due in three days. His head hung and he leaned back into his chair, staring at her. 

“We’re all stuck inside here for the next million years writing reports and studying, and look at the outside! The snow melted!” He whipped his head around to the window and stared longingly at the almost-green grass that was trying to grow along the walkway. Gar whined and wiggled in his chair like a sir-crazy child. “I can’t sit around here and just drown in homework, I need something to do.”

“You  _ could _ try shutting up?” Damian lifted his head from his own report and glared. For once he wasn’t holed up in his room working, and had decided to join his classmates in a study session. “Or you could go find something to do somewhere else. Your grades aren’t  _ my _ concern, so if you want to throw a party in the woods and drink until you pass out… go for it.” Damian turned back to his notes. “But just keep it down while I’m working.”

“Actually… that… that’s a good idea.” Gar snapped his fingers and turned to look at Miguel next to him, his eyes wide and pleading. “A party this weekend. Before we go on spring break. Let’s have a bonfire, like the one in October.”

Miguel shrugged, nonchalant. “I don’t know if the wood will be dry enough after all the snow melted, but we can at least try. Or I can talk to the kid by the lake. I think his parents are on some month-long safari, and he’s always down for something when they’re out of town.” 

“Perfect!” Gar slammed his book down and grinned across the table at Damian. “Then it’s settled. We’re throwing a party at Damian’s suggestion. And if that’s the case, then you’re just going to have to come. Pull those panties of yours out of a knot and maybe act like a real teenager for once in your life. Instead of the perfect little Wayne boy.” 

“I’m not going to  _ any _ party with you, Logan.” Damian didn’t look up from his notes, but his lips tugged down into a frown. “And I didn’t suggest anything, so don’t drag me into this.” 

“I bet you’d go if Raven went with you.” Miguel grinned at him and leaned forward, across the table. “Hm?”

Damian finally looked up and glanced at Raven next to him for a split second. She could feel the blush crawling up her neck, and met his stare. They said nothing to each other, but somehow managed to communicate everything all at once. His lips twitched and he looked back at Miguel with an annoyed sigh. “Fine. If it’ll get you to shut up for the rest of the day so I can finish this essay, then  _ sure _ . I’ll go to the party that  _ you’re _ throwing, and I’ll go with Raven.”

Miguel just caught Raven’s stare and gave her a smile that said he knew a secret even  _ she  _ didn’t know. She looked back into her homework and ignored the sinking feeling in her chest, pretending to be caught up in conjugating verbs. She didn’t need to respond to their teasing, and neither did Damian, but it was already too late, Miguel and Gar both had some kind of gossip to sink their teeth into. Damian looked over at her again for just a moment, commiserating with her before turning away again. 

“Good.” Miguel grinned. “Then I guess we’ll see you two there. Don’t be late.”

And that was how Raven and Damian found themselves in a frost-covered field in the middle of the forest far outside of town The sound of indie rock playing from some local kid’s pick-up truck seemed to bleed into the darkness, and the soft orange glow of the bonfire bathed the space around them. It felt like October all over again, when this whole stupid mess had started. Raven felt like centuries had passed since then, but somehow it had only been a few months.

She looked over at Damian, watching the discomfort sew onto his lips as he glanced around at their classmates and local kids. He wasn’t exactly one for parties, and he  _ certainly _ wasn’t one for parties where the entire student body now thought they were dating (again). He looked around at everyone who was staring at them and whispering, and stalked away from the party, frowning. To him, it was easier to remove himself from the situation than it was to fight it.  

“Nice to know he’s still as social as ever.” 

Raven turned around and saw Zachary standing next to her, his lips tugging to the side in an almost-smile. She blushed and looked towards where Damian had disappeared to before giving Zachary a small smile. “It’s not  _ really _ his fault. He was goaded into being here, and we both know Damian isn’t exactly…  _ social _ .”

“Ah. That explains a lot actually.” Zachary stood next to her and shoved his hands in his coat pocket as they both inched closer to the bonfire for warmth. 

“What are you doing here? I thought you weren’t going to be in town for a while?” Raven wrapped her sweater tighter around her and looked over at him. 

“Eh… I was only an hour away, so I figured I’d head out and crash another party. Gar and Miguel texted me about it and I’ll admit I was curious to see how things were going with your very reluctant crush.” His eyes flicked behind Raven again, as if he was watching Damian in the shadows. “I see things are still pretty much status quo.”

“They’re  _ better _ … we’re talking more.” Raven shrugged and tugged on a loose string on her coat, not making eye-contact. “I’d rather not go into details about it, but… it could be worse.”

“No grand profession of love yet?” Zachary’s smile turned teasing and he glanced down at her. “No prom-posal or whatever?”

“We don’t have a prom.” Raven shrugged and rocked back on her heels, looking into the fire. She gave a soft laugh and shook her head. “Something about a whole school filled with super-powered teenagers spiking the punch and grinding on each other seems pretty dangerous. So it’s probably best if we  _ don’t _ do the whole prom thing.”

“Yeah… actually, that makes the most sense.” He laughed and rubbed the back of his head. “I can only imagine what it would be like trying to calm that down.” He paused, his head cocking to the side as he turned towards her. “But really? You didn’t like any of the suggestions I offered to get him to confess? I’m hurt.”

Raven gave him a flat stare. “You know none of those are going to work.”

“Oh,  _ sure _ . But they’re still pretty funny.” He grinned. “I want to see Damian outside your dorm room holding up a boombox and playing love songs as loud as possible. I think it would be a good look on him.”  

“Now you’re teasing.”

“Of course I am.” He glanced behind her again, his smile widening. “Speak of the devil himself.”

Raven turned around to see Damian standing behind her, his eyes flicking from Zachary to Raven and back again. His lips twitched as if he was fighting back a snide comment, and instead he nodded once in Zachary’s direction. It was about as civil as he was going to get, so Raven wasn’t going to be  _ too _ annoyed by it. 

“ _ Zatara _ .”

“ _ Wayne. _ ” Zachary offered a knowing smile and took a step back. “I can see you two are probably busy, so I’m gonna go find Gar and Miguel. I’ll talk to you later, Rae.” 

Damian waited until Zachary had left before he spoke again. “What’s Zatara doing here?”

“Miguel and Gar invited him.” Raven shrugged, wondering if Damian remembered anything she had told him a few weeks ago. She wasn’t interested in dating Zachary, but that didn’t seem to stop Damian from being jealous. She could feel the thick emotion fill her, pulling on her, as if trying to urge her closer to Damian. “And he’s my friend, so I don’t see how it’s a problem.” She paused and glanced over at him. “Besides, I already told you how I feel.” 

Damian glanced down at her, his lips twitching again. There was a long, heavy silence and he tilted his head towards the treeline. “Let’s take a walk. I want to talk away from everyone.” 

Raven blinked, but she nodded and followed him away from the ring of light that bathed their classmates. The smell of alcohol and wet earth was already filling the air, and as they stepped deeper into the darkness and the shadows, Raven felt a strange sense of calm rest over her. It wasn’t like last time they were here, when she was so nervous about what had happened between them. Now it felt  _ calmer _ somehow, like the tensions between them had eased and it left something tender. Complicated for sure, but still tender. 

Raven listened to the crisp sound of frost underfoot, and she took a deep breath, tasting the moist, cold air on her tongue. The bonfire seemed a world away, and Raven sat down on a fallen, mostly dry tree to look up at the stars in the sky. Damian settled next to her, and for a long while neither of them said anything. They just sat there in an almost-comfortable silence, staring at the stars in the sky and waiting for the other person to talk.  

Finally, Raven broke the silence. “What did you want to talk about?”

Silence stretched between them again, and Raven almost considered repeating herself. Had Damian heard her, or was there something else eating at him? 

“You’ve noticed it, haven’t you?” Damian’s voice was barely above a whisper, but it held the weight of the whole world. The air around them turned still and silent, pierced only by the occasional joyful scream from the bonfire. He took a slow breath and looked over at her. “This magic is… it’s getting harder to control, taking more root in me.  _ I’m _ getting worse.” 

Raven looked away, digging her toes into the dead leaves if only so she could find  _ something _ to do with her body. She knew she couldn’t look him in the eyes when she told him the inevitable truth. “You have been getting worse. I can feel it.”

He ran a hand over his face and sighed, defeat washing over both of them like poison. It was something they couldn’t avoid, something they had to face if they wanted to figure out a way to fix all of this. Damian seemed to be turning over thoughts in his head, and it was another moment before he spoke again. “I’ve decided that I’m going to see my grandfather over spring break next week. I wasn’t going to, but I don’t think I have a choice now. I’ll have to ask him for help.” He glanced at her from the corner of his eye. “Him and my father have a…  _ strained _ relationship, so you won’t have to worry about father finding out anything about us. And grandfather is discreet.”

Once again Raven wanted to question the nature of Damian’s relationship with his father and the rest of his family, but she knew better than to pry. If he wanted to talk about it with her, he would open up when he was ready. Instead, she just nodded and looked down into her lap. “Is Zachary still out of the question? I can ask him if he’d be willing to help. At the very least he might be able to point us in the direction of someone who would help us… without telling your father or any of our teachers.”

Damian ground his teeth together and glanced over at her, his expression tight. “I’m almost desperate enough.” He sighed again, running a hand over his face. “We’ve been trying to figure this out for months, and nothing is working. If you honestly think Zatara would help, then ask him. I just…” Damian trailed off, shifting. There was a confession building inside him, something he  _ needed _ to say to her or he would lose his mind. It felt like the whole world was eating at him, and he didn’t know how to stop it.

“It’s more than just these little things, Raven.” He let go of a breath he had been holding, shaking his head. “If this magic keeps getting worse, I’m concerned that I’m going to lose control one day. I can feel it just under my skin. I can feel the magic there always trying to get out, and some days I can control it, and other days… other days I know I can’t. I feel weak and stupid. And worst of all, I feel helpless.” He looked ashamed to admit that, but didn’t say anything else.

“Controlling your emotions helps. At least, it helps me.” Raven looked over at him with a thin smile, and she folded her hands in her lap. “In Azarath the monks taught me meditation techniques specifically to help me control my emotions, so that I wouldn’t hurt anyone if I lost control. It’s not much, but… I can help you, if you want.”

“I  _ have _ control over my emotions.” He glared at her from the corner of his eye before looking back into the darkness again. “But, I  _ don’t _ have control over anything else. I hate feeling like this… like I can’t even manage my own damn life. Everything is slipping between my fingers, and I should be able to hold onto it, but I  _ can’t _ . I’m  _ pathetic _ .”

“No. You’re not.” Raven pursed her lips and stared at him, watching as the shadows stretched towards them both. “Look, you’re doing as good as to be expected, Damian. You haven’t had magic for more than a few months, and it’s getting worse every day -  _ changing _ every minute. The fact that you have these powers that are completely alien to you, and everyone around you is still safe and alive is proof that you’re controlling this as best as you can.” 

“Mm.” Damian gave a single nod, his expression dark. “But it’s getting worse, right? You can feel that magic start to take over whenever I lose my temper or lose control of something. You know better than anyone else how dangerous this is, and how much more dangerous it’s going to get if we don’t fix this. If we let this fester inside me, it’s going to turn rotten and someone  _ is _ going to get hurt, Raven.” He let go of a puff of breath, tipping his head back against his shoulders as he stared at the sky again. “So, I’ll tell my grandfather and my mother, and hopefully they’ll be able to help us. It’s not much, but it’s at least another path we can take.”

Raven nodded, and she let the silence settle over them again, tipping her head back to stare into the sky. “We should get back to the party, or people are going to talk.”

“Let them.” Damian sighed, looking as though he’d given up on trying to fight the rumors going around. “I don’t want to go back just yet. I only agreed to come to this idiotic waste of time because you wanted to go.”

Raven looked back over at him, her heart stuttering in her chest. That was  _ almost _ nice. “You wanted to come because of me?”

“Well, that and Miguel was being such a _smug_ _asshole_.” Damian shrugged and looked over at her. 

They fell into silence again, the weight of their conversation settling over them, but neither of them knew what they should say next. They both knew that Damian was growing dangerous, but it hurt to talk about it when they didn’t have a definitive answer to what was happening. So they just let their conversation dissolve, and Raven could feel the air start to change around them. Suddenly scents seemed pungent, and the cold air bit against all of her exposed skin, and the soft hum of the party seemed an entire world away. They were so very,  _ very _ alone.

Damian seemed to sense the change too, and he leaned closer to her, his fingers resting over her own. “I… I haven’t stopped thinking about what you said to me a few weeks ago.” His voice was low, and there was a rawness behind it that shook Raven to her core. “That you like me.”

She flushed and forced herself to meet his eyes. “You said you liked me too.” 

He nodded, but there was no shame in his expression. His fingers threaded through her own, pulling her closer to him. Raven could feel her heart pounding in her chest, blood rushing through her ears as her demon woke beneath her skin, stretched and reached out for him. She was suddenly  _ hungry _ for something she had only tasted a few times before, and that she hadn’t had in  _ so long.  _ Her demon pressed against her control, slid along her skin, whispered promises in Raven’s ear. She wanted that elusive peak of carnal need and desire swirling together into something uncontrollable.

“You’re making this difficult.” Damian was breathing hard, his voice ragged in the near-silence. 

Raven stared at him from beneath her eyelashes, her own breath coming in short gasps. They had barely touched each other, but their emotions were swirling inside her, creating a dangerous concoction. “The feeling is mutual.” 

His hand slid around her waist, and Damian leaned closer, his lips sliding along her own. It was a barely-there kiss, something exploratory and cautious. Raven lifted her hands to his chest and leaned closer, wetting her lips just so the tip of her tongue could trace his lower lip. He shivered against her, and his hand slid up the outside of her thigh, fingertips resting  _ just _ under the hem of her skirt. The demon in her hissed with delight, that electrifying feeling darting all over her skin like it was branding her.

“I’m sorry.” His voice had dropped to a husky whisper, and he pressed his forehead against hers. “I’m sorry for what happened at the manor. I shouldn’t have…” He tripped over his words and shook his head, pulling back just enough to look into her eyes but not to break the contact between them. “I wanted it too - what happened between us, and I shouldn’t have blamed you. Of course I knew what I was doing that night, and having you that close to me made me feel just as stupid as ever.”

Her hand slid along his thigh, fingers tightening in the folds of his trousers, and she threw all of her good sense to the wind. Leaning up towards him, Raven sealed her lips to his in a kiss, and it felt as if all the tension in her body just released. Damian matched every one of her kisses with one of his own, his own body betraying him. She sighed against his mouth, and his hand tightened on her thigh, pulling her closer to him so that their legs tangled together. His fingers slid up her thigh, rubbing slowly, and Raven felt her whole body start to quake. 

She had missed this.  _ Desperately _ .

Her hand slid up the side of him and she buried her fingers into his hair, pulling him tightly against her. She could feel her heart pounding so hard that she thought her ribs might break, and her demon was slipping even deeper into her veins, her control starting to fray with every pass of his lips. The school was going to talk. There were going to be incriminating photos of them. Someone was going to make assumptions. None of it mattered anymore, at least not in this moment. Right now, the only thing that was important was the press of their bodies against each other, and the soft gasps that filled the silence around them. 

Damian’s fingers tightened along her thigh, and Raven felt him dig into her tights. He pulled back, swallowing air as he stared into her eyes. “We shouldn’t.”

“You’re right.” Raven didn’t pull back and neither did he. They just sat there, pressed tightly against each other, suspended in time and waiting for the other person to make the right decision. 

“It’s dangerous. We could do something irreparable.” In spite of his brave words, his fingers tightened in her tights even more, the fabric stretching thin. “It’s not safe for us to be doing this.”

“No. It’s not.” 

Heat was rushing through her, and her demon was already screaming for release, calling out through the seal and the beginnings of their bond. It wanted Damian pressed against her tighter - bare and brazen. Raven found herself fantasizing about all the things he could do to her if they let themselves just  _ feel _ for a moment. Thoughts filled her head, memories mingling with desires and twisting into a half-truth she wanted so bad to be  _ real. _ She stared at him, pupils blown wide in the darkness around them, and she felt the last bit of her control  _ snap _ . 

She gasped and leaned forward, closer. “But just for a little bit…”

His lips were on hers before she had a chance to finish her sentence, and his fingers ripped through the thin fabric of her tights. Damian dipped his fingers into the holes he created, as if he wanted to touch every inch of bare skin he could, and Raven pushed harder against him, urging him on. She could feel his emotions pour into her - his lust, his need, his longing, and then something buried at the bottom of it all. Something that wove through all of that and felt completely different. Raven wanted to know what it was, to feel its strange softness and gentleness, but she was swept away by the rest of Damian’s emotions, and she found herself gasping as his fingers slid up her side and under her sweater. 

“ _ Please. _ ” Her voice didn’t even sound like her own, it was a low howling thing. She pushed against his palm, felt his fingers trace the underwire of her bra, and Raven found herself wishing she hadn’t even worn the damn thing. She wanted the heat from his skin against her own body - to feel the calluses as he traced her body and explored her curves. Damian’s cupped her breast through her, his thumb circling her nipple, but it just  _ wasn’t enough. _ She wanted  _ more. _

_ More. More. More.  _ This would never be enough until he was inside her, and they were both a shaking mass of desire and sin. 

Her demon was still raging inside her, urging Raven to do all the things she shouldn’t, languishing in the unfettered desire of both of them. Damian bit down on her lower lip, drawing it into his mouth and sucking, and Raven felt her body open up. He  _ needed _ to touch her. If he didn’t touch her, she was going to burn this entire forest down. She wanted to throw caution to the wind and just  _ take him here. _

Damian’s other hand slid from her waist to the inside of her thigh, trailing up her leg until he cupped her body over her the shreds of her tights and her underwear. The sensation was still dull, but it was better than nothing, and Raven nearly purred as he dug the heel of his palm into her. Her body felt heavy and wet, and she shuddered against him, tasting his gasps, swallowing his name as it danced on her tongue. 

They were both burning so bright, so completely lost to each other, that they didn’t even realize what had happened. 

A scream pierced the darkness around them, and Raven stumbled back from Damian to see that the bonfire had grown to a frightening blaze - it was towering above the trees, flames flicking branches as it grew higher and taller. They stared at it in silence, trying to understand what in the  _ world _ was going on. It should have never gotten that big, the wood was wet and the ground was still frosted. It was too cold, too moist, there were people tenting the fire, and there should have been no way that…  _ oh. Oh no.  _ Raven could feel the touch of raw magical power as she looked at the flames and watch them spread to a few branches. It was  _ Damian’s _ magic.  

Damian swore and stood up, nearly stumbling backward from the shock running through him. His anger at himself flooded his thoughts, and the flames grew even higher, practically touching the sky. Raven could hear the shouts of her classmates, and then another scream, this one frightening. In the chaos someone had gotten hurt, and there were rushed words and swearing as everyone tried to get the fire to calm down. Someone was looking at the kid who had been burned by the flames, but if Damian didn’t calm down this would get out of control even more.   

Raven looked from Damian to the fire and then back again. “Damian.” She reached out and grabbed his hand, tried to flood him with as much patience and understanding as she could muster. He was shaking, but out of anger or fear, she wasn’t sure which. “Damian, listen to me. Take a breath. Calm down. This isn’t your fault. It was an accident.”

He looked over at her, and through his usually unreadable expression, Raven could see the concern darkening his stare. She could feel his emotions rattling inside her, aching for something he didn’t fully understand. He had lost control - lost control because of his feelings, because of how he felt about her, because he wanted to indulge in something carnal rather than be…  _ himself. _

The fire grew higher, until Raven was certain someone could see it from space if they tried. She slammed her eyes shut and took a deep breath of her own, trying to fight off the whispers of guilt that were invading her thoughts. She tried, and failed.  

_ She _ caused this all. 

This was  _ her _ fault. 

If she had never tried to heal him that day, they would never be here. If she hadn’t egged him on just a few moments ago, this wouldn’t have happened. She should have been better about this. Raven knew the strength of her powers, knew what her demon was capable of, and yet she just…  _ let it happen _ . 

She was a disgrace, and this was  _ all _ her fault.  

Damian took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to reign in the swarm of his own emotions and powers. His shoulders dropped, the tension in them disappearing almost as quickly as it had appeared. He pulled back his thoughts, shied away from their bond, and Raven watched as stillness filled his face. Glancing at her from the corner of his eye, he said absolutely nothing, but the words were still there:  _ this was dangerous, and they shouldn’t have done it. _ With a soft noise in the back of his through, he started towards the bonfire, determined to help out the rest of their classmates. 

Raven followed him, her heart sinking into her stomach as the truth washed over her like a cold shower. He was right. This was dangerous. 

_ She _ was dangerous.

-

Raven felt exhausted by the time she returned to her dorm that night. A classmate had gotten burned when the fire spiked too hot too quickly, and the rest of their classmates had rushed to help him. He was going to be fine, but the guilt of what happened lay heavily on both Raven and Damian. They had said nothing to each other the rest of the night, but they both knew what this meant - they had to find a way to fix this and  _ fast _ . They needed to find a solution, or who knew what would happen if they got angry with each other, or they lost control of their urges again, or… or literally  _ anything else _ that could happen.  

Damian had already booked a flight to see his grandfather, and Raven…

...Raven was considering the unthinkable. 

She knew she couldn’t tell Damian, he wouldn’t let her reach out to Blood. He barely let her keep the book, and only  _ when _ they could corroborate evidence in that book with another one. But Blood told her he knew how to break the spell, and after tonight, Raven wasn’t sure if she could keep avoiding Blood. If he was offering an answer, then they should at least explore it. Her mother trusted him, that was… that was enough for her. Wasn’t it? Guilt and fear and worry all mingled inside her until she thought she might be sick. She couldn’t  _ really _ be thinking of this, could she?

Raven lay in her bed, the stench of smoke on her skin, and she closed her eyes, fighting back a wave of nausea. What in the world was she  _ thinking? Trusting Blood? _

Her phone buzzed in her hand and she looked down at it, seeing a message blink up at her.

_ I heard what happened. I know it’s hard to accept help, but I am here for you, no matter what you need.  _

Raven stared at her phone for a long moment, until the quiet around her was drowned out by the echoing memories of flames and screams from the party. Damian’s fear was etched into her mind forever, and she would never be able to unsee it. This would destroy him, and it would destroy her, and she could either accept that or fight it in anyway possible.  

Raven clenched her hand around the phone, taking a slow, steadying breath before writing back:

_ Let’s talk. _


	20. Chapter 20

The coffee shop felt like the complete antithesis of somewhere she would meet _Sebastian Blood_. It was a cheery place, with warm, soft lighting and a fairly good latte. And yet, somehow it seemed secluded from the rest of the world as Raven looked around it, her eyes darting from corner to corner. The street outside was dotted with people in brightly colored clothes, as if they were trying to ignore the thick rain that was threatening to fall at any second, but no one looked inside the shop. She felt alone and invisible, and Raven wasn’t sure she liked that feeling when she was meeting the one person Damian had told her to avoid at all costs.

Her stomach felt like an empty pit, swallowing all of her good sense. 

Gods, this was so… _stupid._ What in the world was she _thinking?_ This was the _dumbest_ thing she could possibly do. Damian was halfway around the world by now, and Raven was sitting in a coffee shop, waiting for Blood to show. It was like she was inviting trouble to come meet her at the door. She felt completely stupid, and even worse, she felt _reckless._ But what choice did she have left? After what had happened on Friday, and how few leads they actually had, Raven knew there weren’t many options, and nothing that would be _soon_. 

The whole thing had scared her deep into her bones, and her heart ached when she thought about it. Damian has looked so helpless and confused, his magic fighting against him at every step of the way, and she didn’t want to see him like that, not when she knew that there _had_ to be a way to fix all of this. 

She just wished her only way to fix all of this wasn’t _Blood_. She shifted in her seat again and stared at her phone, that pit in her stomach somehow deepening. Damian would never forgive her when he learned what she’d done, but Raven at least oped that he would be alright. That was all she wanted.

“I hope you haven’t been waiting long.” 

Raven glanced up as Sebastian Blood sunk into the chair across from her, setting a steaming mug of coffee onto the table. He gave her a thin, but somehow reassuring smile, and leaned back into his seat, as if waiting for her to make a move. Looking into his calm, almost _serene_ expression, Raven felt the alarms rise up in the back of her mind, and it took all of her control to push them away. This wasn’t about her, this was about _Damian_ . She needed to fix this bond, eliminate this seal, and if the only way she could find a way to do that was by trusting Blood, then so be it. Damian might be upset at her now, but once she fixed this, it would all be in the past and he… he would be better. _Protected._  

She just needed to find a way to get through all of this, as uncomfortable as it might be. 

There was a long stretch of silence as Sebastian continued to settle himself into the chair, setting a notebook out onto the table. He placed a fancy pen on the cover, and finally, he looked into her face, his expression somewhat thin.

“So… let’s talk.”

Raven sighed and bit back the nervousness still coursing through her with what was left of her control. The last thing she needed was to show some kind of weakness to him. He would probably see that in her and exploit it. 

She rubbed her thumb along the rim of her mug. “You said you knew about the… _problem_ between me and Damian.”

“Mm… it’s a nasty bond you have.” Sebastian took a long drink of his coffee, not looking away from her. “I can sense it in you, feel it pulling at you both when you are around. When I saw you in the manor, I thought it had been completely woven together at that point. But… it’s not, so that’s a good thing, however it _is_ getting worse every day.” He paused, his expression turning almost sly. “You’d be able to quell it at least a little if your… _desires_ didn’t get in the way.”

Raven felt a blush bloom across her cheeks before growing painful, but she also knew she couldn’t really fight with his observation. Every time her and Damian were alone together, they made bad decisions, and each decision led them both to this point. So, she stayed quiet and nursed her own cup of coffee while his words mulled over in her mind. 

Sebastian spoke again, this time his voice soft and almost apologetic. “Damian’s body isn’t built for what he’s going through. He’s not _made_ to be a vessel for magic, Raven. It _will_ break him beyond repair - if not physically, then mentally.”

His words felt so heavy and final that it startled Raven from her own thoughts, and her heart leapt into her throat. She lifted her head and looked over at Sebastian, waiting for his explanation. What did he mean by _that?_ She knew that Damian wasn’t _used_ to magic, but it was still _his_ magic. How could his body _not_ be built for his own magic? Raven waited for a moment, watching as Sebastian took another long drink of coffee. 

Finally, he clarified. “He’s _human_ , Raven.”

“So is Zatana.” Raven lifted an eyebrow, but worked to keep her expression blank, her confusion threatening to show. “They’re human, and they handle magic just fine.”

“Because they are conduits, and they’ve been _trained_.” His eyes turned steely, as if to drive a point home. “Damian hasn’t been trained at all. He doesn’t know how to control this magic when he gets upset or his emotions suddenly flare up. He will get hurt and he will hurt someone.” There was another heavy pause, and Sebastian glanced away for just a moment before looking back. “I heard about what happened on Friday.”

She had known that of course, but it was still jarring to hear. How in the world did _Sebastian Blood_ know about what happened in a _private high school?_ Raven continued to stare at him, thoughts and questions swirling around her head. She shifted, her words quiet. “How _did_ you know?”

“I have contacts on the inside.” Sebastian said it so matter-of-factly that she thought she misheard him for a moment, but he was being honest. He set his cup down on the table, never looking away from her face. “They keep me informed on what it happening.”  

“Who would have…” Raven’s stomach churned and she ran through names and faces in her head. “The freshman. Of course. Over the holiday break and then… _ugh._ ” Raven bristled, and for a moment she thought about standing up and walking away. This was stupid and dangerous and she was playing with fire when it came to him. Of _course_ he would have done something as underhanded as that. Her hands wrapped tightly around the mug, and she took a slow, deep breath. “This isn’t about your weird need to _keep tabs on me_ , this is about _Damian_. That’s all that matters, so… let’s focus on that.” 

“Mm-hm.” Sebastian paused and set his coffee cup down again. “Then let’s talk.”

“You said that you know how to stop this…” She searched for the right words, every warning bell going off in her head to turn around and run away. She ignored them, focusing on a spot on the wall to keep herself calm. “...to break this connection? Between Damian and I?” 

He tapped his fingers on the table, letting his words settle in his own mouth before responding to her. “Yes, I _can_ . It is not an easy spell, and it can take quite a bit out of me, but it’s… _doable_. Definitely not impossible.”

“And, if I were to consider your offer… what would you need from me? What sort of payment would you expect?” She took a slow breath, her lungs rattling with the movement, and continued to stare at him. “I assume that this isn’t exactly a _charity_ case on your part.”

“You would be correct.” He stared at her, as if he was almost about to say what the actual payment _was_ , but chose not to say anything at all. “But… there is plenty of time to work that out if you agree. We can consider this particular spell of mine to be on _credit_ , per se. So, for now, the important thing is to break the connection between before it gets any stronger.” He cocked his head to the side, and Raven could feel his stare practically _burning_ into her. “And it’s already getting stronger every time you choose _not_ to keep your hands to yourselves.”

Raven looked away, flushing. That observation was _not_ helping.

“If you keep going down this path and letting your emotions get the better of you, then one of you is going to cross that line and it _will_ be irreversible. He will be your familiar - _permanently_ . And I can’t imagine him being exactly _happy_ about that particular situation.” Blood’s thin smile turned into a strange kind of teasing. “So, I _highly_ suggest you keep your hands off each other for a little while longer at least, or I _won’t_ be able to reverse anything.” 

“He’s gone for this week.” Raven wasn’t sure why she blurted that out, but something about the way he was talking to her made her want to explain the situation. She was here because Damian didn’t know how to make these choices. She would make them for him. 

Sebastian lifted an eyebrow, his expression going blank again as he considered her words. “And I take it he probably doesn’t even know that you’re here, speaking with me?”

“He doesn’t trust you.” She paused and shifted, her stomach tightening again. “I don’t really trust you either.” 

Sebastian nodded, his lack of expression unchanging. “I understand.”

“So…” Raven’s clenched her hands around her mig and leaned forward an inch, trying to gain more footing in this conversation. “...then what’s the plan? What do you need from me? From Damian? What is it going to take to undo this… _fiasco_?” There was nothing else to call it really - a complete and utter disaster.

Sebastian looked surprised, and he pulled back, regarding her carefully. It seemed as though he didn’t trust what she was saying or buy her explanation. “That’s it? You’re not going to question the consequences and talk it over with Damian?”

Raven felt something sickly rise in her gut, choking out air and reminding her of how dangerous this really was. She _should_ question the consequences. _Should_ talk it over with Damian. _Should_ do a hundred things that she _wasn’t_ doing, but all she could think about was the rise of the blaze last Friday and the way Damian had looked and felt - like he was slipping away from himself. He looked helpless and out of control, and she didn’t want that. They had tried for months to solve this on their own, but all they did was make it a hundred times worse. She just wanted both of them to be whole again, and if she had to do _this_ to get them there, then so be it.

She knew that _this_ was dangerous - coming to _Sebastian Blood_ , coming without Damian and without real knowledge of what this would entail - but she didn’t see many other options. Raven had already made up her mind, she was going back to Azarath after this semester was over. She wasn’t going to return to this world, because she’d already made too much of a mess in just the few short months she’d been here. The monks had always been right - she might be half human, but she wasn’t human _enough_ . So, whatever _payment_ Blood wanted to try and extort from her, he wasn’t going to get it. Not unless he wanted to contend with the monks in Azarath who were trying to protect her from… _everything_. 

“Let’s not kid each other.” Raven dug her fingers into her thigh and looked into his face. “You and I both know that our time to solve this is growing shorter every minute. Damian won’t make the tough decisions, but _I_ will.” She sounded braver than she felt, and it took every ounce of her will not to pull into herself, if only to try and recreate some semblance of safety. She was doubting her own decisions, but she knew that if she showed even an iota of weakness, Blood would likely take advantage of it. She needed to at least _pretend_ she was stronger than she really was. “If this is what needs to be done, then… then this is what needs to be done. So, here I am, offering you whatever payment you need to fix this.”

Sebastian took another sip of his coffee, the silence settling over them with all the raucous noise of a freshly dug grave. Finally, he met her stare and nodded. “Alright then, if that’s what you’re willing to do, then I won’t try and dissuade you. Meet me here tomorrow. I only need one of you to perform the spell, so we can complete this before Damian returns if you’d like.”

Raven took a slow breath and nodded. “I think that’s best.” That way he couldn’t talk her out of what was an inevitably _bad_ decision. She finished the rest of her now lukewarm coffee in one gulp and stood up, her legs shaking with the weight of her decision. The roar in her head was now a constant screaming, telling her how _wrong_ she was for doing this. She ignored it. “I’ll meet you here tomorrow at…”

“Three. In the afternoon. I’ll prepare tonight, and we’ll have this settled and taken care of before Damian’s toes touch American soil.” Sebastian’s expression stayed blank, which only served to make Raven feel even more uncomfortable. What had she agreed to? How was Damian ever going to forgive her? And moreover, how would she forgive herself?

She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “And your payment?”

“I’ll collect when I’m ready. But… let’s call this an advance, for a few months at least.”

Good. The end of the semester was in six weeks. She could leave this world before Sebastian even tried to contact her to collect. Damian would be safe, their bonds would be broken, and she would be a few universes away. It was a reckless plan, but… but at least they would be safe, and that was all that mattered.

But still… everything in her soul screamed out the danger she put herself in, even as she tried to ignore it.

* * *

 

“If I don’t hear back from you tomorrow call the cops?” Zachary’s voice sounded strained and confused over the phone, almost as if he was panicking. Not that Raven blamed him, she _had_ kind of dropped all of this on him. “What… what are you _talking_ about, Rae? Is Karen talking you into going shopping again? Because I thought you learned your lesson last time.”

“No… no, nothing like that.” She tapped her fingers on her thigh and closed her eyes, the ripe scent of moist earth and nearly-cold air whipping past her. Pushing at her hair, she looked down at her feet, wiggling her toes in her boots. She didn’t _want_ to tell him, but she also knew that if something went _wrong_ , at least _someone_ should know where she was. That way if they needed to recover her body, they would know where to start. “I just… it’s a long story, and I’ll tell you later, after it’s all done.”

“Raven, you’re… you’re not really making sense. After _what_ is done? What are you doing, and why do I need to be concerned about the cops? Do I need to call someone _now_ ?” That sound of panic invaded Zachary’s voice again, and she heard him lean forward as if he was readying to run. “If I need to call Damian, I _will_. I’ll fly halfway around the world if I need to find him. Because, whatever you’re doing, you’re sounding really damn cagey about it.”

“I promise. I’ll tell you later… just…” She took a deep breath, her whole body shaking. “If you don’t hear back from me tomorrow morning at the latest, call the cops. Have them start their search by the coffee shop on 4th and Vine.” She glanced up at the security camera above the door, making sure it got a good glimpse of her face, and saw Sebastian’s form at the end of the sidewalk. She took a slow breath and checked her watch - 3:00. “And… thanks for being a good friend. Really.” 

“Raven-” 

She hung up the phone before he had a chance to say anything else. She knew if she wasn’t careful she would blurt everything out to him, and somehow she would talk herself out of this _stupid_ decision. She _should_ talk herself out of this stupid decision. She shouldn’t be anywhere _near here_. She should be on campus, with her friends, enjoying the last bit of time she had on this earth. But instead she was here - leaping into the unknown without a safety net. 

Blood stopped in front of her, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Raven.”

She didn’t know what to say to him, and even if she _did_ , she was pretty sure the pounding of her heart would drown out the sound of her words. Instead she just swallowed the tension in her chest and lifted her eyes towards him, hopefully looking as unaffected as possible. This was _her_ decision, one she made freely to protect herself and Damian. That was all she needed to remember, even as she easily let herself take a few steps towards the gaping maw of a beast. 

“Let’s get this over with.”

He nodded and turned on his heel, a slight twist of his hand motioning her to follow. They walked a few blocks through town before taking a sharp left down an alley lined with trash cans. Raven expected some kind of explanation or direction, but Blood said nothing and kept walking deeper into the shadows. Maybe he was expecting her to turn around and run, but she kept following him, watching as the shadows grew darker and the light from the sun seemingly disappear. It was as if they were worlds away from everything outside of this spell - all of her friends, and _definitely_ all of her sensible thoughts and good decisions.

And Damian. 

She was an entire world away from Damian. 

Damian who brought her demon back from the brink. Who reluctantly became her friend and protector. Who looked at her with fire in his eyes and kissed her like the world was ending. Who made her feel like she was about to explode in a shower of stars. Damian, who in spite of all the things he told her he _didn’t_ like about her, actually had real, honest feelings for her. 

Guilt weighed heavy on her chest and Raven felt her cheeks grow hot. She was betraying his trust and going against everything he told her _not_ to do, but she didn’t see another way. She _couldn’t_ find another way - not when he had nearly killed someone by accident and almost set a whole forest on fire. She was doing this to protect him, and that was what she needed to remind herself.   

Finally, Blood stopped outside a nondescript door, his hand resting on the peeling paint. He looked over his shoulder at her, his face blank.

“This is your last chance to decide otherwise, Raven.”

She swallowed and stared at the door, seeing a rune hastily carved into the wood. Staring at it, she tried to remember what it meant, but then ultimately decided it didn’t matter. She was this far, and she had made her decision, so what did that _really_ change? She had known what she was going to choose the moment she sent that text to Blood. If all she did was save Damian from a fate he didn’t understand or deserve, then that was enough. 

Without another word, Raven pushed past Blood and shoved the door open. 

A second passed. 

Then two. 

And then she plunged herself into the inky blackness of her own choices. 

* * *

 

The light was loud, screaming at her like a banshee.

Raven’s head was pounding, and every bone in her body was breaking under the weight of the air, raging against her. Her tongue felt thick and swollen, and there was something sour and metallic still clinging to it. Blood, maybe? Or a potion? _Gods_ , she couldn’t remember. There was the blackness of the warehouse, words and runes and a spell that didn’t make any sense. Raven had felt her soul ripped from her body shredded completely and shoved back into her the wrong way. After that, there was... nothing. Nothing she could really remember at least.

It hurt to breathe.

It hurt to think.

It hurt to _exist._

She rolled over, her head burying into a luxurious pillow and a scent of cardamom and ginger. 

 _Zachary_.

“Good. You’re awake.”

He didn’t exactly sound happy, but Raven didn’t blame him. Something on her arm itched, and she eked her eyes open just enough to see her upper arm wrapped tightly in a white bandage. She remembered a knife, and a rune being carved into her skin, the tip of the blade digging so deep she thought it nicked a bone. Raven screwed her eyes shut and bit back a curse, a wave of nausea rushing over her. 

Zachary bent his head down to look into her eyes, anger flaring up like a fire inside him. “Do you want to tell me why I had to _hunt you down in an alley and pick you up from the asphalt?_ ” His voice sounded like it was booming, screaming in her ears, but he was probably talking normally to her. “Or why you had a rune on you that I have to _burn off?_ You’re welcome by the way. That wasn’t an easy spell to break. But you’re at least not bound to this earth.” He shook his head, starting to pace next to her head. “And do you want to tell me exactly _why someone is binding you to this earth?_ And, oh I don’t know, _maybe who would want to bind you to this earth?_ ”

“No. No, I don’t.” Raven rolled onto her back and threw her good arm over her eyes, trying to quiet the raging sea of her stomach. Were they moving? It felt like she could feel the tectonic plates shift under her body, swaying her this way then that. “I don’t want to talk… not… not until I throw up.”

There was an undignified _clunk_ of a bucket being placed by the edge of the bed. 

“So, throw up already, because I have about a hundred questions to ask you. And I suspended my tour for this, so you _better_ have a _damned_ good reason I’m peeling your nearly lifeless body off the pavement just _hours_ after you told me I might ‘need to call the cops’.” Zachary glared at her, his anger not _really_ pointed at her. He was more hurt that Raven hadn’t come to him for help in the first place, and she could feel that. 

She _should_ have gone to him first, but she was so stupidly desperate that her decisions didn’t make any sense. What in the world was she _thinking?_ That’s the problem - she _wasn’t_ thinking. Not at all. 

Raven tried to tell him that, but the moment she opened her mouth to speak, her stomach moved to empty its contents into the bucket. Zachary held her hair back and waited patiently until Raven was finished, and then shoved a glass of water into her hands. Raven took a few sips before her stomach protested again, and she set the glass to the side. 

Zachary stared at her, his mouth set into a thin line. “ _Spill_.”

Raven didn’t know what to say, but before she could think of something that made any sense, she felt the entire story come tumbling out of her. _Everything_ . She told him about healing Damian, about the way their bond worked and how they could feel each other through it. She told him about how it grew stronger and tighter with every kiss, and how Damian had nearly had become her familiar when their resolve had been _so weak_ at the manor. She told him about her feelings for Damian, and how they made a mess of everything. She told him about Blood, about her stupid choices, and about a payment she didn’t know how to make. She told him _everything_ \- even the embarrassing parts. 

She might have been talking for minutes or maybe even hours, but she didn’t know how long it really was. All she knew was that it felt good to say _something_ . It felt good to talk about it, to finally get it off her chest and to know that at least Damian was safe. That seemed to light something off in her mind. That’s _right_ \- _Damian was safe_ . He was _safe_. Raven felt along their bond, reaching out for him, but there was nothing. 

Blood kept his word. 

Relief washed over her and Raven sunk back into Zachary’s pillow, staring up at the ceiling of his tour bus as her story drifted off. She didn’t need to say anything else, because the most important part of this was completed. Now she could gather her things at the end of the semester, return to Azarath, and be done with all of this forever. 

“Damian was right to avoid Blood, Raven.” Zachary’s voice was a low warning rumble. “You should have _listened_ to him.” 

She knew that, but… it was too late. It was done. The seal was broken, the bond was severed, and Damian was safe. One hundred percent human again, even if he was still kind of an asshole. She closed her eyes and rolled over, the tension in her muscles easing just a fraction with the knowledge that this was over. Slowly, she turned away from Zachary and the stench of the bucket next to her, saying nothing else. 

Zachary shook his head, muttering under his breath. “Look, we’re going to talk about this later, and you’re going to tell me _even more_ , because I don’t think you fully understand what you’ve done.” He stood up and walked to the door, flicking the lights off. “But, just so you know, I’m calling Damian, and I’m telling him what happened.”

Raven’s eyes jolted open, staring at Zachary’s silhouette in the darkness. 

 _Shit._  


	21. Chapter 21

Ten missed calls. 

Thirty-four ignored text messages.

Seven emails.

And Raven had half-expected a carrier pigeon or a telegram to suddenly appear. 

She woke a day later, still in Zachary’s tour bus, her head still pounding and ears ringing, but at least she felt better - better than she had in a long time, if a little guilty. She reached out along the ragged string that used to be the bond between her and Damian and his seal, and found it just as empty as it had been when Zachary peeled her from the pavement. It was both uncomfortable and relieving to feel nothingness after all the time they had been together. She had almost gotten  _ used _ to him being half in her thoughts, and she had become accustomed to feeling the echoes his emotions. Now, without him there, it  _ almost _ felt lonely, like she should have expected another connection growing between them.

Guilt and fear bubbled inside her - a dangerous combination that made regret tickle at the back of her mind. Had she  _ really _ done what was best? The worry that she had made a rash, irreparable decision concerned her, but there was no going back now. What was done was done, and she had to keep reminding herself that this was for the better. 

Raven pulled the heavy duvet around her shoulders and she leaned back into the pyramid of soft down pillows behind her. She wanted to disappear into the bed covers and never be seen again, but she knew at some point she was going to have to face her consequences. She knew that she was going to have to look Damian in the face and admit to everything she did. And he was going to be  _ furious _ with her - not that she blamed him.  

“I can’t take it anymore. You need to call  _ Wayne, _ or I swear I am going to reach across the world and kill him.” Zachary threw open the door to his sleeping area and tossed his phone on the bed, next to Raven. “He’s called me  _ twenty times _ , Raven.  _ Call him _ , or I am going to lose my sanity, and I am going to blame  _ both  _ of you.”

Raven rolled over, pulling the pillow over her head as she fought back another wave of nausea. She didn’t want to face her mistakes - facing them meant admitting she was wrong to  _ Damian,  _ and there was the possibility that he might never forgive her. She wasn’t entirely sure she would ever forgive herself. “I can’t…”

Zachary groaned and ran a hand down his face, staring at the ceiling. “Raven, you can’t make a stupid decision like this and then  _ not _ call your boyfriend.”

She pulled the pillow off her head and balked. “He’s not my boyfriend.”

Zachary snorted, rolling his eyes as if he didn’t buy her excuse. “You two made out in the woods and then he  _ set them on fire _ with the… what did you call it last night? The  _ latent magical power of his emotions _ ? Honestly, if that’s  _ not _ your boyfriend, then I don’t know what else to call it.” Zachary sighed and sat next to her on the bed, his expression serious. “Just call him.”

“And tell him  _ what _ exactly _? _ That he was absolutely right about everything? I shouldn’t have gone to Blood or trusted anything he said. Oh, sure, I finally fixed our problem, but I nearly got my whole soul pinned to this earth, and narrowly missed fucking  _ everything _ up?” Raven buried her face in her hands, her voice shaking. “And then tell him that I have to leave forever or who  _ knows _ what my payment will be to Blood?” She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I really fucked up, didn’t I?”

Zachary’s lips twitched as if he wanted to fight her, but decided against it. “Yeah. You did.” 

Raven looked up, staring at him. She had hoped he would be at least  _ a little _ more patient and sympathetic, but he wasn’t. And she wasn’t entirely sure she could blame him.  

“What do you  _ want _ me to say, Raven?” Zachary sighed and shook his head again, his lips twitching. “I’m not going to sit here and tell you everything is okay, because  _ it’s not.  _ You made a reckless decision and you could have gotten yourself seriously hurt by doing what you did - Damian has every right to be angry. I’m pretty fucking pissed myself, and you’re lucky I’m not reaching out to Azarath myself to tell them what the hell you did.”

Her eyes narrowed, annoyed. That he was even suggesting that. “You wouldn’t.”

His deadpan expression told her that he  _ would _ . All that proved was just how stupid she had been. Raven wasn’t even sure why  _ she _ was upset, she had no one to be angry at but herself.  _ She _ was the one who had made this stupid decision, and  _ she _ was the one who was going to have to live through the consequences. The monks were right to be cautious about letting her come to this earth, she had messed  _ everything _ up. Raven pulled the pillow back over her head and tried to block out the silence of the room behind her, ignoring the weight of her own stupidity. 

“Look, Raven…” Zachary sighed, exhaustion settling in his voice. “Yes, he’s mad at you - I am too. But the point is that right now, you’re safe. And you  _ did _ technically break the bond between you two - even if it was dangerous and idiotic to trust  _ Blood _ . Damian might be mad at you for a while, but the point is that  _ you’re safe _ , even if you’re a little beat up and bruised.” Zachary paused and handed her the phone. “Just…  _ call _ him. I know that this is a mess. I know that it’s  _ hard _ to have this conversation with him, but you can’t just avoid him forever. You can’t just ignore what happened and the choices you made.”

_ She could try. _

“Damian deserves to know the truth.” 

Guilt filled her chest, weighing her down. “I know.”

“So,  _ call him _ .” Zachary groaned, obviously growing tired of all of this. “He’s going to fly all the way back here and tell you how angry he is with you. And, honestly? I want nothing to do with him when he’s like that. He’s an asshole when he’s in a  _ good _ mood, I don’t even want to imagine what he’s like when he’s in a  _ bad _ mood.”

“And what am I going to do?” Raven flushed and she pulled the blanket over her shoulders, cursing under her breath. “Tell him that I did the one thing I wasn’t supposed to do? Tell him that I am going to have to leave this earth forever because I was stupid?”

“So, you made a dumb decision? So what?” Zachary let go of a low laugh, as if he wasn’t quite believing what she was attempting to put him through. “ _ Dating _ Damian feels like a dumb decision-”

She glared at him, her heart skipping beats. “We’re not dating.”

Zachary ignored her. “-but he’s going to forgive you.”

“Why?”

“Because he loves you.” Zachary stared at her, looking at her as though that was something she should have known. His eyebrows knitted together. “He’s going to forgive you, because at the end of the day, you’re the only one who he really cares about - and that’s saying something.” 

Raven swallowed, her heart jumping into her throat at that thought. He  _ couldn’t _ love her. They had only just barely admitted that they had feelings for each other, but that was  _ different. _ It was just them figuring this out, it wasn’t… it wasn’t  _ that _ . Zachary  _ had _ to be wrong. Damian didn’t feel that way towards her, not when he’d spent most of the first part of the year telling her he didn’t like her. She looked away, her voice dropping to a whisper to keep her voice even. “Damian doesn’t… that’s not true.”

Zachary sighed and shrugged, as if he knew he was right but didn’t like fighting her on the topic. “I’m not here to tell you what to believe or not. I could be talking at you for  _ days _ about this, and honestly, I’m kinda tired. But you  _ can’t _ avoid him forever, Raven. You can’t just…  _ not _ talk to him, not after what you did.”

Raven glanced at his phone laying next to her and sighed. “I can try.”

Zachary looked like he was about to say something else, as if he was going to try and persuade her some more, but he just shook head head and turned away. He threw his hands in the air, sighing. “If that’s how you want to handle this, fine. But it’s  _ your _ funeral. Damian is going to be  _ pissed _ regardless of if you talk to him or not. He’s still coming back here, and  _ I _ wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of his anger.” 

As if to make his point, Zachary’s phone buzzed as another call came through. Raven ignored the call and pushed it away, pulling the covers even further up over her head. She could almost feel him roll his eyes at her. He was right, she just didn’t want to admit it to him, at least not out loud. She knew that she had to face the consequences of her own actions, but…  _ later _ . She’d worry about that later. Right now, she was going to focus on getting the pounding between her ears to stop, and her stomach to keep down at least  _ one _ meal. 

She’d worry about Damian’s wrath some other time.

* * *

Three more days had passed with Raven avoiding phone calls from Damian. Apparently his grandfather wouldn’t let him leave just yet, so he was reduced to calling her nearly every hour. He had stopped leaving messages, but even without their emotional connection she could feel him seething from the other side of the world. She knew she was going to have to face him at some point, but for right now it made her feel better just to ignore it. At the very least, it made her feel like she had some iota of control. Raven was resolved to face him on her own terms, and that included waiting until she felt like she had the strength to look him in the eye and admit how  _ stupid _ she had been. She considered herself lucky to be alive, let alone fairly healthy.

She spent most of her time burrowed under Zachary’s covers, and although he pestered her about calling Damian every so often, he let her stay until she was fully recovered. She appreciated the kindness, because she could tell he was nearly at his wit’s end by the time they made it back to campus. He dropped her off at the dorm on Saturday morning, his expression at least a  _ little _ sympathetic, but definitely more annoyed than anything else. Raven knew she was going to have to let him cool off for a while before she asked him for any more favors. As if to add insult to injury, his phone went off when they were saying goodbye, and Zachary nearly kicked her out of his car when he realized it was  _ another _ call from Damian. 

Raven walked through the nearly-empty campus, feeling like there were a hundred eyes all staring at her and whispering, even though no one was there. Guilt and shame still coursed through her like poison, tainting every part of her. What was she  _ thinking? _ Coming back here? It didn’t matter if she even came back to campus when she had already made the decision to run away from her terrible choices. But, still… she owed Damian at least  _ some _ kind of explanation. She had to have a least a  _ little _ bit of dignity, Damian deserved that much at least… before she turned tail and ran.  

“Something happen between you and Damian over the week?”

Raven jerked and saw Gar sitting on a bench in the courtyard, flicking through his phone. He glanced up and shook his head as he watched a dark blush curl up her cheeks. It was as if he saw right through any excuse she might have come up with, and he just stared at her, waiting for a  _ real _ explanation.  _ All  _ of her friends deserved real explanations.

“So… you guys have a fight or something?” His lifted an eyebrow and regarded her carefully. “I don’t know what happened between you two, but he’s obviously pretty pissed about it. He called me  _ three times _ this week looking for you. I don’t even remember giving him my number, and he somehow managed to call me  _ three times _ on Wednesday and  _ twice _ already today.”

Well, at least that was better than Zachary was faring. Raven scratched at the back of her neck and looked away, glancing down the walkway and deeper into the courtyard. She felt guilty for drawing her friends into all of this, but she also didn’t blame Damian. She had been reckless and he was trying to make heads of everything that had happened since he was gone. Raven wasn’t sure she would have acted any differently if the choices had been reversed. She would have reached out to everyone he knew if their bond had been suddenly and violently cut. 

“Something… something like that happened.” Raven rubbed her neck, as if she could feel an echo of a headache starting to form there. Her stomach roiled and she looked away. “It was… after the bonfire on Friday, things kind of turned weird between us.”

“Why?” Gar’s eyebrows knitted together again. “You two weren’t hurt were you?”

“No… not really.” She glanced back at him before looking away again. She  _ wanted _ to tell him everything, but she knew better. If she drug the rest of her friends into this, there was no telling what would happen next. And, there was no telling if they’d actually understand what happened between them. “It’s… complicated. Between us, it’s complicated at least.” 

“Mm.” Gar nodded once, as if he was trying to understand without asking any more questions. He shoved his hands in his pockets and stared at her, letting the silence weigh heavy on both of them before speaking. “You’re not really going to elaborate on that, are you?”

Raven shook her head, but chose not to say anything else.

“Okay.” He lifted his eyebrows and glanced away before looking back at her. “Well… if you feel like talking, I’m here. No matter what happens, Raven, I’m your friend. If you need to get something off of your chest, I’ll listen for as long as you need me to.” 

Raven sat down next to him, staring at her hands. They looked clean, but she felt like her fingers were black and caked in the dirt of what she’d done. It felt like she was unraveling at the seams, and there was nothing she could do but sit there and watch everything dissolve around her. A long moment passed between them, and she finally spoke. “Would you be able to forgive someone who did something… stupid, maybe a little reckless? Even if there was a good reason behind it?”

Gar leveled a flat stare at her, as if trying to draw out more information from Raven, but when she stayed silent, he was forced to respond. “That’s pretty vague, and that depends on a whole bunch of factors you’re  _ not _ asking, but… yeah. I guess so. If I really cared about them, and they had a good reason for being dumb, then I could find forgiveness.” Gar shrugged. “There’s probably a good reason why someone did something stupid, and I have to try and understand and respect that. Whatever decision they made it was good for them.” He paused, and his expression turned steely again. “You’re not going to tell me what this is about, are you?”

“No… it’s… hard to explain.”

“And you’re worried Damian is mad at you?” Gar sighed and shook his head. “I thought you two weren’t dating.”

“We’re not.” Her response was almost  _ too _ fast, but it was the truth. They  _ weren’t _ dating. And she doubt they would even be friends after what she had done, and what she was planning to do.

“Mm.” Gar was noncommittal, but there was something in the way he looked at her that said he wasn’t buying a single thing she was telling him, he just knew better than to try and push the issue. A long, slow silence settled over both of them until Gar finally stood up and offered her his hand. “You wanna get out of here for a bit? You look like you could use some time away from… all of this.” He gestured to the courtyard around them. “And school isn’t starting until Monday anyway, so we should at least enjoy a few more days of freedom before the panic of finals sets in.”

Raven shifted, turning the question over in her mind, before she nodded in agreement. She knew eventually she was going to have to face the consequences of her own actions, but for a little bit longer she wanted to avoid everything for as long as she could. She would face Damian when he got back to the states, but right now she wanted to dissolve into nothing. “I think… that’ll be good.”

“Okay.” Gar smiled, his face softening around the edges. “I heard the kids in town talking about a rave somewhere in a warehouse on the northside of town. That should clear your head for a little bit at least.” 

Raven flushed at the insinuation, but he  _ was _ right.  She  _ did _ need to forget about everything she had done, everything she was about to do, and all the consequences she was going to have to face. She wanted to forget about all the friends she would be leaving behind, and all the problems she had very likely caused for Damian. Even if it was just for a few hours, she wanted to forget it all.

“We’ll meet back here in a few hours.” His smile filled his face, teasing her. “Nothing like glow sticks and pounding music to make you forget about whatever it is that’s bothering you.” 

Looking back at it later, Raven realized she probably shouldn’t have gone to the warehouse with Gar, but she knew if she stayed around the Academy, she would have run into Damian and she would have to face her mistakes that much sooner. Even if it was just for a few hours, she got to forget her problems and run away from them. It wasn’t really the most  _ mature _ response, but it made her feel a little bit more in control of everything. 

The pumping sound of techno, the sharp highs mingling with the pounding bass, helped to drown out her thoughts and fears. It rumbled through her muscles and vibrated through her bones until it felt like everything had slid away from her grasp. All she had to do was stand here and talk to this kid next to her. Sure, she could barely hear whatever he was saying - something about another rave that was going to happen next week or maybe some kind of party that was going to happen over the summer, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered to her, and she didn’t care that much anyway. 

She couldn’t find it in her to care, if she was going to leave here anyway. Raven realized with a strange sort of finality that she only had a few more weeks here on this planet. Something knotted in her stomach and she looked away, staring into the crowd of teens dancing in the bright flashing lights. She thought for a moment that she saw Damian trapped between two girls grinding on him, but she  _ had _ to be mistaken. Damian wouldn’t be caught  _ dead _ in a place like this. He would have been two seconds from murdering everyone in here, and he would have complained the whole time. 

“We’re leaving.” 

Raven jerked at the low sound of a familiar voice rumble next to her ear. Eyes wide, she turned to see Damian standing next to her, hands shoved in his pockets. So, that  _ was _ him. She didn’t need the ghost of their connection to feel his anger seething off of him. His eyes were narrow and there was a dangerous line to his jaw as he looked at her. Raven’s heart stopped in her chest and she swallowed whatever words might have been building on her tongue.

“Say good bye to this asshole, because we’re going now.” His hand wrapped around her wrist, and without another word, he started tugging her towards the exit. 

Raven stumbled after him, feeling a few stares flick towards her before glancing away. Damian looked like the complete opposite of everyone else in here, dressed in neatly pressed trousers and a long-sleeve shirt, dragging Raven behind him. Someone looked like they were about to try and stop him, but Damian shut him down with a glare and kept heading toward the exit. He pulled her outside into the pouring rain, the soft bass of the music nearly swallowed up by a rumble of thunder. He pulled her through the entirety of the dirt parking lot, until they stopped outside his car. He pressed her against the cool metal and stared at her, letting the roar of rain wash over them. 

“What  _ the fuck _ were you thinking?”

Her eyes widened and she stared at him feeling the anger pouring off him in waves.  _ This _ was what she was afraid of. That question rang in her ears with all the delicacy of a freight train, and she felt panic start to settle into her bones. What was she supposed to say to him? That she  _ wasn’t _ thinking? That she was so stupidly blinded by her own fear that she did the  _ one thing _ he told her not to? Shame filled her chest so full that she thought she might burst apart in front of him, but somehow she managed to keep a hold of herself.

“ _ Blood? _ ” He raked his hands through his hair and growled. “After everything I told you? You went to  _ Blood? _ Do you know what  _ could _ have happened to you? Do you even know how lucky you are that you’re alive?  _ Fuck _ , Raven.” He clenched his hands by his sides. “And then you didn’t even  _ fucking answer my call _ . I had to hear from Zatara that you were even  _ alive _ . Worse for wear, but alive. But,  _ Blood _ , Raven?  _ Really? _ ”

“What… what was I supposed to  _ do _ , Damian?”

He jerked back looked at her, as if he hadn’t even considered what her words  _ really _ meant. 

“What was I supposed to  _ do? _ We’ve been trying for months to figure this out, but we kept making bad decisions at every turn, and we kept screwing things up - you  _ and _ me. Neither one of us are blameless in this, but we weren’t actually  _ fixing _ this. It just kept getting worse and worse, until everything went up in flames -  _ literally _ .” 

She stared at him, feeling the words form on her tongue but choosing  _ not _ to say them -  _ And you didn’t see the fear on your face. You didn’t see the fear in your eyes when you realized what your own emotions were capable of. I couldn’t bear to see that inside you.  _ Raven swallowed her emotions and thoughts, and lifted her face a few scant inches towards his, trying to hold her ground the best that she could against him. 

“We were running out of options, and we were running out of  _ time _ . Either I did something stupid and rash or we did nothing at all and it just got worse. Or someone got hurt.” She buried the last bit of her fear, hoping her explanation made sense. “And I didn’t want anyone else to get hurt, Damian.”

“ _ Damnit, Raven _ .” His words were a rumbled whisper, swallowed by the torrential rain pattering on the ground. He looked like he wanted to keep fighting her, but something in her words must have made sense to him, because he was surprisingly quiet for a long moment. He looked as though he was considering her point of view, which was a  _ first _ , if anything. “What did you promise him? What was his payment? Because, I know Blood and he doesn’t do anything out of the  _ good will _ of his heart.” His lips pressed into a thin line and he shifted into her space. “So, what  _ was _ it?”

“I… I don’t know.” She realized, saying it out loud, how  _ foolish _ she actually was. She had entered into an agreement she knew nothing about. There was no escape from what she had agreed to, and she didn’t even know the full depth of the ramifications of what she had done. Raven thought it was best she  _ didn’t _ mention the spell that Blood had used to try and pin her to this earth, that would only rile him up more. She looked away, but the tension from Damian’s shoulders forced her stare back to his. “I don’t know what he is going to ask for.”

“ _ You don’t know? _ ” He sounded incredulous, and his lips pulled down into a strange mixture between a snarl and a frown. “What do you mean you  _ don’t know? _ ”

“No… no real terms of payment were discussed.” The more she spoke about it, the more she realized how close to the devil she had been. How could she be so  _ damn stupid? _ Damian was right to be angry. “He only told me that he would collect when it was time.” Her whole body felt heavy, and the rain was soaking through her uniform, and she felt like she had to lean against the car just to keep herself upright. “He didn’t ask for anything right now.”

“ _ Fuck _ . Raven… Raven, how could you be so… so  _ stupid? _ How could you be so blind?” He growled at her, heat curling up his neck and sliding down his spine as he seemed to fight back his own wave of anger. “Do you even know what you agreed to? What could happen to you? All because of  _ him? _ ”

“I… it didn’t seem like such a big deal.” Raven looked at the anger tightening his face, and she felt her own panic start to settle in. “I… I figured that after I had royally fucked everything up here, I shouldn’t really stay here… on this earth? It’s probably for the best that I don’t stay. So, if I promised him something, he’ll never be able to collect while I’m in Azarath.”

Damian’s face turned unreadable, and that dangerous line in his jaw had returned. He stared at her for a long moment as he turned over her admission in his head. “What do you mean…  _ don’t stay? _ Why are you talking about going back to Azarath? The whole point of coming here was to be more human, Raven. To take part in things you  _ don’t  _ have back in Azarath. And you’re just going to turn around and run away from all of that? Turn your back of this world? On your friends?” His jaw clicked into place and he took a step closer, crowding her so tightly against his car that Raven knew she couldn’t escape. His eyes drew dark and he leaned towards her, dropping his voice to a whisper. “Run away from me?”

Her heart skipped beats and she tilted her face up towards his again. It almost sounded like he was hurt that she was leaving, and she didn’t quite know what to make of that. She swallowed, her voice soft as she responded. “I didn’t think that you cared all that much about what happened to me.”

He growled and his lips set into a thin line. “I  _ love you _ , you dumb idiot.” 

What.

_ What? _

Raven stood there for what felt like an eternity, uncertain of what she was supposed to say. What _was_ she supposed to say? Her heart simultaneously felt like the world was pressing on it, and it was going to burst. She wasn’t getting enough oxygen to her brain, her limbs felt heavy. How was she supposed to respond to that? Did she… did she love him back? That was such an odd emotion to feel. Sure she had felt paternal love from her mother, and platonic love from the other monks, but… _romantic_ _love_ felt a bit beyond her understanding. And somehow… it didn’t feel out of reach. Not with Damian. With Damian, her emotions were a confused, muddled mess most of the time, and yet they kept pointing back to him. She felt so many things when it came to Damian, and all of them felt… _good_. Damian made her feel good. 

She opened her mouth to try and say something, but nothing seemed to escape. She just stared at him, the rain soaking through their clothes until it felt a bit like she was drowning. 

“I-”

Damian cut her off, pulling close enough that his breath ghosted over her lips. “I’m not going to say it again.” 

Raven didn’t even have time to respond, because the next thing she knew, Damian pressed his lips against hers, one hand burying in her hair and the other tangling in her clothes. Raven felt her body react before she even realized it, and she melted into him, sighing as sensations buried themselves into her soul. Her emotions  _ were _ a muddled mess around him, but it somehow made perfect, imperfect sense. 

Damian’s kiss tasted of confusion and desperation and rainwater, and he took everything from her that Raven offered willingly. They were both so caught up in the fear of losing each other, of the fallout from what Raven had done, that nothing outside of this moment really mattered. Damian needed to feel that she was still here and still safe, and Raven let him find his way into all the weak parts of her. 

She shivered against him, her fingers tightening in the soaked, soft fabric of his clothes. He was gasping between kisses, his hands sliding everywhere - untucking her shirt from her skirt, slipping his wet fingertips against the flare of her waist, trying to find purchase on every bare inch of skin he could find. It was like he was exploring her for the first time all over again - each stroke a touch meant to ignite and brand her as his and his alone. Raven groaned as his thumb pressed tight against her hip, heat flooding her body and slipping down her spine to pool in the pit of her stomach. She felt desperate and greedy, chasing after his kiss when he pulled away from her. 

They were both gasping, heat staining their cheeks, and yet Damian said nothing. He just stared at her, his expression unreadable. He looked like he wanted to say something, but every thought drained from his head as he stared at her - he looked the way Raven felt.  

Somehow, through all of this mess of heat and confusion, Raven knew  _ exactly _ what she wanted. She could feel fire gathering in her bones, pressing against her almost wantonly, and her demon scraped its nails against her joints, urging her forward. She was whispering to Raven about all the things she could just  _ take _ if she wanted - Damian was already so  _ weak _ . He would give himself willingly, fill her up and make her scream. Damian was one touch away from submitting to her, if Raven chose it. And why  _ shouldn’t _ she take him like that? After all, he had just told her he loved her, and Raven… Raven felt the same way, as confused as she often found herself. 

Her fingers tightened in his shirt, and the fabric strained under the grip of her hands as they both stared at each other, suddenly desperate and aching. There was something  _ thrilling _ about knowing she could rip his clothes off, leave him as raw and bare as she  _ felt _ .

His eyes darkened, pupils widened, and without another word, Damian dropped to his knees in front of her. His fingers tugged into the thin fabric of her tights and he ripped them free - much to Raven’s chagrin. This was the  _ third pair _ he’d ruined. If this kept happening, she was going to have to send him a bill. She looked down to say something, but any words she might have had dissolved on her tongue the moment she felt his fingers slide along the edge of her underwear. 

_ Oh, gods. _

Raven’s head tilted back as he pulled her panties to the side and pressed two fingers inside her, thrusting slowly.  _ She had missed this _ . She hadn’t really given her own desires much thought since their time at the manor, but  _ now _ she felt like her whole body was lighting up. She wanted to take in every sensation - the slide of his fingers, the press of his tongue along her thigh, the low groan that rumbled from between his lips. She wanted to live in this moment forever. Her mind went blank and fuzzy as he hooked her leg over his shoulder, spreading her wide enough for him to wrap his lips around her clit and  _ suck _ . 

Raven somehow managed to contain her cry, and barely had enough foresight to find the door handle behind her and pull it open. She tumbled backward against the plush backseat, Damian scrambling after her. Now everything felt rushed and desperate, like they couldn’t get to each other fast enough.

Raven wiggled her tights and underwear down her legs, throwing them under the front seat, and Damian closed and locked the door. There was a heartbeat of a pause, as if they suddenly realized what they were about to do (in the backseat of his car, no less), and Raven tried to think of what she should say to make this alright again. She didn’t need to. 

Damian was already crawling over her again, his fingers sliding up the curve of her bare thigh, murmuring words that didn’t quite make sense between his lips. He was ravenous, like a starved man at a banquet, and his mouth and hands felt like they were everywhere, finding places she had nearly forgotten about since their time at the manor. She could feel her demon railing against her chains now, pulling and fighting against every part of Raven that kept her pinned to this spot. She wanted to be free, to remind Raven of her heritage and conquer what was rightfully hers.  

Damian seemed oblivious to the war inside her, and he hitched Raven’s leg over his hip, his hand sliding between them again as his fingers parted her. Raven was trembling underneath him, her body drowning in the feeling of his touch. The rain pounding on the car roof was deafening, but it made the outside world feel that much farther away. Raven’s head tipped back as Damian circled his thumb along her clit, the pressure from his fingers increasing, and she trembled under him. Each breath was almost painful and ragged as he forced her higher and higher, until she wasn’t certain how much longer she could take his torture. 

Damian’s mouth was on her neck, probably leaving marks she would have to find some way to conceal on Monday. Her uniform shirt had been unbuttoned at some point, and was now spread open, the edges splitting open to reveal an almost embarrassingly basic bra. A seatbelt buckle was digging into her shoulder and she could see the fog start to darken the smooth glass of the windows. It all felt surreal, like she was here and yet she wasn’t at the same time. 

He hitched her thigh higher on his hip, his fingers curling against a spot inside her that made Raven see stars. She wasn’t able to contain her cries, and she felt her hips meet each one of his thrusts. She was soaking now, undoubtedly dripping onto his leather seats, and her demon was still whispering dangerous things in her mind - think of how ready Raven was to have him, to stop playing these games and take his cock inside her. Think of how  _ full _ she would feel the moment she speared herself on him. 

Her skin felt like it was on fire, and Damian wasn’t letting her fall over that edge that she was trying to reach. He pulled away each time she got close, drawing out her sensations until electricity swelled in her veins and her own thoughts were swarmed by her demon’s whispers. She groaned, pushing against his shoulders until Damian was sitting up, watching as she swung her leg over his lap, her fingers trailing over his belt buckle. She could feel his abs tighten under her touch, and Raven pulled the tails of his shirt free. With trembling fingers, she reached up and started to undress him. 

Damian leaned up to kiss her again, his lips hot against her own as his hands curled under her skirt to her bare backside, squeezing her. Raven groaned against his mouth and she sunk down against the bulge of Damian’s erection, ruining the neat lines of his trousers. He twitched, and a low groan escaped as she started a slow grind against him.  

“My demon… she wants free.” Raven’s fingers returned to his belt buckle, unfastening the leather. She wanted this more than she cared to admit to herself. 

Her words made him pause. “Wait… wait, Raven. Wait.” Damian’s hands tightened over her wrists and his words pulled her back to the present. 

Clarity poured into her, and Raven blinked the haze from her eyes as she pulled back a few scant inches. Shame colored her cheeks, and her hands fell to either side of her. Of course, she should have been better about this, or at least  _ smarter _ . She should have been more aware of both of their emotions. Of course he didn’t want to go as far as she did. If he loved her, that didn’t mean he wanted to have sex with her. It was easier for him to play around and-

“Stop looking at me like that. You don’t even know what I’m going to say.” He glared at her before tilting his head back against the seat, staring up at the ceiling of the car. A long, ragged breath escaped as he tried to bring himself back down. “I… I don’t have a condom.”

Oh.  _ Oh _ . She had condoms back at the dorms, not like that helped her  _ now _ .

“I don’t… I don’t want to make a  _ mistake _ .”

_ Oh _ . Pregnancy. He was talking about her getting pregnant. She felt an odd kind of softness at the thought of him caring about her in that way, and then the admission tumbled out before she could stop it. “I… I can’t get pregnant. If that’s what you’re worried about.” 

He blinked, confused.

“The monks… they… they thought it was probably best if the spawn of Trigon couldn’t have spawn of her own.” She rubbed the back of her neck and looked away. She hadn’t told anyone about that, and she didn’t really know how Damian would react. She honestly hadn’t ever thought she’d find herself in a position where she wanted to have sex with someone, and now she was stumbling through an explanation about her own body. “I’m not able to have children, ever.”

Damian blinked, confused. “And you… you’re okay with this?”

She shrugged. She hadn’t really given it any thought, honestly. Her whole life had been part of Azarath and what she had been told there. “You can’t miss what you never had, right? Besides, they’re… they’re probably right. I’m a danger in a lot of different ways.” 

Damian looked like he wanted to say something, but decided not to. Instead he shook his head and let his hands rest heavy on her hips. There was a long, slow silence that stretched between them, and Raven realized that he was trying to calm himself down, to make his own erection go away so that this conversation was less…  _ awkward.  _

Raven flushed and glanced at the fog-filled window. “If you don’t-”

“I want to.” He cut her off, running a hand down his face as he muffled another groan. “Trust me, Raven… I  _ really _ want to. But…” He sighed, and his hands fell to the side. “What happened between you and Blood is a mess, and we have a lot to work through still. And as much as I want to get lost in you and your body for the rest of this stupid break, I’m still pretty mad at you.” He paused. “In fact, I’m  _ really  _ mad at you.”

Raven felt shame darken her face again, her stomach knotting. She pulled herself off of his lap and settled into the empty space next to him, trying to think of what she could say to make this all right again. “I…”

“Don’t… say anything.” He raked a hand through his hair. “Just… don’t.”

The silence that settled over both of them felt heavy and aching, like it was eating at both of them - pulling them apart thread by thread until they were both raw and tender. Raven took a slow breath, finally turning away from him to stare at the condensation running down the inside of the glass. Outside it was dark, and the rain had increased, drowning out any residual noise from the party inside the warehouse. She shivered and suddenly wished she had her underwear on. At least then she wouldn’t be thinking about her wetness on Damian’s leather seats.

She shifted again, glancing at Damian from the corner of her eye. “Should we-”

“I don’t want to go back to campus.” Damian cut her off again, digging into his pocket for his keys. “I know somewhere we can go… somewhere that’s private and we can work through all of this.” He took a slow breath and turned to narrow his stare at her. “Because we have  _ a lot _ to work through Raven, and you’re  _ not _ going to run away from it this time.”

She swallowed slowly, her heart pounding out a frantic rhythm in her ears. “Okay.”

It was time. Time to face the consequences of her actions.


	22. Chapter 22

Apparently Damian’s family kept a small studio apartment above a corner store in a neighboring town, about twenty minutes away from the Academy. It wasn’t lavish or expensive, but had a large bed, a few amenities, and a small stock of non-perishable food. Raven couldn’t quite put her finger on why they would need an apartment like it, but Damian’s answer was noncommittal and a bit cagey, so she didn’t press the question. It didn’t really matter anyway, she was grateful that they had a place they could both escape to, and get out of their soaking wet clothes. 

The rain continued to pour down into the darkness of the night, and lights flickered on and off from the street below them, but nothing seemed to fit right. It felt as though the world outside didn’t _quite_ exist anymore, like it had faded from existence. Raven watched as Damian unbuttoned his shirt and set it next to the heater by the window, his movements unhurried. She stood by the door, her eyes glued to the large bed that separated them, its crisp, white covers standing out against the shadows of the room. She took a shaky breath, her mind getting lost in what they were _really_ doing here. On one hand, they were here to talk through the choices she had made, and on the other… 

Raven flushed as she thought back to the weight of him pressed against her in the car, of how much she had enjoyed his mouth on her skin, his lips sliding down her neck. She thought back to the feeling of his fingers spreading her, toying with her, making every part of her feel like she was on fire and ready to explode. She swallowed and Damian looked over his shoulder at her, taking a long moment to read her expression. The concentration in his eyes made Raven realize that he was reaching for the tattered edges of their connection, but found nothing that connected him to her anymore. 

“Get out of your wet clothes or you’re going to get sick.” He turned back to the heater, away from her, and started to peel his wet undershirt from his body. “There are some sweats and things in the drawers so you can change into something dry.” 

Raven watched as he finally freed the wet fabric of his undershirt from his body and her eyes widened as she saw the patchwork of scars along his back. Where… had those _come from?_ Her heart stilled in her chest, and without really thinking about what she was doing, she crossed the room towards him, her hand outstretched to trace a long, gnarled scar along his shoulder blade.  Damian twitched and pulled back, turning around to look at her. His eyes were dark, warning her that she shouldn’t touch when he hadn’t given her permission. It should have been enough for Raven to back away from him, but there was something about seeing his body so broken and tender, that it made her stand her ground. It had been dark in her room at the manor, and she hadn’t really thought much about what Damian would look like naked, but this… this wasn’t at all what she had expected. 

“Where did all of these come from?”

His steely stare told her that she shouldn’t pry, and Raven’s blush darkened, but she didn’t turn away from him. The scars were old and new, some of them suspiciously fresh, and a bruise near his hip was starting to yellow, as if he’d gotten it when he’d visited his grandfather. Raven thought back to what Bruce had warned her about - that Damian’s mother and grandfather weren’t exactly the most _upstanding_ people. Her heart ached at that thought, and she found herself wanting to comfort him.

“I worry about you.” The words sounded odd coming out of her mouth, a sort of low, scratchy noise that wasn’t quite her voice. “Did something happen while you were away?”

Damian’s jaw ticked and he turned to the dresser in the corner, pulling out a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. He shoved them into her hands and motioned to the small bathroom in the corner. “Go change.”   

She thought about pushing the question, but the darkness in his eyes deepened, and Raven knew she should let the topic drop. If Damian didn’t want to talk about something, he wouldn’t, and there was no way to force him. Her hands wrapped around the soft cotton of the clothes, and she retreated to the bathroom, her stomach tightening in knots as she moved. The rest of her clothes were hung from the shower curtain rod, and she pulled on the sweatpants and t-shirt he’d given here, somehow feeling more naked than she had before. Her underwear and what was left of her tights were still in his car, so she’d have to go without. 

Staring at herself in the mirror, blanched by the bright, white lights that filled the bathroom, Raven wasn’t entirely certain she recognized the person staring back at her. She looked exhausted, sunken, stretched thin until it felt like anyone would just see right through her. Her eyes were drawn to a red mark on her neck - a _hickey_ . Oh, gods. That was so embarrassing. She’d have to find a way to cover than up on Monday. Sighing, she wiggled her fingers through her hair, trying to tame it into a _reasonable_ mess before giving up and walking back into the bedroom area. 

Damian was heating a kettle of water on the stove, his back turned towards her as he stared at his right arm, the place where his brand _used_ to be. The mark had disappeared, leaving nothing but his olive skin, and while Raven was grateful because it meant the spell truly _was_ broken, she knew she should be cautious too. Damian was right to be upset, she’d been _so stupid_ , but she’d also been desperate, and that had made for a dangerous combination. She had made her choices, and now she needed to live with them. 

“I’m making tea to warm you up.” His arm fell to his side and he turned farther away from her, as though he still needed the space to heal. “Sit.”

It was a command, and Raven sat in one of the folding chairs shoved in the corner. A long silence stretched between them again, and Raven watched as he moved through the small kitchenette. Unspoken words weighed on both of them, like they were waiting for the other person to say the first thing to make this right. But, neither one of them even knew where to begin. Damian glanced at her from the corner of his eye and then turned to stare out the window, as if he couldn’t bear to look at her.  

Raven felt the apology bubble up before she could stop it, shame coloring her cheeks. “I’m sorry.”

He blinked and looked back at her, crossing his arms over his chest. There was another stretch of silence, and Raven thought he would turn away from her again, the emotions inside him growing far too wild to contain. Finally, he sighed, defeat in his expression, and ran a hand down his face. “You went to him _knowing_ you weren’t going to stay on earth, didn’t you? You reached out to him thinking that there wasn’t a way for you to stay here, for us to fix this, and so you knew that whatever he asked on you, you’d never be able to give it. It was your plan from the start - run away before there were consequences.”

She winced, and her hands rested in her lap. He wasn’t _wrong_ , and she really hated it that he was so damn perceptive sometimes. Raven fidgeted with a loose string on her shirt, not wanting to meet his cold stare. “You’re right.”

“Mm.” He crossed his arms over his chest, and Raven’s stare was drawn to another scar along his bicep. How many did he have? How had she never seen them before? 

“Damian, you…” She took a shaking breath, letting it out slowly as she tried to gather her thoughts. Everything felt like it was unraveling around her, and she was left trying to collect herself and force pieces that didn’t fit back together. “You didn’t see the panic on your face - the _worry_ . I’ve lived with my magic for my entire life, but this was new to you, and you didn’t know how to control it. After what happened on Friday, after how you reacted to what _we_ did, I knew that I had to help you, or… or something would happen. It was getting worse. It was beyond broken glasses and little mishaps, and people could have _really_ gotten hurt if we didn’t act fast. I needed to try and help you more than I was capable of, so… so I made a dumb, reckless decision. I went to Blood, and I knew I was going to give up my time here on earth as payment.”

“Mm.”

Raven glanced up into his face, seeing the twitch in his jaw as he struggled to contain his emotions.

“And _you_ didn’t think about what would happen to me when you broke the bond, did you?” His lips twitched again. “I have been feeling you and your emotions for _months_ , Raven. Your presence has been a constant inside me, so much that you’d become an extension of my own thoughts and feelings, and then… and then you _weren’t there._ ” His voice grew dark and he glared at her. “You were gone. It was sudden, and painful, and violent, and I thought you were dead.” 

Raven… hadn’t thought about that. She’s been so worried about trying to protect him, that she hadn’t really considered what would have happened to him when she finally broke the seal. It was one thing she _should_ have thought about - how this would have affected him. He was as much a part of her as she was of him, and if he had been ripped from her body the way she was from him, she would have acted the same way. Her hands clenched by her sides, and the icy chill of guilt filled her chest again.

Another shaky breath escaped Damian. “I thought something horrible had happened and you were dead and I…” He ground his teeth together. “I was lost. I was inconsolable, rage and fear and loss were my only emotions. I barely remember what happened in those few hours after.” He let go of a bark of humorless laughter and shook his head. “I had to hear from _Zatara_ about what you had done. You didn’t even tell _me_ . Do you know how that made me feel? I was _helpless_ , and I had to hear from _Zatara_ that you were actually alive and mostly unharmed.”

She really _was_ stupid. “I-”

“Don’t say you’re sorry.” He cut her off and glared, expression steely. “For fuck’s sake. Don’t say it, you’re just going to make me angrier, and I’m already upset.” He finally turned away from her, taking the boiling kettle off the stove and pouring it into a mug on the counter. “I told you we would figure this out together, Raven. We promised each other. We have other resources besides… besides _Blood_. And, I was close to working something out with my grandfather.” 

There was a different twitch to his lips, and a low note in his voice that didn’t ease the tension in Raven’s body. Something about the way Damian spoke about his grandfather made her realize that whatever he was _working out_ with his grandfather was likely just another bad deal in a different package. She set her hands in her lap and held back her own thoughts, knowing that if she did say something, it would likely start another fight. “I… I was reckless, and stupid.”

“Yeah. Yeah, you were.” He set the mug down in front of her and sat across from her, his face blank. “We went from being joined together to ripped apart in a matter of minutes, Raven. Yes, we hadn’t found an answer yet, but that didn’t mean we needed to give up either. That didn’t mean that you should go and make idiotic decisions and enlist the help of someone you _should not trust._ I don’t care if he said he knew your mother, or that there had been some kind of connection between them. I know him better, and I know he’s not to be trusted.” 

Raven knew that too. Far too well now.

“I…” Damian’s speech tapered off, and he stumbled through a few words, saying things in English and another language, before he finally looked away. It was as if he couldn’t say what he wanted to in either language, and so he was forced to try and make sense of everything that was building inside him. “I wanted you to stay. I was trying to find a way to fix this so you _could_ stay. I wanted you to stay on earth with… with _me_.”

Raven flushed and her fingers tightened in the folds of her clothes, she hadn’t really thought about that. Their conversations about liking each other had been _vague_ at best, and having him admit that he wanted her to stay made her feel even worse about the decisions she made. “I… I didn’t-”

“Stop.” He lifted his hand and forced her to stop talking. “Just… _stop_ , Raven.”

She closed her mouth and looked down into the mug of tea in front of her. There was a long stretch of silence as they both refused to look at each other. They were both a mess of emotions, of anger and betrayal, but also of desire and love. They were powder kegs, ready to go off at any minute. What happened in the car was fresh in their minds, and Raven’s skin still burned with need, even as they fought their way through this conversation. It was uncomfortable, but it was something they needed to say. She rubbed her palms over the tops of her thighs, watching from the corner of her eyes as Damian clenched and unclenched his right hand. 

“I shouldn’t have been stupid.”

“I… I should have tried to express myself better. I’m not… _good_ with emotions, and even worse with my own.” Damian leaned back in his chair and stared at her. “I only wanted to fix this, but… I grew close to you in the process. If we had been… _here_ before, where I could talk to you freely about how I felt, then you would have never gone to Blood.”

Raven flushed. “No. Probably not.”

He nodded once and glanced away again, running his thumb along his jaw. “I should have been more open with you.”

“I should have told you what I was thinking of doing.”

Damian’s stare narrowed. “I would have talked you out of it.”

“That’s the point.” Raven sighed and pushed her mug of tea away, her stomach too tight to think about drinking anything. “I would have trusted you to help me. I was so panicked over you, and I just wanted to protect you. I wanted to keep you safe, and to keep you from being so afraid of that magic inside you. I just… I felt helpless that we hadn’t found an answer to anything, and all I wanted to do was just… _fix it._ ”

He sighed, and stared at her for a long moment, looking exhausted. He ran a hand down his face and stood up, facing her. “We’re going to talk ourselves in circles if we keep this up. What’s done is done, and I… I’m done talking for right now.” He paused, the sudden stillness in the room heavy. “I just don’t want to talk anymore.”

Raven swallowed, looking up at him from beneath her lashes. “So… then…”

He leaned over her and offered her his hand. The bed now seemed to consume the entirety of the room, and she glanced at it from the corner of her eye. Every muscle inside her seemed to tense again, and Raven slowly slid her palm across Damian’s, her fingers bumping along a scar sliced along his palm. He pulled her to her feet and crowded her space easily, as if he knew he should take control of the situation. Damian stared down at her, and slowly - _very_ slowly - he curled his fingers under her chin and tilted her face towards his. 

Raven shivered as he leaned over her, his lips brushing against hers, the scent of rain mingling with his spiced soap.

“I want to finish what we started in the car.”

Raven wanted to say _something_ , but her words felt like a tangled mess, and all she could do was nod in agreement. She wanted that too, wanted to feel his calloused skin sliding along hers, finding bits and pieces of her, filling up hollows that she had forgotten about. Her lips trembled, and she lifted herself up a few inches to catch his mouth in a cautious, answering kiss.

Damian made a low noise in the back of his throat, and what started as slow and exploratory quickly turned into something heady and dark. His mouth was relentless, his kisses sliding against her hungrily, heat racing along his skin and bleeding into hers, until it felt like they were slowly weaving themselves together. Whether there was magic between them or not, whatever choices they made tonight would seal them together forever, and Raven found she liked that thought. She liked knowing she would carry him even after she had gone. 

Raven felt his lips drag along her jaw, drawing cries out of her like he was drawing poison from her skin. His fingers tangled in the hem of her shirt and he pulled it over her head, tossing it onto the floor. Cool air touched her skin, and she shivered as his fingers traced ghostly patterns over the pale expanse of her back. It was like he was branding her all over again, and he’d barely touched her. Damian’s mouth slid down her neck, peppering kisses over her shoulders before his tongue traced a leisurely circle around her nipple, drawing it into his mouth and scraping his teeth along the tender flesh. 

Raven shivered, and her knees nearly gave out. The demon inside her shifted, pleased that this was leading where it was. She ignored the almost content push of the demon’s desires against Raven’s senses. Electricity was gathering between her legs, and her body felt empty and aching and needy, and she wanted nothing more than to be filled by him, to feel all the sensations that he was offering her and more. She wanted whatever it would take to make this ache go away. 

Damian backed her up against the bed, laying her over the stark white covers. He pulled the sweat pants down her legs, leaving her completely naked - open and bare for only him. Shadows filled his face and he stood there for a moment, simply staring at her. It almost looked as though he were admiring her, as though he was finally appreciating every part of her, and he muttered a low rumble of foreign words between his lips. Whatever he said made the demon in her purr, and it lounged back, waiting for what was inevitably going to come. 

Raven’s teeth sunk into her lower lip, and she tilted her face towards him, waiting. 

Without another word, Damian leaned over her, kissing up the inside of her legs before resting his mouth between her thighs again. Raven was embarrassed at the sounds she made as he pressed the flat of his tongue against her clit, drawing patterns so quickly she thought she was going to explode in a shower of stars. He was getting _better_ at this, and it was embarrassing how easily he could work her up. Sweat broke across her skin, drenching every part of her as she arched up into his mouth, the heat in her blood returning as if there hadn’t been an hour between now and their time in the car. She groaned loudly, and Damian hooked a leg over his shoulder, his tongue flicking her clit. 

She shivered, each nerve-ending on fire, exploding as time seemed to stretch out and snap back, becoming nothing and everything all at once. The world around the edges of her senses seemed fuzzy and out of reach, and all that mattered was this moment - Damian’s hands sliding along the swell of her hips, his mouth buried in between her thighs. Her fingers threaded through his hair and he looked up at her, his eyes dark and his mouth set into a frown. 

“I want you.” 

His voice was low, a grumble of words she almost didn’t catch, but it made her heart twist so tight she thought she would snap in two. She watched as he pulled back, his fingers sliding along the inside of her thigh until they rested at her entrance. She shivered as she felt him trace the length of her almost delicately, and watched with a strange kind of fascination as he licked his lips like he was savoring the taste of her. 

Raven’s hand slid up his arm, her fingers tracing a ragged scar along the back of his bicep. “You have me.”

He stared at her, his expression dark, and finally he stripped himself of his own clothes, leaving them in a pile at the edge of the bed. In the thin light spilling in from the window, Raven could see the patchwork of scars that littered his body. She was fascinated by them, curious where they had come from and what they all meant. There were stories gathering at the edges of his body, and she reached out to touch one near his hip. She watched as his abdomen tightened, muscles twitching under her exploration, and Raven felt strangely empowered by that. _She_ made him as weak for her as she was for him.

She pressed the flat of her palm to the dip of his waist, sliding her hand up his side and tracing his ribs. Damian’s eyes slid close and he leaned over her, arching his body towards her touch, as if he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to enjoy the sensation. Raven wondered if anyone had ever shown him tenderness before he met his father, and that thought broke her heart. She made a silent resolution to touch him as much as possible from here on out, to show him the love he should have had before.

Her hand slid back down to his hip, and she wrapped her fingers around the base of his cock. 

“Don’t.” Damian peeled her fingers from him, his eyes dark. “I won’t… _last_ if you do that.”

She flushed and let her hand fall to her side. There was an awkward stretch of silence, and neither of them really knew what to do next. They were both there, naked, staring at each other, and waiting for someone to make a move. Raven curled her toes, and reached out to wrap her fingers around his wrist. Slowly, gently, she pulled him towards the bed. Damian crawled over her, his hands caging her in as he rested a knee between her legs. 

“Is this… is this okay?” His voice was barely above a whisper, his words almost drowned out by the rain slamming against the windows. Raven looked into his eyes and she saw caution there, as if he wanted to make sure that they were both ready for this. She felt the heat of his body against her, the tension in his muscles, the way he _breathed_ , and she knew that this was what she wanted. Even if this moment was all she got, it was enough for her. 

Raven nodded. “I want this.”

He leaned forward and pressed his forehead against hers, his breath ragged. Damian’s fingers slipped between her thighs and he toyed with her clit, drawing slow circles over her. Raven twitched and she groaned, her head rolling to the side as he speared two fingers inside her. He was taking time to stretch her, make sure she was comfortable, but Raven also felt like he was torturing her. Her body was ready to break and shatter at any moment, and each time she thought he might let her fall over that edge, Damian pulled back. 

“ _Now…_ ” Her voice was a thin whine, and she pushed her hips against his hand as he added a third finger. “ _Please._ ”

Damian pulled his fingers from her, and hitched her legs up around his hips. She could feel him there, right at her entrance, and she shifted, her thoughts in their own haze of need and desire. Raven’s hands reached out and dug into his sides, trying to pull him closer, to bring her inside him. He paused, waited a moment and then-

Raven let go of a short cry. It was a new sensation to be filled like this. It didn’t hurt, but it was… _different_. New. Heat blossomed over her chest, and Damian dropped his forehead to her shoulder. He was muttering something against her skin, each breath clawing at his throat. A moment passed, and then another, and finally he moved. He pulled himself out of her before pushing back in, a slow steady pace so that they could both adjust to this. It was new for both of them, and neither one really knew what was supposed to happen next. But slowly, the strangeness of the sensation began to wear off, and Raven felt a different kind of tension start to build just under her belly button. 

 _Oh. Yes._  

Her whole body started to shake as heat flooded her veins, filling her up with a golden kind of fire. Damian made a wounded sound in the back of his throat, and hooked one of her legs higher on his hip, adjusting the angle so that she felt like colors were exploding around her. Each push of his hips sent another shock through her, each movement building off the previous one until it felt like the world was shimmering around them with their own desires. She could feel her muscles start to ache with the need for release, tightening and releasing with each drag of his cock through her. 

Sweat was tangling in her hair, heat pooling lower and lower, her clit so sensitive that she was writhing against him after even the smallest of movements, her body practically on fire. Every sensation felt new - the sounds escaping his throat, the feel of his scarred skin slick against hers, the shock of force when Damian buried himself to the hilt. He was trying to hold back, but there was a roughness behind his actions, like he wanted to shatter her under his own hands. 

She was pushing her body up to meet his thrusts, trying to reach that peak with him. Raven felt herself say something, but her words didn’t reach her own ears and nothing made any sense. Light and shadow mixed together with sound and silence, and Raven felt as though her body was racing to a cliff that she couldn’t see the edge of. 

His fingers slid between them, and he pressed his thumb against her clit. It was enough to make the world snap to a point before sending her flying into oblivion. Raven met his final, frantic thrusts, but it felt like she watched stars explode around her - galaxies be created before dying in a show of light. Her back arched off the bed, her fingers dug deep into his back, and his name came tumbling from her lips like a mantra meant to keep her on this plane of existence. She dug her heels into the mattress and pushed up against Damian as he shuddered against her, one hand burying into her hair as his teeth sunk into her shoulder to tame his own cries of pleasure. 

Sounds returned first. And then feeling in her toes and fingers. And eventually colors and smells. Raven lifted her eyes and looked into Damian’s face. A dark blush stained his cheeks, and he slowly pulled back, pulling himself from her body. Raven shuddered even at that sensation, and a soft sigh escaped. He looked uncomfortable for a moment, like he should have been ashamed of what happened, but Raven reached out and wrapped her hand around his wrist. She didn’t want him to feel shame, not for… not for giving her _this_.

Her thumb fluttered over his pulse. “Ah… last time we…” She shifted, feeling his wetness inside her and knowing she should clean herself up, but this was far more important. Swallowing down her fear, Raven tilted her face towards him. “Hold me?”

“We should clean up.” His words were brusque and tight, emotions warring in him like a storm gathering behind his eyes. Damian turned from her and made his way to the bathroom, and Raven had to admit she liked the view from behind too - scars and all. She watched him shamelessly until he seemed to feel her eyes on him, turning around to glare at her over his shoulder. She looked away, flushing. Did he expect her _not_ to ogle? 

Damian walked into the bathroom for a moment before returning, a wet washcloth in hand. “Lay back.”

Raven rested back against the covers and watched as he leaned over her, running the warm washcloth over her skin. It felt so intimate and personal, and she couldn’t tear her eyes away from him as he cleaned between her legs with a soft kind of tenderness, his fingers tracing aimless patterns over her again. Finally, he pulled away and took care of washcloth before picking up the piles of clothes scattered around the bed. It was as if he was doing these things so that he felt like he had some kind of control over his life, or at least over the decisions he made now.

A moment passed between them, and he drew back the covers on the bed, motioning for her to get in. 

Raven settled down, reserving herself to a night of what would likely be an awkward sleeping situation, and then she felt his hand cautiously slide over the swell of her hip and nestle in the dip of her waist. She felt Damian rest on the pillow behind her, his breath tickling the back of her neck. Tension released in her shoulders, and she found herself leaning deeper and deeper into his warmth, letting sleep start to darken the edges of her senses. Her day felt as though it had been an eternity, and laying here, protected by him, her body weak with satisfaction, she felt herself start to drift off. 

“Someday, I’ll tell you about my scars.”

Raven blinked, but she didn’t turn around, feeling him start to fall asleep. 

“But for right now, just know that I trust you with them.”


	23. Chapter 23

Raven woke with the early-morning sun streaming in on her face, the soft warmth lighting her up. Behind her the bed was empty, and probably had been for some time. Silence stretched around her before giving away to the normal sounds of the morning, and she rolled onto her back, staring at the ceiling. She could hear the sounds of people waking, people walking along the streets, and the soft splash as cars drove through puddles. 

She closed her eyes and listened to the shower running behind the bathroom door, and she let go of a sigh, her mind fuzzy. Everything seemed more like the echoes of a dream than the stark truth of reality. She felt…  _ different _ . Not wrong, but not exactly the same person she had before she had spent the night with Damian - before he told her he  _ loved _ her. And now what was she going to do? Pack up everything and run away from the mess she had created. 

Guilt blossomed in her chest and she sat up, feeling like her whole body creaked with the movement. She was sore, in a strangely satisfying way, and she thought back to last night, feeling her skin start to heat up at the memories playing through her head in vivid detail. Each touch of his hands, the press of his body against hers, and each muffled curse between every stroke… it made her feel like something was deepening inside her again. She flung her hand over her eyes and sighed. Her body was already waking up again, and she was doubting herself uncertain if she was allowed to have the things she suddenly wanted. 

Last night had felt so much like a fluke that she wasn’t sure if it even happened. Of course, she wasn’t sure  _ what _ she expected to happen, but that wasn’t it. She hadn’t expected Damian to come find her at a party, pull her away from her friends, and then confess his love for her. And she  _ certainly _ hadn’t anticipated the night ending where it did - with them in bed with each other. But, now she was here, her soul shattered into a million pieces, and yet somehow whole, with Damian filling in the parts of her that seemed to be missing. 

She stretched again, a soft sigh escaping as heat started to gather below her navel. Last night  _ should _ have been a one-time thing - a choice made suddenly when she realized what she wasn’t going to stay on this earth. But she wanted  _ more _ . It was like her entire body was trembling in anticipation for something to fill her again, and her demon  _ liked it _ . It likes that raw feeling that left her nerves sparking and her breath not quite filling her lungs. She wanted so much that it was embarrassing. 

Raven’s teeth sunk down into her lower lip, and she felt her demon push against her, stretching its rough skin against her own - a reminder of all the things she could have. She had made the choice to travel down a path she couldn’t return from, and now she felt like she was falling into an endless sensation of  _ need _ . Her eyes closed and she shifted against the covers, curling her toes into the soft mattress.

One hand slipped beneath the covers and touched between her own legs, finding herself wet and willing, but currently without a partner. Her eyes fluttered closed, and she rubbed her fingertips over her sensitive clit, her muscles tensing with each slow circle. It felt good, but not… not the  _ same _ as when Damian touched her, and certainly not as good as last night. Memories from the past night flashed within the forefront of her mind, and her back arched as her fingers moved faster over herself, searching for something  _ more. _ She was a mess now, soft noises muffled against the thick quiet of the room. Against the sheets she could smell Damian’s spiced soap, and she felt her body tense in anticipation for an orgasm-

_ -that never came. _

Raven’s mouth released a soft, frustrated cry, and she felt her demon still straining against its chains - desperately searching for that elusive release. It pushed against her again, reminding Raven that she  _ wanted _ , and there was no shame in  _ having _ . Damian was willing, there was no fear of either of them becoming permanently bonded, and he was  _ so close…  _ just over the threshold in the bathroom. He was  _ showering _ . And, he wouldn’t deny her anything she wanted, but maybe she did need to provide him with a little…  _ persuasion _ . Something that would entice him to feel the same ravenous feelings she did. 

Raven stood up, her legs shaky as she made her way to the door. She shouldn’t be doing this. She should be getting dressed, and-

Her demon gave her a push of emotions - a rush of raw feelings that ripped through her whole body and told her this was exactly what they both needed - and Raven opened the door. It creaked loudly, making Damian turn and glare at her through the clear glass door, speckled with water droplets. His mouth pulled down in an annoyed frown, but he didn’t made a move to cover himself up. Instead he stood there, his olive skin flecked with pale scars, white soap bubbles clinging to his chest, abdomen, and legs, and just  _ stared at her. _

Maybe this  _ was _ a bad idea. 

Raven’s heart was racing, but she didn’t back down, in spite of the alarms going off in the back of her head.  _ Yes _ , this was a  _ bad _ decision, terrible actually, and she somehow knew that it was only going to get  _ worse. _ The aching, empty feeling between her legs urged her forward, each step slow and careful. Raven walked to the shower door and opened it, stepping inside the small stall. Warm water soaked her hair and pounded her back, and her body brushed up against his. Even though she felt like the world should have opened up and swallowed her whole, she kept moving closer to him. 

Damian continued to glare at her. “What are you doing?”

She had no clue, but it felt…  _ right _ . In its own debauched way, what she was doing felt  _ right _ . Her hand traveled down the smooth, wet planes of his chest, pausing at a raised scar near his hip. She traced its ragged edges as looked into his face, searching Damian’s eyes for something that told her to stop - but there was nothing but quiet anticipation in his face. Her fingertips continued lower, sliding over his stomach and abdomen, before she wrapped her fingers around the base of his cock. She felt him tense under her touch, watched the tremble of his abs as she touched him, but he didn’t pull her away. His eyes caught hers, and Raven watched his pupils widen and his breath come in short, staccato bursts. She sunk her teeth into her lower lip and moved her hand slowly, testing the boundaries of what she was allowed to indulge in, and feeling his cock grow with each pass of her hand. 

She stroked him slowly, running her thumb over the head of his cock, watching as his eyes closed and his stomach tensed with emotion. He breathed heavily, but he still didn’t pull her away. It was as if he wanted this as much as Raven did, as though he were also feeling that aching, empty feeling that only a physical connection could fill. He wanted that connection to be with her.   

Raven found herself fascinated by his face, water running down from his dark strands to pool along his lips and then slide even lower. There were small twitches and movements that threatened to betray his every emotion, but most of all, he found  _ pleasure _ in her touch, and Raven felt some measure of pride in that. He leaned into her before pulling back, bracing his arms against the cool tile of the shower. His muscles tensed and twitched, and finally his hand slid between her own legs, his fingers finding her clit and teasing, warm water heating her up even more. She groaned and leaned forward, resting her forehead against his shoulder as she tried to muffle a cry against him.  _ Gods, yes. _ That was  _ so much better _ than when she tried to do it herself. 

Raven’s motions faltered for a moment, but she didn’t stop her own curious exploration of him. Instead she tilted her face towards his again, and watched the myriad of emotions flicker through his eyes. She found herself fascinated with him, the way he fought against his own release, the way his breath hitched when she moved her hand a certain way or pressed her thumb against the tender spot under the head of his cock. He looked almost content, like he could live in his moment forever, and Raven almost felt like she could join him.  

Without even thinking, Raven dropped to her knees in front of him, and she ran her tongue along the underside of his cock. Damian tensed, as if he wanted to tell her  _ no _ , but didn’t know what to say. She opened her mouth and wrapped her lips around him, her hand wrapped around the length of him she couldn’t swallow. Damian cursed in at least four languages, and his head fell back against his shoulders, fingers digging into the tile behind him. Raven moved slowly, her mouth and hands working in tandem, trying to bring him right to the edge. 

Through her hair and the stream of water, Raven stole a glance up into Damian’s face as he leaned back against the shower wall, he head tilting backwards in soundless pleasure. He looked so unlike himself, a mixture of tense and relaxed, like he didn’t know which feeling he should pay more attention to. His breath shortened, and she could feel his cock tense in her mouth, growing harder with each pass of her mouth. 

“ _ Stop. _ ”

His hand buried in her hair and he pushed her back, forcing her to the shower floor. Raven fluttered her eyes, wiping at her mouth with the back of her hand, and Damian just stared at her, his face as unreadable as always. There was a long pause as he swallowed breaths, his hands shaking as he reached over her, turning the water off. Cold air instantly washed over them both, and he threw open the door. 

Raven watched as the steam from the shower spilled into the cold bathroom, the stark lights hanging above their heads making everything feel  _ too _ bright. Raven crawled to her feet and followed him out of the shower, barely stepping onto the soft, plush bath mat before she found herself sprawled out on the floor. 

Damian rolled her onto her stomach before raising her onto her knees, cushioning her with the bath mat. Raven blinked, shocked that he would do something so  _ raw, _ but her demon was already trembling with anticipation. 

Behind her, she could hear Damian try to speak, but words came out as muffled curses and raw sounds, and when he couldn’t find what he wanted to say, he entered her in one swift motion. Raven let go of a cry, the sound echoing against the tile. Her body was still aching and sore from the night before, but she didn’t care right now, not when she felt  _ this good _ . 

She was stretched again, full of him, and yet somehow not entirely satisfied at the same time. His hands gripped her hips with enough force to bruise her, and Damian hissed out a raw, aching curse. He barely waited for her to be comfortable before he moved inside her, his pace relentless and demanding, bringing her to the edge in what felt like a matter of seconds. Raven heard her cries escape, sounding so unlike her that she wasn’t sure if her demon had already taken over. Her fingers tried to dig into the tiled floor, but it didn’t help keep her grounded to this place of existence. Her mind was already lost to the stars. 

His fingers tightened into the soft flesh of her hips, and Raven lifted her eyes to see the sight of both of them reflected in a full-length mirror directly across from them. She flushed at the sight - somehow both pornographic and intimate at the same time. He knelt behind her, the muscles in his chest strained, his scars pale yet tugging at him with each movement. Her body tightened around his cock, and Damian let go of another low growl. Hair fell into her eyes and she sunk her teeth into her lower lip, watched as Damian caught her stare in the reflection of the glass. He watched with rapt attention as he thrust harder and harder inside her. A soft flush worked along the sharp angles of his face, but he didn’t look away from her. He just moved quicker and harder against her, each push of his body meaning something different. 

Raven felt her body tighten again, her heart flutter, and she watched as he leaned over her, pushing her chest into the cold tile and caging her in with his arms. He leaned over and whispered in her ear, the consonants and vowels cut short and stretched long - rough words in a language she didn’t understand. His lips pressed against her neck, kisses and lovebites interrupted only by more words and harder thrusts from his body. 

But Raven knew she didn’t need to know his exact words. His meaning was loud and clear to her:  _ You’re mine. _

Her body tightened and she pushed back against him, burying her face into the tile as she felt every muscle in her tighten and warn her of what was coming. 

“ _ Watch. _ ”

She gasped, her voice echoing against the empty walls, and she lifted her eyes to their reflection. Time and place lost meaning, and she felt pleasure wrack her body, over and over and over, until it seemed as though she lost all sense of herself. The person in the mirror didn’t feel like her - her face filled with raw pleasure, her lover behind her taking and giving all at the same time. It felt like for a few moments they were both someone and somewhere else, drenched in their own need.

Damian’s head tipped back against his shoulders and he  _ roared _ , the sound carnal and animalistic, and Raven felt another orgasm wrack her body at the sight alone. She was fascinated with how he looked to her, something entirely different than the person who had once glared at her across classrooms and libraries. And yet, this seemed to be a truest version of himself. He finally stilled behind her, his hands still tight on her hips, and he caught her stare for the briefest moments before they both collapsed onto the floor. 

Damian pulled her close as they both gasped loudly, shocked at what they had just did. He let go of a satisfied groan and laid behind her, his arms tucking her close to his body as he rested his forehead on the back of her shoulder. They lay like that for what seemed like eons, their hearts both refusing to still.

Raven tried to think of something she could say, but nothing really seemed all that important, and so she kept quiet. Instead she focused on the feeling of his slick skin against her back, the way his cock twitched against her if she moved a certain way,  Damian’s hand began a slow circle over the soft swell of her hip and down her thigh. Raven closed her eyes and focused on trying to get her heart to stop pounding in her chest, but she wasn’t sure if she would ever be the same again. At least, not while Damian was around. 

Damian nuzzled the back of her neck and pressed a kiss to her shoulder. “We should leave soon.”

Raven nodded. “I know.” She wished they could stay in this sanctuary they’d created forever, but reality was calling them both. She shifted and rested her head on her arm, feeling all the tension in her muscles start to release. 

Damian’s hand stilled on her hip, and she felt his fingers start a leisurely journey back up her thigh and over her hip. He stroked the soft skin below her navel before his fingers slid between her legs again, finding her clit and rubbing slow circles over her.  _ Oh _ . Raven sighed and leaned back into his chest, letting that spark of desire start to flit over her skin again. Her eyes closed and felt his lips drag along her bare shoulder, teeth scraping against a sensitive spot. 

“Soon…” He murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. “Not yet… but soon.” 

Raven just nodded and closed her eyes, letting his fingers explore her. He rolled her clit between his fingers before slipping inside her, pumping slowly. A soft cry fell from her mouth, and whatever control she had disappeared as she spread her legs wider for him. When she was with Damian like this, it was easy to pretend the world did not exist outside, and for right now, that was all she needed. 

-

Raven felt like everyone was staring at her as they entered the coffee shop in town, the bell above the door tinkling brightly. She knew, logically, that no one even noticed them, but  _ she _ felt different than she had yesterday. And, because  _ she _ felt different, she assumed everyone else could feel it too. She pulled up the hood of Damian’s sweatshirt over her head, stretching its long sleeves over her hands. She felt swallowed by his scent, and she wasn’t sure if that made things worse or comforted her.

Next to her Damian sighed, as if annoyed, glancing down at her from the corner of his eye. “No one knows. No one is paying attention.” He paused, glancing around the coffee shop. “And even if they did, it doesn’t matter. It’s none of their business. What happened was between you and me, no one else.”

Raven lifted her head to stare in his eyes, and felt her heart turn over slowly. No matter what happened in the coming weeks, she knew she would have these moments that Damian offered her - little moments that made her feel…  _ normal _ . She should appreciate these moments while she had them. An aching feeling tightened her chest and she gave him a thin smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. Damian sighed and pressed a soft kiss to forehead before he motioned to an empty table near the window. 

“Go sit down and I’ll get your order.” 

Raven settled in a plush armchair, looking out into the misty mid-afternoon morning. Her demon felt quiet inside her chest, an odd sort of content that curled through her. It was finally satisfied after all the time they had spent together this morning, and Raven felt drained by their…  _ activities _ . Thinking about it made herself warm in a pleasant way, and she wrapped Damian’s sweatshirt tighter around her, letting her mind slowly wander. This was the same shop that she’d met Blood in, but that felt like a lifetime ago now - before everything had fallen apart around her, and somehow patched itself together. 

“I see you’ve recovered well.”

Raven jerked up to see Blood standing over her, a smirk playing on his lips. His eyes seemed like empty voids, swallowing bits of her soul. Panic zipped up her back, and every sense inside her seemed to be on high-alert. Flashes of what happened to her last week seemed to spark behind her eyes - words and images that didn’t quite add up, and she shrunk back from him. Hands shaking, Raven felt ice chill her bones, and her eyes widened as she stared up into his face. He settled in the chair across from her, his smile never fading as his gaze slipped over the length of her, lingering like he was trying to add up the sum of her parts. She swallowed slowly, her head filling with white noise as her panic was growing more restless, consuming her. 

“And I see you’ve broken the spell…” A flash of annoyance slipped over his face before being replaced by another smirk. “I had imagined that you would have broken it, but I didn’t imagine it would be so soon. You must have had some help from some very powerful allies. The ritual we performed should have left you drained for weeks… and yet you’re here, standing upright in front of me. Your demon must be stronger than I realized.” He paused, his eyes sweeping down the length of her again. “And I hope you aren’t offended by the spell. You  _ did _ promise that you would settle up with me when it was time, and I really didn’t want you running out on your debts, Raven.”

Raven swallowed, struggling to find words as fear curled through her. Alarms rang in the back of her head, screaming at her to find Damian and run, and reminding her  _ exactly _ why she was trying to leave this earth. Blood pressed closer to her, his eyes searching her face. 

“It’s just not  _ quite _ time to settle up.”

Magic gathered at her fingertips, sparking and snapping. She glanced around the coffee shop, counting the civilians. There had to be at least twenty innocent people here, each minding their own business, completely unaware of the danger the lurked right next to them. She could hear the ceiling above her head tremble with the force of her powers, threatening to break. Not here.  _ Not here. _ She needed to be anywhere but here. Raven shoved her hands into the sweater pockets, her eyes flicking through the people to see if she could find Damian. For the briefest moment she hunted along the thread that used to be their connection, but found it just as empty and tattered as it had been before. 

Raven took a slow breath and leveled a stare at Blood. "You should go."

" _ You _ made an agreement with me, Raven. They shouldn’t be taken lightly, and they’re not so easily broken. You promised me something in return for helping you break your curse with the young Mister Wayne-" 

Had that been what it was? A curse? Did she still feel the same way about their bond? No. Not really. Raven shifted and she thought back to what it had been - something that drew them together. There was something in their connection that seemed to sew her and Damian together, that made it feel like it was more than just an  _ inconvenience _ . They might have both fought against everything it was, but in the end it felt so much more than just a spell. She just hadn’t really seen it until now - when the connection was broken and she felt drawn to Damian in a way she couldn’t fully explain.

“-you promised me a payment. And, I fully intend on collecting when the time is right.” Blood glanced over his shoulder, and Raven finally saw Damian approaching her, two paper cups in hand. 

Damian’s eyes locked on Blood, and for a moment it almost seemed like he was going to cause a scene, but he held his cool. He glanced around at the other, unwitting civilians in the shop and made a quick decision to keep his head firmly on his shoulders. If they fought here, there could easily be casualties. Damian’s jaw ticked and he approached Raven quickly, his fingers so tight on the cups of coffee that the lids popped off. 

Blood offered him a sickly sweet smile, as if he’d won a match Damian didn’t even know he was fighting. "Ah, young Mister Wayne. I see you've returned with coffee for Miss Raven. Good. Need to keep her strength up after all." Blood stood up, adjusting his jacket on his shoulders. "Well… I won't keep you any longer. I have my own matters to attend to." He paused and leveled a heavy state at Raven, as if silently warning her not to defy him. "Good luck during your finals, Raven. I'll be in touch."

Damian dropped the coffee on the ground and grabbed the back of Blood’s jacket, yanking him around to face Damian. “You stay the  _ hell _ away from her, or so help me, I will hunt you down and kill you.” He snarled at Blood, showing a flash of teeth. “I have no problem getting more blood on my hands.”

“Cute pun,  _ baby bat. _ ” Blood snorted and pulled Damian’s fingers off him, eyes darting around the shop to see the few patrons who were watching them. He adjusted his jacket again. “But Raven entered into a contract of her own volition. You have no control over her or her destiny with me, only  _ I  _ do. So, unless you want to cause a scene here in busy coffee shop in the middle of a Sunday, then I suggest you  _ back off. _ ”

Damian looked pale, and his hand fell to his side. “Fuck off,  _ scum _ .”

Blood clicked his tongue. “ _ Sticks and stones _ .” With that he turned on his heel and disappeared into the thick mist of rain outside. 

Damian glared at the spot where Blood had been standing, watching the coffee start to spread out over the tiled floor. A waitress was already grabbing a mop, completely unaware of the scene that had occurred just moments before. Raven muttered and apology and shivered, feeling like she had dodged a bullet from a fight she wasn’t even sure she was fighting. Her magic reabsorbed into her body, and she glanced up at the ceiling to see a thin crack spidering through the off-white plaster. It was a reminder of how close they had been very real and serious danger. Guilt swelled in her chest again, and Raven reached out for Damian’s hand, threading her fingers between his own. This was… this was  _ all her fault. _

He glanced down at her, his stare dark and boring into her for what felt like hours. Damian took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Finally he spoke, pulling her through the shop to the front door. “Let’s just go.” 

Raven blinked and followed him, ignoring the soft whispers and curious glances from the other people in the shop. She shifted and pulled the hood back up over her hair, pressing closer to Damian as her hand tightened in his. “Where?”

“Back to school, where you can be protected.”

Raven followed him out of the shop. “What do you mean…?”

Damian stayed suspiciously quiet as they got into his car, his eyes glued ahead. He sat there, saying nothing for a long while, lost in his own thoughts until he started the car and headed back towards campus. They drove through the familiar streets, landmarks fading into fuzzy images at the edges of their senses, and another heavy silence settled over them both. It was a warning, thick silence, like something before a dangerous storm. Raven folded her hands in her lap and waited for him to say something,  _ anything _ that would have made sense to her. But he stayed silent the whole drive. 

Finally, Damian parked his car in the student lot, but neither of them got out. Instead, they continued to sit there in silence as he stared at nothing for a long while before closing his eyes and sighing. “I should have been here for you. I shouldn’t… I shouldn’t have left you. I should have protected you, or had someone else protect you, or…  _ fuck _ . I don’t know. I shouldn’t have let you feel like the only way to fix all of this was to go to Blood, Raven.”

_ Guilt _ . Damian felt guilty for not treating this the right way, and she didn’t blame him. Her own heart was heavy with guilt - for awakening the curse of magic in him, for making him a familiar, and then watching as he turned desperate as she tried to fix it. He wasn’t the only one who had felt so helpless. They had both made stupid mistakes, and they had both tried their best to fix them, only… they made it all so much worse. 

Raven reached out and took his hand, pulling it into her lap. Her thumb ran over his knuckles and she shifted, looking into his eyes. “This… this wasn’t your fault, Damian. I did this. You shouldn’t blame yourself for something I did - for a mistake  _ I _ made.” She chewed on her lower lip and looked up into his face. “Besides… I’ve already made my decision. After finals, I’m going back to Azarath. I don’t have a choice, and today… today made me realize that. If he’s going to monitor my every move here, then I have no where else to go… except back to Azarath.”

Damian’s shoulders slumped and he pulled his hand away, turning to look out the window. His face unreadable again. “Forever. You’re going back to Azarath forever.”

“Not… forever. Just until I can figure this out with Blood at least. I… I don’t know how long that will be.” She had thought about what she would need to do to escape her contract with Blood, but there wasn’t a definitive plan yet. She needed to be somewhere out of his reach until she could find something that would keep her and Damian safe. A  _ real _ plan. “It could be weeks or months or…”

Damian pressed his lips together, looking back at her. “ _ Years. _ It could be years.”

Raven closed her eyes, not wanting to face that fact just yet. “ _ Years _ .” 

“Or…” Damian’s voice was low and soft in the quiet of the car. “... you could never come back.”

Raven flushed and looked away, her heart swelling against her ribs. Maybe a few days ago that would have been a choice, but now… now it felt like there was no way she could stay away. Not from here, and certainly not from him. Not from Damian’s  _ almost _ smiles, or his slow kisses, or his hands along her body, or the way he made her feel when they were together. He’d become an inconvenient drug of sorts, one she didn’t think she’d ever be able to quit. “That’s… I don’t think that’s an option.”

Damian lifted an eyebrow, waiting for an explanation. 

“I don’t think I’ll be good at staying away from someone I love.” Her blush darkened and she pulled his sweatshirt tighter around her shoulders, avoiding his shocked stare. That’s right, she… she hadn’t really told him that she loved him last night. They had been too busy with each other that the words seemed to escape her own lips. “I can’t imagine being apart from you forever.”

Damian stared at her for a long moment, as if he was trying to fully process her words, until he unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car. Confused, Raven blinked and exited the car after him. Damian stood by the hood and stared at her as she approached, behind him she could see a few students stopping to watch them, curious as to what  _ Damian Wayne _ was doing with Raven. He stepped up to her, pushing the hood off her head so that the crisp air of early spring soaked through her hair and chilled her skin. His hand cupped her jaw, thumb rubbing slow circles over the apple of her cheek as he stared into her eyes. It felt like time stopped and the world melted away into nothingness around them both. 

A moment passed, then two, and Raven watched him lean forward and capture her mouth in a slow, almost languid kiss she felt all the way into her core. A real kiss, one that felt like he was pouring every ounce of his feelings into. Raven sighed and leaned up into his kiss, feeling his arm wrap around her back and pull her tight against his chest. Her toes curled in her shoes and it felt like her head was spinning, thoughts and worries disintegrating until there was nothing left but him and her and the slight chill of the air. 

Someone whistled behind them and Damian pulled back to glare daggers at whoever it was. 

“So… you two  _ are _ dating?”

Raven looked behind Damian to see Gar standing there, a lopsided grin on his face. She flushed but said nothing, knowing that it was probably better to keep silent than to give a definitive answer.

Damian, however, seemed not to worry. He lifted an eyebrow and snorted in annoyance. “ _ Yes _ .”  

Raven’s blush just grew darker. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the first part of this fic was unnecessary, but you know what? I wanted it. I wanted gratuitous sex for my own benefit.


	24. Chapter 24

“ _Again_.”

Raven groaned and she flicked her sweat-soaked hair out of her eyes, watching as Damian slid back into stance, his practice sword tight in his hands. His muscles were bunched tight, ready to pounce on the next thing that moved, and he looked as though he was going to put her through her paces again. _For the millionth time_ . She rolled onto her back and rubbed at a growing welt on her cheek from when she hadn’t ducked fast enough to avoid the flat side of Damian’s blade. He was being hard on her, but… she wasn’t entirely sure if she could blame him. He was scared, and if she was completely honest with herself, she was too. After what had happened with Blood two weeks ago, Damian thought it would be a good idea to put her through even _more_ training. 

She took a deep breath, shaking as it released tension from the deeper part of her chest, and looked at the ceiling of the training hall. In the shadows of her own thoughts, she could feel the whisper of Blood and his promises, the echoes of his spells digging into her tender parts. It made her realize how close she really _had_ been to danger, and how naive she was for trusting someone she shouldn’t have. She had just been so _stupid_ , and now there was nothing left but to try to protect herself until she…

 _…left._  

Guilt blossomed fresh in her chest, and Raven rolled her shoulder and finally sat up, leaning forward to look at Damian from behind the hair that had escaped her small ponytail. His face was a blank mask, but Raven knew that was to hide his thoughts. Damian always seemed to think that guarding his emotions was better than being open with her. Maybe someday he would change, but she wasn’t sure if he would. Until then, she was left trying to decipher a hundred different secrets about him. 

Raven pitched forward, pressing her hands into the mat as she stumbled to her feet, her body screaming in protest. Damian had pushed her far past the point of exhaustion, and if he _kept_ pushing her, she was going to pass out on the training room floor for the rest of the weekend. “I don’t know where you get all this training from. You’re like a machine.”

He huffed, motioning for her to get back into stance with the tip of his sword. “I’ve been training for years.”

“For _what?_ ” Raven’s eyebrows knitted together, feeling another secret sprout up between them. Damian was layer upon layer of secrets, and this was no different. “I can’t imagine any of this training is going to be useful when you’re a CEO. Isn’t it just cocktail parties and yacht clubs?”

His eyes narrowed, and she could see the tips of his ears turn pink. He huffed and motioned with his sword again. “Get back into stance, Raven. I’m going to attack you again.”

Raven could feel something scratching at him, just under the surface of his skin, but she chose not to push it. Even if they had told each other that they were in love, this relationship was still new and fragile, and if she pressed too hard, something was bound to break. Instead of fighting him on it, she moved back into the stance he taught her, her magic snapping at her fingertips, and took a deep, calming breath. She tried to think back to her defensive training with the monks, reaching deep into herself to find her center, and-

“ _Fuck_.” Raven felt the edge of Damian’s sword slide up the outside of her thigh as she tried to step out of range. He glared at her, but didn’t give her a second of rest before he surged forward again to attack. 

She jumped back, a flash of magic wrapping around his wrist and pulling him back. Damian barely stumbled before he found his footing again, gaining ground against her, with another thrust of his sword. She was always on the defensive, and she hadn’t been able to move to the offensive the whole time they were training. Raven tried to find an opening, but Damian had already moved to attack again, this time his sword found her hip and smacked hard, throwing her off balance. 

Raven growled and her magic snapped out again, tangling between his ankles like a thread. She pushed his feet back, making Damian topple forward, shock coloring his face. He dropped his sword to the mat, but wasn’t quick enough to regain his balance, and he fell on top of Raven, pushing them both to the ground. The back of Raven’s head smacked against the soft foam of the mat, and he glared down at her, his lips twitching as he tried to untangle his legs from her own. 

“Better.” He huffed and moved his leg, his knee running along the inside of her thigh by accident. “If unorthodox.”

Raven flushed and looked up into his face, realizing how close he really was to her. Even after all the times they had spent together, he still made her heart pound and her chest tighten. She lay there, quietly remembering the last time he’d ended up _on top_ of her. The cool tile of the bathroom floor was still a vibrant memory, and each push of his hips had-

Damian finally pulled back, clearing his throat. He rubbed at the back of his neck and scrambled off of her, obviously thinking about the same things she was. “I think we’re done for today.” 

“Mm.” Raven sat up and leaned forward. 

“You two busy?” 

Raven saw Karen standing in the doorway, her arms crossed over her chest. She was dangling a tabloid magazine from her fingertips and looked like she knew a secret that no one else was aware of. 

“Or am I interrupting something _private?_ ”

“We’re finished.” Damian placed the practice sword back on the rack and glanced at Karen, his expression calculating. He still was getting used to Raven’s friends checking in on them and trying to make heads or tails of their relationship. Not that Raven was all that surprised, _she_ was still getting used to their relationship as well. Damian crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against his heels. “Is there something important you need to discuss?”

“So, it’s official now, right? You two are _actually dating?_ ” Karen handed the tabloid to Raven with a low laugh. “You guys made the front cover and everything.” 

Damian snatched the glossy magazine out of Karen’s hand and groaned. On the cover was a picture of their kiss from two weeks ago, standing outside his car in the misty afternoon. Someone from campus must have snapped a photo with their cellphone. Damian’s shoulders dropped with an annoyed sigh. “Todd is never going to let me live this down. _None_ of them are ever going to let me live this down.”

“Neither is the rest of school. There were already rumors about you two getting together, and now you’ve just given them proof. _Especially_ with all these _private lessons_ Damian has been giving you during study time.” Karen laughed and took the magazine back. “How _are_ those going by the way? I mean, it looks like I might have interrupted something… important.”

Raven flushed and turned away from Damian. What they did together was their own business, not anyone else’s.  “No. And I’ve never been good at training practice, you know that. Damian has been helping me so I don’t fail Starfire’s final exam. That’s… all.” 

“Mm… _okay.”_ Karen didn’t look like she bought it, but she also seemed to let the topic drop, which Raven was grateful for. Karen crossed her arms over her chest and offered a sly smile at Damian. “Well, we’re all going out tonight to see a movie and grab a dinner before we have to bury ourselves in studying for finals in a few weeks. I was going to invite Raven along, but since you two are _actually_ dating now… I guess I’ll invite you too, Damian.”

He snorted, but didn’t say anything. 

Karen lifted a single finger. “On _one_ condition.”

Damian raised an eyebrow, waiting for her caveat. 

“You’re only allowed to come if you’re not a _complete_ asshole the whole time.” 

His face fell. “I am not-”

“Oh no, you _are._ Don’t try to deny it.” Karen cut him off with a grin and looked over at Raven. “Right?”

She flushed and shrugged, a small spot of guilt rising in her chest again. “I mean… sometimes you can be… _difficult?_ ” That was putting it as nicely as she could. “But you’re getting better.” 

Damian turned and glared at her. “I am _not_ an asshole.”

“I didn’t say _all the time_ .” Raven shrugged. “Just… _occasionally_.”

“You’re absolutely no help.” He ran a hand over his face and looked back at Karen, eyes narrowing as if he was trying to control his temper. “ _Fine._ If you’re inviting both of us out, then we’ll go, and I’ll show you how much of an asshole I’m _not_.”

“That would be far more convincing if it didn’t sound like I was being threatened.” Karen smirked at him and shook her head. “We’ll meet you at the theater at seven.” With that she turned and walked away, leaving Raven and Damian alone again. 

Damian pursed his lips and looked over at Raven. “I’m not an asshole.”

She shrugged, trying to look at least a _little_ sympathetic. “Well, sometimes…” 

His face fell, but he let the topic drop. With a soft sigh, Damian ran his hand down his face. “Todd is _never_ going to let me live this down.”

-

The lobby to the theater was packed with local kids and students from the Academy. Dated neon lights filled the space with a colorful, warming glow, and the loud chatter and smell of popcorn seemed to be taking over Raven’s senses. She stood there and felt the brush of excitement and nervousness from new dates, the joy of being with friends, and the happiness of being out on a weekend. Raven’s eyes closed and she took a deep breath, taking in the rush of emotions all mingled together with friendship. 

“You look nice.”

Raven turned and looked over at Damian, who wore dark jeans and a henley with the top two buttons undone. It was the most casual she had ever seen him, outside of their time at the apartment. He ran his fingers through his hair and shoved his hands in his pockets, shifting on the balls of his feet, obviously uncomfortable. He glanced around at the other people in the room, eyes wide as he tried to remember what he was doing here.

“Do you… know anything about the move?”

“No.” Raven shrugged and fidgeted with her ticket stub, watching as a few people whispered behind their hands at her and Damian. She turned back to Damian, ignoring the sideways stares. “Something about space?” 

“Ah.” Damian nodded and shifted again, his eyes darting around the room as if he was expecting a fight. There was a long stretch of silence before he finally looked back at her, his expression defeated. “I… I don’t really know how to date, or what to do on one. Honestly.” It was an embarrassing admission for him, and she could feel the way he turned in on himself, uncertain of what this date meant for either of them. “I… I don’t really know what we’re supposed to do.”

Raven shifted, her teeth sinking into her lower lip. “Me either… if it’s any consolation.” She reached out and slowly slid her hand around his arm, pulling it out of his pocket. There was a slow pause and he threaded his fingers between her own. Raven offered a small smile. “But this… this is a start, right?”

“Yeah.” His hand tightened in her own and he gave her a small, almost secretive smile that felt genuine. “It’s a start.”   

“Hey! You guys made it! We saved you a seat!” Gar waived them over, and Raven felt all the eyes of the theater turn to face them, following her every move. Her hand tightened in Damian’s and she took a deep, slow breath trying to calm her nerves. 

Damian cleared his throat, his voice dropping low as he glanced over at her. “Our relationship isn’t about anyone else. It’s just between you and me.” It was an echo of what he had said to her in the coffee shop two weeks ago, and it brought her some small amount of comfort. This _was_ between the two of them, no one else. 

They found their seats next to Miguel and Karen, and fell into easy conversation with the people around them. It calmed Raven’s nerves, that weird negging feeling in the back of her mind easing. For just a little bit, it felt like they were just two normal teens, no powers, no curse, no one trying to take Raven away, or make her leave. They were just two young lovers, out on their first date, enjoying time with friends. Raven found herself enjoying the way she felt… _normal._ Almost _unassuming_.  

She didn’t want to give this up, and she knew she wasn’t ready to let go of what she had built here. 

The movie started and Raven felt herself lean against Damian, drawing in his warmth as her hand still tangled with his. It felt good to be normal, like there wasn’t anyone trying to chase her down, or try to control her _._ Damian glanced down at her, something almost resembling a genuine smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. He looked almost happy, like he was enjoying this, and Raven found herself _feeling_ happy - better, even.  

Damian looked back at their friends, making sure they were watching the movie before he leaned over and pressed a kiss to the crown of Raven’s head. His voice was a whisper, barely audible over the sounds from the movie. “Even if neither of us really know what we’re doing… I’m glad I’m with you.” 

Her heart was full and heavy, and there was an odd feeling of calm that settled over her. If this was all she got, then she knew it was more than enough. The movie was boring, and it barely held her attention, but something about being with Damian made it tolerable, and Raven felt her guard start to slip. Being this close to him, their hands entwined together, made her feel like everything was going to be alright, and it made her feel like there was something worth fighting for - a reason to stay here on this earth. 

The movie started to drag on, and Raven closed her eyes, starting to drift off as the plot became more and more tedious. She leaned closer to Damian, the tension in her limbs slipping free as her head rested on his shoulder. She was safe as long as he was here. So, at least for a little bit, it was fine to let her walls down and to let herself fall deeper into relaxation…   

…before being jolted awake by a whisper in her ear. 

“It’s almost _time_ , Raven.”

It was as if someone had run claws down her spine, digging deep into her flesh and tugging angrily at her most tender part. She jolted awake as her eyes widened out of shock, and she scrambled to pull out the haze of confusion that was rooted deep into her mind. Her head whipped around as she felt the unadulterated animosity radiating off Damian. Finally, Raven seemed to process the scene around her. To her left was the blond freshman that she had met over holiday break, and there was an emptiness in his eyes that seemed to soak into Raven’s soul and syphon off any sort of heat she had clung to. He was dead inside, both figuratively and literally.

Damian’s hand gripped hers so tight it nearly broke bones, and he stood up as a hundred pairs of eyes turned to look at them both. “Get the fuck out of here.” 

The kid just smiled blankly, his eyes still not quite meeting Raven’s. He extended a hand slowly, as if offering her something invisible and deadly. “Raven, let’s go. He’s waiting for you now. It’s time to go.”

What? _No_ . Raven felt like she was going to hyperventilate, and her chest tightened painfully as she looked around the darkness of the theater. Everyone was looking at her, confused but somehow frozen in their seats. No one said anything, and no one stopped the kid in front of her. Raven’s hands clenched at her side and she swallowed the bile that rose in her throat. She wasn’t ready to go yet - wasn’t ready to _run_ . Not when she had found something she wanted to keep _so bad._

“Raven isn’t going with you. So back the _fuck_ off.”

Those empty eyes turned to look at Damian, not seeing him for who or what he was. “A deal is a deal, and a promise is a promise. Raven had a debt that must be paid. She knew what she was agreeing to when she worked with Blood.” He paused and looked back at Raven again, his head tilting to the side as he stared. “It’s time to go, demon. Blood is waiting for his payment.”  

_No._

_No! Nononononononono!_  

It wasn’t time for her to leave yet. She hadn’t said goodbye, and she hadn’t been prepared. She thought she would be more prepared for this! Panic consumed her entirely, and Raven was barely aware of Damian’s hand wrapped tightly around her wrist, yanking her down the stairs and onto the theater floor. Eyes followed them, but no one said anything, and her friends chased after her, desperately searching for answers to secrets she had kept from them. 

They burst into the bright lights of the lobby, and Raven could feel something strangle her heart, twist around it like an invasive weed trying to control her. People were tightly packed around them, laughing and joking, and blissfully unaware of the danger that lurked so close to them. She stumbled, following Damian down the hall, and her chest tightened as she searched through the crowd of people for a source of her fear. Colors suddenly seemed too bright, sounds too loud, and she could feel a thousand pairs of eyes turn to look at her, confused by what she was doing. Her head was pounding, thumping along to the rapid beat of her heart. 

She shoved at her hair, panic starting to take over. Sounds were growing fuzzy, the pain in her head was sharpening to a point, and she could only _just_ hear Damian call out to her. She turned to try to face him, but stumbled back a few steps as the ringing in her ears swallowed up the sounds of her friends questioning, the rumble of noise from the other moviegoers, and then…

_…there._

She could _feel him there._

Raven whipped around and saw Blood standing near the exit, his hands shoved in his pockets as if he had all the time in the world. He met her stare, blinking slowly as she acknowledged his existence.His movements were unhurried and unrushed, as if he had all the time in the world. And he very well might have. Dark magic was gathering at his fingertips, curling up each of his digits and sinking into his bones. He was controlling her this way, making her feel like she’d lost her own mind. He was doing it as a reminder to her - a reminder that he could easily control her, and as a promise of darkness that threatened to consume everything. 

 _This was his plan_ . Raven’s head screeched, and she pitched forward, pressing the heel of her palm against her eyes. This _must_ have been his plan all along. He must have known that she would have tried to escape their deal, and so he searched for a way to conquer her and her life before she could run. _Bastard._ He could coerce her by threatening her life here on this planet, and by threatening those that she loved and the ones she had gotten so close to. 

Behind her, Raven could feel the confusion from her friends as they tried to put all the pieces together. Blood’s stare flicked to her friends before looking back at her, and that somehow made everything worse. Her powers gathered at her fingertips, and Raven thought back to the training that Damian had been giving her - she could take him down if she wanted to. Her magic was strong, and her heart was stronger. If she needed to destroy Blood, she _could_. 

“ _Not here._ ” Damian’s voice was a pillar of strength in the storm she was trapped in, and his hand tightened around her wrist. He jerked his chin at all the people crowding the lobby, eyes narrowing in warning. “You can’t take the chance. There are too many innocent people here, Raven. Someone is going to get hurt, or Blood is going to take someone as a shield, or a hostage. Don’t try to start a fight here. We need to find a way to take control of this.”

His words offered a moment of clarity through the storm in her head, and Raven swallowed, nodding slowly as he turned around, looking at her friends. _Her friends._ She was surrounded by her friends, and each of them looked ready to fight and protect her. Her heart stopped for just a moment, and she caught Damian’s reassuring stare. 

“Raven. I see you’ve been doing well since we last spoke. You look healthy.” Blood approached her slowly, his steps measured. “It’s almost time for me to collect what you’ve promised. I wanted to make sure you understood that your debt is still not paid, and it’s not wise to leave a debt unpaid.” He paused, offering her a grin that seemed more like a grimace. “Especially not with me.”

“Raven, who is this?” Behind her, Karen’s own powers were snapping, and every one of her friends seemed to move easily into a fighting stance. “What is he talking about? What _debt?_ What could you _possibly_ owe him?”

“Shut up.” Damian stepped forward and leveled a dark stare at Blood, snarling. “What are you doing here? I told you that I wouldn’t hesitate to end you.”

“Sticks and stones, baby bat. Even _you_ can’t break the strength of this bond.” Blood smiled and his fingers moved as he muttered something under his breath - a _spell_. 

Damian hit the floor in an instant, magic catching his upper arm and throwing him down, and the walls around them started to shake with power. Concrete tumbled down from the ceiling, and the people in the lobby started to scream and run for the exit as chaos ensued. This _was_ Blood’s plan all along, to make her choose between fighting him or saving innocent lives. Raven panicked as she looked around, seeing debris topple from the ceiling as Damian drew his arm to his chest. Had he broken it? What happened? What was wrong? Raven reached out to try to touch him, but Damian drew back, cursing at Blood in at least four languages.

Gar, Miguel, and Karen all moved quickly, taking steps to try to protect the people around them from the panic. Miguel worked to keep the ceiling up, and Karen and Gar moved people towards the exists. 

Blood stepped up to Raven, the darkness filling in his face with shadows that spoke more truth than he ever had. “You should have trusted your baby bat when it came to me, Raven.” Blood’s words slipped down her spine in an icy warning, wriggling under her skin and burying deep. “You can make this all stop. You can make all of this stop if you just remember our debt. All you need to do is gather your things and walk away with me. Easy _and_ simple.”  

“Stop. _Stop!_ ” Raven threw her hand out, and a spell slammed into Blood’s chest, she watched bits of it ricochet off of him and slip towards an unsuspecting teenager. Raven panicked and reached out to try and stop the spell, but it was too late, and Damian heaved himself from the floor to take the full force of her powers. He fell back down to the floor, gritting his teeth together. 

Raven shook, her eyes darting from scene to scene as she took the sight in. People were hurt, confused, scrambling away from her in horror. _She_ did this. _Her_ choices did this. This was all her fault - _all of it was her fault._ Her emotions started to spin out of her control, and more of her magic leached out of her fingertips. Inside her body, her demon was scraping along her bones, fear and worry and anger were mixing together into something volatile. She felt explosive, like a single thing would set the world off and bathe it in fire. 

_Protect your love._

_Protect your friends._

_Protect those you care about._

_Fight. FIght. Fight fightfightfight. Tear him limb from limb. Consume him. Use me and show this weak human who is stronger. He is breakable, but you are the daughter of a conqueror. You can own him like the dog he is._

The whispers of her demon were both encouraging and rattling, and she was shaking as she stared at Blood who stumbled forward, excitement bleeding into his face. His smile was maniacal, filling his face and distorting his features into something twisted and grotesque. 

“Your _demon_ is beautiful, Raven.” Blood looked wild, as if seeing the demon inside Raven was brining him his own sick version of joy. He surged forward, pushing close to her as he invaded her space easily. His fingers wrapped around her jaw roughly and he yanked her face to his, still grinning at her. “Oh, you are _lovely_. Your mother would have had such a beautiful demon too, if only she let herself fully succumb to the ritual. If she only knew what joys Trigon would have given her.” 

Tears streamed down Raven’s face, emotions welling up from the pit of her stomach. Bile filled her mouth in disgust as Blood’s words echoed over and over in her head.

 _I knew your mother_ . _We were close once._  

Raven should have trusted Damian when he told her to stay away from Blood. She never thought that someone would have tried to use her history against her. But of _course_ she was exploited. Of _course_ she was used. Raven was weak and pliable, and someone was eventually going to use that against her. She looked around at the chaos, felt her demon push harder, beg her for release. Her magic was activated by her emotions, and she was breaking apart because of them. Because of the way Blood looked at her like she was a thing only _he_ could possess. 

_Let me fight._

_I will contain this useless scum._

She didn’t want to fight it anymore. Not here, and not like this. Raven felt her consciousness unravel like a loose string on a sweater, pulled until there was nothing but ragged threads left. Her head tipped back, arms limp and useless by her side, and her mind emptied of everything except her rage and hate. Hate was easy. It didn’t hurt, it only made her more powerful and fueled her. She could _use_ hate. Her demon flooded her veins, slipped into her body, and she lost memory of everything that kept her here on earth, in this very plane of existence she needed to be in. 

“You’re _gorgeous!_ If only you could see how strong you are, Raven!” Blood howled with excitement, and she felt a spell slide past her, slamming into a wall. “A wonderful delight, I can now possess.” 

“ _Possess?”_ Her voice was not her own. It was a dark thing, that sounded of smoke and wrath, and it spit rumbling words at Blood. _“You pitiful human who thinks he can control me. You do not know what you’ve done. What you’ve awoken.”_

“Oh, but I do.”

It was as if her out-of-body experience was getting farther and farther away, and Raven watched as Blood pulled back the sleeve of his shirt, exposing a bastardization of the brand that used to be on Damian’s arm. Shock slammed into her as if she’d been punched in the chest. No. That couldn’t be. It… Raven thought back to all the things he had said to her, the promises he made, the lies he told and the secrets Blood had kept. _That_ was how Blood had managed to break the ties between Raven and Damian. He hadn’t broken the spell, he had _transferred it_ onto himself. _Damian’s_ brand. _Damian’s_ ancient magic. Now, it was all in… 

 _Blood_. 

And if he had those parts of Damian, what parts of Raven did Blood have? What parts had he taken specifically from her bond with Damian and kept as his own? 

“Raven!”

Damian’s words didn’t even reach her consciousness. All she could hear was the sound of Blood’s voice repeating over and over in her head. It told her how pathetic she was, how useless, how stupid and dumb she was to fall for his tricks. It was consuming her, stripping away her human parts and leaving only the demon left. 

_She was nothing. The demon was everything._

Raven’s powers short circuited, lashing out at what they could. Magic snapped along walls, pulled chunks of the ceiling down on her. Her control had completely shattered, and she knew she had made a huge mistake. The worst she possibly could, and there was nothing she could do to fix it. This was irreparable, and it was all her fault. Her own stupid, useless self, practically _gifted_ to Blood like she was his to own. 

She barely registered the feeling of Damian’s arms wrapping tightly around her, throwing her to the ground and rolling her under him. Next to her another block of concrete came crashing down, shattering on the floor. Raven looked up into Damian’s face, but it was like she was seeing through him. He wasn’t there, and the world was fading around the edges, her powers shaking the floor beneath her. She could see the fear in her friends’ eyes, see their hatred and confusion. But, worse of all, she could see how Blood had _won_. He had played her like the helpless fool she was, and Raven just walked right into him. Like a lamb led to slaughter, and all her friends had followed her willingly.

 _No._ There was still one thing she could do. One more choice she had left. She threw Damian off her and ripped open the broken glass doors with her powers. Resolve twisted into her chest, giving her the last bit of strength she needed, and she ran into the street, feeling Damian and Blood chase her.

“Raven!” 

“ _There is nowhere you can run that I won’t find you! I will control you one day._ ”

He was wrong. 

He had to be wrong.

There was somewhere she could go. 

Damian was still chasing her, but it was too late. She’d already made up her mind. Raven opened a portal and threw herself into it, letting the darkness swallow her up. Darkness was easy and familiar, and for a few glorious minutes she existed nowhere - not on earth, not on Azarath, not even in a normal dimension. It would be easy to stay here and to just _not exist_ , but she already knew what she had to do. Raven knew exactly where she needed to go.

She swallowed breaths and found herself falling forward into a wood floor. Dressing room lights bathed her in a stark, white glow, and she looked up into Zachary’s shocked face. He blinked down at her, his lips pulling into a frown.

“Raven…”

“I… I need a favor.” Raven’s fingers dug into the wood beneath her, and she dipped her head to the floor, begging for Zachary to understand. “I need it fast.” 

He stared down at her, a long stretch of understanding silence sliding between them. They had talked about it before, about what might happen if she should ever come to him like this. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Contingency plan?”

Raven dipped her head lower, wiping at her face with the heel of her hand. Her chest was tight and her body was heavy with the weight of the world, but she _had_ to do this. She had to save her friends and protect them from her own idiotic decisions. Her body sunk lower, words wet with tears.

“I need to go home.”


	25. Epilogue

“ _ You’re late.” _

Damian could smell that particular scent of magic still clinging to the air - that pungent, metallic odor that filled the space, and he stared blankly at the runes burned into the wood floor. His stomach twisted into a hundred knots, and he took a slow, shaky breath.  _ Late? _ Was he really all that late? Damian had made the choice to go after Blood, to try and contain him before the damage became even worse than it already was. He chose the safety of others above his own heart, but it didn’t really help in the end. Blood had still managed to slip through his fingers, but thankfully there had only been minor injuries. Damian would find him soon, but right now he needed to find Raven, and he needed to bring her home. 

Most of the movie theater was collapsed, and every single one of Raven’s friends now knew what she really was. Miguel, Gar, and Karen were sympathetic, but many of their other classmates weren’t. Raven, at the end of it all, was a  _ demon _ , and one that had very nearly gotten hundreds of people killed. People were glad to see that Raven had run away. It was one thing they no longer had to worry about. 

Zachary stood on the other side of the room, looking annoyed, but he knew better than to push Damian away. Even if they didn’t always get along, they could respect one another for a little bit. It’s what Raven would have wanted, as frustrating as that was for both of them.

Zachary sunk into a chair in the corner and leveled a steely stare at Damian before pulling a letter out of his breast pocket, offering it to him. “She left this for you.” 

Damian ignored the letter and pointed down at the runes still burned into the floor. “Open the damn portal,  _ Zatara _ . Let me go after her. I need-”

“ _ No. _ ” Zacahry cut him off, his voice low and dangerous. “She specifically asked me to keep you here and keep you safe. She said that  _ you knew _ that this was going to be the outcome no matter what. And  _ this _ is the outcome. Raven is back in Azarath where she belongs.” 

Zachary’s words scraped against Damian’s good senses, and Damian had half a mind to surge forward and start throwing punches. He could feel the anger rising up in him, that black feeling of helplessness as he realized what had happened. Zacahry was  _ wrong _ , there  _ had _ to be a way for him to go to Raven. Damian didn’t  _ have  _ to sit here and wallow in his own sorrow, realizing that Raven would never be back. He… he had to take  _ action _ . He had to  _ do _ something. He was a  _ goddamned al Ghul and a Wayne. Neither of those families just sat idly by while people they loved were in danger!  _ He ground his teeth together and pointed at the floor again in an unspoken warning, but Zachary was unwilling to move. 

“You  _ can’t _ go there, Damian. You know it.” Zachary tossed the letter between them, watching as floated to the floor. He whispered a spell and the runes faded back into the scuffed wood, followed by a soft breeze in the air. “You’re not allowed to go to Azarath, and even if you  _ were _ allowed, you can’t chance Blood finding a way to follow you. If one human can get through, what’s to stop another?”  

Damian growled, feeling like he’d reached the bargaining stage of his grief and somehow bypassed all the others. “Blood is going to find a way to get to her anyway, and you know it. So, open up the damn portal and  _ let me in _ . Let me at least try to protect her.” 

“No.” Zachary continued to glare at him, his lips pulling back into a snarl. “I’m not going to let you strongarm me into this, so stop asking.” 

“So, you just… just let her leave?” Damian’s hands were shaking now, and he stormed across the floor to face Zachary, his hands tightening in fists. The reality was starting to set in, letting him know that she was really gone, and she might be gone forever. Damian wasn’t sure if he could accept that he might never see her again, and something black and heavy weighed him down. The realization was hitting him hard, and every emotion he had tried to stave off was flooding his mind, reminding him of all the things he was too weak to keep. He wasn’t strong enough to protect Raven, and now… 

Damian swallowed bile rising in his throat, staring into Zachary’s blank expression. “You let her walk out on me? On  _ you? _ You’re her friend too.”

“ _ Yes. _ I let her leave, because it was the right thing to do.” Zachary ignored the curse on Damian’s lips. “You  _ know _ it was the right thing to do. She can’t be here if Blood can control her powers. It’s not safe for her, and it’s not safe for  _ most of the world. _ ” His voice turned dark and cold. “And if you actually love her the way she loves you, then you’d understand that this was the right choice.”

Damian snarled at him. “You don’t get to fucking say that.”

“I  _ do _ . Because I’ve been helping you two figure your shit out for the last few months, and watching you be a complete  _ idiot _ to Raven is starting to grate on my nerves _. _ So, you know  _ what? _ I  _ do _ get to say that, because I have some fucking stake in this relationship now,  _ Wayne. _ ” Zachary spat Damian’s name and continued to glare at him. “She’s left for Azarath, and Blood can’t access her powers if she’s not in this dimension. She can’t be controlled by him, and you should be grateful that she thought so fast. Otherwise you’d be  _ dead _ . He might someday find a way into Azarath, but for right now, she’s safe, and it buys us time to  _ find him _ and  _ stop him _ . Which is what you should be focusing on.”

Damian stared at the letter between them, still not picking it up from the floor. If he took it, opened it, and read it, then it meant that everything was  _ real _ . It meant that Raven had left. It meant that she was probably never going to return. It meant that their time together was cut short, and the last few weeks were all he had with her. There was… nothing left. There would be no more memories, or long talks in the middle of the night, or quiet study sessions in the library. It meant no more early Sunday mornings, light falling across her cheek as he pulled her close to him, watching her sleep. 

_ It meant he lost everything, and he didn’t even get to tell her good-bye.  _

Damian took a shaky breath and shoved all of that into the pit of his stomach.  _ Later. _ He could contend with that later, but not here in front of Zachary. Not when his mind was a mess of what had just happened. Zachary was right, Raven was safe for now. She wasn’t on this earth, and Blood couldn’t control her. It was a pitiful comfort, but at least it was something, knowing that Raven was safe.  

“How can Blood access her powers?” Damian felt his mind start to race, trying to run through a hundred scenarios all at once. “I thought… I thought  _ I _ was her familiar. Not the other way around. If Blood took my seal, then he should be  _ her _ familiar. He should be the one being controlled by her.”

Zachary gave him a flat stare, his lips twitching in annoyance. “I don’t know how your damn connection works, you know. I just got dragged into the middle of all of this by both of you.” He sighed and ran a hand over his face, tipping his head back to stare at the ceiling in defeat. “I don’t know what in the  _ hell _ you did to attract fucking  _ Blood _ to you and Raven, but you really  _ fucked _ it up, you know? You  _ both _ should have been smarter.”

“I’m aware.” Damian glared, and finally bent down to pick up the letter, placing it in his back pocket. He’d read it later. Maybe. If he could find the strength in himself to do it. “I don’t need you reminding me what happened.” 

“So… now what?” Zachary crossed his arms over his chest and tilted his head to the side, watching him. “Raven is safe in Azarath for the time being, but we’ve still got Blood to deal with.”

Damian snorted, turning his head to glare at Zachary. “ _ We? _ ”

“She’s my friend too. You said it yourself.” Zachary smirked as if he’d won a battle Damian didn’t even know they were fighting. “If Raven needs help, I’m going to help her.”

Damian’s expression was flat, and he turned on his heel to walk out the door. “As if I’m going to work willingly with a  _ Zatara. _ ”

Zachary rolled his eyes and followed him. “Has anyone ever told you what a  _ joy _ you are to be around?”

“ _ Tch _ .”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The epilogue is not meant to be an end, but more of an intermission. There is another fic on the way. ❤️


End file.
